“..Goodbye first.”

The farewells were said according to the script the staff had prepared.

I already know.. What will it look like?

You also know the order of the blogging and how to sort the farewells according to which family.

But still.. the feeling right now is completely different from that of practice.

The surrounding atmosphere right now was both gloomy and sad.

..all mixed with sobs

My own heart gets heavier every time I hear someone say goodbye.

..This is harder than I originally thought..

I breathed in and out slowly. To call myself to consciousness

At this time, I shouldn't let the wave of emotion take over.

I should be confident..

But pretending not to understand

Even though my heart was in pain, it was very difficult to do.

We are all deeply connected. Both with the crew..with fellow actors and with the characters

So it's time to say goodbye..

Forced to separate from the other half that is already one's self

It was heart-wrenching.

Especially when standing and looking from here..

From the stage you can see the fans' expressions. Below everyone clearly

Seeing them shed tears and cry

Sobbing in mourning When the actors gradually Walked away and disappeared behind the stage.

Hearing their calls..calling out the names of the characters at the top of their lungs.

Both moaning and half begging for the departed character to come back.

All of it..but it makes me more depressed.

We all meet each other by fate.

If we have a destiny that we have made together, we will walk together.

However.. When it comes to a certain time Life will bring us to a crossroads.

It is a new path that branches off in different directions.

..It is a new path and destination that is different for each person.

And then it was time to say goodbye to each other.

I myself can only breathe..

Even if you understand this principle of life ..I know that people will come and they will leave.

'Meet in order to leave .. part in order to meet'

It is like that ..and it will always be like that.

However, all that

I still want to hope..

I don't want to tell the story of what happened in the past two years. ..just ended today

Even though this is the final farewell party..

And when today is over The chance of them meeting again is fading.

I still want to hope..

I want to ask for any reason. Let us circle back and meet again in the future destination.

And because of forgetfulness or habit, we cannot know.

I turned around to face someone.

Even though..I've really tried to be careful with myself all along.

But I couldn't resist.

Couldn't stop my eyes from searching for him.

..worry..

Because I know him well..

You know that no matter how strong you are, that person is also sensitive.

And that's really true.

That person I'm looking for ..was standing and squeezing his own hands with a slight tremor. It was as if he himself had a hard time accepting this goodbye.

Zuo Cheng..was suppressing sobs.

'..Want to comfort you..'

I thought about it and also wanted to reach out my hand.

..but the only thing that can be done Instead, he just pursed his lips in displeasure.

Especially when looking at the clear face that now has only tears welling up. ..the more I want to wipe it.

I want to carefully erase the sadness from that face.

I think ..

But all you can do is look.

The hand that was ready to reach out was clenched so tight it was numb. before turning around

Keep your head down and accept reality.

Because of the distance between me and him

..It's too far away!

The gap between us right now..is too big and wide.

..beyond the steps to find

Then he grabbed that body and comforted him.

Amidst the rumors circulating.. both attacks and instigation of the ambiguous relationship between us

Being watched every step of the way Keeping an eye on every word. Every action..every day

And because of that The two of us can't be the same as before..

Can't even turn to smile

Or tease like other people do.

You have to distance yourself..

No matter how worried you are

But I can only do it as a colleague.

..must retreat

and leave a blank space

Can't let anyone know

That truly.. we are more than that.

More than..co-workers

..More than brothers

Where does it start from..?

I used to question myself.

I don't like men..

no

At least I never had this feeling before until I met him.

The first time we met

Zuo Cheng.. was the only person who gave off a harmless feeling.

He is a person who expresses himself honestly..not complicated, doesn't lie.

He is sincere with everyone and gentle with everything in this world.

And this is what made me break down my own walls.

In a world where there is only competition In a society where there is only pilferage Under the logic and mindset of big fish eating small fish. that is full of competition and exploitation ..The principle that everything moves only for profit.

In that dark gray world..where you can't trust anyone.

But Zuo Cheng.. was the only person who could make you feel safe.

