CHRISTMAS IF

If I could love you, I'll love you

KEFFLECHER

Don’t cry, snowman, not in front of me

Who’ll catch your tears if you can’t catch me darling

I closed my eyes and flowed myself to the music inside the headphones. "...

if you can’t catch me , darling.." 

He muttered a soft melody until he heard his own strange voice and stopped singing. Even though in my head I could hear how beautiful my own voice was.

Don’t cry, snowman, don’t leave me this way

A puddle of water can’t hold me close, baby

"Can’t hold me close, baby.." 

But who cares? I sang the most beautifully on this trip. I opened my eyes with the last line of the song. Before the melodies took me deep into the clouds outside that window It was like I was floating in the air, but it was empty. It was true that I was floating in the air and at the same time it was empty because it was completely white outside the plane. There was nothing but white fluffy clouds scattered in clusters beneath his feet.

So come on let’s go

I dragged my bag over to Robbie and propped myself up on the counter. I glanced at the hotel brochure as my eyes searched for the cheapest room. I chose that room. After receiving the key card, I immediately brought my bag up to the room.

Actually, a room priced at one hundred dollars is not as meager as you think. At least there were towels and thick blankets on the bed, and small bottles of shampoo, soap, and toothpaste hidden in the bathroom. The room condition is not bad at all. Worth the money spent I went to turn on the heater. He kicked his bag off the walkway and sat down on the bed.

After a moment I realized that I didn't have any plans in my head. So he let his back hit the bed slowly as he thought about nothing.

Soon he fell asleep.

Yeah, you are my home

my home for all seasons

Someone once said I was too young to do anything on my own. But I fought with him in my heart with the words They are too old to play like children. Busy with their regular jobs that never take a break. Even during Christmas A wonderful time They still didn't have time for me. We argued, but things settled down when I proved that I could take care of myself by traveling here.

They don't care how I live my life. But so be it. Old people don't understand the meaning of living a life worth living.

This has been my dream since childhood to travel somewhere abroad. Where the weather is cold and there are many pine trees. The Christmas festival was held in a spectacular way. That's what I hope.

And then you have to be surprised. Because it's really amazing.

I woke up. When you feel like you're about to freeze to death

Suddenly, the explosion from the heater was loud enough for the employees outside to hear. I stood up along with the employees who were trying to enter.

My first day…

He said it would take about five hours to repair and there were no similar rooms available. So he offered to pay me a few hundred dollars more to upgrade my room. But I brushed it off. It's not that there aren't enough. But I can find a solution for myself.

It was very dark outside the hotel right now. And I feel the ice in my veins So I took myself to escape the cold at the supermarket. At this time people were still busy. Maybe because tomorrow is Christmas and they have to tidy up the house. Prepare food for the upcoming big day.

Christmas Eve Time for family, love and celebration.

And then I feel lonely It's not much, but it makes me miss home. I ran away. Even though they know, no one cares. Let's just say I need time for myself to soak in the happiness until I'm full. Even though it's a short period before the new year. But I love Christmas I love the lights at night, I love the cold weather, even though I'm lonely, I'm happy enough to be alone.

The cashier smiled at me. While standing, the change was returned to me and I thanked him for not accepting the bag. I layered my new leather jacket over my sweater. This city at this time is very cold. And I need some warmth for myself

It's not too far outside. There was an arch in the snow that was more crowded than the supermarket.

It's a small coffee shop. There are many benches around the shop. I rubbed my hands under my gloves before walking in.

"Thank you"

Get a small mug of hot chocolate in your hand. It's like a lifesaver. In the midst of sub-zero temperatures Hopefully it won't get too cold first. While looking for a seat Before you reach your destination A woman walked past and bumped his shoulder. I gritted my teeth as the heat from the liquid in the glass stung my skin. “Excuse me!” She turned to me.”

Oh sorry"

"It's okay," I smiled back.

She relaxed her furrowed brow when she realized that I was also Thai.

“Excuse me, are you hurt?” She quickly shook her head at the other person who looked worried as she pulled out a handkerchief in her pocket and wiped it. "You're probably hot." Definitely hot. But it's like taking a warm bath in the winter. I glanced at the other person who was looking down. Her eyes were busy trying to cool my hand. Under the big hood

Then our eyes met when she realized I was looking. She was probably worried that I would think too much about cleanliness. "I haven't used this cloth yet."

I nod in understanding. "Are you in a hurry to go somewhere?" The other person gave him a questioning look before shaking his head in response.

Walked out of the coffee booth with two cups of hot chocolate. Along with another woman who was holding a glass of something hot in her hand. Leave a trail of boot prints in the snow.

There was silence between us. It's funny how she keeps looking at her feet.

"Chris," I opened the conversation with my name. "I didn't think I'd meet a Thai person this quickly."

"B, I don't think so," B laughed. "Are you here to visit?"

"Just call me Chris."

"Chris.." the other person smiled, "Christmas?"

