He is still in my heart.

Now we're not together.

This novel is a short story, complete in one chapter.

The various contents in the novel are all created from the author's imagination. The places and characters are non-existent.

accustomed

You... you... you... are you the same? You're in your late 20s, almost 30. Since opening your eyes to see the world in this life, you've never experienced the love that belongs to a lover or, simply put, a boyfriend. What kind of love is that? Is it like happiness when you eat delicious food? Is it like love from family? It started as a doubt since I saw people around me starting to fall in love with each other, but that was just a curiosity and I didn't want to find an answer yet because my life at that time was happy.

But this doubt came back again and this time it came with loneliness, loneliness, silence because the happiness that truly belonged to me was now gone from me. Leaving without ever returning That's my father and mother. my family He left at the same time.

'Be happy, child. Be very happy'

My mother always said to be happy. Just being happy is enough. But the happiness that came from you is gone. Before his last breath, the words he always told me every day were 'be happy'.

?So where can happiness be found?

Getting a good night's sleep every day without having to rush to get up to go to work in the morning. Is this happiness? If you ask me, it's the greatest happiness. And eating delicious food, whatever you want to eat, eat it. I think that's happiness too. But all this happiness doesn't make me feel lonely at all. The silence is always with me, the loneliness, the loneliness. Ask me if I hate it, I don't.

Is it because I'm used to it? Are other people used to feeling like this? If you're asking about having a boyfriend, when you have one, you'll really be happier, right? But even so, it still makes me want to try love. Love that comes from a lover

My name is 'Chin', I'm twenty-eight going on twenty-nine. I'm a normal person, really normal, nothing fancy, grades are average, appearance is average. I socialize sometimes, but mostly I like to be alone. Is this another reason why I don't have a boyfriend? I try to relieve loneliness by going to different places, going to pubs and bars.

or places that people often go to It didn't seem like much fun and I didn't think anyone would be interested. If you want me to be interested in someone and try to flirt with that person, forget it. I'm not good at talking, and I don't know how to phrase things to invite people to talk.

I was approaching my third year after they passed away and I quit my job because their insurance money was enough to provide me with enough to eat and live on until I died. If I use twenty baht a day But to just sleep and spend money, I thought it would be too boring, so I used that money to invest in opening a small cafe in my house with myself as both the owner and employees.

It's a drink shop. Snacks and books and novels that I have collected for people who come to use the service to read. I've opened the shop for almost three months and already have some people using the service. One day they can't sell as many as five or six glasses per day. Most of the people who come to use the service are people who are more interested in fiction books.

Because as I have noticed, everyone who comes will come to order a drink and then go pick up a novel that interests them and read it. That is one of my stupid marketing ideas. At least if the drinks aren't delicious, there are these stories that draw people to use the service. But I think the drinks are delicious.

"I'll take the hot chocolate."

'He' has come again. He is a regular customer at my shop. He doesn't come every day, but he comes more often than everyone else, and every time he comes he orders a drink and sits on his cell phone at his usual spot opposite the bar. Every time I turn around, he's right in my line of sight. I'm interested in him. He's good-looking, has a good figure, has a good personality, but I don't dare ask him to talk. I asked to talk and he didn't talk to me.

"yes"

I answered briefly and then turned to make the menu he ordered. This time he didn't just sit and play with his cell phone like every time before. He went to pick up a Percy Jackson novel, but he didn't sit down and read it like everyone else. He held it and walked this way.

“Um.. I'm interested in this. Can you give me some advice about what kind of genre it is?"

It made me, who was standing there making drinks, stop a little because this was the first time we had a conversation that didn't involve ordering a drink and then walking to a seat.

“This story is a fantasy adventure novel. about demigods The Greek gods. It's been a long time since I read it and I don't remember much of the story."

"thank you"

With that, he walked back to his usual seat. But this time was different because he was reading a novel. I was watching every movement of his. He looks really good. This person must have received a lot of love because he looks happy, doesn't seem distressed, doesn't seem stressed.

"You can have hot chocolate."