You can trust him.

This person will never hurt you.. There will never be deception and there will never be betrayal.

He doesn't know how to take advantage. Never thought about profit

..never boasted And never looked down on anyone.

like a little child So innocent and pure

..It's a white cloth without any decorations.

He has a different view of the world than most people.

..It's a bright and beautiful perspective.

It is positive energy that when you are with it, you will be happy.

So..I always laugh a lot when I'm with him.

I don't need to be careful. Don't be afraid or worry about anything.

..Be able to be yourself and relax completely.

Maybe this is fate..

I used to think so

It must really be fate that allows people who have been through thick and cold. and seems to have lost faith in people like me

..met with him

'My little light'

..We started to get closer with the roles of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.

Zuo Cheng was very focused on his performance. But even then, he had problems with difficult Chinese characters. So he often comes to me for help.

Luckily I can speak English. Because he himself seems more skilled and understanding than when I explain in English.

We often help each other continue the chapter.

Sometimes in the pile..sometimes outside the pile

At that time we were not very well known. So we made appointments to meet often.

We can talk about almost everything.

And you'll never believe it. The law of attraction..that people will attract people of the same type to them. Until you meet that person!

And when you find that both you and him have many things The same as if they were taken from the same mold.

And yes.. Zuo Cheng and I It's like that.

We have likes..and tastes that are shockingly similar. ..It's like I'm looking at myself in the mirror.

We are alike from the way we dress. Music genres listened to, favorite books, favorite dishes including even pets

Me and him.. we like cats too. ..I want to raise a Shiba too.

We often like to exchange photos of our pet cats with each other. ..take turns asking questions As well as telling about their funny behavior.

We care about each other's children. ..until it felt like it had become both of our children.

This intimacy Day by day it's getting more and more doubled.

The more connected you are..the harder it is to distance yourself.

We used to have arguments sometimes. with nonsense And I have to admit..that I never thought I'd be so annoyed with myself.

..with a male colleague!

But I was just nervous because he made a sullen face as if he was angry at me.

I was confused and worried to the point of asking for advice from others.

And that is the origin of Group Gege Ai Ni.

The special group at the front..was set up to appeal to Uncle Cheng.

But behind the scenes Hidden important messages..that only I know.

Ge ge ai ni..

These four words..are all my feelings.

Sent out with all the courage I had

With limitations from both of our statuses And from a very fragile standpoint In the midst of a society where people still have narrow attitudes and are unwilling to open up to same-sex love.

..This is the most honest confession I can make.

I know..

I knew what I was doing was no different than stealing. Because I secretly took advantage of my 'older brother' status..and used

play safe

instead of

take a risk..

'True words' that were introduced It's like a shield.

I use it to prevent any negative consequences. All things between us ..It's just my own one-sided thinking.

I just thought that we might not get along well.

Or he will feel uncomfortable around me. ..I could hardly stand it.

I can't accept it.. Taking risks by putting our relationship on the line. I think it's not worth it in the slightest. Because of the bad results that might come back ..It may turn out that everything we built together will fall apart, leaving no good pieces left.

If it's like that..

I won't fight, I'll stay by your side. Isn't it better in whatever capacity?

At least..I didn't lose him.

And because of that..I chose to invite my close younger brother, Yi Bo, into the group as well.

So that it wouldn't make him feel awkward or reluctant to join.

At that time, I didn't even know if he understood the 'message' I was trying to convey. Because even though he will be upset But he leaves the group..

And after that.. I began to see changes.

I saw confusion..in his eyes.

I see absent-mindedness and contemplation

He was often lost in his own thoughts. And there are times..that he seems to ask something.

He once asked me what I thought of love between two people of the same gender.

Under the framework of society that labels it as something that is against customs and is not legal. Two people will still love And can you support love forever?

At that time, I looked into his eyes.. And I'm pretty sure I saw some 'implications' reflected back.

It is true that where we are, this may not be acceptable.

