The Dust Flower

To the flowers that were not allowed to bloom

Tehran 2006

Every morning for more than twenty years, Tahereh has woken before 5 a.m., gone into the kitchen, filled an aluminum pot with water and set it over an old gas stove. While waiting for it to boil She picked up a scrap of paper from the back of the refrigerator and wrote down what she needed to do today. She could only write one line out of the many things running around in her head, not today.

She thought while staring at the scribbles. of yourself in the middle of a sheet of paper My eyes suddenly watered. It shouldn't have happened today.

Tahereh dropped the papers into the box along with the day's sheets. Get up and make tea for everyone. The fragrant aroma brings peace of mind. Before she couldn't calm down for the next day. Tahereh sat quietly in the kitchen sipping tea. Jawad didn't like her sloppy way of making tea, but there was more to life together than just making tea. A friendship is too meaningful to be ruined just because you act out of tradition.

Early in the morning Tehran was still silent. Tahereh loved this moment where she had a moment to herself. She knew the exact time her husband and children would wake up. Thirty minutes later she started cooking a few simple meals. Jawad never complained about food. And she never complained about the days he had cooking duties either.

As for Ehsan, it's not a big deal. The five-year-old boy was mature beyond his years. He understood without being told that his parents didn't have much time to devote to him.

Tahereh is both pitiful and proud of her child.

Tahereh added another cup of tea to herself. then went into the bedroom The two men she loved were hugging each other. The sound of snoring matched with the sound of soft breathing. Listen loudly in the stillness She sat down on the edge of the bed on her husband's side. In the dim darkness, many bulging scars could clearly be seen on his wide back. criss-crossing like a map

The day he returned home from Evin, battered. [1]She could only sob while dressing her wounds. Saying that he can leave her He shouldn't have to suffer such cruel treatment because of his relationship with her.

'Joonam, my life map always leads to you.' Javad held her hand firmly in his. He even tried to turn it into something funny. 'This mark is what binds me to you.'

Tahereh couldn't help but laugh. I could only cry.

She was crying quietly. When Jawad opened his eyes, he gently grabbed his son's legs that were clinging to his stomach. Turn over to you and held her hand in comfort Tahereh didn't cry often. Grief swirls around like the seasons. She shed tears shamelessly in front of him. Only the son never saw his mother's weak side.

But today, Ehsan might be able to see

'He's too young,' Jawad always objected when Tahereh tried to reveal a terrifying part of them to his son. The safehouse was raided and burned. The scars on his back The cuts under her feet Or even that besides being a normal pharmacist She is also a teacher of

BIHE[2]

Maybe the whole thing doesn't need much explanation. If only she said she was a Baha'i[3]

Unrecognized minority citizenship It is clear enough to explain what the state has done to them.

while fellow religious brothers and sisters fled the country before the revolution. It was like they saw what would happen when Iran turned around. Instead, her family insisted on staying. Tahereh, who was too young to know angry at his decision She was angry at him at first. Before that anger was directed at all the injustices they had suffered.

Anger turned into sadness and hopelessness before being seen as faint hope again.

It takes a long time and it takes a lot of effort to see a glimmer of light in the darkness. And not everyone will see Tahereh sadly wondered if she might have made the same mistake as her father. Ehsan should have grown up in a better environment. Will her son be angry at her like she was angry at his own father? If one day he finds out that she can take him away from here

Noble Persian Miserable Iran

“I'll go,” Javad said softly, pressing his thumb into the center of her palm. Her sadness had an effect on him.

“Thank you.” Tahereh nodded. You squeezed his hand in response before leaving to cook.

The barren scenery stretches as far as the eye can see. The brown hills surround a life of persecution simply because of a different faith. Tahereh did not know when this destruction would end. She couldn't see the day it would end. Even the day there will be no Baha'i left in this country. This pressure will continue.

Put the word 'enemy' on someone instead of them.

Tahereh led his son by the hand through the many graves to where his father and older brother were buried. Each hole was surrounded by old, weathered bricks. like a flower bed But what seed will grow from blood and ashes? besides the grievance Tahereh let his frustration burn the silence.

Give a voice to your father and brother who are sleeping under the dust.

“My eyes are brave,” she muttered as if to herself. Ehsan lifted her head and smiled innocently. She smiled back before releasing his hand.

“Like Uncle and Mom?” Ehsan asked in a small, soft voice, dimples appearing every time he spoke.

“Do you think Mom is brave?”

“Father said so.”

Tahereh narrowed his eyes. Your tears keep flowing. She doesn't believe Jawad can tell her family's story without touching on the tragedy. The deaths of her father and brother are written on her heart. Like the scars on his back. A map full of spikes on every path.

Walking the difficult path is not courage.

