The story of "Flame," a young office worker. Those who have always had no luck in love Until he met "Saitharn", a 3rd year girl from the Faculty of Pharmacy, who changed his life forever..

Short story – 01-1: [

DARKTULIPS]

*All events and locations are fictitious and have no relation to reality in any way.

“Did you know? that yellow tulip What does it mean?

And what about the yellow tulips that were dyed black? Do you know its meaning?”

My name is Flame. I'm a bit of an outsider. Who came to work in Bangkok, his appearance could be said to be not handsome at all, but he was not so ugly that he couldn't look at him. But because he is a person with dark skin and is also a small person Making it not very interesting to women

Until I got to know a woman and we met by chance. Then I remembered that I had seen her as a friend on Facebook which made me sure that she was single. From following her posts on Facebook all the time, but when I went to talk get to know her and started asking to contact her personally

"Sorry, I can't. I have a boyfriend." This is the answer I received. Without her knowing or caring that I had been following her on Facebook all the time, that she was single, that she was lonely, and that I also knew one of her closest friends. Makes me know for sure

She was lying to me, but since my youthful energy was still full, flirting with girls was still an exciting challenge. So I continued to try without giving up with faith that turned into faith in love that there would be. Someday There must be someone. who saw the value in me and being able to love me with your whole heart, combined with the good deeds I have done throughout my life

The benefits from that part should be able to help me. Time and again, I have to come across one word.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry..." are words I keep hearing. Or maybe it's more serious than this. I've been through this almost predictably every time I've confessed my love to a young woman who has my eyes on me.

Even though it hurts me, I still don't give up. I still have faith that there will be someone or just right now it might be like what everyone says, 'It's not yet time'. Even though sometimes harsh rejection comes back, I will. Forgive every rejection with understanding, thinking

'He just doesn't like us but doesn't know how to firmly deny it. I probably didn't want to lie or have any bad intentions.' I thought like this.

A long time has passed in trying to increase motivation in life and increase morale. and more happiness in living life I want to have someone by my side. I don't want to be alone like I am right now. I'm lonely. Every time I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm discouraged, I've never had anyone hold my hand or hug me. hair

And tell me it's okay every time I want to cry. I wanted to scream and tell someone that I couldn't take it, and when I turned around, there was only one pillow placed next to me. Many times I wanted to be hugged and told 'You still have me here.' To be reassured that I am not alone, I will find that there is only another me in the hard and cold mirror.

Many, many times, I tried in disbelief. By not chasing, you will be able to get what you want. combined with the belief that It just might not be time yet.

1 year has passed.. 2 years have passed.. 3 years have passed.. I still encounter events like this. I still go around in the same old way with the same old feelings. Whether it's to adjust the mood However, the atmosphere changed when I returned to the room and was alone. Everything will come back the same every time. Until I started to question myself:

'Or is it because I'm not good enough that I'm a person who doesn't have much self-discipline? But he knows what he has to do. He may be more flexible than a normal person. He may not love cleanliness to the point of being a housekeeper. But I can do all the housework without letting it get too dirty.

Although he is a lazy person, he is not to the point of not being diligent. And I don't believe that word. If you can't take care of yourself just yet. So who can I take care of? Because even though I'm not a man who takes care of himself much, I believe that I can take care of the woman I love. and my family, or is this still not enough for me to have a fulfilling love with someone else, or is it still not enough in exchange for experiencing another form of love?

Besides parents and friends given by others Or was it that I was too greedy to want to have a family of my own? While people like me have the opportunity to be loved by family. And friends consider it merit and have no right to demand anything else. Is it really that bad..' These thoughts These questions began to arise.

And it gnawed at my heart and I never got an answer to this question. It was a question that no one could answer while I was smiling normally on the outside.

