[TWICE]...Desire...(SaiDa)

...bad...

Some people feel like they have to say these words to make them feel bad, but all someone like me can do is stay silent like they never knew anything. I am a stupid person who was born to let others hurt me endlessly. To the point of being abandoned, I still sit and ask myself if I did something bad that made him displeased or not, without even blaming me for something. That he even did.

But maybe I was really wrong in letting that bond happen without thinking about stopping myself. Even though deep down I knew what I was capable of.

Just a toy...that he picked up and played with for only two weeks and then threw it away and all that.

Haha, this story is going to be a bit sad, right?

Jeongyeon:

Waiting downstairs.

I looked at the message that had just popped up on my phone screen and could only smile weakly. But it's a smile that just doesn't know how to make a face. Whether you're happy or not, you're not very happy. Since I know fully what the other person came to see, what was the hope for?

Hope... for what I'm ready to give, but he never knows that I hope too...

Hoping for love that no one has ever been able to give me.

And Yoo Jeongyeon is one of them.

As soon as I got into the red Mini Cooper that matched its owner's sharp features, I was attacked on the lips without any warning. In the midst of my shock, I didn't kiss back, but another person bit me on the lips. A thrust that was strong enough for me to open my mouth to scream in pain, clearing the way for another person to thrust his tongue in. I felt threatened and tried to push away but my shoulder was pressed against the seat with more force.

“Don't you miss us?”

Jeongyeon's face was in the crook of my neck like a drunken person who couldn't control herself. I could tell from the gasps she was breathing that she couldn't stand it and how much she was "wanting".

“Let us go first. Calm down, what's going on today?"

“It's nothing. I miss you.”

“Isn't Mr. Yeon here?”

There was silence between us when I asked about his girlfriend of two years. Jeongyeon politely pulled away before avoiding answering my question.

“Where do you want to go today? We indulge her.”

"We don't want to go anywhere. Just her coming to see us makes us so happy."

Pretending to not feel anything about another person not answering a question is quite difficult. I have to force my face to not show how bad I feel right now. Not answering is... that's the answer.

Today she just doesn't have him by her side. and were so lonely that we came to see each other, that's all

“Today, we plan to take you to eat grilled meat near our condo that we used to say was delicious.”

"Alright, then you'll take us up to the condo too, right?"

I said and smiled knowingly. before seeing Jeongyeon smile and bring her face closer to my ear.

"Um...finish eating and let's continue from earlier."

I don't even know why I agreed to such a simple invitation even though I knew in my heart that Jeongyeon already had someone in mind and there was no sign of them breaking up. As for me, who was only an adulterer, I sat outside the house waiting like a stray dog. Waiting for him to have free time and come play with him. He never thought of wearing a collar to show ownership. The sad thing is that this dog thought he was its owner.

Thinking on one side...

“Sana, go back, Nayeon will be back soon.”

Jeongyeon throwing clothes scattered on the floor for me to quickly put on wasn't anything exciting. This kind of thing happened so often that I got used to it and after sleeping together, it was time for the real person to take over. Having said that, I never got an answer from Jeongyeon about our status. She never gave me an answer when it came to relationships and yes. Still I waited like a fool waiting for a train at the airport.

And unexpected things happened.

I opened the door to see Jeongyeon's boyfriend who had a stunned face, no different from me. Jeongyeon saw this and ran quickly, looking alarmed, but was stunned because she had not prepared a stern response in case of an emergency like this. Nayeon looked at me alternating with my boyfriend's as if asking who I was and how I came into this private space.

"I'm Jeongyeon's friend. I'm here to take the book I asked you to buy...let's go first."

I replied with a friendly smile before turning to wave goodbye to Jeongyeon with my excellent acting skills. Nayeon appeared to be a more relaxed person than expected because she immediately believed and smiled at me in a friendly way as well.

I don't know anything at all.

"Um, it's good to be back..."

“Um.”

I heard Jeongyeon say she missed her girlfriend as the door closed and I remained standing in front of the room because I didn't have the strength to move. The corners of his eyes began to heat before the tears could not be stopped. I don't even understand why I didn't stop talking to Jeongyeon when things were like this, knowing that I would never be able to walk beside them as a lover. And there will never be that day.

I hate many people. I don't like flirtatious people. But it must have been God's joke that I fell for this type of person in order to bully each other.

"Hi"

Finally, I couldn't hold back my weakness and let out a yelp, but I didn't want the people inside to hear, so I tightly covered my mouth. If Jeongyeon hadn't walked in that day when I needed a refuge the most, today I wouldn't have to sit and cry like this. I wouldn't have let a crazy bond build up that wouldn't allow me to go anywhere.

I brought myself to the front of the elevator before I felt something abnormal with my body. It was clear...

“Nayeon, wait!”

Before I knew what it was, I heard Jeongyeon yelling loudly, so I turned to look and I was hit by someone who threw something hard at my face.

