Not mistake

But hurt

Paring : YamaYuto

Author by Touchan

Let's talk for a bit first ^^

1. This fic is not a fic that I wrote. and the author has already posted it on the board

YamaJima 

which we asked to be put into Dekdee again as well (And I received it and immediately made a poster for it, haha) I feel like I want many people to read it. Especially if anyone has read Yamada and Yuto's various interviews, I'd recommend it. Because this fic is very suitable for (pursuing) us.

2. The author told me that he is a newbie to drama. ^^ Comments and suggestions are welcome. (But I read it and got into it.)

THANKS :) Shalunla for THEME

It's not a mistake.

But it hurts....

Bang!

"Yama-chan, I'm hurt!"

The sound of the door closing almost simultaneously accompanied the sound of protest. Six pairs of eyes looked at him with concern. Six pairs of worried eyes watched. Pray that the events behind that door will be resolved well.

The owner of one pair of eyes was not interested in the people inside other than trying to free himself from being held by his bandmates, radiating an angry light. Only when he saw that there was nothing he could do, he relaxed his grunting and had the person holding him behind him release his hand with a low, non-serious grumble. “This little one was struggling like crazy.”

“If Yuya really wants to catch me, next time he can jump on me. That arm strength will catch someone. Please use your body weight to help,” he immediately retorted, nearly jumping into a boxing match to pass the time with another pair of short-mouthed bastards. It was so hot that people around him had to come in and separate the fierce noises.

“Enough, is this the time? Yuya, don't go chasing after that guy. And Chinen, didn't we talk about giving Ryosuke a chance? Stop being so possessive like a crazy dog.”

Got scolded by a little person who seemed to be playful but was serious and there was silence on both sides. However, Yuri's eyes did not relieve his irritation one bit. The little figure said slowly. Emphasizing every word he said, he meant it. "I'm not interested in the chance Ryosuke asked for..."

Even if that doctor suffers almost to death for the rest of his life. Yuri didn't think he would be in any trouble.

..Yuri..I... ..If I talk to Yama-chan.. will it get better...

But that sentence Of those who were hurt and tried their hardest to escape but couldn't escape. That said to him with the face of a lost child. He was forced to give in despite his full protest.

And even though today Yuuto didn't seem ready to talk, Ryosuke rushed towards him and dragged him out among everyone who just stood and watched. Yuri, unable to give in, could only struggle within Yuya's arms, which held him with all his might.

Seeing the expression of his friend falling out of the junior group, Daiki could only sigh. Going to turn to Yabu for help, he was standing still staring at the door with an expression that looked like he was about to cry. With his best friend like Hikaru, he's not far behind. In the end, you yourself must be the one to speak up. ..with a voice that tried to make it as comfortable as possible..more than it felt... “

We all know and no one wants it to happen. If Yuto hadn't hesitated to flee like he had in the past, I wouldn't have asked him to let Ryosuke down just this time. And the only thing we can do is accept the results. Standing like this is pointless. It's better to wait outside and face the manager who might come when you don't know.”

The tone was as comfortable as it felt, and Inoo, Keito, and Takagi moved accordingly. Yabu nodded with a forced smile. He allowed Hikaru to support himself and walk out. Only Yuri was left standing in the same place, not going anywhere. And this time Daiki didn't force the other party to drag him again.

The little man stared at the closed door as if to see through the people inside. Before that, his slender legs walked slowly until they stopped at a distance only from the gate. A large hand lifted up and rested on him. It took a great deal of restraint not to force the door open.

Because I can answer for myself what hurts more.

The agony of not being able to see Uty smile. Much more than not having the Utility as your own.

The force of the person's strong momentum caused the figure, although much taller but still unchanged in its thinness, to slam into the wall, causing pain all over his shoulder. That Yuto forgot about in the split second he opened his eyes and found himself trapped between the strong arms and thick chest of the person who had threatened him all along, and had to hide his head, but no matter what, he couldn't escape.

The deer's eyes widened in shock. The thin, pale mouth spoke in a trembling voice that could hardly be heard if you weren't close enough to share each other's breath like Ryosuke was right now. “....Ya...ma....chan....why...?”

“Stop running away, Yuuto. I have endured enough.”

Why, he wanted to shout back at who to tolerate. I want to tell you how wrong it is to run away from someone who hurts you. The fact that he would cut off his heart in order to preserve the rest of his body. Why can't it be done?

Why did you speak? With a firm, confident voice Why do you have to make him feel like he's unreasonable?

