To the story that has no name

To the story that cannot be returned

Tid… Tid…

'What was your inspiration for the song that Mr. Iru sang?'

Tid… Tid…

'Inspiration?...'

'Yes, inspiration'

Tid…

My birthday is August 1, 1989, the first week of the third trimester. My mother gave birth to me amidst the joy of my entire family, father, grandfather and grandmother. Grandma named me Stephanie. But it seems like Mom isn't too happy about it. He secretly argued a bit about my name with Father, and in the end

I'm not using Stephanie's name. My name is Tiffany.

Name Tiffany Surname Hwang

Let's give a brief history. I remember when I was four years old. My mother sent me to singing lessons. It's a choral singing. I don't know if I liked it at the time. I only know that I can do it so well that everyone admires me. And it was the only thing that stuck with me until I was twelve years old.

I grew up to be a girl. Well, everyone says I grew up perfectly. I was born into a wealthy family. I was selected to sing in a choir at a music festival in Germany, but unfortunately, my vocal cords became inflamed. Something inside my throat was infected. I had to undergo emergency surgery.

Everything that was supposed to be better was turned upside down. My whole life since childhood I've never been to school. Never went out to play or ride a bicycle like a normal child. I studied alone at home and at a singing school. My life is only The infection took away the things that deserved to make my life better. It takes me backwards

I feel like I've been thrown into a raging river. The current carried me far away. I sink deep and dive. Everything is completely dark.

I don't know where to start… However, it's not always bad.

During the time I was discouraged For a twelve-year-old kid with nothing but the ability to sing who was about to lose that ability, a little hand reached out and pulled me from those currents.

The small hands of a small child

His name is Taeyeon… Kim Taeyeon.

“Tiffany! There's a call coming in. He wants to talk to you."

“Who called?”

“He said he was calling from Daeyoung High School.”

“Daeyoung? Um… then please transfer the call to me.”

In the afternoon on Friday Traffic is not as congested as in the morning and evening. I was able to grab the steering wheel of the company bus and arrive at this school in fifteen minutes. Look, the old man at the door is a little shocked to see me. I bowed my head to him after leaving my car in front of the school gate and running into the fenced area.

My high heels are killing me. Thankfully, this morning I didn't think to wear the black skirt I bought with Yeon Hee unnie. Otherwise, I would have fallen and my head would have been crushed.

I ran past a group of students. They looked shocked at my appearance at this time. Of course, if it were you, you would also be shocked when a famous girl whose face was on a billboard or a poster in a music store suddenly came to play in your school. Hey! I'm not praising myself. It's just the truth...

I went straight to the room. One on the second floor of a three-story building. Just follow the path that the person on the other end of the line informed me about. I opened the door slowly and entered the room, bowing my head politely. Everyone sitting there fell silent as soon as I appeared. I secretly saw the shocked look in the boy's eyes, which looked like he had fought with a dog.

From the middle-aged man who was assumed to be his father, and from the pot-bellied man at the large table in the middle of the room.

Hmm, talking about the boy who looked like he had fought with a dog... I already know where the dog is.

The puppy sat with its head down, rubbing the back of its hands. His face was covered in dirt and bruises. There were a few blood stains on the white shirt. I understand the purpose of the call on the other end of the line twenty minutes ago.

“How many times is this?” I asked Taeyeon. Trying to hold back the anger, dammit, I'd never felt this emotional if Taeyeon had been a boy. This is a little girl, a child? As for Taeyeon, in my eyes he is still young. But Taeyeon will be twenty in the next half month. “Taeyeon, I'm asking, can't you hear?”

There was no further conversation from Taeyeon. I turned to stare at him as the car stopped at a red light. He sat still, silent, staring at the sky. It's the same same thing every time Taeyeon has something to do with her. He chose to keep his words. Not even a glance at me or interest in me.

"Okay, let's just be quiet all day."

I can answer for you. Fourth round already... And this is just the second month of the year.

Upon returning to the condo Taeyeon was really quiet as I told him. He refused to sit and eat dinner with me. This child took the bowl away and sat down to eat quietly by himself. On the condo balcony

Taeyeon and I are four years apart. We first met during my hospital stay.

