F R I E N D

Dear friends..love friends

Dear friends..love friends

The meanings between these two words are very different.

...Nitchanara...

2 November 25

XX

Buzzer~

The bell rang to end my last class of the day, and my classmates all gathered together to put their things in their bags, even though the teacher hadn't finished teaching yet.

The teacher said you have to be punctual. I'm a good, obedient kid. ^

o^

As soon as the teacher left the room, the sound of chatter immediately filled the room. Some groups gradually went home, some groups still sat and moused frantically. It's like this every evening.

"Pa Fang, let's go home." His voice was soft. Comes with a mischievous smile In the style I'm used to

Who is he? I'll tell you, this guy's name is So. He's my best friend, but we're already more than friends. Ahhh...don't misunderstand when I say more than friends means siblings because we have played together since childhood. So and I's house is next to each other so we play together every day.

“Oh,” I replied with a smile and stood up, grabbing my bag and carrying it. So would come to me every day after school, we would go home together, we studied in different rooms. So studied Science-Math and I studied Arts-Language, which means that my head doesn't go towards Science-Math. On the day that So quit first, he would wait for me. On the day that I quit first, I would wait for So as well.

“Oh, this couple is always sweet. When will it be released?” a friend in So's group named Pu teased... I forgot to mention that So usually comes with his group of friends.

So and I have been teased that we're always lovers. Many people think we're lovers, even though in fact we're not. At first, I didn't think anything of it, but after being teased and teased more often, I started to feel...and I don't know when my feelings changed. When I realized again, I thought of So more than a friend.

The feeling is very clear that I'm worried and jealous when women mess with the chains. It's not a jealousy of my friends. I'm sure why? Because I asked myself for years until I got the answer.

“Introducing your house. We're friends." So retorted indignantly.

Zo will make it very clear that he doesn't like people saying or teasing us that we're lovers. He will always reiterate and correct the rumors that we're just friends. It made me realize my own point that Chain never thought of me more than a friend, and this is why I didn't dare say 'I love you'. A love that is more than a friend.

“Oh...that chain of friends takes care of each other so well? Let's study together. Invite each other to go home and eat together just the two of us. Go everywhere together often If you're a fan, just tell me that you're a fan. Why would you shut it out? Are you a star?" In is another friend of So who likes to tease me even though I know that So and I are just friends.

“Be a friend. Let them know about it too. Don't come and beg me. I don't like going back, Fang. I'm tired of buffalo people listening to people's language that I don't know.” After saying that, he took my hand and led me to follow.

“Do your neighbors hold hands too?”

“Huh~ ”

The sound of cheering and teasing followed behind me, but Chain didn't care and continued to walk and lead me by the hand.

I lowered my eyes to look at our hands holding each other and smiled alone. If it was before, I would have been indifferent. Because it's not strange, but right now my heart is beating fast. I feel excited and happy every time we're around each other.

I take my eyes off my hands and look at the back of the man in front of me with a smile that fades. Sometimes I feel guilty that I wasn't being honest with the chain when I didn't. That he trusted me as a friend but I betrayed him with changed feelings.

16November 25

XX

“Oh Fang, isn't your boyfriend coming to pick you up?” As I walked down the stairs to go home, my roommate who was walking up the street asked me, causing me to almost miss a step and fall down the stairs.

“Where is your boyfriend? There's no straw. We're all friends." I smiled sheepishly.

“Oh...it's a chain. We're lovers, right?" L looked suspicious.

“Just friends,” I confirmed again.

I really want to tell you that I really want to be his girlfriend too.

"So, I'm sorry I misunderstood."

"No problem, let's go back first, bye," I said, waving goodbye.

“Bye,” L waved at me as well before walking up to the school building.

Today, So didn't pick me up because I finished an hour later than So, and as usual, So was playing football with his friends waiting for me on the field.

I stopped and stood next to the miracle, watching a large group of male students chase after the orb like crazy. Screams were heard almost all the time from the female students sitting on the sidelines watching. Today there was no competition, just playing for fun, as men do. As for the women, it was normal to sit and scream at the seniors. men playing football

I believe that almost every girl has had to sit and watch her seniors play football because I used to too, but now I'm in sixth grade and there aren't any seniors to scream about. The main reason might be because they're crushing on someone or they're just looking at a handsome guy, but I believe another reason might be because men look cool to women when they play sports.

