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=== Social phobia ===

Have you ever felt the same way I do? You're afraid of making a mistake. Not confident in yourself Afraid of giving opinions Not daring to speak, not daring to express himself, afraid of meeting strangers I didn't dare look anyone in the eye directly. Suspicious of other people's eyes, too considerate of others. For example, when driving I looked forward and behind and looked at the mirror alternating all the time because I was afraid of taking up other people's lanes or driving too slowly when there was a car behind me.

It's not that I like this kind of behavior myself. I'm extremely bored and annoyed with myself every time I think about previous events. Why don't I do that? Why don't I argue here? Why don't I even dare to say something nice? I want to express myself more. But I can't do it. When the time comes, I get nervous.

Tense, not brave as usual I used to discuss these symptoms with a close friend. It asked me to go talk to a psychiatrist or a psychologist or something like that. I wanted to go, but I didn't dare to go, even though there was a way to contact them by phone. I still don't dare call.

These symptoms have been there since I don't know when, but they clearly showed up during the semester break of second year. When I didn't study in the summer, I left the time empty for almost 2 months. I also want to find a job, but most jobs involve meeting strangers, which I really avoid. Tutoring high school students where I have to take exams and interviews. I missed the appointment and didn't go in even though I had already driven to the appointment location because I was afraid of not being able to take the test and because I was afraid of the interview questions.

Is my condition serious? I started to be unable to accept myself. I've let these symptoms become a habit for too long, but today. I need to take this crazy habit seriously.

“Youngjae, Youngjae, it's your turn.”

“Please come in with me.”

"Ao Weng, it's your problem, go take care of it yourself. Come, I'll send you to the front of the room." Yugyeom finished speaking and pulled me up and walked to the front of the examination room.

I heard it right. Yugyeom brought me to the mental health center after yesterday when I went to consult with him again and told him that I would do anything to correct my behavior. Today he called me early in the morning to prepare me. And they brought me here. At first I was okay. In order to recover from this madness, I accept it. But now I'm afraid again.

“Sit down in the room. Wait for the doctor here. I'm going now. Bye." Yugyeom took me into the room and sat down. As soon as I was finished, he closed the door and fled immediately. So I had to sit and calm down for a while. The doctor walked out of the back room and sat upright. cross with me

“Hello, this is Mr. Choi Young Jae, is that right?” I saw the history that I had filled out, why do I ask?

"yes"

“Please briefly introduce yourself to me. And please look at my face while speaking.” Why don't you read it yourself? No, he's trying to help me. Hmph. Breathe in, breathe out. Phew!

O_O!

I looked up at this guy as soon as I finished meditating. I clashed eyes with the doctor. Why do you have to come see this handsome doctor?

“Please, try not to look away from me.”

“Hello, my name is Choi Young Jae. I'm 20 years old. I'm a second year student at Soldae College of Fine Arts.”

“Hello, I am Wang Jackson. I am 27 years old, a practicing psychiatrist at Soldae Hospital.”

“...Yes.” Why did you tell me? But because you trained at Soldae Hospital, why did you come to work at this mental health center? I'm curious. I'm curious but I don't want to ask. Haha.

“I want you to relax more. Please tell me about your behavior or example of an incident.” Your smile melts my heart, doctor. Just looking at that heartbreaking smile makes me almost drowsy.

“Uh, yes, well…” I started to tell him about my strange behavior and various events that had happened recently. Dr. Jackson listened carefully to me. A nod and a glance made me feel relaxed and say what was on my heart like I'd never told anyone, even my closest friends.

“Your behavior is still in the beginning stages.

Social phobia

Or what is known as social phobia. It's good that you consulted me now. I won't give you medicine. But I have three tasks that I want you to complete before you come see me again next month.”

“Ah, yes.” Do I have to come again next month? Oh, I want a magic medicine that will make me go away, don't I have it?

“First thing, every morning before going out, look in the mirror and praise yourself for 5 minutes.”

“...Yes.” Are you crazy, doctor? Who would do this if they weren't narcissists?

“Second, before going to bed every day, meditate for 20 minutes, thinking about the best events of that day, then write it in a diary for the next month, bring it for me to read as well.”

“Yes.” I have never been able to meditate. My mind wanders all the time. And another thing is, why do I have to write about myself for the doctor to read?

“Third, I am your advisor. From now on, when you have something to say, say it directly. Speak out of your thoughts without being considerate of me. Think of me as one of your closest friends. Can you do that?"

"I'll try." Think of the doctor as my friend. It's difficult. We haven't even met for an hour.

“Try saying what you're thinking right now.”

"Uh, uh," do you really want me to say that?

“Say, Youngjae, what are you thinking right now? Jackson wants to know.” Oh, the doctor said it was Jackson. Looks cuter.

“Seriously.”

“Don't be tense. You don't have to be polite. I want it naturally.”

"Yes, ah, alright. Right now, Jae thinks it's difficult for Jae to think of himself as close to the doctor when we haven't even known each other for an hour. And with that diary, why do I have to write it for the doctor to read?" I said that. I dare to speak normally with the doctor as well. I'm crazy enough to follow the doctor.