And that's what makes me feel exposed...underwear.

"Would you like me to buy a book?...fake!"

How could I forget to put it on?

“Nai Yeon is...”

“Don't get caught! Both are bad!”

Jeongyeon tried to hug Nayeon but was thrown away in anger. Her pretty face was filled with tears, not unlike mine. We would be hurt just as much. It's so pitiful. Jeongyeon, who didn't know what to do, turned to look at me with bright eyes. She must have thought that I purposely forgot something important that was good evidence in order to strengthen our relationship. The two of you were broken, but I didn't know that I really didn't mean to.

“Huh... bad person! You evil bastard!”

Nayeon's cries echoed throughout the floor. She sat on the ground like she was exhausted and freaking out, with Jeongyeon trying to hug her.

“Mr. Yeon, listen! I love only you, do you hear that?!”

I looked at that picture with a feeling of pain. Now I know that Jeongyeon will never love me when there is only Nayeon in her heart. And I should...

“Sana, you go. I'm sorry...but from now on we don't have to meet again.”

Today is the day that you are the most clear about your relationship.

I returned home by bus, choosing to get off one stop early because I wanted to take a walk and let my mind wander because I thought that if I got home now, I might be even more distracted than before. I would probably take a walk first. better

Hey, I'm so tired.

...Before having him, we could live. Today, without him, we have to live...

...Everything will be okay. We'll be okay...

...Tired, take a rest. If he doesn't love you, that's enough...

...It hurts but it's over...

Now in my head I try to think of quotes that I've read through social media in order to encourage myself. It makes me feel better, even if it doesn't make me smile. But at least...

“Uncle Sana!”

Someone called me and ran to hug me from behind. She's the girl next door to me. And because another person hugged me from behind and she was a little shorter than me, her chin was at exactly the same level as my shoulder.

"Oh, how did we get here?"

“Walk, really. At first it would fly and I was afraid the humans would know that it was an angel in disguise.”

"What's wrong? I didn't accept his joke, so I was cruel."

“I'm annoyed.”

I spoke in a very calm voice, which was really trying hard to conceal the frustration in my heart. But Kim Dahyun was such a child, observant and aware of everything.

“Is something wrong? Is there something uncomfortable?”

I turned around and caressed the little boy's head, who had a worried expression on his face. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that the other person was blushing with embarrassment from being petted on the head by me. Since she was also white, it was obvious.

"I'm not a big deal."

“A..a lie, it can be clearly seen that it is. Your eyes are swollen too. If you're going to lie, just look in the mirror."

"You don't want to know what's wrong with me."

"I'm heartbroken."

"um"

"I told you, you don't want to know."

I said before leading the way and letting the other person follow and walk next to Kandahyun. After that, I secretly looked over to see how the other person was acting. It wasn't much different from what I thought. I was depressed and sad. Like someone who has feelings for me, but I always want to please other people.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“Huh?”

"Didn't you get your heart broken? It hurts a lot."

"Um...it's heavy."

“If you loved him, you wouldn't get hurt like this. He will never hurt you.”

Secretly, my heart skipped a beat and I looked at the person next to me who was only looking at the ground. Dahyun normally always spoke in a cheerful tone. It wasn't often I said something this serious. I didn't reply before I grabbed the younger man's hand and intertwined our fingers together.

“Eh?”

"Today, please give me some medicine."

“Huh? What does that mean?”

“Are your parents home? Have you come back yet?”

"Line came to say that I'll be back tomorrow evening. Why?"

"It's dangerous to be alone. There's a thief in the house. What should I do? Come sleep with me."

“Ha! M..It's not good, he was alone last night. Besides, the guards in our village are as fierce as thieves' dogs and don't dare enter.”

"indulgent"

I went from holding hands to tightly wrapping my arms around the younger man. Deliberately letting her chest rub against her arm as much as possible, I could feel Dahyun getting goosebumps but remained silent like that.

“So cold.”

"Ah..Uh, let's hurry inside the house or you'll catch a cold."

“Is it your house or your brother's house?”

"I went into his house and he went into his house..."

“Cold but having no one to hug is so sad.”

“Just got dumped like this and it gets a bit lonely. You have to be patient. Don't cry, you know that?"

I admit that right now I'm very lonely...and I don't know why I suddenly look at this girl next door differently. Why do you get cuter? Why do your cheeks have to be squeezed? Why does your body smell good? Why are my hands soft? There were only compliments in my head until he finally walked and stopped in front of my house. Dahyun must have noticed from just now that I was looking at her face so he shyly raised his hand to scratch her cheek like that.

"Please come into the house."

“Dahyunna, do you like me a lot?”

“Ask me something like that.”

Now the younger man was trying not to make eye contact with me, so I used both hands to hold Dahyun's face so he wouldn't escape and make direct eye contact.

“Answer.”

"Enough so as not to hurt you... let's say we're dating."

