I'm not a good speaker...

...even though I talk like a clam when I'm with friends. Although I like to invite new friends to chat and get to know each other, even though I like to raise my hand to answer questions from the teachers in the class. Or even if I can report to the class smoothly, I still think I'm not good at speaking. So we have to communicate through paper. with a teacup, glass of milk and roses in a vase on the white table that separates us

To everyone who has friends at the tea table.

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I'm not a good speaker...

...even though I talk like a clam when I'm with friends. Although I like to invite new friends to chat and get to know each other. Although I like to raise my hand to answer questions from the teachers in the class. Or even if I can report to the class smoothly. I still think I'm not a good speaker.

But I'm the only one who thinks so.

“You speak well.” Those were the words that came out of the mouth of the person sitting across from me. He was a tall man, bigger than me for their age. He had short, dark brown hair that turned pitch black under the shade. Just as his brown shirt grew darker as the shadows of the trees spread in the light of the sun. The corners of his eyes and the corners of his mouth lifted into the same angle as he smiled towards me.

“Really?” I smiled back. But his eyes turned and looked in another direction. I looked down at my clean white t-shirt. and swept his eyes to survey his surroundings.

The atmosphere around our table was surrounded by beautifully arranged trees in a green garden. This location is the best because there is a large tree behind the person in front that provides shade from the sun. while beside And behind me was a wide open field that gave me a feeling of freedom.

My eyes wandered back to the table again. The round table between us had a white sheet, the same color as my shirt. Above the neatly spread veil, little wavy wrinkles began to form. When three things gradually came in and were placed on the table. The first was a clear glass vase that held a pink rose with water at the bottom to nourish it.

The other two things that came together were hot green tea in my porcelain glass and cold fresh milk in a plastic glass for him. Everything was specially prepared for the two of us, from the tables, chairs, flowers, to the drinks we ordered.

I moved my chair closer to the table so I could sit and sip tea more comfortably. I looked at the tea leaves floating in the glass. Inhale the unique aroma that floats up to your nose and slowly lift the porcelain glass to take a sip.

'Still a little hot, a bit bitter, but delicious,' I thought as I used one of the tissues that came with the drink to wipe my mouth. This was the first time I ordered hot green tea, real tea without a lot of sugar like tea in convenience stores. It might be a little strange. But it wasn't bad at all.

I glanced at him as I put down the porcelain glass. He had already used up half of the plastic cup with a straw. He must be very thirsty. Or it's because the milk in the glass is definitely delicious. He continued to sit and suck water calmly. Don't complain about its taste. Until more than half of the water in the glass is gone. So he put it down. and looked up and continued to smile at me. But he still didn't mention the taste of the milk in that glass.

“Smells good, tea.” When my mouth was free, I started to talk. Is it a good idea to start like this? I told you that I'm not good at speaking. But before you know it This sentence had already left my mouth.

“Um, it smells good,” he replied simply, his eyes and smile still directed at me. But he didn't mention the drink in his own glass.

Everything went well, my words kept flowing out. Continuing the conversation between us without end There was the sound of birds chirping loudly as music played lullabies. The shade trees work together with the wind to add coolness to us. That made the first time the two of us sat together at the table. It is a time filled with happiness.

After that we often came to this special table together. Each time I always arrived first. Come sit and wait anxiously. Sit and admire the atmosphere around you. and arrange the tablecloth on your side so it is tight. Waiting for someone else to walk in When he arrived He always brings a smile with him. His old brown t-shirt and hair were dyed a familiar color as he walked in and sat under the shade of a tree. It is a picture that we see over and over again every time we visit this place.

Until one day when it rained...

“A glass of cold fresh milk, please.” He ordered a drink to the waiter, as usual before he ordered my portion. He always turned around and asked me first. “Would you like some iced green tea?”

"No, I'll take hot green tea." I replied with a straight face. The sky above cried loudly.

“Don't you want it cool? Do you like to complain that you don't like to eat hot food?” he asked again, as always.

“It's hot,” I replied curtly. Just like always The raindrops fell harder than before. But the atmosphere began to heat up around me, no matter how cold the rainstorm outside the shadows of the trees was.

“Why do I have to repeat myself so many times?” The next words flowed out of my mouth without realizing it. As the raindrops began to form small puddles of mud on the grass.

“Sorry,” a soft voice replied. It came from the other side of the table. It was a sound so faint that the roar of the sky was almost completely drowned out.

Soon the two drinks were served to the table. The green tea in a porcelain mug was placed on the smooth cloth on my side of the table. A few wrinkles formed on the white cloth. Fresh milk in a plastic cup was placed on his side of the table. Wrinkles appear on old items that owners have never smoothed out. until a wave of fabric rises up

I looked at the surface of the water in the glass, which this time had no tea leaves. The bottom of the glass has dark tea residue clearly visible. It continued to swirl with the force of the people, resembling a small storm forming beneath the rain clouds in the distance. The hot steam rose up and surrounded his nose until he felt uncomfortable. The heat burned the lips as they moved closer. Until the owner of the glass had to put it down. I sat and stared at it silently. You have to wait for it to cool before you lift it up and take a sip.