But there are exceptions to my theory for some people...

There's only one person who always catches the eye...so outstanding that you can't take your eyes off no matter what posture you're in. His handsome face was adorned with a happy smile, no matter the situation he always looked good. Even if he's running and tripping over his own feet, it's still cool, trust me ^^

“Fang! ” I was slightly startled when I heard someone in the stadium calling me out of my shackles, standing and waving at me with a smile. The more you smile, the cuter you are. So I waved back with a big smile.

“Give me another ten minutes! ” I nodded in agreement. So goes back to playing football with his friends. The same as usual, but...before Zoe turned his attention to the ball, his eyes looked at Miraculous and secretly smiled a little, looking like a person who was embarrassed...

It's almost five o'clock now. So and I are walking in the alley of my house all the way from school until now. He and I haven't spoken a single word, but I secretly glance at the person next to me. From time to time, the two of us weren't angry or arguing with each other, but normally I'm not a very good person. Plus, the incident at the football field today made me think a lot. Ever since So called me at that time, I had always noticed him saying, What I saw was my own imagination, right?

But... No, I wasn't imagining it. Zoe always looked up at Miraculous and smiled to himself. I don't know who he was looking at because there were nearly ten people sitting up there, and it looked even more like people were delirious. He's in a bad mood right now. Hands shake strangely Because I feel like he likes someone...someone who isn't me.

“Fang..Fang! ”

“Ha...ha!” The sound of shouting made me startle until I accidentally exclaimed before I could regain my composure and turn to look at the person calling.

“Already at your house, where are you going?” Zo laughed. I could only smile sheepishly and saw that I had already arrived home. I looked at the person in front of me and felt a pain in his smile. That laughter A little longer and it would have belonged to someone else...no, it would never have been mine. I've never owned it.

“Come home,” I said and walked into the house immediately.

"Don't be so clumsy and walk into the door," Zo shouted after him.

I didn't turn to speak as usual. It was tiring, exhausting, and painful. Even though my body was fine, my mind was weak. That I have no rights but I can suffer this much.

She's definitely gone crazy.

I was doing my homework but couldn't concentrate until I started to get annoyed with myself, so I had to take a break and look out the window. If I look from here, I can see the chain room because our rooms are opposite each other. The chain room's lights are on but the curtains are closed. I often peeked at him from here to see what he was doing in that room.

I sat and looked at the hidden room, thinking about nothing. I regained consciousness when the curtain opened. I hurriedly lowered my head and did my homework. I hope I don't get caught.

24 November 25

XX          

“Fang, would you please help me?” Zo followed, begging for my help since morning. After I heard that Zo wanted me to help, I almost collapsed. I can help him with everything, but in this matter, I really can't help myself.

“You have a lot of friends. Why don't you go ask them for help?” I tried to speak in a normal tone.

"Well, you're a woman just like him. Plus, I'm the closest to you. Most importantly, he'll know that you and I really are just friends." It's like being struck by lightning in the heart. It hurts so much I can't speak. I don't know what face I should make, I just know that I want to cry. I want to scream out loud. Then shouted everything that was repressed in his heart into the chain's face.

But I can't do it, I'm afraid...I'm really afraid I'll lose him.

“Nah Fang, please help So. If Zo really becomes Nong Namtan's girlfriend, whatever Fang wants, So will give everything. ”The more So begged in this pleading tone, the more it hurt me to the point of wanting to cry.

“Do you...do you really like him?” I asked softly. Zoe nodded quickly. Embarrassingly, but it made my heart ache. I shouldn't have asked a question that I already knew the answer to. That's stupid.

“I like him very much. I have never liked anyone this much before, so please help me. Please take pity on me.”

“If you really want me to help you. I will help, but I won't promise that it will be successful. “I finally accepted it even though I didn't want to.

“Yesss!! Thank you Fang, thank you very much. If Nong Namtan agrees to be my girlfriend. I will never forget your gratitude.” So hugged me tightly before pulling away.

"It's okay," I gave him a small smile. before speaking in a low voice “Well, we're friends.”