It's like a standing area. slowly decaying Along with the patience of people who have always forced themselves. Tears never last long. It fell, drop after drop, as if to expose the weakness of its owner who was too exhausted to stop him. His fragile body curled up in the arms of the cruel person who had hurt his heart so badly.

..So.. A small voice from one part of my heart protested that it wasn't.

He was not the one who was harmed....unilaterally.

The person in front of me was equally in pain.

We threw our hearts at each other until they broke.

And since then We both moved on. Embrace a broken heart Let it fester without healing.

Until today, now that Ryosuke walked in Using a large, strong, warm hand, I held his wrist tightly. In short, we had something to talk about. and dragged him in here A small practice room that hardly anyone uses because it's in the deepest part of the building.

I couldn't help but feel hurt when I felt that aside from Yuri, everyone seemed to have feelings for this white person. Even though he could feel Yabu-kun's worried eyes, But no one stepped in to intervene, except Yuri.

His heart fluttered to think of the people who had always seen him in such a troubled state and cared for him more than anyone else. The little person used his small body to protect him to the best of his ability.

Yuri who said he can accept Yuto's broken heart However, Yuuto couldn't do it.

If a piece of his heart hurts Yuri too Yuuto didn't think he could stand it.

“I beg you, Yuuto.” He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't feel the sweet threat of a thick figure leaning closer. Because of the different heights when leaning down Ryosuke's face rested on his broad shoulders. His hot breath scalded sensitive skin. The aroma from his muscular body made his mind spin.

But the words from the mouth are full of red. It is the thing that affects Yuto the most.

"Let me take responsibility for my love..."

How many years has it been since we loved each other?

Even until now, I can honestly say that I still love you.

Because if you don't love I probably wouldn't have run at my full speed like this.

He came in to audition. It was so bright that I looked at it. Even so, Yama-chan was so bright. Instead, he didn't have confidence in himself at all. Plus they look at me as a senior. Even though I'm good at not being afraid of people, that's all.

We are closer And then we loved each other, then...

We broke up...can...can we call it a break up? We quarrel violently And it hurts both sides. In the end, we avoid getting close to each other. for fear of being hurt

At that time, he had a solo career. which I think is good Even though it hurts to the point of death and the feeling of being left behind. But at least that work would pull him away.

Give me time to set up and prepare. To distance myself somewhat

Who says I'm a coward? I didn't even think that I wouldn't be that brave.

I used to think that I had to cut it. must make it clear must be done

But cutting your own heart It hurts just thinking about it. My eyes were so hot that I didn't know how much I was crying.

And the words of Yabu-kun who hugged me and said “If Yuuto wants to escape, I will help him. Even if the atmosphere in the group is not good. Everyone will help.”

“If escaping makes Yuto suffer less, To make it difficult for everyone I also wanted Yuto to escape instead of carrying everything alone. Because in the end, if Yuto is not happy We are not happy either.”

So I thought I'd run away.

Playing drums like crazy, having fun, chatting with friends until we formed our own band. Both were so tired that there was no energy left to think distractedly. Every day I talk with Keto. With Hikaru-kun about music I think it will pass. Even though the atmosphere in the group is awkward because we still don't talk to each other. But it will gradually get used to it and get better.

Back then, I thought we would have our own best friends. Instead of being close friends with each other

This thought makes me lonely. But isn't it probably best for us who are still hurting?

Until Keito has a girlfriend and Hikaru-kun has a solo career. The loneliness I once knew came rushing in again.

It's so strange when I'm with Yama-chan. I've never been afraid of being alone.

But I wasn't lonely for long. Because of Yuri who walked up to me and said “Youtie isn't practicing the drums today, right? Let's go back together."

Yuri is the kindest person in the universe. If you don't count Yabu-kun,

Even though he was a quick-talker, Yuri truly meant every word he said. A small person with a lot of energy And he uses all of his power to protect what is important to him.

That important thing includes me.

"No matter what Utie chooses, I always side with United."

"If I keep running away..."

I asked, and Yuri smiled.

"I'm going to run away with Utie too."

And that's what I did.

Always running away, not speaking to me, no matter how many times you tried to approach me. Saying sorry I...always avoid.

Little by little, the armor was built up one by one.

Playing the drums, riding horses, being a model, playing roles that kids in the camp rarely play.

Everything to be strong enough To be able to live on my own

It seems to be going well. My heart is used to looking around and not seeing the shadow of someone asking how things are. Is it tired?

Little by little...it seemed like it was all unraveling.