I said as I placed the hot chocolate on the table in front of him and walked out. But the sound of his call made me turn around and look.

"Uh...you."

"yes"

"Would you like to sit and talk together first?"

Just those words made my heart skip a beat.

"yes? Oh, I can."

I answered and sat down across from him.

"I...I want to get to know you."

It's a sentence from someone I'm interested in. It was him who wanted to get to know me. It was him who invited me to talk.

After that day, he and I started getting to know each other. Starting to meet each other Let's talk more Let's get closer. His name is 'Jan. He's thirty-four years old and works as a manager at a company not too far from here. I never asked him about personal things because I thought it was a private matter. He and I were just people who were just beginning to know each other.

Today he came to see me like every other day but he changed his seat from across the bar to sit behind the bar with me instead. While I was making drinks for customers, he would sit and read Percy Jackson. When I'm free, we find things to talk about. Of course, I'm not good at talking and most of the people who invite me to talk are him instead. He looks happy when talking to me. Ask about happiness Talk and talk and talk.

That makes me happy too. He came and made the silence, loneliness, and regret gradually disappear.

"Shin, close up the shop and go get something to eat."

"What are you eating?"

"Eat food, eat anything. You're asking us out on a date. You're flirting with us, can't you see?"

"A date? A date?"

"yes"

"I'm flirting with Chin."

"yes"

Well...what kind of face do you think I should make? Are you happy? I'm happy. Right now my heart can't stop beating. I don't understand this feeling because I've never been flirted with. It was the first time and it felt really good.

"Shin's face is red. Are you embarrassed? Haha."

P'Jan said while lightly pinching my cheek. If you're not shy, you're crazy. People I'm interested in, people with good bodies, people with good looks. A person with a good personality The person who looked happy was that person, the person who said he was flirting with me. I relieved my embarrassment by walking to collect the tables where customers had finished eating, wiping the tables, wiping every table, even the tables where no one was sitting. Already organized books, organize them again.

“There should be no more customers. Do you want to close the shop?"

P'Jan's voice rang out, which was exactly what he said. There aren't many customers because it's almost 8:00 p.m., which is the closing time.

"Yes, you can close it."

P'Chan went to close the front door of the store and hang up the sign.

closed

in front of the door, so I walked over to the bar to wash my things. Brother Chan walked over and sat down and read a novel, waiting in the same place.

"Is Shin hungry yet?"

"A little bit."

After closing the shop, Brother Chan drove me out to find a restaurant where we could sit and eat. It was a Japanese restaurant. Parking was complete. As soon as we entered the shop, P'Jan went to talk to the staff and the staff walked over to us and we were given a table on the second floor of the shop. The first date of my life when I was almost thirty.

There was no ordering of any food, everything was already arranged. The person who manages everything is probably P'Jan. The food is arranged like this, what if I refuse to come?

"Eat a lot. You're very skinny, you know that?"

"Yes, Brother Chan."

I only ate the first two pieces myself. The rest was fed to me by Brother Chan.

"Sister Chan, aren't you eating? You can just feed him."

"Just get used to eating and filling your stomach. I'm satisfied, that's enough."

P'Jan turned and nodded to the staff for a while, and there was another serving, but this time it wasn't food at all, but it came in a white container. Brother Chan picked it up and opened it to reveal what was inside. It's a silver bracelet from a famous brand that everyone knows.

"I'm your boyfriend."

I was already embarrassed and blushing, which only increased my feelings. I nodded in response and Pee Chan picked up the bracelet and put it on me. Now it really makes my heart swell. P'Jan and Lollipop smiled at my reaction. Is this true happiness? feeling of joy love feelings The feelings that he once felt from his family returned again.

'Mom, I'm happy now. Really happiness'

After the day we both agreed to be lovers Brother Chan comes to see me every day. Some days I stay here as well, like today, after closing the restaurant and having dinner. I sat and thought about income and expenses in the living room, where Brother Chan was watching TV on the sofa in the back.

"Shin, I'm sleepy."

"You can go to bed first."

"No, I'm going to bed ready to get used to it."

