I finally found a not too expensive rental room to start my new life. I was a simple new graduate and it was very difficult to find a job. To be honest, I wasn't a person with much potential either.

I'm not good at studying. I enrolled at an open university. I almost died reading the sheets until I had collected all the credits. I don't have any work experience or activities. Because even if I have enough free time to find extra work during my student life But I can't Because I have to take care of my mother who is paralyzed.

Actually, I've been taking care of my sick mother since I was in sixth grade....almost finished. Mother fell from a coconut tree after hiring him. I have to do it even though I'm old. How many options do we have in such a small village? She has many congenital diseases, so when she was paralyzed, Everything was worse than before.

In our family, besides me and my mother, we also have an older brother. And the sister-in-law who lives together in this small house, the older brother is responsible for all the household expenses. My brother isn't rich. But my job as a vendor selling chili paste and fresh vegetables at the local market gives me income. Enough for water, electricity, and diapers. and my credits As for food, we mainly eat chili paste.

Sometimes I want to live like other young women, to go out and live the life of a woman in full bloom, to have a boyfriend, to travel and open my eyes and ears, to buy clothes. Cosmetics, beautiful makeup, play

TIKTOK

like other people But I had to put my needs aside and continue to look after my mother. My mother suffered from the disease for five years. And then mother left.

It's like lifting a mountain from my chest...taking care of someone's poop, urine, moving, and pressure sores twenty-four hours a day is not fun, not very fun for me who would rather live as a teenager. So today I am free. You will start a new life, have a job, and have a room.

I'll have my own way No need to lie down and smell the pee. The smell of waste is no more.

The person who is just as happy as me is my brother. I'm so glad I got the job. You didn't let me leave the house. I'm a frugal person. Why do you have to spend money outside? You said when you found out that I was looking for a room close to work. But sister-in-law was the one who convinced my brother. Let me out Wouldn't it be better?

Now, what will you do as husband and wife do? You don't have to worry about me. Try not to make a sound Even at home only Why wouldn't I know what they were doing?

So my sister-in-law and brother hurriedly arranged to get a deposit for my room rent. And I had a little money with me for the first month of work. And after this, the two of us brothers will be able to live each other's lives to the fullest.

The room is a square room without any furniture. There is a small bathroom. and a balcony for drying clothes a little I live on the second floor next to the stairs. The shuttered window at the front of the room was right next to the stairs. Always have to find curtains to cover your eyes so that people can't sneak in when walking up and down. But that said, it's good for me.

I saw people walking up and down sometimes so it wouldn't be scary. How does it feel like someone is there as a friend?

One month here I can adapt to many things. I have a regular a la carte restaurant that I go to in the morning and evening. I know a motorcycle taxi I can call to come pick me up if I wake up late or on a rainy day. At work I'm just a receptionist, answering the phone and doing some paperwork. Therefore, my friends at work don't have many.

Unlike here, I started making friends. There are people close to him already.

You can't call them friends. Because the only people who are my friends are my aunts.

Like Auntie Mon, the owner of an a la carte restaurant near the building where I live. Aunt Mon is probably over fifty years old. I didn't dare ask directly, but let's just say that Auntie was a very kind person. So much so that I want you to be my mother.

“Oh, you're back now, Soi, come on, are you going to eat like you used to again today? I'll make it for you to eat."

"Yes, Auntie. Minced beef with basil and cooked fried eggs. I want it spicy, Auntie."

“Oh...the hot issue must be given to Auntie. Here, Auntie will add minced meat to make it special. This means that the shop will be closed.”

Auntie is always like this. Plus you give me a lot every time. You said you saw me thin. I don't have much energy and have to eat a lot. Which really made me gain weight. Auntie made delicious food. And being here, I eat well, sleep, and no one has to look after me. There's only me. I can do anything Don't think about other people. The life I dream of

“Oh wow, you got a lot again, Miss Soi. This necklace is a dear customer of Mon's."