So stuffed a letter with a bright red rose into my hand as soon as the two of us walked into the cafeteria. My duty was to take it and deliver it to a fourth-year junior named Namtarangso. He pointed out the target for me first. Pushing me to walk towards that child, I just felt that each step was difficult and difficult.

My eyes were fixed on the cute girl as my legs walked slowly, not wanting to go there. I don't want to help the chain fulfill its hopes. I don't want the chain to love anyone, I don't want to see him belong to someone else. I want to be more selfish because if that were the case, I would definitely not do this...

“Your name is Namtan, right?” I tried to control my voice so as not to shake.

“Yes.” Sugar nodded, confused. I smiled slightly before handing the letter and rose to him.

“My friend gave it to me. He likes you very much. That's all I can tell you. The rest should be in the letter, try reading it yourself.” I immediately walked out of the cafeteria. Is it really tiring to have to force a smile?

“How are you? Did Sugar say anything?” Zo followed up and asked in an excited tone.

“I don't see anything being said,” because I wasn't there to listen and I didn't want to listen either.

“You didn't say anything?” Zo asked in a slightly disappointed tone.

“Um,” I nodded.

"Don't really say anything."

"TRUE "

“Are you kidding? What does he have to say?”

“He didn't say anything, is that okay?!! Stop pestering me!! ” Zo still tried to ask non-stop until I became annoyed and accidentally raised my voice at him. Zo's face immediately widened before asking in a weak voice.

"What's wrong? Why did you raise your voice at me?" I was a little taken aback when I heard it before making an excuse and going out into the murky water.

“Sorry, I have a headache.” As soon as I said that, Chain seemed to put his hand on my forehead, but I was able to avoid it in time before I could say anything and walk away up the school building, “I'm going to class.”

8 December 25

XX

The relationship between So and Nam has developed very quickly. Now the two of them are lovers. While So and I are starting to grow apart from where we used to come to study together and go home together, now I have to come alone and return alone because So has sugar.

“Have you returned yet?” my friend Nan asked.

“Um,” I said, taking out my bag and getting ready to go home.

“Right now I can't see the chain. Where has it gone?” is a question I don't want to hear and don't want to answer. Why do you have to ask about the chain? I don't understand.

"Uh... disappeared to be with his girlfriend. I'm going back." I said smiling, waving goodbye to my friends, but when I turned and walked out of the room, my smile immediately disappeared. I know it's not good, it's pretending that I'm okay. I don't feel anything, but if it stops people from doubting me then I'm happy to do it.

The football field is still the haunt of male students like every day. Of course, one of them is him. The person I had tried so hard not to confront didn't know how long I stood there staring at him. The moment I realized it, Chain turned to look at me and I quickly walked out of there. I didn't want to do this. But when I see the chain, my tears always flow.

I just need time...time to heal everything.

December 30, 25

XX

Today is a holiday, but it's not exactly like a holiday...why? Because...there's a lot of homework, but lately I'm especially happy that I've got a lot of homework because it keeps me busy and I don't have time to sit and think distractedly. But what do I do if all the homework is finished?

That's the problem I'm facing right now. What should I do? Sigh...

During New Year's like this, Mom and Dad will go back home to the provinces, which I rarely go back with them. One reason is because I'm too lazy to carry my homework to do, and another thing is that I usually stay to celebrate New Year's with So, but this year probably must celebrate alone

I picked up my phone and sat down to check Facebook for fun after being cut off from the online world for almost two weeks, and I just realized that I made a huge mistake because my feed page was full of pictures of So and Namtan. I quickly closed it, not wanting to. have to hesitate Why do you have to face harrowing and harrowing images when you do something? I really don't understand.

Ting Tong~Ting Tong~

The sound of the doorbell called me back to my senses. I walked over and opened the door before I stopped when I saw the person I had been avoiding for the past two weeks standing outside the fence.

Damn it just by seeing his face. A feeling of pain spread throughout his body.

“Open the door now, Fang! We have something to talk about! ” As I was about to close the door, Chain shouted loudly, causing me to flinch. Since we've known each other, I've never seen Chain this angry before.

I had to walk out to face him but didn't open the door to come in. “What do you have?”

