Man in black 

“He” usually stands and reads a book in the corner of the window of the fourth car of the train every morning.

“He” usually wears black clothes all over and shoes.

Adidas superstar 

“He” often wears white iPhone headphones and shakes his head slightly to the beat of the music. Makes me very curious to know what music he is listening to.

“He” always stood in the same place every morning, at the same time, on the same train, in the same clothes and the same shoes. The only thing that changed was the book in his hand and...it was probably the music he listened to.

I looked at that picture over and over for one year of taking the train to work.

From not being interested in anything at first My feelings started to change to doubt about him after watching him for 3 months.

Curiosity began to turn into curiosity. After watching him for 6 months

Curiosity began to turn into fondness. After watching him for 9 months

And in the end I fell in love with him in the 12th month.

I fell in love with him in my imagination.

It was my imagination that created his new identity.

In my imagination I call him “Kim Yong Guk”

Where does this name come from? I don't know either. All I know is that deep in my heart told me to call him Kim Yong Guk.

Kim Yong Guk is a man who is a little older than me. He is a cheerful person, but likes black. Therefore, Kim Yong Guk is often seen wearing clothes in black tones.

Kim Yong Guk is a person who likes animals, especially cats. I pictured Kim Yong Guk's apartment in my mind. It's a white apartment. Decorated with white furniture, white curtains, white carpet, everything is white. Only Kim Yong Guk's clothes are black.

Actually, I'm a person who likes white. But because the man who was the role model, Kim Yong Guk, wore black clothes. So I made his room white instead.

As the days passed, the image of Kim Yong Guk's apartment was slowly replaced by my apartment. I saw Kim Yong Guk walking around the room, organizing things, cleaning, playing jazz, and reading on the sofa.

I walked around to find Kim Yongguk. Takong hugged him from behind. Bury your nose in the crook of your neck. Inhale the faint scent of shampoo.

I tighten my arms I could feel Kim Yongguk's warmth and body weight falling on me. I could feel that Kim Yong Guk was smiling and happy. I myself am so happy that I cannot describe it.

And then we made love

That's right, "Kim Yong Guk" is my imaginary lover.

which is modeled after the man in black on the 4th car of the train

In December, the cold weather blanketed the city where I live. Morning time to go to work I had to get off at the station next to a park. Walking through that garden, there was a towering building. which is the location of the office That park often has young couples walking hand in hand. Going together normally

The colder the weather, They walked closer together, almost becoming one. I thought to myself that this must be a harrowing picture for many single people.

But not with me

In fact, I myself am classified as a single person. That doesn't mean I don't have people interested. But I can't care about anyone except Kim Yong Guk, the man I created.

As the days go by

Reality and dreams began to blend together to the point where it was hard for me to completely separate the two.

Sometimes Kim Yong Guk lives in dreams. Sometimes Kim Yong Guk appears to be in reality.

One day I returned to my room at 8 p.m. I opened the door and was surprised to find a room warm from the heater and lit with lights. I was surprised, or in the morning before going to work I forgot to close it? But before thinking about anything further The sound of jazz music suddenly rang out and hit my ears. Kim Yongguk got up from the sofa.

He smiled and walked slowly towards me.

I was surprised by what happened. But I don't feel like this is abnormal.

“Have you come back, Hyun Bin?”

Kim Yongguk's voice rang out. I felt like this was the first time I heard Kim Yong Guk's voice.

“Um, I'm back.”

I gently embraced Kim Yongguk. My heart swelled with happiness.

That night we made love, talked, made love, and talked. The cycle continued until I fell asleep without realizing it.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock in the morning.

The place next to me is empty. No trace of Kim Yong Guk

Dreaming?... I thought to myself. But it was a very realistic dream. It was so real that I felt a deep pain inside. When thinking about the fact that Kim Yong Guk is the man of my imagination

The lights in the room were turned off.

I don't know when I spent less time staring at Kim Yong Guk's role model in black on the train. Some days I think about things so much that I forget to look at him. Some days I glance at him a little. Then he returned to his own trance. The reverie with that man in black But the name Kim Yong Guk is floating around.

Kim Yong Guk appears in my room more often. and more clearly every day At the same time I began to lose interest in the black man on the train.

And one morning The man in black disappeared.

That morning, I woke up without Kim Yongguk as usual. Even though last night we made love so hotly The bedsheets still have soft, faded stains, the product of last night's activities. If Kim Yong Kuk is true He should be lying next to me. But even though Kim Yong Guk is imaginary So why doesn't my brain make me wake up and meet Kim Yongguk?