A pitiful eight year old child at that time. He had some kind of disease related to his intestinal system and had to have surgery twice. Taeyeon's family consists of only her aunt. The remaining details are not known. I only know that Taeyeon's aunt really hates Taeyeon. As for the reason, I don't know. Taeyeon was raised like a pig, like a dog.

No matter how good or bad it will be, Locked in a shed with a dog Have one meal a day. How sad while listening One meal a day, which is leftover food mixed together.

After the second surgery was completed Taeyeon's cruel aunt killed her own name as guardian...

Taeyeon at that time could not speak. It's still good that he listened. The kind doctor took me to meet Taeyeon while I was drowning in the water. This is why I said that little hands Taeyeon's pulled me up from the turbulent waters.

Taeyeon is the adopted son of her father and mother.

She is my only sister, but only in name.

One more thing I want to say, I love Taeyeon.

I love you very much too…

I carried the first aid kit and walked out onto the condo balcony. Sitting next to Taeyeon He glanced at the food bowl a bit before staring at the stubborn man. Taeyeon didn't turn to look at me. He was too busy looking at the sky. The sun was about to be swallowed up by tall buildings. In the midst of the chaotic capital The noise of cars below could be heard. The birds flew back to their crates somewhere in the gentle breeze.

“Aren't you cold sitting here?” I opened the first aid kit. asked Taeyeon in a voice that was much softer than when sitting in the car. Taeyeon rolled her eyes in response. "Turn around and I'll fix your wound."

Just don't speak, just don't speak. Taeyeon showed no resistance or bored expression when I pulled her shoulder to make him turn around. We exchanged slight glances. My naughty boy closed his eyes and allowed me to wipe around his small wound on his eyebrow. I'd like to ask what was going through his mind when he used his eyebrows to receive a punch from a boy. There's even less of it.

“Is there something wrong with you again?” I asked Taeyeon. My naughty girl raised her eyes and looked at me. This might be another answer from Taeyeon that I received from him. Light brown eyes flickered. Silent stubbornness A small spark to see "This is it"

“Ah!”

Maybe Taeyeon wasn't angry when I put pressure on his wound like that? This is the punishment of a careless person. No matter how many times I tell you, they don't listen...

"Take a shower, do your homework, and go to bed. I'll give you no more than 9:30 p.m."

stubborn child He agreed to put the bowl back into the room and grabbed a towel and walked into the bathroom.

I separated from my family and lived with Taeyeon when Taeyeon entered high school. Right now my career is going well. Everyone knows me as Tiffany, who is a singer. Songwriter and owner of dozens of commercials Every morning at 6:00 AM, I wake up and wake Taeyeon up so that he can go about his business before school.

This kid really doesn't respond to the alarm. Sleep deeply and fall asleep easily It's quite good for Taeyeon's broken heart. The doctor said that this was because Taeyeon trusted her and felt safe. But I don't think so. I think this guy is just too lazy to wake up. We left the condo at seven o'clock. I drop Taeyeon off and join the company if there's a job.

If not, just recline at home. But most of the time it's the first thing... In the evening, we took him back to the condo. If there is urgent work that requires recording or filming late into the night. Taeyeon usually takes a taxi to see me.

The sound of the room door opening sounded. Of course, the person who opened the bedroom door was none other than Taeyeon. The smell of milk wafted into my nose as soon as the tall glass of milk was placed on my desk. I turned around and glanced at Taeyeon slightly. He raised his eyebrows. Open your mouth and shake your shoulders. The usual gesture of a person who is about to say, OK, I drank it before entering the room...

I nodded my head slightly and turned my attention back to the paper in front of me. It is now past 10 p.m. Taeyeon missed the time I ordered by half an hour. Never mind, going to bed late and going to bed early won't do any harm since tomorrow is Saturday. A stubborn child steps onto the bed, covering his head and disappearing under the blanket.

For nearly two hours, I sat and thought about my work until my back was stiff. Can't think of the lyrics? I found something to read. Drink that whole glass of milk. I gave up and turned off the light at my desk. He glanced at the spacious bed before smiling. Taeyeon must have been so hot that she couldn't even brush the blanket aside. My desk light doesn't bother my eyes much. I don't know why I have to cover it up.