Actually, I don't know the origin of my name. Never asked my mother, "Yes… yes, Christmas." She might remember me next year as the strange woman named Christmas. at christmas Just thinking about it is fun. "Have a break at the end of the year. So I looked for a quiet place to rest. B probably isn't much older, right?" I guessed from his back pocket that he probably had a pocketbook in it.

"no"

"Come to visit as well?"

"Come to study," B continued. "Stay until you're old." The other party laughed. "Maybe B is younger than you."

I stopped thinking and looked at the tall woman. She must have been a girl who studied very well and received a scholarship to study abroad.

She probably has parents waiting for her. Or he was definitely watching over somewhere around here. "And where are the people who came with you?"

B looked at him, "Who is it?"

"Host? The person who takes care of you?"

Then my eyes stopped at another person who moved to stand and cover him before bending down and pointing a finger at himself. "There's no host, there's only B."

It didn't take long to wonder. B continued walking. "What do you mean? That there's only you?"

"B is alone. Living alone, isn't that cool?"

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

“Scholarship student, why don't you have a host? Your family wouldn't leave their daughter alone, right?"

The other party shakes his shoulder. “Actually, there is a relative's house.

east coast

B told him that he wanted to come stay at a friend's house for Christmas."

"And where is your friend?"

"How about you, Chris?" B smiled brightly. His cheeks were red because of the cold weather.

I don't understand, "Why do you have to lie?"

"To be myself?"

This child is not ordinary at all. She looks like me.

"And the past Aren't you yourself?”

I asked Bee, but thought to myself, "I don't know, but the real Bee isn't like this." This answer made me want to know what the real Bee was like. But then I thought, why would I want to know about other people? The matter alone was chaotic enough. "How long has Brother Chris been here?"

"7 days"

“Is anyone coming with you?” B asked. “Are you looking for someone?”

Look at the clock before looking up at the sky. The snow was getting heavier and it wouldn't be good if we were still outdoors like this. "Let's get indoors before we die out here," then I realized. "Where is Baan B? I'll go send it right away."

We stood still when B's answer was to look away. In the midst of an approaching blizzard I don't understand B at all. Her expression trembled when she held his hand. B didn't resist, but he didn't answer. I waited for a silent answer until everything around me went white. The wind picked up, so I took the tall boy and took shelter in front of someone's house that had a warm archway to shelter us from the storm.

The other person crossed his arms over his chest and shivered. The tip of my eyelashes had a pitiful little layer of snow on them.

I don't think escaping my old society would allow me to do something like this. Like giving up half the space of the leather jacket you just bought to the person next to you.

We sat hugging our knees in the same position, looking at each other but not saying anything.

I want you to know that I’m never leaving

Cause I’m Mrs. Snow, ’till death will be freezing

"Chris came alone. There's no one here," I said as Bee pretended to fall asleep. “Now can you tell me what happened? This kind of silence isn't going to do any good."

"I don't want to go home."

"And where is your house?"

B is quiet again.

Let's just say I won't ask about that. The later it gets, the colder the weather gets. I moved closer to B. Curled up in there with the tall kid, "B", white smoke drifts with the words. "Actually, I ran away from home."

He turned his attention to me again.

Telling your secrets to someone you just met can be funny, too. "It's not correct to call it an escape. My parents know they're coming but they don't care. They just keep working. And I don't know how to raise children." Since childhood, we traveled very little. In addition to the local zoo and department stores That's where we go. No Christmas, no New Year.

I don't know how I grew up, but I thank myself for still loving my freedom. "That's the reason I came here. I didn't know anyone, I didn't know where I was," Sameang Bee said, "and I was sitting here complaining about myself to kids who wouldn't listen."

Bee laughed wildly at that sentence. "Why did Chris tell you?"

"I don't know," the hotel texted. "Killing time, maybe?"

The heater has been repaired. But fuck it.

B continued to be quiet while burying her head in her legs. The clear eyes under the hood couldn't conceal the sadness.

Please don’t cry no tears now

It’s Christmas baby

I looked at Bee's face as he tried to hide his face from my hand that tried to comfort me. He covered his mouth with his hand to block out his sobs. Before I pulled his hand away Raise your hand to cover his eyes. This time Bee didn't resist.

"Stay with me, just be yourself."

The other person nodded obediently. I removed my hand with the tear stains on it. Before giving a hand to Bee and he stood up following the force of his pull. I held B's hand to follow her. By this time, the wind outside had calmed down, and the crowd had thinned out, but the colored lights they had put up before going to bed were still there.

We walked slowly to our accommodation but quickly got to know each other deeply. Time always passes quickly when we have a goal. and flow slowly if what you are doing is not important Let me tell you, I've been waiting for the clock to stop.

"Do you want to go up and get something to drink first?"

"nevermind Bee has bothered Brother Chris a lot."

I shrugged before rubbing my hand against my pants. "Okay." I still didn't want to leave the person in front of me.