"Really"

“True.”

"I won't believe you just saying that. Show me how much you like me."

It was quite quiet in our village after 8 p.m. There weren't many people around and now it was just the two of us, so I dared to wrap my arms around another person's neck and stare into their eyes with the desire inside me knowing Dahyun couldn't stand it anymore. No matter how hard I tried to hide it, I slowly leaned closer and licked those lips seductively.

“Uncle Sana…”

“Huh?”

Dahyun didn't say anything but took my hand and led me into his own house. Soon my body was thrown onto a queen size mattress and dark blue ice bear pattern sheets. I had only just entered the bedroom of the person above me. To be precise, I had never entered her house. Of course, I had no need to enter or leave her house. t

Thonina, we met three years ago when I just moved here. Because it's closer to work and amenities than before and I'm so lucky to have kind neighbors. such as this child

She is 5 years younger than me and is in her third year at a famous university. It didn't take me long to figure out what she was thinking about me. But I've never looked at her that way.

Until today...

“Excited?”

I asked the person who was breathing heavily with so much emotion.

“Very much like a dream. He must have dreamed of being on top of me like this.”

cute

I crawled my hands up both arms before ending with the other person's neck coming down closer than before.

“Can we do it or not?”

“You're good at it too, and there are people watching.”

"What? Are you doing this to other people?"

“Practice this especially for today.”

Dahyun didn't hesitate, leaning forward and kissing me wantingly. It was the softest kiss I've ever felt. True, now the lust was more visible, but I could feel the love mixed in there. This is the same.

The love...that I always hoped to get

The sound of our breathing became more intense. The cold outside had no effect at all when the heat between the two of us was stronger than anything. Dahyun changed from kissing to sniffing her neck. Sweeping all the way to the ear, giving me a trembling feeling that I couldn't help but moan in the other person's ear on purpose. Her reaction was not much different from what I thought.

She's unbearable and wants me so much. No, we both can't stand it.

"Uh...Da Hyun Na"

We almost tore off each other's clothes. Before Dahyun smiled proudly as he touched the sensitive part of me confessing everything about how much I wanted another person.

“Is this what made you like this?”

“Um...”

That's not the answer to the question...

“Has anyone ever made you like this?”

“If you do better than this, you'll fill it up!...”

Dahyun suddenly became violent because he felt like he was being disrespected by me. But I can't say that because I'm feeling good rather than causing any pain.

“Brother, you are so cruel.”

Even though he said that, Dahyun slowly softened, as if apologizing for being unintentionally harsh just now.

“Um...Dahyunna...so good.”

I admit that this was the first time I had sex where I didn't feel like I was the one leading. Even though I was on the bottom all the time, I was the one leading. The gentleness she gave made me feel so good that I wanted to stop the moment. Once in a while And finally, the heat was released and evidence was left on the bedsheet with a cute pattern. Dahyun crawled up next to me and put his arm in so that I could sleep on him before we looked into each other's eyes like that.

“If this is a dream, it will probably be the best dream of his life.”

I laughed at how cute this was.

"I'm so tired."

“If you finish three rounds and you're not tired, that's too bad.”

That's it.

“She is truly as talented as the rumors say.”

"No, don't say it, I'm embarrassed."

Those red cheeks made me unable to help but raise my hand and squeeze like a fang. Why do people have to use the word cute so wastefully?

"Sister Sana"

“Huh?”

The person in front of me suddenly gave me a serious expression, surprising me.

“I'm a lover.”

And the troubling question was shot straight at me without any warning. And of course...I still can't answer.

I don't know, I just feel like it's too fast and superficial. We've never talked in that way and suddenly having him be my girlfriend is strange.

“Why don't you answer him?”

"Let's sleep. I'm tired."

“Ah...okay.”

Dahyun easily complied and didn't expect an annoying answer. She indulged me and was willing to do everything in order to make me as comfortable as possible according to the promise that she would not cause any pain. It was me who felt so guilty because deep down I knew I couldn't love Dahyun...

It was just a fleeting desire. Once everything was released, it became clear that the feelings I could give to another person were not so great as wanting to continue being together. It was selfishness to know that Dahyun had feelings for me. Just let me use you as a tool to forget my suffering.

Yes, that's how I feel about her.

I don't ask Dahyun to forgive her. She must have been so angry that she tried to avoid each other until now. After that night, in the morning, I told her I couldn't be her boyfriend and the real reason. It only happened because I was lonely and needed someone and she just happened to come along.

"You're just a bad person!"

Is it bad?...I can accept it.

But people are always mean to people they don't love.

It's a fact of the world that I've learned.

One Shot

Confused that the wedding was finished in 6 hours, haha.

The ending will be confusing, depending on your current mood. Don't scold him.

I don't understand why most of my fics have to be sinful too...

Hydrangea

The one that was left over has not been abandoned yet.

Finally, thank you for coming to read.