I slowly stepped onto the bed. Arranging for Taeyeon to lie in a more comfortable position and clearing out space on the bed so I could sleep. Taeyeon opened her legs and spread her arms, not considering me at all… My eyes began to adjust to the darkness. The heater is working to add warmth to this bedroom. The sound of the enveloping silence was interrupted by the sound of Taeyeon's deep breathing as I brought my face in to look at him closely.

His eyes were tightly closed. Couldn't figure out where Taeyeon was dreaming. The steady flow of breath in and out made me not want to disturb him.

I softly kissed that rounded forehead. before pulling away and looking at Taeyeon's face again My fingertips smoothed through the messy hair. Holding it behind Taeyeon's ear

My stubborn child came to his senses after someone, including myself, was disturbing his sweet dreams.

I smiled at Taeyeon through the darkness. Taeyeon stretched out her arms and hugged me. He buried his face in the middle of my chest until I felt ticklish. I raised my eyebrows. His slender arms held me tight as if I would disappear.

"excuse me…"

A trembling sound echoed in his throat. It was Taeyeon's voice.

I hugged Taeyeon back. Run your hands through your hair.

“Sorry for what, hm?”

“About the middle of the day… Tae didn't mean to. But that guy insulted Fany…” Taeyeon answered me in a low voice like a person who felt remorseful. Damn it, I can't get angry at him if I see him like this. Taeyeon began to speak. He closed his eyes and hid himself in my embrace. “It says that Fany's voice isn't beautiful. It's a bad habit.”

“So we went and punched him in the bridge.”

“Two…” Taeyeon corrected.

I chuckled. before kissing her forehead again. “Does your hand hurt?”

“It hurts more.”

“The pain in my heart alone is enough. Don't let the pain spread to your hand. Whatever he says, whatever he does, just let him go, okay.”

“Uh…”

“Let's not let it happen again, okay? Please let this be the last time,” I added with a smile. Twitching his slender arms to hold Taeyeon tightly with accumulated fangs. The stubborn child in his arms moaned softly in his throat. "I'm worried."

Taeyeon nodded her head. This might be a short conversation. ours in one day It wasn't long before the person in his arms fell asleep again. simple living There's nothing shocking. Taeyeon is still a high school student. Okay, he knows what I think of him. And I also knew what Taeyeon thought of me.

Taeyeon never says she loves or cares, she always expresses it through actions. But what happened today may have been a slightly distorted action. It's good that Taeyeon wasn't seriously injured to the point of being hospitalized like she did two years ago. Well... he got into trouble with a group of mischievous kids from another school who secretly used Magic to scribble on my poster.

Taeyeon accidentally saw it. Of course, there was no way this petite girl would let her escape. The result was that the head was broken and required twenty stitches. The three parties are equally serious…

I don't know where such a small body gets its strength from.

“Sweet dreams, naughty boy.”

We've only been the two of us since childhood. I have no friends And Taeyeon doesn't have anyone. First, he couldn't speak. I taught him to speak. Feel like a good older sister. I don't know when I started falling in love with Taeyeon, but what's certain is that my feelings don't stop with siblings. Taeyeon too

Only our family doesn't know yet. I don't even want to tell my parents. Maybe Dad would listen to me, but Mom wouldn't… thanks to her tight schedule almost every day and the fact that I'm a celebrity. So I don't have any concerns about men coming into my life. Mom, Fanny doesn't like men, I think.

If I say these words to my mother He must have fainted like he did when I missed the opportunity to sing in Germany.

Everyone in the family loves Taeyeon like their own children. This naughty boy likes to act cute. Those pleading eyes make everyone's hearts soften. Damn it's small, white body... This might be another reason why I love Taeyeon.

“Sorry, you probably won't be able to pick us up from tutoring today.” I dialed Taeyeon's phone. It was expected that at this time, the listener's face would have a frown and a frown. “The filming should end around midnight. You can go back to the condo first.”

“Where is Fany's filming set?” Taeyeon asked me. I frowned, looking around. Filming in closed gym

“Are you coming?”

“Uh huh.”

“I'll have Yeonhee unnie tell you the location.” Yeonhee unnie, my beautiful older sister who deserves to be a star more than my personal manager. Taeyeon was speechless. I handed the phone to Yeon Hee unnie before going out to put on makeup.