And this year is the 7th year that I have endured those feelings, those unanswered questions eating away at the outer layer of my heart. The more disappointments you go through, the faster it will bite. Until finally it was gone. Only the core of the heart remains, which is the space of 'Pride' in my own way

which is proof of my existence It is an indication that I'm still me Not yet swallowed up by society I still haven't been turned into someone else or something other than me by the people around me.

At this stage, there was nothing left for that question to bite at my heart anymore, but it had eaten away enough to grow into a 'wall' of feelings about approaching someone. Every time I meet someone who will make me feel good again, there will be a warning message that says,

“It will be the same again soon. No matter how many times, no matter how many teams, it's always the same. Women these days No one will love you for who you are. They want a quality man. Like you who are both lazy, undisciplined, don't love cleanliness and can't cook. I'm not good at taking care of myself. There's no way.. Get over it.”

Every time I had to turn back. Or have all of them passed by that girl, but even so I couldn't deny that. Really deep in me And I still hope that someone will break this wall and revive this dry heart again.

Until one day while I was happily confused Sure enough, I regained consciousness and walked to the park where I usually come to sit and relax. I regularly read comics or think alone here.

This park is a small park. Inside a famous university, which serves as a walkway connecting two faculties, there is an open space with sparsely lined large trees, all of which have wide branches that provide shade throughout the walkway outside. Decorated with low shrubs.

To be used to divide space without cluttering the eyes, the light green color that is the main tone makes it comfortable to look at. The wind blows gently all the time. Makes me feel so relaxed that I want to leave everything for a while and fall asleep right now.

“It's so peaceful,” I said softly to myself as I looked around the area. The people were thin, the sun was bright, and the shade was swaying in the breeze.

I walked over to a long, polished cement bench and sat down, stretching my arms and legs, stretching as much as I could before relaxing every muscle. Get into the most relaxed position.

"Sigh..at least there's still a place where we can find peace of mind.." I spoke out alone.

Before I could finish my sentence, out of the corner of my eye I stumbled upon someone. who walked over and sat on the polished cement bench next to me, and almost immediately my eyes noticed My eyes instinctively looked that way.

“Wow.. so cute..” I looked at her without batting an eye from the moment she was walking. Until you sat there

She is not a very beautiful woman, but for me, She is a very lovely woman. Natural white skin on the face

Slightly chubby, long hair straight to the middle of the back. Slim and petite, probably no more than 160cm tall, wearing a bright pink t-shirt. Clean white shorts, white sneakers with a slight pattern. Short white socks go well with shoes and glasses for a nerd girl.

I'm not sure if she noticed me staring at her in awe of her cuteness and bright personality. But what I know now is only 'I can't take my eyes off her.'

'Hee hee hee, again? It'll be the same again, aren't you scared?' A voice sounded inside my brain, which was my own voice.

I heard this and had to shake off the image of bright cuteness. After a moment, he suddenly left.

'That's it,' I thought to myself in agreement. Then he modestly averted his eyes to the floor below. Then I sit and think about things and continue to be alone.

But my eyes refused to do as my brain commanded. It still tried to glance at her, little by little, until more and more. It turned out that I was trying to turn my head and secretly look at her without me knowing. Until she turned around. And then the eyes of the two of us met for just the blink of an eye.

It's like a bright flash of light flashed and the image of the moment our eyes met was engraved in our memory, becoming an 'image' in our head.

My heart was pounding loudly, my body was still. Hard as a rock, as if time had stopped, I was stuck in the afterimage of that split second. Until I wanted to turn around and look at her again, I couldn't.

'What should I do? With all this damage, there was no way I could defeat those eyes. Or is that cuteness possible?' I thought to myself.

I still sat there helpless for a long time. Until I regained consciousness I secretly turned to look at her again.

'Eh.. where have you gone?' I couldn't see her and I tried to look for her, turning left and right several times but didn't even see a shadow, but I was startled. When there is a clear sound A voice came from behind me over my right shoulder.

"Uh.. I'm sorry.. Is.. is there anyone sitting here?" A clear voice sounded near my ear.