After saying that, Pee Chan jumped off the sofa and hugged me from behind. I'm starting to get used to this kind of physical contact. Since we're lovers, being hugged like this isn't anything unusual.

"You'd better help me. We'll go to bed together."

After that, P'Jan took my income and expense book to do. When I couldn't resist, I sat and watched TV until I fell asleep.... I woke up because I felt like I was floating. When I looked closely, I was actually floating, P'Jan. who carried me as I walked up to the bedroom on the second floor of the house

"You can walk by yourself."

"It's okay. It'll be here soon."

When we reached the room, P'Jan put me down on the bed. Once it was put down, I would fall asleep but I was nudged by the person next to me.

"Aren't you going to give me a reward? I'm working and I still carry Chin to sleep."

"It's tomorrow. I'm already sleepy."

"I'll take a reward like this."

My lips were instantly stolen. I didn't resist him at all. For a long time we kissed like that. I gave him everything because I love him. I love him very, very much.

"Chin Chin"

P'Jan moves from his lips down to my neck while calling out my name.

"Shin, make it wake up."

P'Jan called me to look at the thing that said I was awake. which is really awakening Woke up under some pants My face instantly became hot and my heart pounded like it was about to burst out.

"I'm used to it."

"That's what I'm used to."

"So what should I do?"

I asked innocently, but P'Jan still continued to snuggle on my white neck without stopping.

"Shin has to help you, um..."

"Help. How can I help?"

"Please take it."

All of my clothes were now completely off my body. I was in a rather unsightly position with P'Jan sitting between my legs. Sister Chan is now without any clothes like me. When he doesn't have a shirt on his body. The thick figure in front of him became bigger and bigger the more he looked at it. Both his muscles were thick and his arms were strong.

Both that and the thing that woke up He was looking at me fiercely, not unlike P'Jan's right now.

"I'll get used to it gently."

'Mother, this love is mine.'

'When you have loved, love with all your heart'

'You don't have to worry about anything'

We travel together more. Show more love to each other I am very happy I love P'Jan very much. I love you so much that right now I don't care for anything. At least right now I'm happy.

For almost two months we have been lovers, P'Jan takes good care of me and shows love regularly. He is a very good lover to me. After work, he would come help at the shop. When P'Chan helps More and more female customers came into the shop, from being able to sell only five or six glasses a day to ten or twenty glasses, with P'Jan helping to serve and clear the tables.

"Sister Chan, are you tired? Here's water."

I handed him cold water. As the customers started to return, I came to help P'Jan clear up the tables and close the shop.

"I'm very tired. Please give me a hug to relieve my tiredness."

After saying that, the person in front hugged me like he said. The scent from him always attracted me. Even a little bit of sweat from cleaning up the store couldn't erase the scent.

"Let's go take a shower."

"Taking a shower together means taking a shower together."

"Let's change and go take a shower first."

"No change. Let's take a shower, that's all."

After saying that, Brother Chan picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. Even though I protested, it was to no avail until I entered the bathroom. I have never been able to disobey Brother Chan at all. Because I love him very much. We both took a long shower together. Soak in water in the tub to change and scrub your back. No matter what, P'Jan's hand still kept coming to grab and touch my private parts.

Until I got scolded and then came back and really concentrated on taking a shower. Take a shower until your skin is wrinkled and then you can leave the bathroom. After taking a shower, we both went to bed immediately because P'Chan looked quite tired. After finishing work from the company, he still came to help me work at the shop. But he never complained a word. He is a really good lover. He makes me love him even more. I don't want to miss the time when he wasn't there at all.

'Know how to love'

'but'

'There's no way to stop loving him.'

"What should I get?"

I asked the customer in front of me. She doesn't say anything. She just looked at me before tears streamed down her beautiful cheeks. I was shocked so I just led her to sit at the table before going to get some tissues and water. Long enough until her tears gradually stopped flowing. When she regained consciousness, she looked at my face again. She picked up a picture and handed it to me. It's a picture of P'Jan that looks like it was secretly taken in work clothes, looking calm and solemn while working, and he still looks good in every pose.