Until Yuri asked: Can I date him?

I'm shocked

Not shocked by the request But I was shocked that my heart screamed that I had to escape.

I have become a person who is afraid to love anyone. Wounds that were once transformed into thorns Don't let anyone get close to you without causing injury.

Before I hurt Yuri, I need to escape.

I don't want any more wounds. And I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me.

I tried to consult Yabu-kun. Find a way to escape But before doing as intended Yama-chan pulled me.

Bring it here, right here.

Said he wanted to take responsibility.

It's not an apology. Because I've done it countless times.

I'm not sorry for hurting him, but I'm sorry that I loved him too much to the point of being hurt.

It's not the word love. Because we both still have those words from the other person in our hearts.

But then we ran away Carrying each other's love and hearts that were scarred by the hands of the other.

I've endured long enough.

Can't bear to see him escape. bear the pain Can't bear to see him in pain.

Until I couldn't stand it.

My love, I don't want it back. If he were to throw it away, I would have no objection.

But the pain that happened Please let me take responsibility for it.

If the wound subsides and heals, he will be able to love again.

He was a cheerful person, loved by everyone, and many people fell in love and wanted to love him. Of course I am one of them. And more than that, I was lucky enough to receive his love.

But now he's hurt. It hurts so much that I don't dare love again.

I know Yuri loves him. I know those eyes better than anyone.

I don't know what Yuuto thinks about Yuri. But one thing I'm sure of is He will never move on. No...when he was like this

He was afraid his wounds would hurt others. To think of being alone without opening up to anyone

Even though he is a lonelier person than anyone I know.

I only ask for this, for me to take responsibility for my love. So that he can love again.

It's Yuto-kun, who I've always loved with all my heart.

Outside that has become a gathering place for people who care. both worried about the people in the room and worried about the people who were constantly concerned about each other The tall Hikaru sat down next to the thin man who sat with his head bowed with a worried expression on his face. An expression filled with worry and uncertainty

He doesn't like it at all. Yabu's expression like that

Yabu is confused. He feels guilty for telling Yuuto that it would be okay if he ran away. Causing everything to escalate and continue until today.

Yuto's shell Everyone can feel it.

Growing that fast It's impossible not to feel pain. If that child keeps it

give chronic wounds Growing and eating from the inside

Now, aside from hoping to bring Yuto out of the shell he created with Ryosuke, The group's leader, Yabu, could only repeat his apologies to the juniors he liked as real little brothers over and over in his heart. ...I'm sorry..I'm sorry..Yuto...

...let me take responsibility My love...

What does it mean? What are you responsible for? That he's like this It's not anyone's fault, why?

"..Why, Yama-chan..has to be responsible...and..what is it that says responsible...?" His eyes were moist and there were still tears flowing. He didn't understand. His expression was sad, like he was about to cry. see Why does Yama-chan make that face?

“The fact that I love Yuto It makes me the happiest. Until now, it's still like that.” His deep voice spoke slowly and clearly, as if to make a strong impression in the hearts of the listeners. Don't make mistakes even in half a word.

“The love Yuuto gave me. I still keep it because of it, I was able to walk until here.” Both respect and love He has everything for the people in front of him. “But I don't know. that my love How does this make Yuto feel?” The young man took a deep breath to push back the sobs in his voice before speaking the last sentence.

“I will do anything with my love. To make Yuto happy Let Yuto be able to love again.”

“Heisejump everyone. Please, please."

“Please, please!” The greetings between the nine youths echoed throughout the hall used for the filming of the new music video.

Keep your worries in your chest. Right now, my biggest worry was the task at hand. It must have been the same thoughts of all the young men there.

"Wow, it's really an orchestra. It's spectacular." From upstairs, looking down at the orchestra that was rehearsing. Various musical instruments work together to create beautiful and powerful melodies. That makes the blood in the body run faster because of excitement.

“If you don't give it your all, you'll definitely be laughed at. We can't let the team that worked so hard to work with us be disappointed." Big Brother's voice reiterated and everyone firmly accepted their words.

A light figure stands and inspects his neatness before entering the scene. But then I was interrupted by the staff's call.

"Eh... wait. Is it good?... I.."

Some faces are awake. Shocked by the request received

"Take off shots of friends only. You said you wanted to try it, right? I think with her abilities right now there won't be a problem. The director himself gave permission." The chief cameraman's affectionate smile appeared at the corner of his mouth when he saw the expression of the crew's favorite young man. "I don't have to do it all. But when I'm with friends

It's more fun to take pictures by yourself, right? The camera is over there, please give it to me."