I glanced slightly at the person in front of me. Looking at the person who always liked to drink fresh milk, this time he put it down and sucked down half of the glass like usual. His eyes and lips still had curved corners. But this time it was bent down instead of raised. His sad expression made the hazy atmosphere around him even more gloomy than before.

The scene in front of me made me feel as if the air and boiling steam from the tea were becoming uncomfortably hot. So I turned my eyes to another spot instead. Go to the left where the pink roses in the original vase are starting to change color. To the right of the vase was a small notebook and a simple pencil. This is the first time that these two items have appeared on this table.

It's probably used to write drink orders for employees. But it wouldn't be of any use. Since we have been giving orders orally all along

I stopped paying attention to the things on the table. I looked back at the tea in the glass. and move the chair closer to the table than before

“Ah!” My chair crashed into the edge of the table. A vase of roses leaning over The tea in the porcelain cup splashed out and stained the white tablecloth. Just like fresh milk in a plastic cup. that flows out when a tall glass topples over

“It's okay,” he said, quickly holding the vase and glass of milk upright.

I quickly used a tissue to blot up the tea stain before it absorbed any more. But just one sheet of tissue probably isn't enough.

“Here,” he handed me his own tissue. I looked at the clean white piece of paper in his hand. and ran his eyes over to the damp spot on the other side of the table that hadn't yet been blotted.

I quickly grabbed the paper from his hand and wiped the damp spot on my side of the table. A moist patch that is darker than the mountain side. because there were tea stains embedded in it

But just a tissue, how can it be absorbed? I sat and watched the tea stains seeping deeper and deeper into the fabric, so despondent that I gave up trying to wipe it and instead lifted the hot tea and sipped it nonchalantly. The fragrant tea was completely covered by the smell of the earth from the rain.

Silence filled the table for a moment. It was the first time that silence had been our friend for such a long time, even though I normally should have said something, even though right now I should have said it. But during those minutes No words came out of his mouth.

I told you... that I'm not a good speaker.

It has continued to rain since that day. The gloomy atmosphere continued. The sound of birdsong was replaced by the sound of thunder. The cool breeze turned into a chill that cut through the flesh. The pleasant shade of the big tree turned into a dark shadow as the clouds blocked the sunlight. More and more little droplets of rain penetrated the shadow of the tree and onto the table below.

The round outdoor table is no longer a pleasant place to sit. But the two of us still visit here as always. No matter how loud the thunder sounds Or no matter how wet the two chairs are

Moments where silence reigns like before still occur. I still think of myself as someone who is not very good at speaking. But time beyond that period of silence The words continued to flow out of my mouth as they normally should. Even though those words were a bit strange

And although this conversation The other party could only lower his head and utter a short three-syllable answer. alone

The sun has returned to shine on this place again. The green meadows dance back to welcome the gentle breeze as usual. The sound of birds chirping loudly fills the atmosphere once again. The clear sky gave way for the sun to break through the clouds after another storm. The same table still sits under the shade of a large tree, as always.

I slowly walked through the grass towards the round table. Stomp your feet towards the same chair. Sit down on a soft cushion. and survey the surrounding atmosphere Like I used to do Try to enjoy the scenery around you like when waiting for someone.

...only this time I knew that no one would ever sit at the table with me again.

I'm not a good speaker. But when there is no conversation partner It wasn't a problem. Because that means I don't have to say it. If there was no one here, the words wouldn't flow out of my mouth.

...but there was something tight in his chest instead.

I feel uncomfortable So I tried to change my posture. I stood up, walked out and stopped next to the table, my hand caressing the surface of the white sheet. Bring your eyes to look at the hair covering that is still smooth and tight. with the mountainside sheets that still have wrinkles and undulations I looked around at the tea stains that had left a faint mark. on my side of the table

And compared to the opposite table, there was no stain left after the damp spot dried. I stared at the pink roses in the clear vase. that withered until it became brown When the water that nourishes from the bottom of the vase dries up completely. My eyes guided me to a small notebook and a pencil lying nearby. I stared at them and walked forward.

Until he stopped at the other side of the table. The side of the chair faces the big tree. The side where that person used to sit regularly

I looked down at that chair, distraught. Longing gradually arise in the mind The image of the previous owner that appeared in my head overlapped with the reality in front of me as I slowly Sit down in the chair.

Surprisingly, this side of the chair was more comfortable than my side. I don't have to move it so I can sit with my feet on the table without my back getting tired. The distance between the chair and the table was just right for me.

'Why didn't we sit on this side before?' I thought, looking straight at the table across from me. The emptiness on that side of the chair stared back at me. The sunlight shone down on the water droplets on the grass in the vast field, causing it to sparkle in the eyes. It's a beautiful picture. But those lights were so painful to the eyes.