Aunt Wilai's voice greeted her when she saw me sitting and eating a mountain of rice. I smile and greet you in a friendly way. Aunt Wilai is another aunt. that I made friends from eating at the same restaurant Auntie, you'll start first. You often see me sitting and eating alone. Invited to talk until we became close friends. Your aunt is a cleaner at the building next door. It's Auntie Mon's shop.

Aunt Wilai ordered her regular menu. When Auntie Mon made it for her, she asked to take care of the store. It gave Aunt Wilai and me time to talk like friends of different ages.

“Let's just say, Brother Mon, he looks fresh. It's much brighter. In the last few months,” Aunt Wilai invites us to talk.

“What was wrong with him before?”

“Well, it's your daughter. Just about to lose Just four or five months.”

“So, your aunt has a daughter? I don't see your boyfriend. I thought your aunt was single."

“Your husband died a long time ago. I stayed with my daughter. He's about the same age as us."

“Then why did your daughter die?”

“got hit by a car”

"Oh, it's so sad, losing your child suddenly like that," I pretended to sympathize. I understand the loss. But is it sad or is it something else I feel at all?

“It's not sudden. The cat has been sleeping like a vegetable for many years. I slept on the mezzanine of this building. His aunt came down to cook food to sell. Then I went up to see my daughter. During the time you have to watch your child too. I feel very sorry for you. Customers have disappeared. But he still sells to have income coming in. It's a good thing you have some money from your husband's insurance.

So it's not much of a problem.”

But must take care of bedridden patients I know very well what it feels like. Love is one part, love is another part. Tired is another part. And the feeling of why does it have to be us? It will come around every day that we can't go anywhere from the people we care for.

“There was a time when you seemed to lose your mind. Suddenly, you went to get the Buddha amulet. I don't know where it came from. Come pray and perform the ceremony. Said that your daughter never recovered because someone put black magic on her daughter. There are many faces that no one knows. Come around and come do the ceremony here and there.”

"What kind of black magic is this? It's sure to trick you."

“That's right. They make money off of people's feelings. Let's pretend to do a ceremony to drive away bad things. It's said that hundreds of thousands were lost."

Hundreds of thousands!! Aunt Mon really has money too. I really want to be my aunt's daughter instead. Aunt Mon is kind and has treasures as well.

“But in the end, it went away.”

“And how was his aunt at that time?”

“Oh my gosh...I almost went crazy and cried like a crazy person. Keep saying that Mom will be with someone like that. After the funeral, he started selling things. But like a person without consciousness Customers can order another thing. In the beginning you were really bad.”

My aunt and I are different.

“But now your aunt looks a lot better...”

“I got Dhamma help... You go to the temple every week. You have a teacher that you respect. It should be the same place where you brought it for the ceremony for your daughter that you described.”

Aunt Wilai scooped the last bite of rice into her mouth, chewed lightly, and said to me,

“But auntie, lately you've looked better than before. Is it because of the necklace?”

“How is it, Auntie?”

“It's a necklace. I'm about the same age as Muay. Also, seriously, the figure and hairstyle are similar to a Chinese man's. Maybe he's fond of the necklace, seeing it as a child, like taking care of a child or something like this?"

If my aunt takes care of me like a child, that would be interesting. But if you compare it to a dead person, it's still creepy.

“Auntie compares me to a dead daughter. I'm hallucinating too. If not, I'd rather go back to my room first.”

I have one rule: I don't listen or hear any stories about mysterious ghosts because they will make me scared. Or you can think for yourself. And when you have to be alone I will listen to haunted stories. Why do you think about ghosts to scare yourself? So hurry back to your room and go to sleep and watch sweet series. I've fully charged my phone battery from work, and tonight I'll be able to use it for several episodes without wasting electricity in the room.

“What are you talking about?” Auntie Mon's voice asked. Your aunt has just finished setting up the shop.

“Nothing. Said that the necklace looks like a Chinese boxer too,” Aunt Wilai replied brightly. Aunt Wilai is not afraid that Aunt Mon will think of her crying. Are you crying?

