B

E

R

L

I

N

Because last night I dreamed of you

So this morning I tried really hard to fall asleep again.

But no one can promise me that the dream will continue.

In my dreams I will have you again.

So I woke up.

Im Youngmin rested his right arm on the dark blue bed. Reminiscing about the words that evaporated without reason, his left arm hung in the air. The tips of his index and middle fingers held a cheap white cigarette in his hand. Gray smoke lingers amidst the light outside the room.

A few hours before falling asleep, he was wracking his empty, rusty brain to write a rap. But it was nothing more than a stupid message and a maze of words that didn't rhyme. The scratches are repeated again and again. The crumpled piece of paper looked as pitiful as his current self. A beard that seems to grow so quickly that it's annoying and long hair that's unkempt and out of shape. The person he is now is completely different from when those people were still together.

'Hair is starting to grow, Mr. Im.'

'Can you cut it for us?'

'Why do you have to wait forever for us to cut it for you so that the shop can look handsome?'

'If you reserve a cut for me, I'll like it no matter how cool it is.'

'More mischievous'

'So I'm going to save money for the wedding..'

'oh...'

Im Youngmin remembered the soft skin that turned red as soon as he finished speaking. Even though Jung Sewoon ignored him and turned his head to do something else, he couldn't remember what the other person was doing. His heart remembered that happy feeling so clearly.

The light from outside became brighter and brighter, and the building across the street began to reveal itself from the darkness that had hidden them. A series of old conversations sprang up randomly without any cause. The memories in the folder he tried to delete were always retrieved from the recycle bin in his sleep.

For months now, Lim Youngmin has not been able to sleep for more than three hours straight. He has become a restless sleeper. and not getting enough rest After being broken up with by the person he loves, no, it must be called being pressured by his lover to be the one to break up.

Even though he thought that he would be fine and could live a normal life like before that person stepped in, in the end, Youngmin found that he was very wrong.

Not long after that His condition began to affect his work as a producer for the small record label where he was one of the partners, as his creative brain that was used to write lyrics and compose melodies gradually shrank and died. From his source of inspiration and his only anchor.

“Ya Ong-ah, did you sleep well?”

Im Youngmin muttered to the plump goldfish in the glass jar next to the bedside table. He had spent days lying down staring at the air bubbles that were ejected from the ceramic castle that was used to hide the oxygen pipes. He had watched Ya Young swim back and forth in and out of the castle. In case it would make him sleep, but it didn't.. It made him feel even more distraught than before. Because his bad brain kept recovering his conversation with Yayoung's eomma to pop out like bubbles in water.

'Khun Im, we want to raise a cat. Keep it as our friend when Khun Im goes to work'

Jung Sewoon turned his wrist and turned the phone screen over to him. On the screen was a light gray Persian kitten licking milk from a baby's teat.

'But pets are prohibited in this dormitory. Mr. Jung knows this. Besides, if you take it, we won't have time to help you raise it too.'

'Ah..that's it, I forgot.'

The disappointed expression on the other party's face suddenly caused a dull ache in the middle of his chest, even though it was just a memory.

'Happy birthday, my Mr. Jong.'

'Oh, really!!?'

Jung Sewoon loudly exclaimed as his hand pulled away from his closed eyes to reveal a glass jar, neither big nor small. Inside is a dark blue acrylic glass cube that sparkles with lights sprinkled at the bottom of the jar. In the middle is a light gray ceramic castle that seems to be spewing bubbles and a little goldfish that looks like it. I know that I was still swimming nervously because I was not familiar with my new house.

'This one's name is Yaong, Yaong, Yaong. Please say hello to Mom.'

'Hahahahaha, you gave me a goldfish named Meow instead of a kitten, that's crazy.' Seun laughed so hard that he fell to the ground holding his stomach, so annoying that he had to sit down. They tickled their waists and then they laughed together until they were exhausted on the carpet next to the bed.

Youngmin lifted himself up from his lying position. Changed to sitting with legs down on the cold floor of the room. The brown bedside carpet that used to make the room look warm was Sewoon's. Even though he insisted that he didn't want to take it with him, Youngmin himself insisted. Nawa didn't want to keep it in his room either.

The young man reached out to take a fresh cigarette out of the box, barefoot touching a group of dozens of empty soju bottles and beer cans that he had reused as an ashtray after the liquor ran out. Even the trash can be recycled. The liquor bottle was even more valuable than this Im Young Min.

“Huh.”