Instinctively, I turned towards the voice and saw that it was her. While I was in a trance, she walked up behind me without realizing it. My body was completely rigid, my hands were soaked with sweat that was dripping out of me uncontrollably.

“Uh.. um.. m.. no.” I shook my head and stuttered.

My heart pounded again for the first time in my life when I just sat still. Feeling this tired, I turned to look at her. She just liked the subject of taking photos from a nearby corner. I just happened to come and ask to sit and take pictures here. But I was very surprised that she dared to come in because of general human behavior.

If there isn't much need, there shouldn't be anyone asking to disturb the place. There are people sitting like this. Although for me It won't be a disturbance at all.

I stopped my doubts there and then another thing came to my mind.

'I have to invite her to talk.. The opportunity has come..' There was a positive voice of mine in my head. I no longer hear warnings from the negative side of me.

'But what should I invite to talk about..' I asked myself in my heart.

'Whatever, go ahead, say hello first, it'll be fine,' the voice replied.

"Uh..excuse me. What are you filming?" I turned to invite her to talk.

“Oh, take pictures of flowers. I just happen to like the tulip tree. See? It's so beautiful. There are oranges, reds, yellows, all shades of color. It's so beautiful. And I saw that it's only here, so I'd like to bother you a bit. yes I don't think so." She replied with a smile.

“Oh, haha, no problem. I didn't disturb you at all, just be comfortable." I replied with a more friendly smile.

“By the way, what is your name? Can you tell me?” I automatically blurted out.

'Shit..suddenly asking his name like this!! I made a mistake, I made a mistake!!' I scolded myself in my head. With a feeling as if I had done something wrong.

"My name is Saitharn. You can just call me Tharn. And you?" she replied while still looking for a good angle to take a photo of that little tulip bush.

"I'm Flame. Is Tharn studying here?" I asked.

“Yes, I am studying in the Faculty of Pharmacy,” she answered.

“Oh, yes, what year are you here?” I acknowledged.

"Third year, and you? Are you studying here as well?" she asked.

“Oh, I'm halfway through studying. As for me, I'm not studying here, I'm working,” I replied.

"Yes, then let me call you Flame." She turned and smiled at him.

"Yes, it's up to you. I think it's like we're people who like to take pictures." I smiled and asked further.

“Yes, studying was stressful, but when I got to take pictures of beautiful things to look at and play with, I really enjoyed it,” she replied.

"You must be very tired while studying. Let's keep fighting." I smiled and gave her encouragement.

“Yes, thank you.” She turned her head and nodded in appreciation and then continued to busily take photos.

“So.. if you don't mind. Would you like me to take a photo for you in case... I want to take a photo with those tulips.” I asked like I was throwing stones and asked for directions.

“Is it good?” She stopped taking photos and turned to ask.

“Well.. if we don't mind.” I smiled fearfully.

“Alright, please help me,” she agreed happily.

The two of us went to take photos there and here. Picture after picture Just a short period of time I don't know if it's from loneliness or because my heart is easy, or both. I felt that the more I talked to her, The more I saw that she was getting cuter and cuter.

“Oh.. beautiful..” when finished taking the photo. I showed her all the pictures I had taken. She seemed very satisfied with my photography skills, so I asked for her Facebook page. in order to send pictures and ask for her Line in case I can't find her Facebook.

"Thank you very much, but I have to go now. I'll see you again," she said in thanks. and said goodbye to me

"Oh, yes. See you later." I bowed slightly to say goodbye.

“Bye-bye,” she waved goodbye and walked back to the group.

After that, I tried to greet her and try to talk. Try to get to know her better. I want to take her there but with her studying hard. And the free time doesn't suit me. When you return to your room, you must be tired and want to rest. So there isn't much time to go anywhere with me. The best is just seeing each other every now and then.

Going to take a few photos here and there, I want to spend more time with her. I want to be with you more until half a year has passed. She still accepts everything about me. They didn't even ask me to change anything, but it was me. Who decided that he would try to develop himself and let go of the old self and become a better person.