His hands were tied and he had to take it. Yuuto smiled teasingly at the cameraman who was going to pair him up.

..Take an off-shot? It's so difficult..

Since turning my attention to photography Taking photos of my friends in person is something he has always wanted to do.

But taking photos of everyone right now is something he's having a hard time with.

“I will do anything with my love. To make Yuto happy Let Yuto be able to love again.”

It will make the person who makes him suffer happy. No matter how many times I listen to that sentence, it's so true that I want to cry. Not just Ryosuke Yuto himself couldn't do it.

Even though I love you more than anyone else. Even though I want to have only smiles

But the closer we get, The more they hurt each other.

When we're far away, we long for it. When we're close, we can't breathe. When will this condition disappear?

"....How....?" he asked in a sobbing voice. Ryosuke pulled the wimp into a tight hug.

"Apart from love I don't know what else I can give Yuto. But if you don't know if Yuto still wants it or not. Until then....."

Bend your rounded heads so they touch each other. Long, moist eyelashes touched the clear skin of her cheeks. The owner of the sweet eyes were no different.

“...I want Yuuto. Think carefully again and answer me…”

...that this love will go back to be with the owner of my heart Or will die with it all like that...

The final sentence came with a quick, warm embrace before the white figure turned and opened the door and walked out. The person Yuuto clearly saw standing at the door was Yuri. But the one who reached him first and pulled his thin body into a tight embrace was Yabu.

..the warmth received causing consciousness that had drifted away due to misunderstanding to gradually return Along with a new wave of tears, this time Yuuto didn't try to stop them. "Huh....Huh....."

Thin arms hugged the person who was shaking all over, as if to protect him. Even though I myself was close to crying. Instead, it was Hikaru who couldn't stand it. Helping the two weary brothers up.

"Anyway, I probably won't get a job today. I'll just go home, and you two will all be sleeping in my room today." I decided to finish it off. He even pulled out his phone and called Yuuto's house to tell him it was ready. Pick up the car keys and hand them to Yabu. "I'll go get the things for you. Let's take him to the car and wait."

Transportation is necessary to move the car slowly through the traffic in the big city. His eyes flickered to the mirror that reflected the image of a thin person leaning on his thin shoulders. His small face was hidden behind a mess of short hair.

Even though he couldn't see, Hikaru could imagine what Yuuto's face would look like after crying that much. ..even though most of his concerns It's more about people who can't cry right now..

"I'm very tired. Today, take a shower and then go to bed. There's only radio recording tomorrow, right?" A thin but warm hand gently stroked my hair.

"...What are you responsible for?..I don't understand..." The words kept repeating in my head without any clarity. Since getting into the car, Yuuto has said this word over and over, to which Yabu is at a loss for an answer.

"...Yama-chan is not wrong..there is nothing wrong......" The matter between us It didn't happen because of a mistake. Even when we argue It's no one's fault.

Even though it's not wrong But why does it hurt...

Where is the wrong thing? Yuuto doesn't know.

I want it but it hurts.

If you say you don't want it, it will hurt even more.

So what should I do?

Instead, it was the owner of the car who sacrificed himself as the driver by handing a piece of paper behind for Yuuto to receive. "Yamada gave it to me. Said that if you can do it, it will be answered."

On a sheet of paper torn from a notebook no bigger than the palm of your hand. The letters are arranged in short sentences written on it.

'Where is Yuto's painful memory?'

only

From that day, everything seemed to return to normal. Everyone acts like it never happened. No one went in to touch it. Just a look of concern that was sent Even Yuri came to play with him like usual. Yuuto was grateful that he didn't have to make him more embarrassed about what had happened.

It was the only thing he had to do besides his job. is to find the answers to the homework that has been given

painful memories Bad things that happened between us

Now he was in pain. Things between us are getting bad, aren't they? Why do you ask like that...?

Don't say just find the answer. Even the question was pondered and not understood.

Thinking about it like that every day. Until when it came to filming a new promotional video. A body that doesn't get enough rest It came to be used non-stop by its owner from morning until evening and eventually became exhausted. A skinny figure who normally had a lot of energy collapsed into a doze, joining in with his previously exhausted bandmates. Under the skeptical eyes of every staff member

..or we give too much work.. It was the manager's voice of remorse after seeing the plight of the children in his care.