..but the fact that most people don't agree It doesn't mean that This is wrong.

Feeling love is just a feeling that occurs between two people.

It happens spontaneously without being forced. ..We can't control it.

and gender is not a factor

that makes the word 'love' more or less

His 'identity' is different.

that makes us fall into that abyss from which we cannot escape

When you love..various limitations It became nonsense.

We will care..just that Will we be able to be with him..forever?

And this time..

This time..I have chosen to

take a risk

I looked deep into Uncle Cheng's eyes..

He dug in deeper as if wanting to confirm the meaning..

Between us..the word love doesn't have to be mentioned.

Between us..just looking into each other's eyes now we understand each other deeply.

I grabbed his hand and lifted it up.. Tighten it until it's tight.

“..It will never be smooth.”

He said worriedly.. But even so He didn't even bother to brush or push my hand away.

On the contrary.. Acheng squeezed my hand in response.

“There's no easy way.”

I confess and answer honestly..

“..but no matter what happens ahead I will never let go of this pair of hands.”

I made a promise to him.. And made a vow to myself

feelings between us ..It's not a superficial matter.

It may not be love at first sight.. but it starts with comfort.

I have never felt as comfortable with anyone..as with him.

And this thing..it gradually Formed into a bond from an unknown time.

I'm going to say this. It's like knitting a big sweater.

Just two knitting sticks. With just one roll of silk..you can weave. Arrange them together until they form a shape.

Silk fibers that are intertwined intertwined again and again

Doing..over and over The more it makes the silk stronger, the stronger it will be. The more difficult it is to break.

Our feelings are the same..

Before realizing it was love

Before realizing that they were connected

Take it when he has become a part of my life.

We talk every day..call each other every night.

Even though we had been working together all day. But when I got home, there was always something to think about.

No matter what you do, whatever you see, you will only think of him. ..I only think about him.

And because of that When I have a plan, where will I go? I have to invite him too.

He too ..When and where do you go to eat? will invite me out as well

..The two of us always go together.

I'm used to having him beside me.

To the point of imagining a time when we couldn't be apart

I never thought before..what influence he would have on me this much.

His laugh..it was like magic.

You know, it made my world brighter in the blink of an eye.

He can change the color of the already bright sky. Make it brighter by many shades..just by smiling.

opposite..

If he is sad or has tears The sky suddenly turned gloomy as well.

Like that time..

I remembered the time when Uncle Cheng was so immersed in Jiang Cheng's role that I cried.

At that time..my heart ached. and feel delayed as well

I tried to please my younger brother.. both by comforting him, giving him a fan, helping him keep me. Do everything to make him feel better.

But all that His gloomy face, soaked with tears, is still stuck in my heart.

I don't want him to be sad..I don't want him to have tears.

I was determined. And quite believe that you can do it.

I believe I can protect him.

Believe that.. you can make this face smile forever.

Ever thought you could do it?

But the incident happened on my birthday. It reiterates that I was wrong.

On that day..

Our pictures were dug up. and personal information has been disclosed

There are many rumors spreading on Weibo and forums. There are also egg coloring containers. Add to the story Instigate..make false stories into reality Until many people misunderstand us

Both Uncle Cheng and I were heavily attacked. Both from anti-people and almost every media channel.

And even though everything is now being handled with legal measures. ..but there are still everyone's watchful eyes watching all the time.

From that day, I knew that our story could never be a secret anymore.

We can't escape Or you can keep it hidden..

And it would get worse if the two of us still held on to being together.

“I think..we should be apart..for a while.”

That was the first time I made him cry..

“For a while, hyung.. how long is this?”

It seemed that Uncle Cheng didn't want to accept this change very much.

"I can't tell you.."

I couldn't answer him completely. Considering both of our schedules, The chance of us meeting again is almost impossible.

“Why does it have to become like this?”

He complained without understanding.

It all happened Too fast for him to be able to handle it in time.

Both our goodbyes this time ..it's not just about leaving space or moving away.