Or is the brain still not fully functioning because it just woke up from a slumber?

But the shocking truth that morning was That man in black had disappeared.

I thought to myself He'll probably come tomorrow. Although something told me he was gone forever.

along with my Kim Yongguk

I returned home that evening. The room is dimly lit with no light. I felt my heart twitch strangely. The emptiness and cold were eating away at my room.

No matter how hard I try to remember I couldn't create a picture of Kim Yongguk in my room like I used to. I couldn't imagine what Yongguk looked like. How tall is Yongguk? How beautiful is Yongguk's smile?

No matter how I think of it, I can't imagine it.

The only thing that remained was the memory of the warmth and the hot sensation that had entered his body.

The image of Kim Yong Guk had completely disappeared from my consciousness.

I was hurt, torn, empty, as if something inside of me was torn and broken. I was robbed of something important. I haven't seen my Yongguk ever again, even in my dreams.

I tried to draw Kim Yong Guk hundreds of times. But couldn't draw it out. Even though my work is related to design and art. My sketching skills are unparalleled, but why can't I draw my own Yongguk?

I have changed into a different person. Depressed and absent-minded People at work notice Everyone assumed I was heartbroken. But I feel more broken than that.

I started searching for the man in black. I thought that if I saw his face just one more time, My Yongguk will come back. But I don't know any information or details about him at all. Except that he got on the fourth car of the train. Standing at the glass barrier, going up before me and going down behind me.

So I don't know what station he got off and got off at. I asked the people on the train if they had ever seen the man wearing black who usually stood at the glass partition.

Everyone's answer is that they have never seen it.

Every day, millions of people get on and off trains. No one would sit and observe. Everyone is in a hurry and has a destination.

I was hopeless, drowning in loneliness. Stuck in sadness It felt as if my whole body was falling to the bottom of the black sea.

A life of not being able to even think about Kim Yongguk is so tortured. The entire room was still filled with Kim Yong Guk's touch. I don't know if I created it myself or if Yongguk created it.

I still listen to the jazz music that Yongguk likes to listen to every night.

and read the book that Yongguk read

Before I knew it, I already had the books that Yongguk read stacked up on my shelves.

I miss Yongguk so much.

winter has passed Pink flowers, called sakura in Japanese, bloom, signifying the beginning of a new life. But I'm still stuck in the winter past Unable to escape the love cycle that the mind created on its own. If Kim Yong Guk's scent still lingers with me all the time like this

I'm still waiting for the day that the man in black will return. Because something tells me that if he comes back, my Yongguk will come back as well. But I don't know when he will come back. He may move abroad. Or may have already died. I have no way of knowing.

I can only wait for him.

I walked along the riverside, which was blooming with pink cherry blossoms. There aren't many people here. Because it is quite far from the city. The spring weather is getting warmer. Even though the cold wind pierces the skin and blows away But the cold vapor mass still floats. I wondered how I survived such a cold period. Without Yongguk

Yongguk lives in my imagination and has become a part of me. But now Yongguk is gone. Part of me disappeared as well. I still wonder to this day if imaginary people can really die from each other.

An icy wind blew and hit my face. along with a long-sleeved shirt floating in the wind

It's a black long-sleeved shirt.

I picked up that shirt. Standing still in a contemplative position, people are shocked. A sharp pain in my chest came unexpectedly.

This is Yongguk's shirt. Or, more correctly, the shirt of the man in black on the 4th car train.

"Thank you. Can I give it back? I'm cold." A familiar voice said. A familiar rhythm of speech came from the man following the inflatable vest. It's the sound I've been missing and longing for for many months.

“Yongguk,” I said softly, finally looking up at him.

He was dressed in black as usual, black t-shirt, black pants, a book in hand and Adidas shoes.

“I haven't seen you in a long time.”

faster than thought I hugged him with so many feelings competing with each other. I tightened my embrace as if he would disappear again. His face was buried in the crook of his white neck. Longingly, he inhaled the familiar, gentle scent.

“Yongguk, are you Kim Yongguk?”

My voice was muffled because my face was buried in the thin shoulder of the person in front of me. He raised his hand and rubbed my back slowly and gently.

“Yes, I am Kim Yong Guk. The man in black on the 4th car of the train?"

“Nice to meet you again, Kwon Hyun Bin.”

“I miss you so much.”

END