But Aunt Mon just remained silent. Then he smiled softly at me.

“Just right, Soi. Is there a dressing table in the necklace room yet?”

“Uh, there isn't any. The Soi room is an open room. There isn't any furniture. Soi is still sleeping on the picnic bed.”

“Here, Auntie has something. It's a floor-standing dressing table. It's not big. Enough to carry it yourself Do you want to use the necklace?”

After saying that, the aunt walked away and disappeared into the shophouse. And walked back out with a dressing table the size of a Japanese table that was used to hold a laptop. White with a small side cabinet. Two sides and one drawer The oval mirror in the center is still crystal clear and doesn't fool the eye.

It's beautiful...but it belongs to a dead person. I don't want to accept it.

Walked the dressing table from the store to the room. Even though it wasn't too far away, my arms were shaking. Yes, I changed my mind and agreed to accept this cute little dressing table to decorate my room. When placed next to the pink plastic canvas wardrobe, it looks very good together. I began to feel that this room was starting to look a little more like a young woman's room. Put the powder out.

Cream sachet in a decorated glass Lipstick arranged in an orderly manner Aw, that's so cute.

My life after that was not very exciting. In the morning, I go to work, answer the phone, carry out documents. There are times when I have to help make coffee for guests who come to a meeting at the company. After work, I come back to the room. Before entering the room, I walk around and buy something easy to eat or have a maternity leave at Auntie Mon's shop. Buy fried meatballs easily

Or sometimes I buy instant noodle salad from a spicy salad shop and take it back to my room. After that, take a shower and sleep. Lie down and watch television. Yes, after the first month's salary. I bought a television. It made me go away a lot from loneliness. At no later than midnight I went to bed and woke up early to go to work. Life goes on in loops like this. Does my life seem boring? But I really like it.

There will be something strange. Parcels are sent to me regularly. What should I say? The package wasn't even addressed in my name. But it was addressed to the room number where I was staying. There is no recipient name, just the room number. One month ago Three items were sent to me, apparently. At first, I thought it was my older brother sending me chili paste to eat, but it turned out that was not the case. But inside is something to use. Items for women

I unwrapped the package and looked at every item. Even though I knew I didn't order anything. But it was addressed to my room. If I look at it, there won't be anything wrong with it.

The first box that was sent was a comb and hair dryer set. It can be seen that it is not new. But I tried using it. It works very well. It helps when I wash my hair in the morning. No need to leave the room while your hair is still damp. I left because the fan was blowing until my hair dried. I might be late.

The second box was four shirts. Famous brand too It's not new, but it's still spotless. I've smelled it. Whoever sent it had already washed and ironed it. Some I wear to work. Washed but haven't worn it yet because I don't have an iron yet. At the end of this month, it looks like I'll have to buy another iron and ironing board.

Third box Believe it or not, I really like it. Whoever sent it was someone who had the same tastes as me and had money to play with. Because he sent famous brand lipsticks and perfumes that are the scents and lipstick colors that I really like. With half a bottle of perfume, I will gradually Don't use a lot because you're afraid it will run out first. But I spray perfume out of the room every day.

It feels like I'm a different person. Not the same person who used to live with the smell of waste in the room with mom. As for the lipstick, I was dying to cut out some of the lipstick. Because I'm also afraid of contagion if I share lipstick with anyone. But it's good that even though it's cut out, there's still a lot left.

Today, too, I put on lipstick, put on perfume, and put on a nice shirt. and blow dry your hair out of the house I feel like I'm not myself. It's not the same necklace. But who I am is different but it feels good.

“Come dress beautifully today, Soi,” Aunt Mon's voice greeted me. This morning I stopped by to have breakfast here.

“Thank you, Aunt Mon. Take it as usual, Auntie.”

“It looks like the work that Soi does pays good money. Look, I've been here doing it for almost two months. You look different from when you first came here. The dresser and makeup are on and the smell smells great.”