It's a part of living life. The format is slightly different from the others. But it's my normal life. I don't have a fixed time to sleep. There is no fixed time to work. Or even my job is uncertain. Today is mid-February. Valentine's Day has just passed. The two of us celebrated quietly in the condo with beer, wine, and a few kisses.

Taeyeon never demanded that I take her anywhere. This kid hates crowded places. It is considered good for me to a certain extent.

Being a celebrity that everyone is interested in, interested in every aspect, even living life...

Well, I've come to terms with these things to a certain extent.

Two hours later, Taeyeon appeared next to Yeonhee hyung. We returned to the condo around midnight. Eat quietly. and take a shower and get ready for bed My song isn't finished yet. Inspiration is almost completely gone. The drama is close to being broadcast. These things cause me to feel a lot of stress. After taking a shower I came out and sat still. On the sofa in the living room

Silence filled the room. Bright neon lights I tapped the pen on the sheet of paper.

For a long time I sat idle. Thinking back to various events That has happened in my life since I can remember. Feelings of disappointment and regret, how should I put them into this song? The more you feel the emotion, The emptiness only increased in its place. My brain is clear. The image in my memory turned white.

Maybe I never experienced those events. Or it is so blurry that it is impossible to draw a picture in your mind. It is a mechanism of the thinking system.

But then something came that made me even more insane than before. Light fragrance of floating shampoo Someone pouted and sat next to me on the sofa. He pulled the pen and paper out of my hands and hugged me around the waist.

"How is it going"

I whispered to Taeyeon with a smile. Run your hands through soft hair. The little man stared at him, his eyes were clear and he was very sad...

“Why didn't you sleep...waited for a long time?”

“I was working, so I told you to go to bed first. There's a special class tomorrow morning, isn't there?”

I smoothed the hair behind his ear. Taeyeon wrinkled her nose and tightened her grip on his arms.

“Fanny works in the morning.”

“It's not the same.”

“How are they not the same?”

His thin eyebrows furrowed. His face was white and messy. Taeyeon was expecting an answer from me through his clear eyes. Damn, I know that my heart sank with something like this.

I like to make it visible.

“We have to study hard in order to take the university entrance exam. My work is working OK, I'm paying attention to a certain level, but I still have breaks. For us, before we could take a break, we had to stop studying in the afternoon. Don't you want to go to a good university? If you want to become a manager with Yeon Hee hyung, you have to study hard. The company will receive it, do you understand?”

“I understand,” the little man replied dryly. I grit my teeth hard. Tightly lock the neck of a stubborn child.

“Understood, then go to bed~”

“I want to eat salmon…” Taeyeon opened her mouth.

“Of course…” I flicked his forehead once, “Okay, come tomorrow to the filming set, I'll buy it and wait. Then let's sit and eat together.”

Just a few seconds after I finished speaking, A wide smile, inviting more fangs than before, appeared on his bright, white face. He smiled, his cheeks so wide that his eyes squinted. My hand wanted to grab her cheek and squeeze it, but for now, the bruise at the corner of Taeyeon's mouth had not yet healed. You're going to hurt this little guy for nothing.

I kissed your cheek softly. One big blow. Smiling widely when Taeyeon's face turned bright red. But the smile didn't last long. He was more decisive than I was.

This kid kissed me back...

Tales of happiness It's almost over...

Now what is left to think about? Will you miss me? Will she be happy? Will you still see me? If you can see me Why don't you let me see you?

On the last page of the notebook The handwriting is dated February 17, 2013.

February 18, 2013

Orange salmon are neatly arranged in a round black plastic box. Tiffany glanced over from time to time and smiled. Counting the time waiting for Taeyeon to arrive on set. We will get to eat it. She just had Yeon Hee unnie take her shopping at five nearby department stores. It's almost like he's dressed up and ready to shoot an advertisement without hiding anything. But it's not beyond my ability to bring this salmon box to sit and wait for Taeyeon.

Special classes end at 1:30 p.m. Just five bus stops away. It takes less than an hour to walk.

What are the memories of that day?

Something that I can imagine or…

Taeyeon shattered the hope of waiting nonchalantly.