The sound of the shutter interspersed with the sound of talking without the owner of the camera being there because he had gotten up to wash his face and eyes to make himself sleepy. Amateurs like Inoo picked it up and played with ease. I don't care if there's a teasing voice saying he knows how to film or whether it's coming from Daiki.

"How can you not be? Well, this is my camera."

"Huh? Your camera still can't capture the picture in the frame."

“Hey, you don't know anything. It's all like this when it's new, Neyuto." He didn't give up, even giving a nod to the real owner who had just walked back.

Yuto smiled and accepted his claim, "Oh, hey, hey, when you take a photo, just look here. Wow, Ino-chan's camera is beautiful. Can I borrow some next time?”

"I've got it, little one! Hey, who will go on camera? I'll take a photo for you." This made everyone laugh a lot.

"So it's your camera?" Yuya asked, but the person who answered wasn't the one holding the camera.

"Isn't it from Utie?" But it was a white person who had just walked in and joined the merry crowd. His beautiful face was adorned with a smile, even though it looked like he was still sleepy. Yuya turned around and shouted at the newcomer, saying that everyone knows about this. The circle of youthful youths was lively as ever. But Yuuto's mind hadn't been on the conversation since he heard his nickname slip from the mouth of someone he'd never called him before.

Hey..Yama-chan, when will you stop calling me Yuto-kun?

Yuuto-kun didn't call me by my name either.

But Yama-chan doesn't sound as formal as Yuuto-kun. I'm not a senior.

It's more catchy than it means. Yuuto-kun was thinking too much.

So, at least Yuuto can just be okay?

...Let's just say I didn't promise. But I'll try.

That's how many times we've argued about this. Habits that are often brought up and talked about He hasn't changed. Ryosuke hasn't changed.

Yama-chan is Yama-chan. Yuto-kun is Yuuto-kun.

Is that..his painful memory..?

No, it's not.

He didn't feel the sadness. We talked and argued without anyone giving in, with a smile on our faces that never faded. Then we shook our heads at each other's stubbornness and smiled at each other again.

Not this matter So what is it about..?

..............until now in the mobile phone that came with the video camera Yuuto still didn't have an answer to that question.

'Where is Yuto's painful memory?'

During the break, after returning the camera to the staff to do their duties. A light figure brought himself outside to sit and let out his feelings. Slumped down on an empty couch.

We've sat together like this before.

That time, because I couldn't decide whether to eat ramen or oden. So it ended up being cup noodles and oden from a convenience store. Sitting and eating on the bench in front of the shop. With a warm hug that makes the cold have no meaning

Another memory that makes me smile every time I think of it.

When thinking back to each story There isn't a single memory together that makes me feel sad.

Why are we arguing?

I..don't remember a bit.

Why did I cry?

There's nothing wrong with it So why does it hurt?

Why do I think it hurts?

"Uty.."

Nicknames that come out of the mouths of people who say them until they're used to them. It sounded different from the half-embarrassed, half-nervous tone I heard every once in a while. The thing that Yuto really likes is both types.

Takagi-kun's favorite name, Yutie, says it doesn't suit him at all right now. There's always Yuri who keeps calling.

..Well, Utty is cute as always. The name Utie is cute and suitable for each other..

Yuri next to me Yuri who is always worried about him

Yuri is very important to him. Until Yuuto couldn't allow himself to hurt the other party.

..Even so Yuri still hasn't gone anywhere.

He turned back to the little man with a heart bigger than anyone else's and smiled. "What's wrong, Yuri?"

Move over and sit next to him. "Sitting blankly like this What are you thinking about?"

Yuuto was still smiling, "Thinking about me..and Yama-chan.."

The smile is still there. But it was so bitter that Yuri wanted to cry.

He raised his hand and placed it on his cheek. A gentle voice said slowly, "What do you think? Can I know?"

Tilt your face to receive the warmth. Holding onto it as if afraid it would disappear

"..Yama-chan asked. What are my painful memories? I don't understand. I thought, if it hurts this much, how can there be something that doesn't hurt?"

His eyes narrowed and he looked down at the bench. "..but just now Yama-chan calls me..Utie.. I realized that we had argued many times. Yama-chan always calls me Yuto-kun.." A sweet smile faded. But Yuri saw it clearly.

If not because I've heard it countless times before. Yuri probably couldn't maintain his expression right now. Even though I know full well the disappointment Its flavor was still as difficult to swallow as before.

"Even though we're arguing all the time. But not at all sad. It's not just a name. Just little things we argue about. But...I don't feel like it's sad or strange."

