Keep it on thedown-low

Keep something secret; not tellother people aboutsomething.

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Keep it on the down-low

Keep something secret; not tellother people aboutsomething.

When did our story begin?

Or should the question be changed to When will it end?

Would it be more suitable?

The right hand is dominant besides holding a pen. During this time, I often used to hold my left breast.

uncle

It hurts like crazy.

It seems like he's making a comparison about love.

Probably so.

Both yes and no

“I'm really good at getting over my head these days.”

"really"

“Your face is pale.”

“I'm normal.”

“Definitely dandruff fever.”

“So I thought I was a doctor.” I sighed, turning my head to avoid the palm that was trying to touch my forehead.

When unsuccessful, stop there, but the questions are still not finished. "What's your conclusion?"

“I'm normal.”

This time it was him who sighed.

It's not that I don't want to tell you, but I can't.

“With a mouth this big, you're going to die. If you don't say anything, even if you're a doctor, you can't help, right?”

Once again, I tilted my head away, purposefully rejecting his concern. Put on a deadpan face and answer silently. Even though in my heart it feels warm like I like it to be.

Warm until it's hot.

"really"

Actually, the doctor can help.

But it depends on whether I want help or not.

That's it.

“What notebook?” His face reached out to me like he liked to do. But I'm starting to dislike it now, "Are you writing a diary now?"

Without another word, he picked it up and opened it until the book was finished. Then I sighed as usual. But I didn't say anything because if it was a secret, I probably wouldn't have brought it up to show in the first place.

"hobby"

It furrowed its brows. As I opened the page one of them turned towards me.

red rose

Oh, that time.

until the petals are arranged one at a time until the flower is complete

I don't remember at all.

“Why flowers?”

Did the sound become more muddy or was I just thinking, "It's something close to me"?

"The reason you often disappear is because you're busy doing this thing?"

The smooth sound interspersed with the sound of turning pages made my heart flutter every time it turned. The more I saw the repeating flowers, some not the same, one after the other that I painstakingly pasted with my hands again, it was as if something was reinforcing deep within me.

I'm totally uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable...to the point of wanting to cough out.

“And what kind of stain is this?” A slender finger traced the sepia-colored stain that was smeared from the flower, a stain that looked very suspicious.

Are your eyebrows furrowed even more than before? Or is it just me imagining it?

"Flower Petal Cleanser"

Where is it real?

What is the reason why a person dares to love someone other than himself?

Or is it because the word "love" makes no sense?

I don't know this either.

Just read and found someone sharing it.

I wonder if I'll like the sincerity of it?

Or because we are together and feel comfortable being ourselves as much as we want.

Thinking about it, since we've known each other it's always been consistent, so why have we just started falling in love?

Until I find a reason to support it and find a word to define it.

I realized that I couldn't cut it off anymore.

I don't know since when.

When I'm with him, he's my only closest friend.

Uncomfortable, like the lungs were being squeezed by something very forcefully. Very unkindly to me

Every time I coughed, flower petals came out from my mouth and nose.

One IT person has to avoid it at least once.

Sometimes I can't stop and have to skip class. Who would dare to spray flowers among a whole group of friends?

'Every time you love, flowers grow in your lungs'

I don't want to blame it at all, but I love it.

Oh, love that doesn't mean dear friend.

And the more I loved it, the more it hurt.

This is just the first phase and it still hurts this much.

Just a little more and I'd definitely be squirming in front of it.

'...When will it stop?'

'Do you think that if people love, they can stop loving immediately?'

Hearing that, I could only smile.

How can I get rid of it when it makes me love it more every day?

Every flower petal that leaves my body is my feeling.

Come out on one side without stopping.

Can't blame anyone. Even if I want to blame it, it'll be bad.

'Well, there is a cure...'

'What must I do?'

'Surgery' The doctor's voice was so calm it gave me goosebumps. 'Before it spreads further'

'How much more?'

'It may spread to the heart and cause death'

Can people die because of these crazy flowers?

Really funny.

'What will happen if I have surgery?'

'Continue to live... In exchange for not being able to love the person who caused this disease anymore'

'It's up to you to choose'

You can love as many people as you want, but you can't love the same person again...

Really cruel.

“Have you ever liked someone and didn't tell me?”

Hearing my own voice asking like that, it was like I hadn't thought through anything. Maybe I was in such a serious state that I couldn't control my feelings anymore.

But sometimes people you trust will help you think about the person who is the cause of your overthinking. That's the same person.

“Today is strange.”

As usual, when the quieter me is the one who invites you to talk or say something longer than three syllables, he laughs in his throat. Acting like I've been possessed by a ghost But he always stopped to listen to what I had to say.

He looked at me with a frown as if my question was difficult.

"ever"

Fuck

It hurts without having to cough.

“Are you fulfilled?”

“If my wish comes true, will I live like this?”

Oh, that's true.

I pretended not to be bothered by the answer even though my heart was burning.

It just looked at my face and sighed tiredly. I turned my head away and looked out the window, which was good because I didn't know how long I could keep my expressionless face on.

“Is one-sided love really difficult?” I still pretended to ask a question that I knew the answer to.

“It's not difficult,” he answered in a gruff voice, looking like he didn't really want to answer the matter, "but it's tiring."

“So you gave up?”