Mobile phones are always within reach. Even during filming time That child refused to come, it had been too long, Taeyeon wouldn't get lost. Or maybe he remembered the wrong filming location, but probably not. Tiffany tried to pay attention to the filming. And do it to the best of your ability so that other people don't criticize or gossip about it. Until the filming team was about to end There was still no sign of Taeyeon.

Anxiety builds But at the time the director ordered the casting Her phone rang loudly. Tiffany nodded to the manager to answer the phone. Because she still can't break away. The young woman kept glancing around from time to time. She smiled at Yeon Hee unnie as she brought her phone.

“Mr. Hwang called… now… Taeyeon probably won't be able to come see her right now, Fany.”

Try thinking back carefully, concentrating on your thoughts, concentrating on your memories. Besides Taeyeon destroying the hope of waiting. He still has hopes of waiting for her again. Until today, those hopes are about to end. Like a story of happiness

Happiness makes us weak... It makes us not want to lose it. It makes us longing, obsessed, but when the time comes to let go of it. The heart is too fragile to do this.

So what? Make us stronger as human beings

His eyes darkened as he looked at his own image on the television screen. The people in the rectangular screen were smiling. Looking at it, it was such a bright smile. A smile that everyone said was beautiful. Tiffany lowered her eyes. She closed her eyes slowly. Both ears listen to the sounds around you. It pierced through the silence.

Tid…

'My sister...'

Believe me, the people on television are smiling.

'Every request, every syllable, every sentence'

The girl moved her hand up to cover her mouth. She held her breath just a little to swallow back a sob.

Tid…

Tears streamed down her cheeks. It fell on that slender hand.

'He was the one who composed it'

block out crying The force of the sobs caused the body to tremble, the throat to constrict, and both ears to ring.

No, if Taeyeon hears it then she's screwed. He had to scold her for growing up and refusing to grow up. I'm just a whiny child.

Tid

'It's not me... I'm just a supporting character. Everything is controlled by my sister.'

Tiffany raised her face. She blinked away the curtain of tears. Young woman sniffles heavily Put your hand on the side of the bed before grabbing someone's hand.

“Taeyeonna… want to wake up and watch television together? I can't just watch it alone... Huh... Really crazy…”

Do you know what day it is today?

February 18th

February 18, 2014

A year has passed slowly like...

Sleeping for a long time, doesn't your back hurt, Taeyeon?

Tiffany stood up from her chair. She walked over and unplugged the television. His eyes flickered as he watched the screen turn black. The room was quiet again. Silence surrounds the body Everything was quiet. Quiet as if you were the only one in this room. There's probably only one thing that's still enough for you to know.

Sound from the electrocardiogram

His eyes gradually rose. In no more than ten minutes, Mom and Dad should open the door and enter the room. Tiffany swallowed, the sticky saliva slipping through her constricted throat. Electric waves rippled up and down on the square screen. His eyes moved to look at the person lying still on the bed. Eyelids tightly closed He was breathing in deep rhythms.

Taeyeon looks like a normal person who sleeps... It would be like that if there were no ventilators.

Taeyeon was walking across the street in front of the tutoring school. Who would have thought that the enemy who had punched him that day would come and take revenge? But it seems like the timing is a bit off. He pushed Taeyeon… Wrong moment to push Just at the right moment when a car rushed past...

Brain death, the body lacks awareness or response

The girl pursed her lips tightly. She turned her face away from the sight in front of her. Roll your eyes upwards before using your fingertips to wipe away the tear stains at the corner of your eyes.

Today marks one year...

Crack!

Not longer than expected The sound of the room door opening sounded. A tall figure of a middle-aged man and his wife appeared. Tiffany let out a small smile. Send it to your parents Mr. Hwang walked into the room, heading towards Tiffany. Her mother turned around and walked towards the hospital bed.

The young woman made eye contact with her father. Your face is neutral. The dull look behind the glasses frame was filled with sadness. There isn't even a single sentence. He pursed his lips and handed the thin piece of paper to his only daughter. A strong hand rested on his shoulder and squeezed gently.

Tiffany took the piece of paper and held it up. A pair of sweet eyes blinked repeatedly. My heart skipped a beat.

Finally arrived...