So that I can take care of her so that she can be proud of me. I will do everything to repay your feelings with all my heart. I have found someone worthy of my efforts.

The days passed by. We still talk well all the time. I feel like my life is full of happiness. As I have never told her my feelings which are only increasing day by day and I don't know if she thinks the same as me or not. In the past, it seemed like she only had feelings for me as a friend, brother, or acquaintance.

But then an unexpected event happened to her on the day that she and I had free time and we arranged to meet at the park next to her group as usual. That day, she had to stay alone at the faculty doing lab work because other friends had already finished it. causing her to return a little later than her friends

'Whoa.. Whoa..' My phone vibrated.

"Ja.. What are you talking about? Where are you? I'm here now." I was standing in the same place. We met for the first time I picked up the phone and answered the phone and asked, wanting to meet him.

“At the faculty. I'm still working on the lab, but it'll be finished soon,” she replied.

“Okay, it's okay. Take it slow. I'll be waiting downstairs. Today we will go take photos at night (

Night Shot)

I just got a new camera. I'll take lots of pictures haha” I told her.

"Yes, then let's just do this for now.. Boom!! Scream!!! Toot........” Suddenly there was the sound of something exploding. This was followed by a painful scream and the call was cut off.

Worried, I ran to her group with all my might. Start by asking the security guard. Under the building, which lab did you see the students in this group using today before hastily recounting the incident?

When the security guard understood the whole story He quickly took me up to each laboratory room. until reaching the upper floors of the building I was in such a hurry to go up floor by floor that I forgot to count which floor I was on and felt the smell of something burning. It was coming from one floor above. When we ran up there, we were met with black smoke billowing out of one of the laboratories at the end of the corridor on this floor.

We both lifted up our shirts to cover our noses as completely as possible with the thought that If it's what I think This smoke must not be ordinary smoke. Then we all ran to that room immediately.

I swept my eyes around the room, the flames starting to grow more and more. Then I turned and saw where the fire was burning, which was the source of the smoke. So I hurriedly ran in. I met Than lying unconscious with a bag that had the remains of 3 fire-burned branches. I, not paying attention to my surroundings, hurriedly took Than's unconscious body outside the room to find fresh air. Then he ran to get a fire extinguisher to put out the fire.

Luckily, the fire was still able to be put out and didn't spread any further. After that, me and the security guard helped take Tharn to the nearest hospital without waiting for rescuers. or have reported any incidents I can't wait for someone to help me. All I had to do was get her to the doctor in time.

While in the car I tried calling her, talking to her, trying to wake her up. And at the same time, the rhythm of her breathing began to increase, but it was irregular, as if a person couldn't breathe. She began to struggle in my embrace, tears began to flow from my eyes.

"pow!! What's wrong?!" I shouted to her. Tried shaking her to wake her up but she kept trying to breathe harder and harder, her breaths turning from ragged to gasping for breath.

She was still struggling as if she was about to die, and I was no different. I hugged her tighter, my tears were now flowing out and I couldn't stop. And due to the extremely congested traffic conditions on the roads surrounding the university, it was impossible to reach the hospital.

“Tharn, please be patient. Just a little more and I'll take you to the hospital. Just a little more.” I saw tears flowing from both of her sleepy eyes. torturously beside I mustered up all the consciousness I had right now. To save her life, I began to

CPR

Give it to her, hoping it will help prolong her life. But with the car running and the car seat being soft, making it

CPR

That was more difficult but I kept trying. Belief in everything in my life. Belief in everything that I've ever had. Every sacred thing I know, every religion in the world, anything, just ask for anything, even demons. If you can help me, I'm ready to accept any conditions in exchange that will help a miracle happen for you to revive. Or at least get her to the doctor before it's too late.

“One more intersection, just turn left in front of you and you'll be there, Tartarn, can you hear me? Tartarn!” At this moment, the consciousness I had could no longer be controlled. I shook her hard. I cried out before Tharn took her last breath. which was the deepest and strongest gasp I had ever seen.

