At the Edge of Insanity

Chapter I

B.

How long has it been since I've been in Korea? I sat and thought while scanning the pictures from when I was just as big as my elders' shoulders. I picked up the picture I took with Mark and looked at it. Before you stop thinking

Even though in the past I was really attached to Mark that much. Nowadays, we may not be as close as we were before. Maybe because every day I grow up Being too different in age, I shrugged, not that I really cared about it.

I sat and looked at the next picture. Laughed at Yugyeom and me's funny expressions taking photos together.

I'm talking about Yugyeom already. These days I really enjoy spending time with him. It's probably because we're the same age. Do everything equally Interested in the same topic Besides that, he can send and receive jokes with me all the time. Always snuggling and making me laugh. Maybe I'm not like my friend. It's more like keeping a big feral dog next to you.

“Bam... eat,” Mark's low voice said as he walked past me looking at pictures on the sofa.

“Yes,” I replied, but still lay there.

"Get up before you have to call me twice."

I let out a long sigh. It's probably because of this that I keep creating distance from Mark. He is not a talkative and mature person. So quiet that sometimes I really don't know what he's thinking. He acted like I was a three-year-old kid who still needed him to hold my hand across the street when I wasn't. I was 16 and thought I was old enough to manage my own life.

I'm still sleeping in the same place. Take out your mobile phone and dial Yugyeom. Send a message to him telling him to hurry back and eat.

It's not too late to press send. A long, wide hand snatched the phone from my hand.

"Stop playing and get up now."

“I'll be waiting for Yugyeom,” I replied in an irritated voice, reaching out to grab the phone back.

Mark looked at me with blank eyes.

"Why do we have to wait? Yugyeom is going to Gangnam for a while before he comes back."

"Well, I want to wait."

“Why, if you don't have it, can't you eat?” Brother Mark's voice started to get louder.

“Yes, Brother Mark, don't interfere. If you're hungry, go eat with someone else first. You don't have to wait."

Under that handsome and calm face I felt that the veins in his temples were about to explode.

o0o

M.

I'm afraid... It's so scary that I can't imagine that one day I won't be able to suppress my emotions any longer. This isn't the first time in the last few years that Bambam and I have often had arguments. And every time my patience is ready to break at any moment. I walked out of the dorm without listening to Jaebum's call asking where I was going.

I walked to a convenience store that wasn't too far from there. I sat down on the table in front of the store. I was irritated and felt like I wasn't myself. I looked around at the scenery before thinking back to many years ago when BamBam first came to Korea.

The child was only about the size of my shoulders. That little voice that asked me to take him here and there and buy him snacks every time he came to this store. I was kind to him, indulged him, waited for him to do whatever he asked for. Everything that this child would be pleased with would definitely make a child spoiled and spoiled. I'm happy when other people reject me and BamBam runs up to me. And in the end it was me

For being willing to do and give whatever he wanted, he was very attached to me, yes, and I was the one who made it that way. I want him to feel that he can't live without me. I am everything and I can give him everything. I've been watching Bambam's growth every step of the way. while forgetting to observe oneself

“I want to sit with Jackson,” BamBam said one day while taking the company van to a nearby city. "He's going to teach me how to play the game he downloaded last night."

Just that simple sentence made me feel like I had been splashed with ice cold water.

“Any game, I can teach you.” It was the first time Bambam asked to sit with someone else.

"Brother Mark doesn't know this game at all."

I didn't say anything further. In fact, after that I couldn't hear anyone else. I sat and stared out the window. Until the van stopped and the manager came and nudged us to get off. I then noticed that I was clenching my hands until they were bloody and shaking.

o0o

B.

I looked at Mark who was smiling and acting cutely into the camera. I rolled my eyes, "Oh, it's all an illusion."

“Bam, what are you doing?”

Yugyeom rested his chin on my shoulder like he liked to do.

“Oi, I'm so shocked,” I startled. “Get away from me.” I push his face that was pressing my cheek away. Feeling hot in the face

“Are you thirsty? I'll get it for you,” Yugyeom offered.

“Oh, that's good,” I smiled at him, “Coke.”

Yugyeom smiled back before rubbing the top of my head gently.

"I know."

I felt Mark's eyes looking at me. And like every time I choose not to care.

“BamBam, are you having fun?” Mark asked after we got out of the van and arrived at the dorm.

“It was really fun. Brother Jackson is very good at that game.” I eagerly told Brother Mark about it. The two of us sat down on the sofa in the living room. I leaned back against Mark's chest in my arms. Brother Mark slowly scrolls through my mobile phone.

“Is this a game, Bam?” Mark asked.