"...if you're sure it's not wrong Don't force it to be wrong." His soft voice was soothing.

With someone who says something so decisive and straightforward like Yuri Only Yuto would give this much.

even to myself Yuri was always decisive.

And because I had already decided to make Uty smile. Even if that method hurts yourself Yuri didn't hesitate to choose.

"If there's nothing wrong with your memory, The wrong part may be Uty's own feelings"

Round eyes, not suspicious, not understanding "my feelings.."

"Love but it hurts.. it's not wrong but it hurts. It's different from hurt.. but love hurts but it's not wrong.."

"Utie, which one do you want to be?"

The exchange of short words can have different effects in life, especially for couples. Which word is given more weight almost always determines how we will survive.

Will it hurt or will it be love..

"If Utie chooses to ignore the pain No matter how hard you look I can't find any memories that make me sad. But if Utie only feels sadness Happy memories only cause pain too.”

Yuri's smile was both gentle and strong.

Although if asked about painful memories Isn't it the person in front of him who is in more pain than anyone else? "....Yuri...."

"yes?"

"..Yuri...is it hurt.." seizing that kindness. Just begging without ever giving anything The most selfish person like him How many times have you hurt a kind person like Yuri?

"A lot, but it's okay."

Answering immediately in the most normal way, seeing the expression of blatant disbelief on the part of a person who doesn't know how to keep his cool, he couldn't help but raise his hand and gently rub it against the soft hair. "If it is, I don't pretend to like you. It's been a long time since I've been here." A feeling of sadness. Yuri wasn't stupid enough to keep it from harming himself.

"Every time I look at Utie I only remember fun things.”

Memories since we've known each other They were together for three years of high school. Until now, with feelings beyond friends that have been given to me without being returned. Still full of smiles and laughter

“Our brains are smarter than we think. Before you know it, there are only good memories that will be stored. As for the bad things...." The small figure shrugged.

“Maybe we remember what it felt like. But we don't remember what it was or remember but didn't feel anything and then it was there."

"Like that, I don't consider it a waste of space."

Isn't it from Utie....that name? Even the owner of the words could feel the embarrassment in his voice. Thin eyelids fall asleep Embarrassed by the familiar nickname but not familiar with the words he said.

“How do you think of calling it that?” asked the calm-eyed hedgehog-headed young man. Ryosuke opened his eyes to see the person standing over his head. Red lips curled into a bitter smile.

"..Just...do what you want before it's too late.."

Why don't you want to talk? The name of the person you would like to be called.

How much do you think it hurts? When you hear someone else do that job

I want to be the person closest to you. Be the person who makes you smile the widest.

But it can't be done.

Why am I the center?

It's better like this, both for you and for the band.

The simple, emotionless answer received. I never understood until now when I saw you.

It's really good like this. I still remember the bright, joyful sound. And my heart squeezed until it hurt when I heard that song of yours.

The man who changed himself Polish yourself until you shine brighter than anyone else. Making people who used to look away He looked back with fascinated eyes.

It's better like this.

Yes, as an idol

But not at all for us.

For me and everyone

Why did Yuuto-kun stay behind?

Because Yuto must stand out so that people can see him. Even though it's last

Words filled with hope With eyes that look at me like they're trying to dissuade me ..Don't get involved in this matter.. ..Don't obstruct this change..

Everyone saw the potential. and waiting for you to pull it out And you really did it.

But for me, your cheerful smile It's the most valuable thing I see.

Will this be good?

Well, you won't know if you don't try, right? It's really fast.

A mischievous skull that makes everyone shake their heads while also having a smile on their lips that is bold and unafraid of anyone. Bright eyes that make those who look at the gem bright as well. All of that...

I love it with all my heart.

I was drawn in until I couldn't see anything but you.

When that smile disappears My identity also disappeared.

Growing up means stepping out of your old self.

It makes us stronger. Walk farther

but....

No matter what Or what must be exchanged for it? I want to have you smiling by my side forever.

“I've endured enough. And I don't think I can endure it again.”

We face loss Everything forces us to grow.

But now that we're stronger He wouldn't let anything stop him from reclaiming what was lost.

let you escape Even though I want to hug you

expectation make you try

I'm trying to be worthy of the position I've been given. You're trying to keep up with me.

..be friends.. ..that is a competitor.. ..Love each other..

Can't give up. Even though I hate your smileless face more than anyone else, my hands can't reach it.

that is my love

my love That ruined your precious smile.