Her body convulsed violently and then became lighter and lighter until everything calmed down. She was still in my embrace.

At that moment, there were no words that could describe the feeling at that moment, the feeling of losing a loved one before our eyes without us being able to do anything at all. It was as if time had stopped and everything around me had stopped for a split second. Immediately, there was silence and there was no sound. Even the sound of breathing

or the sound of my own heart There was no movement, not even my eyelids. It was the same feeling as when I first laid eyes on Tharn, like an afterimage. It becomes a photograph that is deeply ingrained in the brain. Until it penetrates into the mind

Then the image returned to the image I had seen of Tharn walking into the garden. The picture where we met each other's eyes Pictures of what we did together and had good times together. From what I had remembered, it was like a video. But now every picture has turned into just a still image that slowly overlays scenes and events, one scene at a time.

Down to the last sound I heard when the final scream of the stream in my memory died out, it was as if time had begun to move again. What all my senses could perceive at that time was 'Tharn is dead'. She has left me..

"pow!!!!! pow!!! Hohoho!!! Huh.. Huh!! Tharn.." I let out a loud howl. Calling your name again and again, even though I already know She will never be able to reply to me in the same time as the security guard. That person turned his car into the hospital and everything proceeded according to the steps by the security guard. The person who drove the car to help us do the work.

Until the time when officials came to take Than's lifeless body away from my embrace, I didn't want anyone to take Than away from me again. I hugged Tharn's body tightly but had to let the hospital staff take her away. I sat there crying, my heart breaking. I don't have anyone left. Even my own family has all scattered.

There is no warmth that I can feel anymore. This feeling that even friends can't fill

‘Am I the only one left?’ I asked myself in my heart.

'Well, I can't help it. I warned you that No matter how hard you try A person like you will only have regrets waiting for you, do you believe that?' A negative voice of mine rang out.

“Then what do you want me to do?” I spoke alone with a voice that had lost all my life and spirit.

'Come on, you can stay with him.' My positive voice came through.

“So..” I asked myself again, I didn't answer. or choose any way And then he didn't listen to anything again. I walked out of the car slowly, I didn't care about anything anymore. I couldn't hear anything but silence in my heart. I didn't even know how I had gotten to my place. Until everything in the picture went dark.

The next morning I woke up extremely exhausted, physically, mentally, and even spiritually. I traced the events that had happened until now. But I couldn't imagine what had happened. I don't have any memories from yesterday, even about Than. All I knew was that I felt like I didn't have the strength to move forward anymore. I called to take a leave of absence from work because I was sick and asked to rest for 1 day.

I walked out to get something to eat as usual, but the only mistake was that I felt like I had forgotten something very important. No matter how much I tried to remember, I couldn't. The more I thought about it, the more my head ached. Until I walked to that park. and caught the eye of a cluster of yellow tulips and the red that was placed where it used to be

“Tarn..” I immediately remembered every story, every picture, every memory came back again. Even on the day I lost you and even the 'feeling guilt' that if I hadn't invited her out that day Today's results may change.

“Ah!!! pow!! Hoho!!” I screamed as loud as I could and collapsed in tears. Image of the event where the stream was still. Came back to play in my head over and over again. I sat there crying like a crazy person.

But because today is a day when everyone goes to work and it is a time when all students are still studying. So no one paid attention to me.

“Tharn likes tulips, so there are only red and yellow ones left. Where has the orange color gone..” I still remember every word Than said from the first time we met. So he wondered, but he didn't care to find an answer to that question.

I gathered all my strength and reached out with trembling, weak hands to pluck a yellow tulip. Three flowers were growing and he laughed softly.

“Huh.. Yellow tulip.. Is this hopeless love? Just right.” I gathered my strength again to stand up. and staggered to the hospital where Than's body was kept.