The young man let out a sneer from his throat. It wasn't that he wanted to act like a loser like them.

loser

It's commonly seen in music videos like this. Believe me, he's written rap lyrics and storyboards for MVs like this dozens of times. But when it happened to him, Young Min found out. That it's just a feeling of not wanting to do anything I don't want to clean up the room, I don't want to take care of myself like before. Don't want to get up and go anywhere. Not wanting to meet anyone's curious eyes, it's just an emptiness that he can't describe.

Lim Youngmin glanced at the cars that were beginning to drive along the road below. The sky outside was fully lit. The young man reached out and picked up the piece of paper he was trying to write a rap on from among the clutter and grabbed a pen. Hold it and write a message on it.

Because last night I dreamed of you

The machine is taking you to the real world.

But I don't want the residue from my dreams to disappear.

/tung/

A message alert sounded from the cell phone that was being charged in front of the bathroom. Youngmin was sure that its battery must be full because he had purposely left it there charging for two full days without being picked up and used. ..where it will be far from his reach

His palm moved to touch the music note icon before selecting the playlist he liked to listen to regularly and disappearing into the bathroom.

I only listen to songs that remind me of you.

Pick it all together

1 song

2 songs

5 songs

Countless songs have you in them.

It seems like I'm falling asleep again.

Throughout his life, Im Young Min had held onto the idea of ​​not tying your feelings to someone else's feet so that you wouldn't get hurt.

He painstakingly built a wall of distrust, plastering it with false strength. The wall was firmly built. And he felt safe. At least I used to think that way. Until one day when Jung Sewoon came into our lives.

No, the other party didn't try to break down that wall. He just shouted over, but it was Youngmin who foolishly stepped forward at the sound of his voice..

'Youngmin hyung, I think I like you,' Jung Sewoon, in his school uniform, said to Youngmin on his final day of orientation last fall, many years ago, when Sewoon was still the number one trainee. A small record label that he just founded with both musical talent and perfect singing voice. And the other person's delicate and caring nature made Im Young Min fall in love with the little person in front of him quite a bit.

'But you have to focus on your singing practice, don't you?' It wasn't that Im Young Min wanted to reject Jung Sewoon, but he really meant it. Because Young Min had determined that the number one artist in his label would be Jung Sewoon, this person would definitely not be good if they were dating. What about the eyes of those around you who know that Korea is not as open to things like this as the outside world is?

'I would give up singing if I could be with you..'

'You shouldn't say things like that, Jung Sewoon.'

'I'm telling the truth if you feel the same as I do. Besides, I haven't disappeared by turning myself into the background of the people behind the scenes again. :-)'

'quiet? Ah...then I assume I didn't say anything and apologize for not respecting my dreams.'

As Se-woon turned and walked away. Youngmin remembered that he had grabbed the other's shoulder and turned him towards him, his cute face was slightly startled. For a second, his brain went white as if the world had stopped spinning and everything outside had stopped moving.

He only remembered the soft feeling of his lips. and a grunt of protest called for Jung Sewoon's breathing.

heavily!!

Youngmin was startled and found himself falling asleep while sitting in the bathtub. He thanked himself that the water was on at a level lower than his chest. He couldn't imagine if he slid into the bathtub. What will his condition be? ..The young man shook his head to dispel those thoughts before stepping out of the bathroom.

Because last night I dreamed of you

So I accidentally met you?

No, I just know where I should be right now to see you.

half an hour later He drove away from the residence. Cars slowed down at red lights at every intersection on a street in the middle of a city full of skyscrapers and commercial buildings that house record labels and entertainment companies. Youngmin sat and stared at the people milling around on the sidewalk while the car was stopped at a traffic light.

The moment the red light showed 0:10 and was about to change to orange, Youngmin looked over and saw a slender young man, slightly smaller than him, running across the road and joining the crowd. and was about to walk through the zebra crossing to reach the footpath area

Im Youngmin's subconscious ordered him to shout out the other's name at the top of his lungs when that didn't work. A strong hand then slammed the car horn until the sound was ear-splitting throughout the area, attracting the attention of hundreds of people to his car. including Jung Sewoon's eyes

I just learned things that I should have known before.

So clever

Just too slow

Because last night I dreamed of you, we met.

It might be humanity's dumbest excuse.

But when it was said

Instead, it became humanity's stupidest statement.

“Mr., uh, Mr. Jung Sewoon, how are you?”

“Uh, yes, slowly.”

“Ah.. are you going to practice? ”

Youngmin carefully scanned the other person from head to toe. This Jung Sewoon he met looked thinner than when he was with him, his shoulders slumped under the weight of his guitar bag that didn't need to be opened. Look and know that it is.