“Yes.” I looked up and looked at Mark. He smiled back at me. “In just one day, I reached level twenty. Jackson is really cool. If it weren't for him..."

“Bam…” Brother Mark's voice interrupted meekly, "I think this game will distract us so much that we won't care about practicing."

I looked down at the phone screen in Mark's hand again. There was no time to say anything. I saw a window

Delete

appeared before Mark's pale white fingers slowly moved to press.

Yes

Brother Mark is still smiling. While I scream and cry

o0o

M.

“Kim Yugyeom, 15 years old, please introduce yourself.” I turned to look at Bambam as soon as the new trainees finished introducing themselves. I knew right away that BamBam would be excited to have someone his own age join him as a trainee. I followed him as he walked in to shake hands with that new kid.

“You're so tall,” I heard him say. As that skinny hand reached out and compared it to his own head

"I didn't know that they accept children under ten years old to train as well. Hey kid, work hard and drink some milk so you can get taller."

I watched Bambam chase the new kid across the room.

While everyone burst into laughter I just stood still.

o0o

B.

And then that day has arrived. The day when the end of everything was no longer bearable and contained.

“What about BamBam? Who are you closest to in the group?” This interview question was asked after the answers to the same question had already been answered by everyone in the group. I was quiet for a moment. But of course I didn't hesitate in answering anything.

“Yugyeom.” Yugyeom turned to look at me. Smiling widely, he patted his shoulder and nodded. We both answered each other.

Mark, who was sitting on the other side next to the interviewer, could only smile.

“BamBam, go call Mark to eat.” When we returned to our accommodations and prepared dinner,

Brother Junior also told me that.

“Why does it have to be me?”

"That's you. From the car I saw him sitting strangely quiet. So we left. What dare Mark do to BamBam?"

Brother Junior is wrong.

I reluctantly walked to Brother Mark's room. before knocking on the door

“Markbam, please come in.”

I walked over and stopped at the bedside. Looking at the tall, long figure lying on a white blanket.

"Junior asked me to come and eat."

"I'm not hungry," a low voice answered curtly.

“I guess so.” I turned to walk away.

“Bam, don't forget to call Yugyeom too. We won't be able to eat if we're not together."

I rolled my eyes, "Sort of."

In the blink of an eye, Mark got up from the bed and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.

“Can you please stop annoying me?” His eyes were bloodshot. I looked up.

“If you don't eat it, I'll tell someone else. I'm just going to sleep.” I tried to remove his hand because as I spoke, his grip tightened as if he was going to break my bones.

“You're closest to him, huh? How close are you with BamBam? Is it the same as being close to you? BamBam is so close to you that he would do anything for you when he said he would buy you a newly released game. Does that kid have the money to buy something like that for BamBam?”

“Is this going to revive those matters?” I replied coldly.

“Why? Why can't I speak? Well, we're that close. Isn't that right? Hey Bam... BamBam, have you gone to exchange candy with Yugyeom yet? BamBam had to use a throw..." I put my hand over Mark's mouth. before glaring at him angrily A rough hand slowly twisted my wrist. "The thing we played when Bam asked me to buy a game that was newly released at the time."

“Nervous,” I spat in his face. "Because actually you're such a crazy person, I don't want to get involved."

Mark laughed loudly.

"Bam isn't cute right now."

He slowly put his hand into his pocket and took out the mobile phone. He was busy with it for a while until there was a loud noise and I realized what he was doing.

“Ah... ah....” The soft moans mixed with the smacking sounds of the saliva flowing from the fresh lips of the two young boys. Mark turned his cell phone screen towards me. I saw my ten-year-old self sitting astride the lap of a boy with reddish-brown hair. Brother Mark on the screen turns to make eye contact with the camera. Smiling and laughing as that little child crushed, nudged, bit, nipped at the lips of the man in front of him.

For more than a minute, the clip played while I just stood and stared. before the clip stops Brother Mark stuck out his tongue to see the red candy melting in his mouth. before smiling happily at the camera

“It's actually much cuter like this,” a low voice said with a sneer.

“It's disgusting for me to keep things like that.”

“Why can't you accept it?” His handsome face began to distort. "Since when has being with me been so disgusting, BamBam?"

“Lower your voice now.”

“Since that idiot came in, why has he suddenly wanted to become a pure and innocent child?”

“Learn to look at yourself. It's not related to Yugyeom, but you're crazy. Other people probably think that you're so wonderful. Who would know that you're actually such a psychopath that I can't stand being with you?"

Mark's hands trembled.

“There's more to those evil things.” I walked over and turned my back on him. "Whatever you want to do, please do."

I closed the door without looking back.

o0o

To be continued... ?

Talk:

I don't know what.