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After breaking

Hello everyone My name is "Bam". I have been in a relationship with one person for 1 year, 8 months, 19 days. It may seem like a short period of time to some people, but for me it is a long enough period of time. We met in the bot line.

Some people may be confused about what a "bot" is. I'll explain briefly that it's like taking on the role of an artist you like and using the character of your profiled artist to share with other people. If playing with bots on Twitter, we will call them Twitter bots. But if playing on Facebook or Line bots, they will be called Facebook bots and Line bots, respectively.

And from now on will be my story after breaking up with a man...

Day 1

It was one of the hardest days of my life and that person broke up with me, saying: “We are both busy.” I was busy taking the Mathayom 4 entrance exam, and he was busy preparing for the university entrance exam. He told me,

"Waiting for everything to be more perfect, then I'll get back together."

Worse still, you want to be my brother again. What can I do besides...

"Alright, Bam, it's okay. I'll be the most annoying younger brother and cause chaos in your life, haha." Pretending to be cheerful, covering up any traces of my sadness.

I don't remember much of my feelings at that time. All I know is that I'm sad, I feel disappointed, and a few tears come and then disappear. I think the reason I didn't regret it so much in spite of him was "First love" because between us there had been something that acted as a warning sign for a while.

At first, he gradually distanced himself from me, giving the reason that he was busy with work, but he was free to use Twitter and games almost 24 hours a day. It seems like a contradiction...

I tried to understand him. He probably wants some alone time, but deep down in my heart I know that. We both always give each other personal time so I think the real reason is Because he's starting to get bored with me.

And the next sign was that he disappeared from my chat for days. When he came back and answered, he said Not being on line, I was able to believe him a bit. But what makes me sure that he is chatting with me is that he responds to the chats of everyone around him. Except for me, and he still looks uncomfortable every time he's with me.

At that point I knew I should let him go. But I still can't do it. I lay down and cried for days. In order to come to terms with breaking up with him, but I couldn't do it.

At this point, I think that I didn't cry so hard when he broke up with me because I had come to terms with it for a while...

Day 2

Last night, before I could fall asleep, I squeezed my eyes shut and almost died, but at least I didn't cry to sleep. That is a good thing for me. Today I had some pain and discomfort when I had to reply to his chat. If you ask why I didn't cut it off and end it, my answer would be the same as I couldn't break up with him until I waited for him to break up with me.

"Why don't you..."

I don't know if I'm just connected to him or what. But then suddenly a question arose in my mind.

“Has he ever loved me in all this time?”

And of course I don't dare ask him...

Day 3

Today I went out and tried to find something new to do. So that I don't have to think about him. It worked better than expected and I was able to get him out of my head. But just during the specific time that I am doing that activity, when I'm quietly alone, like when taking a shower. I was forced to forget about it.

Day 7

Today I suddenly felt the urge to do what I consider one of the boldest things, which was to go into one of his many Twitter accounts. He had given me his account name and password a long time ago.

It's fortunate that he hasn't changed his password yet. When I went in, it was still an abandoned account. Nothing much But his latest tweet led me to... His fan bot tweeted.

When I dug deeper I found out that the two of them had been talking since a month before they broke up with me. At this point, it made me know the real reason for the breakup and all the signals they sent out and even though they were just dating a bot. together But both in bio, cover, profile, and various tweets, they look sweet and happy...so much so that when he and I were together, I couldn't dig as deep and couldn't dig anymore. I decided to close Twitter and go do something else with the thought in my head:

“I shouldn't have wanted to go into his Twitter…”

Day 8

Yesterday's incident made me cry to sleep last night...but when I regained consciousness, everything started to get better in the morning. In the afternoon, I started to have strange thoughts:

“If you want to go back together with him, even if it hurts more than this, it's okay.”

But then I have to thank you for another idea of ​​mine.

“Read the same book and it ends the same way, when he doesn't value us anymore. Why do you want to go back to being worthless in front of him?”

Day 15

Suddenly he sent me a message saying: "I miss you" this sentence made me cry. It's not because of happiness. But because of regret, I really don't understand him at all. What does he want? Let's play with other people's feelings. Thinking that I'm that stupid...he still doesn't know.

"I know he has someone new."

I might have replied angrily to him about what he wanted. and many others But in the end all my messages were answered, if only

"It's true. If you don't believe me, don't make fun of me." It was a sentence that didn't exactly resonate with me.

Day 16

Yesterday he said he missed me, today he upgraded his level to Set the status as

“Even if you don't say it. You love us too.”

Ready to tell me that his name means me, which I don't believe him at all...He thinks that when he uses the word "we" it means anyone. He will tell anyone who it means. If he really means me He's already given my name...

Of course, it made me cry because the pain was worse than yesterday, and as before, I just replied,

"It's true, I don't believe you."

Day17

I know why he came to tell me. That sentence hurts my heart. He's "lonely."

That girlfriend of his seemed to have disappeared to run some errand. Then he had to wait and it made him lonely so he came to play with my feelings....say sweet words to me and reply to my chat quickly.

If you ask me if he told me, no, his Twitter told me.

Day 18

His girlfriend has returned. And it's as I thought. He started disappearing again and eventually kept chatting with me for days.

It hurts, this feeling right now, but it's good. The more it hurts, the more I'll remember it.

Day 48 (

current)

It's been exactly a month since I didn't write a journal. I'm a lot better now than before. I'm still a good brother to him and I haven't told him about my encounter with his Twitter bot. We haven't talked much and asked if I'm lonely. I'm lonely, but it's better than being hurt continuously in the same old cycle.

And if you ask me, can I get over it yet? Not a hundred percent yet. I still miss him sometimes. When something comes up about him a little, I can let out a sigh as well. I also don't know when I'll be able to be a really good younger sibling without thinking more than that. But what is known is I'm not as alone as I thought at first without him. Thanks to my friends and family, I realized that.

Finally, I think I'll end my note here. I would like to say this to all my heartbroken friends: No matter how badly we hurt right now, the wound is fresh today. Someday it will gradually heal. It may take a different time depending on how severe the wound is. Some wounds may heal completely. Some wounds may become scars, but those scars

It's a lesson in life. Certainty is uncertainty, nothing lasts forever. Everything changes, whether we like it or not...