But it's that we all have to act..as if we've never been close to each other before.

Ah Cheng looked at me for a long time, as if he wanted to object. But he didn't utter anything.

“..And in Nanjing?”

His voice trembled slightly. While there was a glint of hope hidden in the eyes of the person speaking.

“In Nanjing..we probably won't be able to spend time together.”

I answered, avoiding meeting those eyes.

I don't want to ruin his hopes..

But I don't want him to feel bad later.

“At the party after the concert..you won't be there?”

he asked, his voice laced with disappointment.

“I probably won't be here for both days. ..There is a queue to continue filming a movie.”

“..Can't you postpone it? Aren't you the one who organized the work schedule yourself? Please move it up a bit."

Ah Cheng grumbled, his face hanging down in dissatisfaction.

“Ah Cheng, don't be stubborn. We know that even though you're at work too. But we can't be close to each other.”

..because there were people looking for a moment to take pictures of us.

Uncle Cheng raised his eyes and looked at me. His round eyes were overflowing with clear water droplets.

"..but we will never meet again."

That sentence of his.. made me shudder as well.

I replied to him in silence..

Because I don't know what will happen after this.

Our distance..a time when we couldn't fill each other like before.. Will it cause cracks?

I can't predict anything.

This silk shirt...if the silk isn't knotted tight enough, Until one of the silk strands frayed apart. All the threads that are wrapped together will probably loosen from.. It probably caused a tear. As the day goes on it will become more and more broken. Expanded until the cracks were clearly visible.

..Will it be like that?

Until today..on the last day of this concert in Nanjing, I still have doubts.

“..Goodbye first.”

While being lost in my own thoughts Nie Wai Sang's character's farewell voice sounded.

My heart almost dropped..

I know in my heart..that next to this family, what family will it be?

..and who is it?

My heart is all over the place..

'This might be the last time..that we will meet.'

My hands clenched together tightly as I repeated the word 'final' in my mind.

It felt like the lump was about to overflow. And I'll probably burst out into tears If you don't suppress it

“Yun Mengjiang, Yu Huyin, I would like to say goodbye.”

The Jiang family actress's voice sounded...and I could only let out a heavy breath.

I swallowed the bitterness that was stuck in my chest. Suppress it and not let it show on your face or eyes.

My eyes looked straight ahead with determination.

Remind yourself That this is saying goodbye to the character.

It was Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.

Not Xiao Zhan.. and Zuo Cheng!

However, in my head I had doubts.

Is that true?

The sobs rose again. with a longing that is increasing over and over When I remembered the last time I heard Ah Cheng's voice over the phone,

When?

Between us there were only messages that were left on the other person's device.

There was no phone call.

There was no chatting as usual.

“Yun Mengjiang, Jiang Cheng.. goodbye for now.”

That sentence..was like taking my breath away.

I gripped my hand tightly.

The image of the two of us as Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying was like being torn apart.

And my tears flowed irrepressibly

//at the back//

..because he was the last person standing on the stage. So I was the last person to return.

My feet walk..but my heart wanders.

There is still mourning.

Still..feeling stuck.

I returned the mic and took off the transceiver and gave it back to the staff. before walking out of there ..I didn't expect to meet anyone.

Because he knows that right now everyone is rushing to change clothes to prepare to attend the party that the team has prepared later. Meanwhile, I also had to rush to get in the car to continue working.

All that..

Straight before the exit I saw someone standing.

We both looked into each other's eyes..

My heart was suddenly heavy. It's like being released.

“Ah Cheng..”

I called his name ..It feels as if it's been too long. Until I can say this name again

“Are you leaving?”

he asked, using the same tone as before. With the same expression

It was as if the things I was worrying about.. were just things I thought about.

"yeah"

I answered him briefly.

Try to take advantage of this time to look at his face for as long as you can.

“Why do you have to work so hard?”

he asked, his eyes filled with confusion.

"The sickness hasn't gone away yet, right? .. Your body won't be able to take it anymore."