“It means that when you first came to live with me Don't you look good, Auntie?" I teased.

“It's not like that. I'll compliment you that you look better." Auntie replied with a smile.

"Yes...just spare a little money to buy some clothes, perfume, and lipstick from him." I'm glad at least someone sees that I look better. But if I tell you that it looks good because the wrong item was sent to me, how do I look at it?

"Oh..." Auntie made a strange face, or she wouldn't believe it. My aunt might think that I have a sugar daddy or not, but never mind, why do I care? I'm just an aunt selling rice. It has nothing to do with me.

It's a black scene. There was white smoke coming out. I saw my mother walking towards me. I haven't seen you walk in a long time. Probably since when my life had to be immersed in feeding food, water, medicine, wiping up poop, wiping urine. Mother walked towards me. But in a sense I felt like I was walking away from my mother.

Mother's mouth seemed to move to speak. But I don't hear a sound. Mom tried to reach out but I didn't care...and then I woke up.

Since my mother's death, I have never dreamed of her. I reached for my phone and looked at the time: it was just 3:00 a.m. After only three hours of sleep, I had no idea what I was dreaming about. It's better to go to the bathroom and gently rub your eyes to sleep. Every time I wake up at this time, it's definitely hard to fall back asleep. I walked into the bathroom, turned on the light and had to squint to block out the light until my eyes adjusted.

But I must have been startled because I felt like I saw someone's shadow in the bathroom. I quickly opened my eyes and pushed the bathroom door wide until it slammed loudly against the wall.

But no one

I might be blind. Don't think about ghosts or hallucinations. It all comes from our brains. I went to the bathroom already. And I thought about my dream a moment ago. Or will mom come and find me? Thinking of this, I walked out of the bathroom. Looking at the dim bedroom Because there was only light from the bathroom and the stairway.

I meant to speak out loud.

“Mommy came to see me? You don't have to come see me, I'm afraid,” I said, thinking that if my mother really came to see me. What does mother want?

“Tomorrow I will give alms to monks. And then I'm going to make merit for my mother as well. So you don't have to come see me, Mom... We live in different worlds now. In the past, I did my best to take care of my mother. She's already dead. Don't make me afraid. I'm in trouble anymore, Mom."

Nothing happened No one's shadow There was nothing but the sound of the teenagers upstairs walking up the stairs who often came back late at night.

Mother probably understands me. So I lay down and continued to sleep.

But it's like she didn't understand because I dreamed about her a few nights in a row. In my dreams, my mother still came to me in the same way. That I always walked away from my mother.

And this morning I woke up late and I wasn't very refreshed. It's probably because I haven't been able to sleep well lately. Apart from dreams about mother At night I often hear rattling noises in the room. I try not to think too much. Cheap rooms with thin walls, what's good? A little noise from the room above or outside can always come in.

I hurriedly took a shower and got dressed. And came to sit and put on makeup, but eh, why was my lipstick sitting in the small cabinet on the left? I usually put it in the drawer. Yesterday I must have been in a hurry. Went to work until I misplaced it. Actually, later Since I Dreamed of Mom Things in the room rarely stay in the same place. The clothes that had been draped around suddenly ended up in a beautiful basket.

Some days, when I came back to my room, I could smell perfume like someone had just sprayed it. Can you imagine the first smell of the perfume you just sprayed?

I try not to think about anything. Clothes may slip into the basket. Maybe the perfume evaporated from the bottle or I sprayed too much in the morning. Things that aren't in place might be because I've been blurry lately. You may forget where you put it. But now there is no time to think of reasons. I have to hurry.

In the evening I came home from work exhausted. More tired every day Like when I had to take care of my mother like that.

Aunt Mon saw that I wasn't feeling well so she called me to sit at the restaurant first. Actually, I didn't want to eat. But when Aunt Mon Kae asked to greet him, he sat down and rested before it was better.

“What's the matter, Soi? You don't look well.”

