I wish Icould disappear.

CR.SQW

Iwish I could disappear.

It was a quiet and chaotic Sunday morning for me.

I was awakened from my slumber by the sound of thunder and rain pouring down like I was practicing an erratic storm. And I'm fooling myself and it doesn't help me sleep better or want to cuddle up in my poor blanket or anything like that.

I lifted myself off the bed, which was so hard it almost hurt my entire back and searched for my cigarettes and my trusty Zippo. It was probably hidden in the blanket because I threw it on the bed last night.

Rolling a cigarette between your fingertips and the murky white smoke with the faint scent of mint and chocolate didn't warm me up from the single-digit temperature. But I feel safe

..I feel protected from these white smoke clouds.

“It's a new day.”

And it's a new day that I don't want, I don't even want to have. I don't want it

          Life for Music

Late in the morning the cumulus clouds moved past but disappeared but did not prevent the sun from shining. It seemed as if the sun hadn't risen from the horizon yet. It was gloomy and overcast, but I didn't feel upset because after all, it was just one day that was about to make itself known. That's all I wanted.

I picked up a striped long-sleeved shirt that some days it might be on the oak chair or some days it might be on my bed, snuggling up with a blanket, and luckily today it was on the oak chair.

I wasn't going to have a picnic or walk the dog or go shopping with the family like everyone else does on a Sunday this weekend.

I was squatting on the stairs between two buildings somewhere not too far from my apartment.

“Can't you dress up anymore?”

A low voice sounded before the sound of footsteps stopped in front of me.

And I know it's him.

It was the kind of question he didn't want the answer to and I didn't care much about. Because it's always been like this since we've known each other.

He was a boy who was about a year or less older than me. I didn't care that he was nearly half a ruler taller than me. It annoys me when I have to look up to talk to him, but I don't want him to look down and talk to me. Or squat down to equal my height. As he often does

“Why don't you go to the library with me?”

“It's due. I have to take it back.”

What he is talking about is a literary novel. Or something that I'm not sure about. Because I'm not the type to find a book to read outside of my time, I don't have that much time.

“Oh,” I answered in my throat.

While walking to the library, a street was lined with trees that were changing their shades of green, which I liked because it made the trees look alive. But now the entire tree could only see a dry yellow color that was ready to fall off at any moment. And I am no different from those trees.

Traveling without conversation between us doesn't make things uncomfortable between us. Or my body shrunk to a small size, something like that.

He started humming a song that had no rhythm or melody, but I found it beautiful. And there is a meaning inside that even he or I cannot understand.

And in that moment I lost myself.

He was like a cloud of white smoke protecting me.

And I feel safe

        Since when?

        When do people stop saying good-bye toeach other

It's every night that I go out and live my life like I'm completely helpless like this, right? I'm like that

I lack inspiration.

and losing myself

Sitting at the glass-fronted bar of a 24-hour bakery, I couldn't help but wonder, even though there weren't enough customers to make a profit to sell all day and all night like this. But he is also committed and loves to bake bread. That would be enough for one person's determination to do it. I conclude this question.

It was now more than half an hour into the day and I knew he had to come.

As soon as the door opened and the sound of the bell rang, 'Ring, ringing'

A boy in the realm of yellow hoodies and shabby ripped jeans. But it looked best when he wore it.

As soon as those burnt caramel colored eyes looked at me, it gave me an unfathomable feeling of trust.

He's here tonight.

He came over to the bar by the glass and sat down next to him. hair like every time

“Is the chocolate hot?” I asked him curiously. Because he usually always carries it along.

“No, I just wanted to come sit with you today,” he said with a youthful smile. And his face makes my heart pump, a face full of happiness The happiness that I wished I had was there.

The conversation between us ended there and I knew things were starting to get awkward between us. And I didn't act right.

And I let that night pass.

And then youdisappeared

It's a quiet morning that I don't want. and very chaotic at the same time

I sat crouched on the stairs between two buildings like every day.

Between my fingertips there's a cigarette that I want to cheat on, I want to be free.

And I know I can't

“Is it stuck?” A low voice sounded before I looked up with confidence.

He has come.

I didn't answer, but instead let out a cloud of white smoke and calmly and slowly came out to play outside. Smells of cool mint. And the diluted chocolate doesn't make things any more gloomy between us.

And my heart pumps with life again

He reached out his hand and took from my hand the substance that loved destroying others as if a single life was worthless.

And he sucked the nicotine into his lungs, enjoying the white smoke he released. It was beautiful in the morning sunlight and I was captivated.

For a moment, burnt caramel eyes focused on me. It's like he wants to convey something that I don't understand. But it's getting closer and closer. It was because of the feeling that made me close my eyes and his soft lips were invading and caressing my lower lip and tongue possessively and I was too weak to resist.

It wasn't nicotine or mint and chocolate that I was addicted to, it was him.

It's only him.

And I lost myself

I pulled away from his vicious lips to take in a breath of fresh air. Or that's his scent. Those burnt caramel colored eyes that were still staring at me. And his crazy smile Between us we were so close that we could feel each other's irregular breathing.

“Stuck too,” a low voice said after things got awkward between us and we couldn't find a way out.

“What's wrong?” I realized that my eyebrows were tying up in a knot because I was filled with curiosity about the incident.

"Mr"

For a moment, there was stillness between me and him, and my head was completely lost.

And I feel like I'm floating in the air

That's it, that's it The conversation between us ended there.

And I was cleverly possessed by him.

                                   I wish I could turn back the clock 

                                               I'd find you sooner and love you longer.

                                    #OctoberWishBinguk