A worried tone It almost made me cry.

..my Uncle Cheng No matter what, it's still the same. ..never changed at all

"..I miss you."

I blurted out in lieu of any other answer.

..There are no more worries left besides the fear of losing him.

Ah Cheng.. his eyes widened.

He looked at me like I had just said something strange.

"I'm thinking about you."

I repeat it again..clearly before moving closer so he could hear clearly

“..I miss you very much.”

“Zhan Ge!”

He shouted in a high pitched voice. before looking left and right with frantic suspicion

“What are you talking about here? Soon someone will hear!”

A solemn demeanor despite His ears were almost red.. which made me step closer to him.

“We haven't talked at all..”

I confessed the things that worried me.

"I think.."

I took a break ..swallowing the negative thoughts that 'Maybe..we have to break up'

“What do you think?”

The innocent face asked again. while giving me such innocent eyes that I could hardly restrain myself.

..want to hug..

I held my breath.. I forced myself not to reach out and hug the person in front of me.

Even though in reality I wanted to press him down against my chest. ..will hug you tightly

..To be worthy of what I miss.

"I haven't called at all lately because I thought you might be busy."

Ah Cheng seemed to be able to guess my worries.. So he said

“I want you to get lots of rest. So I don't want to bother you.”

He said while blinking his eyes. ..It left me speechless.

'What's bothering you? You're a good battery charger. It's yours!'

I would like to argue like that. But the thing that he said was to come back first.

"But even though we didn't call and talk.. I left a message to you."

A shy smile graced the cheeks of the speaker. Before he frowned when I returned his confused expression.

“What? Don't tell me I didn't go look.

tik tok

It's mine!”

He complained in an angry tone. Cheeks puffed out in displeasure. before subsiding in the next time

“..but I understand. I'm really busy with work."

He mused with regret.

"It's okay..then I can tell you right here."

And before I could ask for any details A deep, pleasing voice hummed the melody of the song.

“Do you hear me, I’ m talking to you”

I opened my eyes and looked at him suddenly. came out singing

“Across the water ..across the deep blue ocean,. under the open sky”

Just the first part came up..I already knew what song it was.

“..Oh my, baby I’ m trying”

It's a love song..

It's a long-distance love between two people. They all live on opposite sides of the sea.

“Boy I hear you in my dreams .. I feel your whisper across the sea”

The song is sung Tells the story of two 'close friends'

..that we fell in love with each other

“I keep you with me in my heart ..”

Their love was nurtured by friendship.

“You make it easier when life gets hard “

Passed both the distance and the time it took to simmer until thick. ..until finally ripe

“I’ m lucky I’ m in love with my best friend “

Problems and obstacles that come your way are like tests.

It makes them feel 'closer' and feel 'valued'.

“Lucky to have been where I have been”

Makes you feel how 'lucky' you are..to have each other.

To love and receive love

And now..

They were about to meet again.

We'll be back in each other's arms.

Returning to a place that was like their 'home' again.

“Lucky to be coming home again”

Just that sentence.. I couldn't hold myself back any longer.

I grabbed Uncle Cheng and embraced him..

before hugging him with longing and pressed a kiss to his right temple with overwhelming consideration.

"For me ..you..are my other 'home'."

The person in his arms begged. He buried his face in my chest, almost drowning. before muttering something That was enough for just the two of us to hear.

“Now may not be the time to go home. But I will definitely go back one day.”

I can't answer anything but tighten this embrace even more.

..My feelings right now are so full that they're almost overflowing.

“Me too.”

I answered him back..

It's not just a 'promise'.

..but it is confidence

The belief that.. must go back no matter what.

.. go back and find

“I myself am looking forward to the day we can meet again.”

Until that day.. The day we will meet again

I will remember this day And this night in Nanjing is unforgettable..

-Xiao Zhan –

(End #

Nanjing)

**Note: All of this is fiction. It's a made up story. Please use your discretion when reading**