A large hand was placed on his shoulder. Ryosuke smiled at the concerned eyes of his senior friend who understood him better than anyone else.

"No one will say that you won't endure it. We know it's been long enough. We are now not just kids who can't do anything like we used to." Even though we were angry at the method But I have to admit that it really works.

And this time, the strength has grown. It will become their weapon.

His head tilted against his warm body, his eyes closed.

"Thank you Dai-chan."

I love as I should love.

This time, I will love like I want to love.

"If Yuuto still wants me."

The only thing I'm afraid of is whether it will be too late or not.

You.. have walked too far to come back and hold my hand...

We started to drift apart When we switched positions

Yuri was gone, Yuuto was left sitting alone. Still sitting and composing Confusing memories with mixed feelings

The feeling at that time It's both confusing and angry. Let's think back. He was a very bad-tempered child.

When I grew up I understood. The reason why it is like that..the reason why he You have to stand there.

It's like everyone can see through him. While he didn't understand anything.

Until now I understand but still timid Too much to step in Smile like it's nothing.

his suffering It seems like it started from there, but...

He suffers because Ryosuke is the center. Or is it suffering because when Ryosuke is the center, he doesn't talk to Ryosuka?

The thin body closed its eyes and hugged itself. The vague answer seemed to slowly take shape in my consciousness.

Now that you've got the answer, all that's left is to choose.

..will it hurt.. or will it love...

Because I tried to keep it all gone. It hurts.

If we let it slip away and disappear, we might find out.

Hands that are full of things Can't hold it tight

If you just hold it like that Important things may be lost.....

holding the camera in hand While the other side tapped lightly on the door frame, signaling the people in the room to be aware. The thick man turned around before smiling. “Do you want to take pictures, cameraman?”

A bright, beautiful smile that I can remember Today, it's still as beautiful and mesmerizing as ever.

Just him who was too afraid to look. I thought to myself that it didn't exist.

beautiful things It cannot be anything other than something beautiful. Even if he cries until his eyes are red Flowers don't turn into stones..

..still a beautiful, fragrant flower. That makes the heart feel refreshed.

Like Ryosuke's smile That has always been important to him.

The cameraman smiles. “If it's while changing clothes, it won't hold back. But like this...anywhere, please help me a little."

“What? Did you ever tell me that the design was very beautiful so I kept pressing it? Have you lost my charm?” The model laughed as he walked closer.

And when Ryosuke stood his hand out Yuuto put it down there without hesitation.

Slender eyes looked at the small face. Fatigue wrinkles are clearly visible and cannot be concealed. However, the unusually bright eyes made the young man's smile widen.

“Have you thought of it yet?”

The round head nodded slowly but confidently. “Even though it's been a bit long. But I already know.” Before the hands that were held together were pulled away by Yuuto. Place the handpiece in the position of the heart.

“No memories with Ryosuke will be painful. What hurts is the memory that doesn't exist."

Not daring to get close, even though I longed for it, in the end I was suffering alone.

The only faint memories I can remember are that it hurt. But why does it hurt? Why does it hurt? I forget it.

Just holding on to that pain Even though I have completely forgotten the cause of it. Until I thought that everything was painful.

It's too stupid.

Things to hold on to It's this smile, this person, this love.

It's not that unremembered pain.

Ryosuke smiled.

A gentle smile filled with love for Yuto alone.

Place your arms once and pull your thin waist into a tight embrace. give our heart Dancing in the same rhythm again

Just like every time we remember. In the drawer of our memories

"Thank you" was a short response that came out with a huge amount of relief.

Thank you for remembering. Thank you for still wanting

Thank you that we still love each other enough to let go of the pride in our hands. To be able to hold each other again

“But, as smart as this is, things like this are insanely slow to turn upside down.” Feeling relieved, he couldn't help but complain. Let the slow-headed person bury his face with his shoulders wide. Embarrassed by the closeness that has been lost for a long time

...Since...When did Yama-chan have such wide shoulders? And are her body warm like this?

Red streaks spread from his cheeks and spread to his ears, causing people to see and smile fondly. Until he couldn't resist, he had to pretend to press his nose into the crook of his neck. Yuto wrapped himself up and fled, struggling. Of course it didn't come off. "Ngh, Yama-chan, you can let go now."

“No.” His large hand firmly held on to support his words. “A skittish rabbit like Yuto. If you don't hold on well, you'll run away again.” Everyone said that Ryosuke is a person who thinks too much and likes to blame himself. But Ryosuke says that a repressed child like Yuuto is much more serious than him.