'This is the sight he always sees when he sits here,' I thought as I looked at the scenery.

It was then that his image reappeared in his head. It overlapped with my body, which was still sitting in this chair.

'The chairs on this side are really suitable for us. But with people who previously sat regularly That person is bigger than us. Isn't it too narrow for him?' I thought as I looked at the distance between my chest and the edge of the table, and soon his superimposed image became even clearer than before.

'This table has always been a perfect fit for me. But with him being much taller than us Will he sit comfortably like us?’ I thought one more time before his image disappeared.

The air around him suddenly became noticeably warmer, even though there was still a gentle breeze. Blows coldness into you. But the temperature around The body grew taller and taller. I looked up. But then he quickly closed his eyes when the bright light of the sun shone on him. Among the shadows that spread from large trees

There are some places where the dry branches allow sunlight to penetrate. The shady seats immediately heat up as the sun changes angles.

I lowered my head and sat still. His lips pursed tightly in thought. Words are about to come out of my mouth. But I'm not a good speaker. And here now, there is no one who will listen to my words. My eyes looked at the notebook and pencils on the table. Both hands quickly reached out and grabbed two things. I opened the first page of the notebook. His mouth tightened.

His eyes moved back and forth along the lines on the paper. The heat is burning It's forcing me to do something.

But then everything calmed down when the sharp tip of the pencil touched the soft white paper. The tight feeling in his chest slowly loosened, moving up to his throat. and stopped at the lips But before it suddenly burst out This time it traveled further than before. It moves across the nose, eyes, eyebrows, forehead and stops at the head.

before flowing like a river down the same path and diverted to the right arm Follow the wrist, palm, fingers, coming out of the pencil. and sinks into the paper

I felt calmer as I let the words flow through the tip of the pencil. Until the letters come out It takes slower than usual. Going through a longer journey than you're used to. But their appearance was more beautiful than before. And the moment I waited for them to appear My mind gradually calmed down.

Another sunny day has arrived, a gentle breeze, and the sound of birds singing. green grass And the shady shadows of the big trees still surround the round table as usual. Only this time The original table looked different from last time. and visitors this time I don't come alone anymore.

Two people were sitting on chairs next to the table. Of course, one of the two people was me who was still sitting in the same chair. But this time, the opposite side of me was empty. No one was sitting there as they should. There wasn't even a single chair. Because of him and that chair has moved to live next to me instead

before he arrived I have asked to rearrange everything. The round table is still the same table. But the sheets were changed to new sheets without any stains. The clear vase had new white roses in place of the old ones. Its color was soft and pleasing to the eye, as was the faint fragrance that wafted out of it. When there is water to nourish and prevent it from withering

Both chairs remain the same. but was changed positions The two chairs moved closer together than they had always been opposite each other. So that the two people sitting on it could be a little closer together. And both of them will be able to see the scenery of the expansive meadow and large trees together from this angle.

“Thank you for inviting me here again.” He looked up and said to me with a smile. Both hands held a sheet of white note paper that was densely packed with letters.

I nodded in response. Before lowering your head, use a pencil to add something to your notebook. and tore it open and handed it to him to read.

'I am the one who must thank you' is the message along those lines.

“No, we both are.” He smiled again.

Soon an employee came in to serve drinks. Slight wrinkles appeared on the canvas when hot green tea in a porcelain glass and cold fresh milk in a plastic glass were placed on the table.

“Oh, I'm sorry.” The employee hurriedly apologized and changed the position of the two glasses. A glass porcelain was sent in front of him. A plastic cup was sent in front of me instead.

“Is it delicious?” he asked after I took a big gulp of milk from the glass.

I nodded and wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to him.

“Green tea? It's delicious.” He answered the question on the paper before continuing. "You don't have to just write. Just speak. It's okay. I want to hear your voice."

But I shook my head and replied. I think now is not the right time. I'm not a good speaker. I didn't want to let those words flow out of my mouth during such a happy time. I'd rather write it on paper instead. It made me filter. It allowed me to spend time with it. It calms my mind.

The words that came out were even more beautiful. At least let's use it until I think I'm ready.

“Right... then wait a minute.” He put down the porcelain glass and searched for something from his pants pocket. before picking up a black phone and pressing and handed it to me

“Use this and when you're satisfied, press play,” he said after I took it from him. He closed his eyes and raised his hands to his ears.

I looked at the screen on my phone uncertainly. Staring in fear at the red recording button prominently in the middle of the screen. before turning to look at the owner of the machine who still closed his eyes and plugged his ears tightly as before

But when I examined that face for a moment, I began to see a faint smile slowly appear on his face. It's like a signal. Let me gather up the courage and let out a sound It is a single utterance. But there was a recording that was pressed to play several times. Until I'm sure

So I nudged him to listen carefully. And let myself in the recording say...

“Next time, order something new. Let's eat together.”