“What is wrong with you? Why do you have to avoid me? If you're angry, just tell me what I've done wrong, so I'll know. We're friends, right? There's something wrong. Why don't we speak directly? What exactly happened to us?” His expression was so serious that I didn't dare look at him. The word friend reinforces our status. He only thinks of me as a friend, but I've crossed that line.

“Are you thinking too much? I'm not mad at you at all. It's just that now we may not have as much time to spend with each other as before. I study hard and you have to take care of my sugar, right? We're still like each other. I haven't changed at all. “I tried to find a possible reason to say this.

It's not easy to just burst out at him and say 'I like you' like in fairy tales that always come true in the end.

Real life isn't that beautiful.

“So, if it really is what you say? Please answer my question, why do you keep avoiding me? Why do you have to walk away every time I see you?” Zo asked harshly.

“I...”

“Stop saying no, everything you did is clear. It's not just me who feels this, that's it. Even other people can see that you're distancing yourself from me.”

“Or it will be like what In said and said she likes me.”

“..." I don't know what kind of face I'm making right now. All I know is that my whole body is shaking. I'm about to lose my chain.

I had never thought of this before. Never thought that Chain would know

“Is it true that you like me or not?”

“ ... ” I couldn't say anything, feeling a tightness in my chest.

“Can you say something? Don't keep quiet."

“I, I...”

“I...didn't intend for it to be like this.” It was like a confession. What Chain said was true. I looked at the familiar back that was slowly drifting away.

So walked away without saying a word.

I knew that from now on things between us could never go back to the way they were, and when I said those words, my feelings couldn't change either.

I won't apologize because I never regretted liking you.

December 31, 25

XX 

Time: 7:00 p.m.

I don't know how to stop the internal distractions when I'm alone and quiet, but when I open my eyes and ears outside, I feel like I've made a huge mistake.

I should have known that during a festival like this there would be a lot of couples everywhere.

For an entire hour I sat and looked at the huge Christmas tree beautifully decorated with many lights. On top of it was the most beautiful star. Everyone could see it from here but couldn't grab it down.

It's probably like my love that I can only feel but can't possess.

I stayed for another hour and went home. It took only ten minutes for the electric train to reach the platform of the station where I had to get off on a festival day like this. I had to accept one thing: there would be a lot of people and they would have to walk together to get on and off the electric train, which is normal. When walking down the stairs, you must look down so you don't miss a step. But this time I was stopped when I saw someone running up to me.

So probably didn't notice me or maybe he did but pretended not to notice me. Even if it was just for a moment, I knew how good he looked today. No need to tell him who he made an appointment with.

When I got home, the first thing I did was go to my room and turn on the music. I just didn't want to be alone. I didn't listen.

How much because I was laying down and playing on my phone but one of the lyrics stopped me in my tracks?

That's it. No matter what you do, there's no going back. But it's not easy to let go of all the feelings you have.

               Fang Kanyalak 

just now

The truth is...in the end you have to let go.

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Smile Small,

Pinmanee Chaiyasornsakul,

Non Pisit

and 58 other people like this

See 4 more comments

Smile Small

Hey, what's going on? Let's clear it up quickly.

MaMay Moo

What's wrong?

Suwanna Milk

Symptoms are like a heartbroken person.

I sat and read the comments but didn't reply because I thought this matter should end from today. I don't want other people to know about the relationship between me and So. But in the future, if anyone were to ask, I would probably claim that because he had to take care of his girlfriend, we weren't as close as before.

Crack~

Notifications make me pay attention to my phone again.

Saw So'

Comment on your status

My hand couldn't help but tremble, but I opened it and read it, curious to see what the chain had posted.

               Saw So'

Delusional

Just one word can bring tears to my eyes without any reason. How could his words have such an effect on my heart?

Tingtong~ Tingtong~ Tingtong~

The doorbell was pressed several times in succession until I mentally scolded the person who pressed it for not having any manners. I wiped my tears away casually. Before walking downstairs to go out and see who was coming, but when I opened the door, I was startled when a chain suddenly walked into the house.

“I had no choice so I had to climb the fence of her house and come in because if I stood outside and waited, she wouldn't open it for me anyway.” I stood there silently as Chain sat down on the sofa and pressed the remote to turn on the TV. Without saying a word

“Why did you come?”

“I thought I wouldn't ask again. “He looked at me with an indifferent expression before speaking in a calm tone that I had never heard before, “I have come to end all of this. I came to make my feelings and yours clear.”