“I haven't gotten enough sleep lately, Auntie. likes to wake up at night And I can't sleep well.”

“Is there any Buddha statue in this room?”

“No, Auntie.”

“I really can't die. Where do we go? We must have Buddha images to enhance our good fortune. Before going to bed, I pray. Do some meditation. Spread kindness to bad things so they don't disturb us when we sleep.”

Aunt Mon is a Dhamma person. Dhammamosina that Aunt Wilai once told about But what bothers me It's my mother. Can you call it a bad thing?

“Let's put it this way. Auntie gave me the amulet necklace. It will protect us from bad things.”

"Oh, it's okay, Auntie. You don't have to."

"Monks are auspicious things. Anyone who rejects them, accept them. At least you have something to hold your mind in case you can sleep well tonight."

Then your aunt took off the necklace from her neck and put it on for me. I raised my hand to thank my aunt. But because the monks did not make my tiredness feel better. Plus now I feel even more weak than before. I probably have to go back to my room and sleep early.

“Auntie, thank you very much. But I have to go back to bed first.”

“Come on, hurry up and go to bed and get some rest.” Auntie smiled kindly at me as usual.

I walked back and forth to my room. In front of the room, there was another parcel box. Haven't you stopped sending it yet? The previous owner of the room must have been a woman like me. I didn't have the nerve to imagine what was inside. Now I really want to sleep. It's like something is pressing on the eyelid. I really want to sleep.

I entered the locking room. I spread out my futon and my head hits the pillow.

Mom came to see me again. Mom walked closer. But this time I couldn't move away. I tried to move my arms I want to move my legs but I can't. Until finally my mother walked in front of me. Mother's face was as distressed as when she was still a vegetable. But his mother's eyes were gentle. Mother looked at me silently for a long time.

It's now that I remember those eyes. The same look in your eyes before your mother got sick. A mother who always looked at me with concern even though I argued with her. My mother who worked hard to cook for me even though I said I was losing weight. And the mother who sat and washed my school uniform for me when I told her that I went to school and was tired of doing housework. Mother who always did it for me.

“Not in time, child. Not in time,” Mom finally said.

My mother's voice made my heart tremble. My mouth quivered. Tears welled in my eyes. I missed you. I finally felt like I missed you. Because of the most familiar voice that I haven't heard in a long time. It's so warm

“Mommy, I miss you,” I finally burst into tears.

“Not in time, child, not in time,” but mother still said the same words.

“Not in time, Mom. I do not understand"

“He has already come to take it. He has already asked for it. The necklace has been given to me already.” My mother's words confused me. What is mother talking about?

“I tried to warn you. But the child doesn't let his mother come near him at all. It's too late now.” Mom hugged me. I was still confused but hugged my mother back. I hugged my mother tightly but eventually she faded away.

I look for my mother again. But wherever you look, there's only darkness. I remember this feeling of loneliness, emptiness, darkness very well. Because since my mother disappeared, I have continued to stare at this darkness and have never woken up.

Knock knock knock

“Muay Muay, it's you, mother,” Auntie Mon called her daughter's name in front of the second floor room. The building that Soi had told her where she stayed.

Aunt Mon has been waiting for this day to arrive for a long time. The day I will meet my daughter 'Muay' again.

The sound of the door opening rang out. A girl whose appearance is like a necklace Opened the door and greeted Auntie Mon with a smile.

“Mother,” then the woman in Soi's body hugged Aunt Mon.

“Finally, I found the most suitable person for my child. It is worth the wait that mother had the monk perform the ceremony since the child left her.”

“Mom gave this woman a lot of things,” said Muay in Soi's body.

“The more there are, the more effective it is. The more he uses his children's things. It shows that he only lends us so much. How did we finally borrow his body?”

“Muay thanks mom very much. That doesn't leave me alone. Even though I was sick before that. I can't help myself.”

“Didn't I tell you that I won't let you die before me?”

“We will never be apart again, Mom. Muay will be with mom forever."