"He hasn't come home for several days."

After saying that, she handed me two more pictures. When I saw the first picture, it was as if my whole body was numb and my eyes immediately started to burn. It's a picture of P'Chan and the woman in front of me right now. They were both in wedding clothes. The two looked very happy with the smiles they gave each other. The couple's left hands have rings that symbolize their promise of love.

I also looked at the girl's hand and it still had the same ring as in the picture on it. The second picture was the one that made me weak at the knees and almost fall to the floor. It's another picture of P'Chan. But in this picture, there are two other cute girls. One, who was smaller, was carried on his right arm.

Another, larger person stood holding hands on P'Jan's left. The two children's faces were quite similar to P'Jan's, especially the eldest one standing on the left. She really is very similar to Chan. 'Your father must love you very much, little one. That's why he gave me a face that looked so much like his.' I couldn't hold back the tears and now they were flowing like I had turned on a faucet.

"The third person is in here."

She said as she reached out and held my hand on her stomach. It wasn't very big yet. I could only kneel and cry in front of her. Now my body is completely numb with tears still flowing.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm really sorry."

I could only say sorry because I didn't know what words could console her better than this. She cried like me. We both cried for nearly ten minutes.

"Don't cry, or he'll feel uncomfortable."

I consoled her even though my own tears were still flowing.

“I don't know if it's because I don't have time for him. He came to see you."

I really don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If I knew, I wouldn't have done this. His lovely family had to be ruined because of me? No, it couldn't be like this. He didn't know about the two children and the one that was about to be born. He shouldn't have encountered this kind of problem.

"I beg you."

She's gone back. When she returned, I sat and thought about the mistakes I had made. A mistake that caused the two children to not see their father for many days. The wrongdoing of the wrong child, the wrong wife. This time it was my fault. It's all me who is at fault. It was me who didn't doubt his existence at all. If I had just wondered or asked him, this mistake would never have happened.

Is it me who trusts him too much? Trust him to the point of thinking that he will never wrong us or others. It's me who loves him so much, so much that it's wrong. My love is wrong, has always been wrong. The most correct way to apologize to that woman and her children is to come forward.

'jingle'

The sound of the door opening revealed a tall figure walking with a smiling face. That person, the person I loved, loved with all my heart, and he was also the person who gave me love. that makes the loneliness in my heart disappear that makes me happy Happiness that has never been experienced by a lover It's the first time in everything for me right now. The first time is really everything.

"What's wrong with Chin?"

Brother Chan walked towards me. His face immediately turned pale when he saw the photo in my hand, and Brother Chan immediately knelt in front of me and cried. For the first time I saw his tears. I don't know if he really is hurting too. But I'm not angry at him at all. I can't get mad at him. Or is it because I love him too much? Is it because he makes me happy?

"Shin won't ask, but Shin will. Please go back."

When he finished speaking, P'Jan cried even harder than before. It was me who reached out to wipe the tears from her face. We looked into each other's eyes for a long time. Tears flowed from both of them at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

'You're not wrong, if it's wrong then it's both of us' fault.'

P'Jan put the few things he didn't have into his bag. I just sat and watched while holding back tears. He's really gone. Another part of me was screaming at me to hold on to him. If I held on, he wouldn't go. But that's wrong. It's both wrong for him. to his wife and to myself I never thought there would be this day.

The day I won't have him around. I didn't spare this love for regret at all. And not being generous makes my heart hurt like it's being squeezed. It was like being stabbed with hundreds of needles. It hurts so much.

After finishing packing, P'Jan walked over and knelt down in front of me again. So I handed him the bracelet. The bracelet he gave me when I first proposed to him. He didn't say anything, just picked it up and put it on my wrist like before.

"Keep it. At least this is a representation of your love."

"I want Chin to know that the love you have for Chin. It's real.”

"Ugh. Thank you."

I couldn't hold back my tears. P'Jan reached out his hand to wipe my tears one last time and he walked out, already out.

"Thank you for coming to make good memories.

'At least it was happy then'

"At least it made me fall in love once."

