"Missing Someone Far Away" is a story I wrote in memory of someone I left over ten years ago. and was published in the magazine Khu Sang Khu Som I think it might be useful to readers of Dek Dee website. So I brought this story down for you to read. Maybe a little sad
But it's a memory I want others to know. So that you don't regret the time you spend with your loved ones.
“......... Missing people far away” is my Facebook profile name. That is always questioned. Is that person living abroad? Or did he go to live in Bangkok? Those are the questions I want to answer out loud. He was not far away from the country or the capital. But he lives a world away from me.
And we will never see each other again forever... He's dead...
“...If one day Tai isn't here It doesn't mean that he will be alone. Because Tai will always be in my heart..."
I miss someone far away.
“......... Missing people far away” is my Facebook profile name. That is always questioned. Is that person living abroad? Or did he go to live in Bangkok? Those are the questions I want to answer out loud. He was not far away from the country or the capital. But he lives a world away from me. And we will never see each other again forever... He's dead...
The profile name is a tribute to “that person” that I love so much. My love for him started in the 5th grade. It wasn't romantic love and it wasn't love like friends. But it was pure love that couldn't be defined in any way and I didn't understand what it was.
I just felt like I wanted to protect and care for him because he was weak. I am always worried when I don't see him going to school. I wanted to take his physical and mental pain with me when I saw him suffer when his disease relapsed. I want to do everything in my power to bring a bright smile to his face.
And I wanted to hug him and not let anyone touch him when I attended his funeral. I don't know what this feeling is I only understand that When I'm around him and these feelings come up. It makes me want to be with him all the time. I want to hug him tightly.
Because I'm afraid that if we're apart, the happiness we have will disappear. But in the end, he's only been away from me for one day. He really left me...
What will always remain with me are the beautiful memories between us. Even though it was only a short time, I learned many things from the time I got to know him. I still remember when we first met. He walked in and asked to borrow a homework book from me. Even though he had a friendly demeanor and good looks
Instead, I just handed him my homework book without saying a single word to him. But after that He comes to talk to me more often. Keep bringing food to eat. And our mothers still know each other. It made me go to play at his house often. When he was constantly pampered and pampered by him, he became soft-hearted and submissive to his relatives, like a child. After a long time, it became
Any day I don't get to see him, I always have to complain about missing him. in my opinion He is my older brother (Mother taught me to call him older brother) who is very kind and understands everything about me. I still vaguely remember that He was white, almost pale, with narrow eyes and a high nose, but he was small and thin. Even though others saw him as a sickly child
But in my eyes he will always be my cool hero. He is kind and speaks kindly to everyone. And also always likes to share things with friends. One thing that has always stuck in my memory is the day he brought me a large guava but I didn't have any front teeth to bite. He looked at me with pity before taking the guava from my hand, biting it into small pieces and giving it to me to eat.
At that time, I probably didn't feel anything for food's sake. But now I understand why he will always remain in my heart.
He is quite an introvert. During lunch break, I don't go running around with friends. But instead, I sit and read books or draw pictures in the classroom. Being around him all the time made me absorb his drawing ability. And I also became a lover of reading. I once asked him why he rarely went out to play with his male friends, and he replied:
Because his body was not strong enough to play with a lot of strength. I don't understand either. Because he used to play catch with me at his house. So why can't I play catch-up with my male friends at school? When asked, he replied: He has a serious contagious disease that cannot be cured. If you run around with other friends, you're afraid you'll spread the virus to other friends.
I just sat and looked at him because I didn't understand what the disease he said was. Until I was in Grade 6, I started not having friends to play with because he stopped studying often. Sometimes it took almost 2 weeks, or sometimes the teacher said he was in the hospital. At the time, I didn't understand why he had to be out of school for so long.
Because when I was sick, I only stopped studying for 1-2 days. When I asked my mother, she said He contracted AIDS from his mother. which is a disease that society hates and still cannot be cured When I heard the answer, I was confused about what AIDS was. Why can't it be cured? And if he doesn't recover, will he have to miss school like this all the time? So who do I play with?
The feeling at that time seemed to indicate that He and I began to be separated further and further away just because he had AIDS. Just because he has a disease that society hates. And everyone was afraid that he would spread the virus to other kids in school, so they kept him away from his classmates.
On the day he came to study after being hospitalized As soon as I walked into the classroom and saw his face I almost ran to hug him, happy that he was still able to come to class as usual. But enough to walk in and find Instead, he tried to move away. So I could only suppress my shock and sit far away from him. At lunchtime I asked him why he refused to approach me.
He replied in a trembling voice, “...Because I have AIDS. People considered him strange. There are only disgusting people who don't dare come near. Even though I don't want to be But why does it have to be me...” Then he cried silently. When I see the tears of my loved ones I hugged him and cried.
He struggled but I said to him, No matter who hates him But I never once disliked him. Even though one day the symptoms of the disease would become so severe that he would have an ugly condition. I will always love and hold him like this...
After that day, he and I remained close friends with each other. I still play with him like before. Only he would try to be careful not to let his wound touch me. And told me to wash my hands every time I touched him. It seems like we can move forward together well. But then one day he didn't come to class.
And the next day in the evening we received news from the teacher that he wanted students in the class to attend his funeral! I felt like my brain stopped working. Silent, like a nail was being driven into my body. When we arrived at the funeral Students in the class were allowed to water the corpse. I looked at his pale face, which was now closed like a person in a deep sleep.
It will only be the last sleep from which you will never wake up again. And it will be the last time I will see him. Before he left me in a place where I couldn't find him. The feeling of being alone attacked me and I didn't dare look at his face for long. And I didn't stay until the job was done.
Because he was afraid that he couldn't accept the fact that his body would suddenly disappear in a pile of fire. which is a signal to let you know From now on we won't meet again.
“...If one day Tai isn't here It doesn't mean that he will be alone. Because Tai will always be in my heart..."
He had always known that He might not have long to live. It's only me who has always tried to deceive myself that He had blisters all over his body and a constant fever. It's because his body is not strong. And someday it will probably disappear by itself. I never thought it would be the last message he wanted to tell me.
Until now, I have known that In the past, we didn't spend time together in a worthwhile way. I laughed and enjoyed being with him. As he smiled his head as he tried to cover up the pain caused by fighting the disease. I thought too much of my own happiness and thought of holding him back to stay with me for a long time.
I never once did anything for him while he always gave. Until now, I can only regret that Why don't I make every second worth it when we have time together? Why don't you think of doing something nice for him? It feels like it's a stigma that has always been in my heart.
More than ten years have passed. I can only think about the old memories between us. Sometimes I feel lonely because I feel like the world is too cruel to me. When I think of the good things he has done for me, it makes me smile. He was like one of the happy moments in my life that made me feel like I was valuable to someone.
If he could live until today He would be delighted to know that the world has developed a cure for AIDS. Even if it is not completely cured, it can buy you more time to live. And if we're still together now I believe that both of our lives will be happy. Because we have learned to bring happiness to each other.
along with sharing the suffering of each side Even though we're not together now I might be sad sometimes But I will try to make my life happy. If possible, I would like to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I want to do. Make every minute worth it. When the time comes for us to meet again, I will confidently answer him. I no longer regret that I wasted my life.