"Good. I just want us to be more relaxed. And I had to write this because I want us to remember our own good points so we can have more confidence." Oppa~~ Huh, that's enough for me. Even more embarrassed than replacing it with a name.

“Oh, can I go back now?” I think I've been in here for too long and my stomach is starting to growl a little. I'm afraid that Yukon has waited so long that he'll probably press his phone and play until the battery runs out.

“Alright, don't forget to complete the mission. See you next month, Youngjae.”

“Yes, um, doctor, that is... if I'm not free next month. Can I postpone it?”

"Don't postpone it, I want to see you." Hmmmm, I'm embarrassed when I say this.

“Yes.” Part of me wants to heal. Another part of me began to fear my own heart.

“If you have any problems, you can call to consult with the center. If you're lucky, you might be able to talk to me." Who would dare call now?

“Yes, thank you,” I said goodbye and quickly got up to leave before my face got any hotter.

Damn it. Fight on, Youngjae. You'll get better. You have to do it. You'll get better once and for all. Fight and die.

Almost, almost dead, but not dead yet. Today I had a one-on-one presentation on my project topic which made me very excited. But it might be better than presenting in front of the class and having the teacher ask questions. Right now I'm at the food park in the mall. After studying, I'm hungry. Yugyeom continues to practice basketball. As for my friends, they were sitting together at the university, but I separated myself first because I was hungry. Plus I had to buy food to stock up at the dorm.

“May I sit with you?”

“Yes, please come.” While I was eating, a man came and asked to sit at the table even though there were still empty tables around. I don't dare deny it. He was almost finished eating and I didn't even look at his face. But I only saw him holding a tray of food and sitting opposite me.

“Aren't you going to raise your head and greet me?” Eh, that voice sounds familiar.

“Oh, Dr. Jackson, hello. I'm sorry I can't remember your voice. Haha.” This is the doctor I went to consult with. No wonder who would come and ask to sit with someone I don't know?

“Hello, Youngjae. Did you come alone?”

“Yes, I just finished studying and came to buy some things. And what about the doctor?”

“Same thing. Today I finished my shift early so I'm going to buy something good, so let's go buy it together."

“Ah, all right.”

Feeling strangely excited, normally I only shop with friends. Never had to shop with someone who tried to be close. Plus, there were only 2 of them, with me still wearing a university uniform and Dr. Jackson wearing a white shirt and cream pants, it was easy to catch the eye. I don't know how to feel nervous.

“Youngjae, try not to pay attention to other people's eyes. Now Youngjae is coming to buy things with you.”

“He likes to turn around and look. I'm nervous.”

“Hmm, I think he looks at us with admiration, haha.”

“What do you admire, doctor? Just came to buy things...” I immediately protested. How admirable are two men coming to buy fresh food?

"I have a fourth mission for you to do."

“What?” The 3 missions that I have to do can be done 3-4 times a week.

“From now on, I'll call you Doctor, Youngjae.” Doctor? It's embarrassing.

"For what? This mission?"

“To make us closer together. I don't know how you call me, but it makes you seem distant, Youngjae.”

"Yes, doctor." I called myself, feeling embarrassed. Haha.

“Very good,” the doctor said as he finished pushing the cart forward. Looking from behind, he looked even more like a warm man. Makes you feel like you want to be protected... Eh, what am I raving about? The doctor is just a doctor who helps and gives advice to me. He just wants me to relax and not stop fantasizing. Let's finish shopping so we can go our separate ways. Fighting~

“Hello, Youngjae, I don't have a good expression today. What have you done?”

“Hello, doctor. Well, before coming here I went out to present a project and was extremely nervous. I stutter a lot too haha.”

“I can't fix it, haha. Gradually it happened in the past and I let it go. Next time, practice speaking in front of the mirror a lot.”

“Yes, here.” I handed the diary to Dr. Jackson to read as the fifth volume. He started reading it as soon as the first month he had me write down the best things about each day. I admit that it was very clear, I wrote a little bit because I really couldn't think of anything. Over the next few months, the doctor asked me to write a diary to record daily events, which made me come to see the doctor twice a month.

It's now the 4th month that I've consulted with this doctor. It feels like it won't be long, but it won't be long. Whether it's fast or not My strange symptoms began to disappear. I dared to express my opinions and talk to strangers more. Because the doctor kept talking and building to make me feel more confident than before.

“From reading the last book. And from this book, I think that now your behavior is much better than before. You dare to express your opinions more. Dare to accept and reject as your heart desires. I've been able to help and talk with strangers more. This way, I probably won't have to consult you about this anymore,” the doctor said and gave me a smile.

I smiled back, but inside I was starting to worry. Since I'm better, I don't need to see a doctor anymore. Thinking about this, I feel sad. If I don't have to come here then it means I won't be able to see Dr. Jackson again.

“As far as I can see, Youngjae doesn't have a girlfriend yet, right?”

"I don't have it." Does the medical profession recommend that I should have it or not? Hee hee~

"The last mission I want you to do..." Is it the last one? I'm so heartbroken.

"yes"

"Come and be my boyfriend."

END

TALK:

Is it short?

SF

It's short and doesn't really get to the point, haha. I just read an article about this disease so I wanted to write it as a couple. Youngjae is shy with Dr. Jackson. Hahaha.