It was as if the body was so light that there was no feeling. The girl turned around, facing the bed. She walked slowly. Bring your body to sit on the chair next to the bed. His eyes scanned the words on the paper. From every letter clearly Read line by line, line by line, until it was blurred by a veil of tears.

Tiffany lifted her face and sighed softly. She lowered the paper in her hand and placed it on the bed. The sobbing of the people in the room could be heard through the ears. His eyes glanced up at his father and mother. Dad was comforting Mom by the window. Mother's body trembled with the force of her sobs. Will it be possible? If Taeyeon were to open her eyes at this time and ask everyone in his clear voice, "What's wrong? Why are you sad?"

If it's possible, that'd be great. Please...

The girl stood up slowly. Trembling eyes fixed on the face of the person she loved. She hugged Taeyeon loosely. absorb the warmth Close your ears to the soft sound of your heart... After a long time, he pulled away.

“Did you know that everyone was waiting…” the woman said, tears falling drop by drop, drop by drop… the more I thought back to the days when we were still together. Still smiling at each other It became even more uncontrollable… “You can smile… It's not a good habit.”

Tiffany shook her head, wiping away tears, but the more she wiped, the more they came down. The woman moved her face up. kissed the rounded forehead She returned to her seat and tried not to look at Taeyeon's face. Before moving both of his hands to hold Taeyeon's hands, he pressed them to his face. Hands that were soft before The hands that once held each other refused to let go in the turbulent waters.

“Taeyeonna,” Tiffany called the owner of the palm. The warmth that could be felt from the skin of her cheek was still enough to reassure her that he was still alive, that he was still breathing, that he was still in front of her. Trembling eyes staring It took a long time before he uttered the next sentence. His voice trailed off, interrupted by a strange lump that rose in his throat.

cannot be forced to speak like a normal person Tears are flowing without stopping.

The picture is blurry. The little hope that was once extinguished, the hope that was sparked in my heart.

“Do you want to eat salmon? I bought two boxes…”

He was still fast asleep… Yes, Taeyeon was asleep.

“Taeyeon… I asked if you eat salmon?”

“D, it will be broken soon. I bought it this morning... Since morning…”

Taeyeon is just sleeping.

“Taeyeon… Salmon ugh…”

A child she knew twelve years ago. A child, the person she had loved for half her life…

This is Taeyeon...

Taeyeon…

Both palms began to tremble more and more. There are many words that I want to say. There are many words that I want to say.

The young woman could no longer hear the message from her parents. She had the feeling that someone was walking towards her and holding her shoulder.

Right now, she just misses Taeyeon. I miss his eyes. Think about his voice. I miss his smile.

“Naughty child… Naughty child, you know…”

Won't you wake up and listen?

“I love you very much…”

The pressure on his shoulder became more and more evident. It seems to reinforce that what we are facing is reality. Tiffany bit her lip tightly. She placed Taeyeon's hand on the bed. There is no need to hide your weakness any longer. Her body was hugged tightly from behind. By slender, small arms who is expected to be the mother She closed her eyes and let the tears fall.

Many questions flow back and forth. It's a question that has no answer.

Why does it have to be Taeyeon?

“You will be happy…” That voice was Father's voice. The girl still hasn't stopped sobbing. She turned and hugged her mother's waist tightly. “Taeyeon must be happy.”

It's not a consolation. It's a word that insists on accepting the truth. Tiffany nodded her head lightly. She let go of her mother's arms. A pair of sweet eyes lifted up. Mr. Hwang was standing and smiling at her. His eyes flickered and he looked at the thing in his hand.

A piece of paper and a pen

It's like his heart has disappeared. It wasn't dancing, or it would have stopped dancing.

Tiffany slowly He held out his hand to take it.

What was the hardest moment in life for you guys? Is this a moment of decision?

A decision moment to stop where you are, go back, or move forward.

Decide to face the loneliness and isolation you have never experienced before.

The tip of the pen touches the surface of the sheet of paper in your hand. Full lips were open and stuck. The throat is parched and dusty. His fingers gripped the pen tightly. Move your wrist to check the correct mark in the square.

You know, right Taeyeon?

A story that can only be a memory when you think about it. The story of a dream when you close your eyes.

It's over...

Do you know that I love you very much?

[ √ ] Stop using the ventilator.