“It was impossible from the beginning.”

“How do you know?”

He shrugged his shoulders with a careless expression, “I see.”

"So...have you ever told him?"

He just shook his head in response.

We still avoid looking at each other even as the conversation flows.

“So what do you do?”

"I think I'll keep watching over him."

“Is that all?”

“That's good enough.”

“That person.. do I know?”

This time, I didn't expect him to answer because if I knew the truth now. A selfish person like me might just spit flowers right in his face.

Which thankfully didn't really answer.

Suddenly it was quiet.

It's quiet.

I'm quiet

It was then that he turned his head and looked at me, his eyes hard to read and I looked at him in confusion. Today's issue is so heavy that it makes people cheerful all the time like it's stressful?

“It's really tiring. I know it hurts but I can't do anything.”

“And if you can do it?”

"Where can I do it? Why are you suddenly asking-"

“If you choose to love him but you have to disappear yourself or continue to be together but you can't love him anymore. What will you choose?” I quickly interrupted because I knew he was starting to doubt me, but I didn't let him know why.

My selfishness is frightening.

Actually, I just want to hear the answer.

..that's all I want to hear.

“What are you?”

It was like being called back to face the reality in front of us.

Are there people who have known each other for ten years that don't know that what I'm doing is abnormal? It knows about me just as well as I do. That's what I know about it.

I know everything about you except what I heard just now.

Even though I often disappeared in the past year. It's because of this.

“Just what I read.” How do I find a way to end this conversation? “Answer my question first.”

“Where can you choose something like this?”

You can choose because I don't know what to choose here.

"I don't want to know anymore."

“Are you hiding something from me?” His voice became serious and frightening. Dark eyes stared deep into mine for a long time, as if waiting for me to answer.

But I can't tell you anything.

In my case it was difficult. It's hard since I knew I loved it.

It's difficult in that it's impossible.

"I'm going back."

My chest began to hurt until it spread everywhere. I wasn't sure if it was because of the symptoms of the disease or because of my feelings. It was so uncomfortable that I didn't even know what kind of face I was making when I demanded an answer from it just now. All I know is that now I have to hurry and get far away from it.

But it held my arm.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm worried about you."

"If it's something serious, tell me and I'll take you to the doctor."

“Go back and take some medicine, you're hot again.”

It was like the flowers in his lungs were about to burst out.

It was the first time that it hurt so much that I wanted to cry.

And it was the first time that I had to arrange flowers in a notebook all night until I couldn't sleep.

How much can this one-sided love hurt?

I used to wonder until I saw it myself.

It hurts so bad.

both

Mental

both

Physical

Right away too.

Huh, so special that I feel sorry for myself.

If you're really worried about me, don't smile like that, will you? You stupid friend.

I'm tired of coughing until I can't breathe like this.

...hurt again

Every flower petal that leaves my body is my feeling.

And because it was a good feeling, I kept it all.

In exchange for the pain in my chest

and discomfort to the point of being unable to breathe

If this disease is caused by one-sided love, what if the person we secretly love loves us too?

'I've heard about ways to heal without surgery, but I've never seen a real case.'

'Love is not just words. Or just a name for status, but it must be love that the patient believes is real love. Not pity'

After hearing that, I chose not to say anything.

It would be better

Every flower petal that leaves my body is my feeling.

It increased from coughing to vomiting.

Retract until your stomach hurts. Breathe to the top of your lungs My chest hurts.

Flower petals scattered all over the floor

Only a few drops of blood came from it. It became a wide and frightening puddle.

The stains in the notebook are probably more than before this time.

'How much time do I have?'

'Can't tell, it depends on how much you love him.'

Huh, then there's very little time left.

'Have you made a decision yet?'

The doctor asked a strange question.

If I were to cut it open, I probably wouldn't wait until the condition was this severe.

It's been a long time since I've dressed so politely from head to toe.

But when I had to dress up in full costume, it turned out to be a funeral for my close friend.

He didn't say anything, leaving only a notebook with flowers on every page, almost unable to close completely.

And the dry stains that lie to each other about what kind of crazy liquid it is.

But not saying anything and leaving like this

He understands well.

It's been a long time since I cried this hard.

But when it was time to cry, it was because of my own guilt.

A strange disease that has a cure but causes people to die.

instead of him

Because the conditions of living are as painful as they are. With the choice to disappear

I just intended to keep watching in the same place here and there, but why did everything fall apart?

'How many people can you love? But I won't be able to love the same person again.'

Everything ended from the beginning.

Because even if we knew from the beginning, it wouldn't help at all.

This is what I used to say.

I know it hurts a lot. But I couldn't do anything.

Even if I love you back, I still can't do it.

The surgical wound on his left chest was painful.

After not feeling it for many years

I told you already...

I understand that very well.

{ Hanahaki Disease }

Disease caused by one-sided love

The more I love you Flowers grow in the lungs. It starts with coughing up flowers.

before turning into vomiting It won't take long for those flowers to spread to your heart. and finally died

Everything will end When the patient receives love in return from the person who caused the disease.

Except it must be love in which the patient must believe that he is truly loved.

Another method of treatment This can be done by surgically removing all the flowers. In exchange for not being able to love the person who caused the disease again.

But I don't know exactly why. Most patients choose to die.

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