When I arrived, I sneaked into the hospital morgue and opened the door. I saw many people living together. both in good physical condition and unsightly condition Everyone there stared at me, but I now had no fear of anything. I walked past them and looked for the drawer with her name written on it.

Then I secretly inserted a yellow tulip into the front of the drawer. I reached out and touched the front of the drawer. then talk to her

“I love you, I never told you during the day you were alive. She used to say she liked tulips. Then I could probably use the language of flowers of this yellow tulip. This one is for you that I will never be able to get my hopes fulfilled again. Before this story ends, I want to tell you, thank you.

If we didn't come to greet you that day, if we didn't come into your life I'll probably never get to experience the taste of happiness like this and I'm sorry.. If that day I hadn't invited her out and made her hurry.. I'm sorry.." I stood in front of the drawer that kept her beautiful body. Tears overflowed again.

Then I went up to the top floor of the hospital and continued up the stairs until I reached the rooftop. Then slowly walked up to stand on the edge of the cement railing wall.

'Phew..' The sound of a strong wind blowing into my ears in waves.

“Hey.. You guys, no, the people inside of me can hear me, right? I'm really unlucky. Do you guys think that I met the person I thought was the person I'd been looking for for a long time, but it was taken away so brazenly? Like this, we must be under some kind of curse.” I said to myself against the wind blowing against me.

'Oh.. I agree. And just because you're standing here means you've made a decision. To end this damn curse! This is it.’ My voice sounded in my head again, but this time it was neither negative nor positive. It was a voice from the deepest parts of my heart that had been destroyed to the very core of my being.

“Um.. I've made up my mind that even if I go back, I probably won't be of any use to anyone. What are you thinking and doing? Can't be what other people want.. This is where you've invested in changing yourself to be the way that everyone wants. Do whatever other people think is good.

Still have to encounter something like this again.. If I were to go back to being myself, no one would be able to accept me for who I am like this again..right.. Let's go, my friend. You and I have been together for a long time. We fought together, endured together, and enjoyed together. We've been hurting together for nearly 30 years. Now it's time for us to walk together for the last time,” I said to myself deep in my heart.

'Hahaha, come on, my friend, we're going to kick the ass of whatever face we're destined to face in our lives together, but I won't say goodbye to you. After all, I'm you. You're me. Wherever you go, I will go with you.

No matter what you are born into. I will go along with you and no matter what happens to you. I will be with you all the time.' A voice from the depths of my heart replied.

“That's it.. Let's go, hell or heaven, wherever it is. We're going to crush it to our heart's content. Once this work is finished, we will return to the land together.. I'm sorry to all the doctors that I intend to give this body to study so that it will be useful in the future when I really don't need to use it anymore..

But it seems that this body probably isn't usable anymore.” I held the tulip tightly with a face covered in dried tear stains.

'As for the remaining two flowers.. One for us and one for us. For our love for the river that we will take with us.

It has done its duty. is to lead me down to a place I want to go That is the land below.

“This is the last step..” were the last words. that is distilled from life And this very tired soul

“Wind” in nature is freedom, not attached, not dependent on anything, it just blows along the path it should.

I want to be like the wind, which even though it has no shape, no one can see it. But it can also carry away other things, whether it gives happiness or disaster, whether it promotes or encourages. However, it is appropriate with its own factors and can also be adjusted to various formats. To be compatible with every area

so that it can pass everywhere on its path and now I will become it now.. Goodbye everyone.. see you later Thar..

‘Damn!!’ That was the last sound that would come out of my body. which has now arrived at its final destination along with the yellow tulips The red liquid has now stained almost the entire flower and has begun to seep into the petals until it dries. make into The “black tulips” are gone.

And at the same time The tulip hug that was the beginning of every story between the two of us has only been left. 'Stability in love, seriousness, sincerity, honesty. and love with all my heart', which is the meaning of the red tulips that continue to bloom in the arms of the tulips of the two of us.

-THE END-

BLUE CALENDAR