" thank you "

I could only sit and cry alone and not hold back all my tears any longer. So how will I be happy, Mom? My happiness is gone. Mother should have taught me to give some love. At least I wouldn't have to sit and cry this much. I looked at the bracelet that reflected the past stories of the two of us.

Every time I spend with him I am very happy. happy every day always happy really happy

"He's still in my heart, just now we're not together."

at least

We are happiness.

contemplation

I... I... I... I've never seen anyone who looked lonely. He had looked this lonely before since he was born. Is it because I've always received so much love? I am surrounded by happiness There aren't many things to stress about. I'm a little stressed when I think about what to eat today. And that feeling of loneliness? I've never known him at all.

I have many friends who hang out all the time. Moreover, now I have a good family. who are still together Always taken care of by his wife. But when I met that person, the person who looked lonely, looked lonely, looked lonely, it radiated even though he didn't tell me. From the work he is doing now, it is a small cafe in the house. The atmosphere inside the shop is quiet, even though the shop decorations look good.

Minimal

It looks simple, but is it because of the owner that the shop is quiet? Suddenly a thought of mine told me to make this loneliness go away. Make me happy.

"I...I want to get to know you."

Until that day, I decided to get to know him. His name was 'Chin'. He was a person who spoke very little or if there was no need, he wouldn't speak at all. So it's me who invites you to talk. Always looking for something to talk about. One thing that made me realize what made this person feel lonely. Feeling lonely That's because his family is all gone.

Now he was the only one left. That made me feel sorry for him even more. Makes me feel like I want to take care of you. want to give love I want to make my lonely life disappear.

"I'm your boyfriend."

I asked him to be my boyfriend. I know it's wrong because I have a family. But my feelings right now are unstoppable and I can't stop myself. When we were together, Chin began to smile more, laugh more, and be happier. He never asked about my status. Ask about my well-being Ask about my workplace

It was only me who spoke to him. Told him many things about myself, but there was only one thing I didn't dare tell him. 'I have a wife and children.' I was afraid it would make him even more sad and lonely than before. I know it's wrong I think every day whether what I'm doing right now is good or not. But because I love Shin, yes, yes, I love Shin, I love him.

I would love to take that quietness and loneliness away from him. Love is no different from wife and children. Chin and I are very happy together. Travel together laugh together But...but it's like the loneliness is coming to haunt me again.

"Shin won't ask, but Shin will. Please go back."

I saw a photo of me and my wife and children in Shin's hand. That made my tears flow uncontrollably. I'm sorry, I didn't want it to be like this. And the more Shin told me to go back, the more it almost broke my heart. I knew I was wrong, very wrong. The more I saw Shin crying just like me, the more my heart ached. I love him too. I love him.

The more I saw his tears because of me like this, the more sad I became. The more I thought about how much pain he was in, the more sad I was. If you were to go back in time? I will do the same because I love him. Seems selfish, right?

"I'm sorry."

I was confused as to why Chin didn't beg or beg for me to stay. If I get used to talking a little, I might. Maybe leave my wife and child? No, I'll probably do the same thing. Just don't let them meet. I'm selfish again. Because I love you. I'm a bad person. I can't leave my child and my wife. Why don't you let Chin go? I'm selfish.

I gathered up my few things and walked over to Shin, kneeling in front of him, hoping he would beg me to stay, but he didn't. Shin handed me the bracelet I gave him. That made my tears flow again. He didn't even ask to stay and he even gave back what I gave him. It made me very heartbroken, like a knife was stabbing into my heart without stopping.

I took the bracelet and put it on my wrist as before. It suits Chin. It belongs to Chin.

“Let's keep it. At least this is a representation of my love."

"I want Chin to know that the love you have for Chin. It's real.”

"Ugh. Thank you."

I reached out my hand to wipe the tears from that pretty face before walking out.

"Papa is back."

The sound of my two daughters calling and running up to hug me. I could only force a smile in front of my two children. Before turning around, I saw my wife sitting looking at the three of us. She was crying and had a heartbroken expression that was no different from me and Shin.

"excuse me"

-END-

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