Fender

model

SonoranSCE

of the owner

“Yes, actually I am going to practice with the band.” The person in front of him didn't meet his eyes once when answering the question. Sewoon chose to use the word practice with the group to remind Youngmin that he was no longer a trainee.

"That's right. You forgot that we, er, I mean you, aren't trainees anymore.."

Jung Sewoon didn't say anything further, in fact the silence that hung over their conversation was like when they were about to break up.

“…Se-”

"I'll go first."

“Wait a minute, Jung Sewoon!!” Lim Youngmin's thick palm reached out and grabbed her small shoulder, turning her around like deja vu, but the feeling in her heart was very different.

“Don't you think it's a coincidence that we met again like this?”

“Even though Seoul is crowded…” Sewoon said before staring at Im Young Min's face for the first time and speaking a sentence that seemed to read his feelings. "..but it's not that wide."

“Seoon-ah, last night I had a dream about you…” Im Youngmin let out his ragged breath at the end of his sentence.

“I'm running late. Please let me go. Im Youngmin sunbae.”

“We each have our own goals, but our goals are not each other's. ..You know that too.”

It was like a light switch in his brain had been pressed. I don't know if he was imagining it, but this was the first time that Young Min felt the real reason the person in front of him chose to leave him. Sewoon never talked about the other person abandoning his dream of becoming a singer. of himself because of him even on the last day we were together Until today..

Because last night I dreamed of you

So this is your fault.

Because the truth is that we broke up.

Both me and you

“You know what? If that day I chose to sing If I didn't choose you, my life wouldn't be like this!!”

“During this time, it seems like you still don't know what happened to the two of us.”

“Goodbye.”

Youngmin wasn't sure if Sewoon bowed his head to him before running off. And he wasn't sure why his limbs couldn't move, his eyes were blurry with tears. He let the other person slip away like the stories he had read as a child, like a wolf who saw a piece of water bigger than his own. Then he threw the meat he had in his mouth into the river. In the end, the wolf lost everything.

In the past, I had absorbed so many dreams and stripped away so many inspirations and hopes from him that I never knew. If that day I chose to reject him. The two of us might not be like this.

The only reason we'll meet each other from now on

That is, there is someone else who has died between us.

But that doesn't guarantee I'll find you.

you're gone

I don't want to just dream about you.

You know, I tried..

Tonight

I'm going to bed..

And this is my summary. The ending of the story doesn't teach anything. It left only a mysterious, dark, empty feeling like a wormhole. Absorbing every good memory between us bit by bit and never being satisfied. Every molecule of you in my memory is like a cancer that hides quietly. Waiting for the time to strike when my spirit is weak

And then I found Trying to get rid of you is exhausting my body. Whether you can get through it or not, the suffering is the same. Between us we should have a treaty. I beg you to transform into just a virus. It's just the flu that makes you sick for a little while and I'll let you live on.

Today I dreamed of you again.

I've been trying to find meaning

Why and how?

But found only emptiness

baseless speculation

From the equation of millions of repetitions

..and a set of cool numbers

I can't find the real reason.

It is a truth from an unconscious mind beyond control.

Or a lie from the deepest part of the honest brain?

Today I dreamed of you again.

and still trying to find the destination

Where and how

Where the memories of you

cannot follow

no nightmares

No good dreams

without you anymore

where you will be

Just a lost line of light

Escape from deserted roads.

and dark like me..

Jung Sewoon rested his right arm on the clean white bed. He recalled the words contained in the lyrics of the song he had just finished listening to - Lim Young Min's song. His left arm removed the listening device from his head and tossed it to his side before using the tips of his index and middle fingers to wipe away the tears that were falling like rain.

"I'm really still your older brother."

“Im Youngmin who only blames himself”

“Im Youngmin, who I love so much..”

The End

Talk:

Hey! I wrote it myself and cried myself. I went crazy.

TTT-TTT

In fact, we tried very hard to stop writing anything like this, but it really wasn't possible. It's like it's fun to dive. Haha. Is she bipolar?

Note

For those of you who may be confused. Black text is the present, gray is the past conversation. The slanted blue part is the rap part. /The lyrics that Young Min hyung tried to write were actually written in a garbled way. It's like a blank verse or something like that. When you read it, you might have some strange feelings. I'm sorry.

Finally, thank you for reading up to this point as usual. Even if there aren't any comments, I'll keep writing. Just having views will make me satisfied.

With love :

D