If given the choice, who would want to walk on a messy path that is always ready to catch our legs and knock us down? But because the country had never cleared any way for them, they blocked Baha'is from education. Deprive them of what they believe in

Tahereh's path has followed his father's footprints since he can remember. She and her brother were expelled from school. while his father was expelled from the university But he still searched for a way to continue his studies until he graduated. Secretly teaching a young Baha'i who is full of enthusiasm and big dreams. Threatened, imprisoned, tortured. The difference may be the only difference.

They were hanged, and she...

Tahereh isn't sure. Maybe she'll die the same way.

The hot dry wind blew off her veil. Tahereh let it fall over his shoulder. It's just her and her two children here. She watched her son walk back and forth between the graves. Laying flowers for family he has never met Sadness swirls like the seasons If it's every year that comes with Java She must have cried.

From now on, Ehsan will be her friend.

He was too young to understand. But one day he will definitely understand it.

Tahereh rubbed the ground on the grave before calling his son back. Java had waited a long time, and the small hand was back in her palm. She asked her opinion about visiting the grave. Ehsan frowned. I don't understand the question. Unable to compose an answer But he still tried to answer in an uncertain tone.

“Next year I will come with you again.”

“Sure.” Tahereh smiled softly. Tighten his hand with affection. Javad, waiting in the car, got up and put his arms around them. A rough palm rubbed his back soothingly. A hoarse voice muttered questions.

“Are you okay, Joonam?”

"yes"

Jawad looked towards the cemetery for a moment before getting out of the car. The son sat with his legs swinging behind him innocently and without worry. Tahereh's eyes were bloodshot. The wrinkled hands that were held together trembled. It wasn't just the sadness that covered her. If there is still a fear that has grown a little every day since the day Ehsan was born. Their lives were no longer just the two of them.

“I said you told me about my father,” Tahereh mused softly. Jawad nodded his head in acceptance. “I just found out that you are good at telling stories.”

“You know what we're doing, Joonam. He's our life. And we are his life.” Javad tapped the steering wheel thoughtfully. “I think we shouldn't hide our lives from our children.”

“When did you start thinking like this?” Tahereh stared at the side of her husband's face. In the wrinkles of aging there are traces of suffering.

“Since you insisted on not going to America.”

If they run away and start over There is no need to carry the past and the bitter life along with it. But when she intends to stay There is no way to hide the true self. One day, Ehsan will find out that his parents are among the thousands of people whose existence this country doesn't appreciate.

‘Tell your wife to stop what you are doing, Agha, this will be your last warning.’ The threat came with two weeks of solitary confinement. Tahereh cried and welcomed him home. But she doesn't stop. She is afraid that what happened to him will happen to her child. But she didn't stop. After work from the drug store She sits and does lessons.

Talk with underground students Some days I go out and meet them. with intelligence officers monitoring their movements

They know everything. Private life ensnared There is no escape. You can only keep your mouth shut.

But silence means surrendering all that is lost.

You've tried too hard to give up easily.

“Junam, do you think that one day…” That was all Jawad could say, her lips pursed tightly. Tahereh knew what he was worried about. She sighed, shaking her head lightly. “There was a letter yesterday.”

Tahereh looked up at her husband with frightened eyes.

“It's not really a letter. I saw it slipped under the doorway.”

“He knows we're here.”

Tahereh pressed his palms against his burning eyes. A dire premonition appeared beneath his eyelids. The scene of the fire that consumed Father's house spread from a small point. in her head until it overflowed with everything that she and Javad had created together for nearly ten years. Paper in the office is a great source of fuel. Wooden tables sparkle, curtains melt, carpets turn to ash.

She began to suffocate as fire and smoke surrounded her. Her mother's body was not far away, lying motionless. She was dead. Tahereh breathed heavily. The chest became lighter. Her husband is looking at her. His tears flowed silently.

When Tahereh saw everything clearly he knew it was not an illusion. Father's house overlaps with her house. Slowly but surely, the fire was spreading through their past, present, and future. Javad reached out and grabbed her into an embrace. She trembled. There was a hole in the standing area. Heartbroken and confused at the same time.

Ehsan climbed up and sat on his father's lap. Holding you and him in a small hug soft sobbing It began to rumble in the cabin.

“Do you still want me to continue telling my children stories?”

finish

[1] Evin Prison

Prison holds political prisoners

[2]BIHE (Baha’i Institute for Higher Education)

tertiary institution It was established after Iran excluded Baha'is from the education system. It is an underground institute that offers small group lessons via email and online with professors from leading institutions around the world and Baha'is.

[3] Baha’i

Baha'i Faith Baha'is are the largest non-Islamic minority in Iran. Was eliminated by the state and restricted many rights after the Islamic Revolution (1979) onwards.