Although strong, yet sensitive

Do you know how much suffering people who can only look at are like him?

I want to go in and hug you. I'd like to say that it's nothing. But because I know too well Say something like Yuto. If you don't understand by yourself It's only going to be more worrying than before.

“Stop being sad, you know? It makes you all worried.” You pulled away to sit next to each other on the sofa. But the hand still held on and didn't let go. The big rabbit responded sadly, “Oh, both Yabu-kun and Yuri must be really worried. I really can't take it.” Because of the sadness that I forgot where it came from. causing harm to those close to you without thinking

A large hand pulled Yuuto into a hug again. He patted the skinny shoulder, “It's okay, Yabu-kun is more generous than the Sea of ​​Japan. I guarantee you it won't matter." ..but Hikaru-kun doesn't know..

As for Yuri, that person is just Uty being Uty. There was nothing that could make the little one upset.

Honestly, he's jealous of that kind of relationship.

He might make Yuuto smile. But we both know that behind the scenes there are quite a few tear-stained faces.

But Yuri never made Yuto cry.

Yuri understood Yuuto without even trying. Accept Yuto as Yuto is.

Aside from the love story that was the rival that he feared. As a man, he was the most envious of Yuri.

When the little person found out That sweet face stretched out into a smile.

I'm sure I'm good enough to love you. If Ryosuke thinks he's not my competitor, then just run away.

People who can't accept themselves yet I'll never be able to take care of Utty.

because of those words Makes him unable to change himself

Come to think of it, maybe that was Yuri's way of helping.

Help Yuto to fall in love with the worthy person that Yuto loves.

..In the end, he really couldn't fight Yuri..

His thin body curled up and snuggled against his warm chest, the bad feelings were relieved. There are only some things left in my mind. "..If I said that I was hurt that I wasn't the center. What will Yama-chan do.." If he still can't get past his personal pride. The other party will still smile at you. And are you in this embrace?

His gentle smile was still soft, as if covering his entire body. A large hand held his small face up to meet his eyes. “It is normal to feel hurt. And because it hurts Isn't that why Yuuto became like this?" Captivate all eyes no matter where you are.

"Don't you think I'll be so disappointed that I'll resign?"

The person being asked was silent until Yuto was upset. Before I could get any further, a soft voice spoke. with full confidence “There is no such thing. You're Yuto."

“Why?” The youngster couldn't remember his doubts. His eyes were wide and confused, not understanding how serious he was, so he couldn't help but smile before pressing a soft kiss to the clear cheek and finally giving in to answer. “Why did I consult Yuto about resigning?”

The answers that didn't help clear things up made me even more confused than before. Yuuto said confused, "It wasn't because we were the closest at that time, was it?"

Ryosuke shook his head. Warm eyes looking straight

“Because I know Yuuto won't understand.”

If it's Yama-chan, it's definitely okay. Let's try together.

because of those words That makes him feel discouraged and unsure. Walking until this point

Because these people don't understand the word giving up. Until he believed That if I keep walking There must definitely be a way.

Hearing the answer, he could only sigh. Throw yourself away with a warm body. "It's Yama-chan. You know me better than I do."

"Well, Yuuto really doesn't understand anyone," was the answer that came with a laugh.

People who don't understand His feeling of helplessness was stronger than anyone else's. Makes him want to be a person who understands the other person's feelings.

Because it's Yuto The most stubborn and strong

Because he believes in the other person more than himself.

Because it's Ryosuke Even though he believed with all his heart that Yuuto would understand.

Because it was Yuto that Ryosuke was infatuated with.

Because it's Yuto that Ryosuke wants to be with for the rest of his life

"I love Yuuto for being like that."

“I love Yama too. No matter who you are, I love you!" is the answer that comes with a tight embrace. There is no more hesitation left.

No matter if we quarrel We won't understand each other. How different will it be?

We will talk and laugh together. cry together But this goes on and on.

"From now on, please take care of me, Yutie."

"I'll introduce myself this way too, Yama-chan."

The love you have, even though it hurts, it's okay.

I won't forget it. Because someday I won't be able to remember myself anyway.

If you don't cling to the word hurt Feel it again. There will be only good things to remember.

How many painful memories will there be from now on? It will fill it with even more happy memories.

May be slow And sometimes you may take a step back.

But even if you fall down the stairs But if we keep walking You will definitely reach your destination.

Believe in your own strength.

Or if you can't believe Please believe..the person who trusts you more than anyone else.

...Author by Touchan