“Actually, you don't need to say anything at all. I understand everything.”

“You know I don't like things that are stuck.” I was a little taken aback by his words. If things Now that we've cleared it up, after today, So and I will probably be different people.

It might be the best solution...

“Then you say it, I have no right to say anything.”

“Since when did you start having feelings for me more than a friend?”

“About that...I think let's not talk about it again.”

“I have a right to know, don't I?”

“But I don't want to talk about it.”

“But you have to speak.”

Yes, I don't want to talk about it again because every time I think of past memories here...my heart It hurts so much that I don't want to breathe. But if he wants to know, I'll tell him...for the last time.

“Since middle school, I don't know when I started liking you, but I'm sure and very sure it was in 3rd grade. When you started liking a girl because we were close, you told me everything. I didn't understand myself why. This is why it hurts me every time you say you like someone else. I get annoyed every time you look at someone else and tell me they're cute. At that time, I tried to ask myself what this feeling was. Was I jealous or was I afraid of losing being important to you? The answer would probably be... Two things: I envy everyone you look at. I'm afraid you give other people more importance than me.”

“That isn't called liking,” Seo immediately objected.

“Yes, I also thought that I didn't like you. But why? Why am I not interested in any of the men who come to flirt with me? Why is there only you in my thoughts and feelings? Why should I only care about you?”

“Love and attachment have only a thin line separating them. Between us we might call it a bond, it might not be love.” His words left me speechless.

“Is that so? Maybe I misunderstood my feelings. 3 years ago, I must have been confused. We've cleared things up, right? I'm tired and want to rest. Anyway, when you leave, please help me lock the door.”

“She didn't understand what I said at all.”

" yes! I don't understand. I don't understand what you want. You want to know everything, so I tell you. But then what? You come back to insult my feelings even though you never acknowledged my feelings. You never did. I realized how much I had to endure all this time. You never know.”

“How do I know when you never said it? “Once again, he was extremely loud at me and his words left me speechless. He was right about everything, and since I never tried to do anything for this love, I have no right to blame him.

“You go back, I have nothing to say.”

“Then you don't have to say it.”

My body lurched against the pull of the chain before he quickly placed his lips on mine. I tried to push him away but it didn't work. Instead, he held me tighter than before. The strength I had tried to build up suddenly collapsed as the tears I had tried to hold back at first flowed without stopping. The taller man seemed to sense this so he broke the kiss.

“Don't cry,” he gently wiped away my tears. I wanted to cry even harder than before.

“Don't mess with me, go back.” I slapped my hand away and wiped away my tears.

"What's the matter? Can you get rid of it?"

“What the hell is wrong with you? You can do whatever you want! You already have a boyfriend! ”

“I broke up with sugar. So what is wrong with me now doing what I want?”

“Don't talk irresponsibly like this.”

“Who exactly spoke irresponsibly, do you remember? She said it herself that no matter how long it takes, our feelings will stay the same and let us be friends forever. If I have feelings for you more than a friend, when will you not talk to me?”

“...” Once again, his words left me speechless. I actually said that when we were in elementary school because back then I didn't think I would like him.

“Isn't it you who drew the line from the beginning? She limited our relationship to just that. And no matter how much I love you, I don't dare cross the line you have drawn. I don't want to lose you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked confused, my brain couldn't put together what was happening.

“In the past, no matter how much I liked other people, when we were in a relationship, I realized that I couldn't do it. I can't let anyone take your place like Sugar myself. I thought I could love him, but actually, all the time I thought about her. The more you suddenly disappeared, avoiding me. I almost went crazy, you know?”

" I do not understand "

“So naive.”

“Did you curse me?” I glared at him.

“Sorry.” So raised his hands in surrender and before we could argue any further, a sound from the television caught our attention and the two of us turned to look.

' It has come to an important time where we will count down together to step into the new year. 'Is it already midnight?

“So, can you tell me what everything you just said means? ” I asked again. So turned around before smiling and pulling me into a hug. We looked at each other like that before his answer made my heart swell again.

“How do I love you, stupid friend?”

               ‘ HAPPY NEW YEAR!! ’

We start this new year with a new relationship from close friends to lovers.