"Almost forgot, shirt-"

"You don't have to take it off. It's cold outside Let's put it on first" and decided to ask. "Do you have class tomorrow?"

"Yes." I want time to go more slowly. "I'll be back. Goodbye."

I watched B's back gradually disappear as far as I could see.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I will never believe Until it happened to myself

"Oh, Brother Chris, I didn't expect to see you here."

I don't think the same. That I will stand in front of this university

“You came to get your shirt back, right? B has washed it for you."

I laughed at his cute expression before stopping him. “Look, I don't care about the shirt. Let's go on a trip."

B immediately smiled broadly when we arrived. I'm sure he'll like it. I've been doing my homework all night. Searching for cool places in the city, we found that not far from B University there were many activity booths waiting for us.

I looked up at those glowing eyes in amusement. Glad you like it.

Not far away there is a shop selling drinks and snacks. "Would you like some hot chocolate, teenager?" Bee agreed, of course.

We now had hot chocolate and a donut in our hands. B looked at me before bursting out laughing. It turned out that we laughed at each other until our stomachs hurt when we thought about the first time we met. We became close very quickly even though we met yesterday. B is a lovely, polite, warm person who blends in with the soft lights and the atmosphere this evening.

before leading him to various shops I like the Satan Cross hat on the B-head. But it seems more suitable for reindeer antlers. We were stuck in that store for hours.

"B, please help me choose a hat."

"B-"

He's not here.

Instead, I was concentrating on a pop band serenading us beneath a large, twinkling fire pine tree. It was high enough that I could see the whole thing.

Okay, it's time to have fun.

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year, to save me from tears

I'll give it to someone special

I walked up to B. Holding both hands while swaying back and forth to the song "Quick Bee, Take a Step"

"Brother Kris…" B looked at the people cheering us around, embarrassed. As for me, I close my eyes and keep dancing. Look at the person in front of you and say, "Come on." Be yourself for one day and make the whole world jealous! The singer has sung a lullaby for us. Under the shadow of the lit fireworks, no one knows us. The snow is falling like a wall of fear that has been torn apart. We own this work. No one can stop us On the wet ground instead of the tears that are about to dry up

Soon almost the entire party was dancing along with us. But I don't care about them. I focus on the person in front of me who is completely happy.

Ooh, ooh, now I've found a real love

You'll never fool me again

Pictures of us flying on the floor My hair is messy. The laughter was so loud that it was impossible to distinguish whose voice was whose. With a smile that makes it almost impossible to tell whether your eyes are closed or open. still catches my eye We were like two drunk people stumbling out of an event. Even though I hadn't touched a glass of alcohol at all.

"Hey, where are we going?"

"I don't know. It's up to Chris."

What shops will be open this late? "It's up to you too. I'm tired." before laying down on the soft snow. B lay down next to him some time later.

Silence fell over us until I could hear my own laughter.

"You're a good dancer too, Bee." She leaned up on her arms and looked at him. "Today was really fun."

Another person grinned, "Yes, today was really fun. Thank you."

"Thank you."

B looked at me, our eyes met before I brought my face down to his.

So close you can hear your heartbeat

But then something in my conscience held me back and told me to back off.

"Let's go back."

Along the way, no one thought to start a conversation. Aside from Bee who took out a leather jacket to cover it up. In the midst of several degrees of negative air As for me, I was thinking about what to talk to BD while we walked side by side. But before I thought about it, we arrived at the accommodation and it turned out that the atmosphere was tense because we were quiet the whole way.

We all have different looks of confusion in our eyes.

"Thank you for coming." I didn't dare meet his eyes. Other than looking at the hand that was stroking his own arm, "Good night."

I looked up at Bee when I felt him go silent.

"sweet dreams"

"Um"

I opened the door to the room with mixed feelings. Panting full of sorrow But I can't let this stay with me all night. Definitely can't sleep. Suddenly, I hurriedly opened the door. He ran towards B who was still not far away. Before pulling B in and kissing him, conveying all the feelings he had, B kissed him back.

I would have almost disappeared into the snow if Bee hadn't held me. We stayed like that for a long time. Forget everything All the pain that we've experienced This was my best Christmas yet. And I'll never forget it.

"Just coming to say Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas."

I smiled widely before we actually had to go our separate ways and go back to bed.

"See you later."

"sweet dreams"

Tonight I won't be able to sleep. Should have thought about B all night.

Today I woke up later than usual. Maybe because last night it took me a long time to lull myself to sleep. It all happened so fast that I forgot what I was here for.

After Christmas it's still beautiful. Many people left their homes. Bring the family to hang out It was a warmth that I forgot about that feeling but brought back to remember when the atmosphere took me so far away. I couldn't help but think about what the people at home would do. Will you miss me? It doesn't matter. Just today I have lived happily is enough.

Then I realized that I had forgotten something. I forgot to ask for a burbi yesterday. And I don't know what time he finishes school today. I came to this realization when many students started looking at me. and the sky gradually darkened amidst the cold air

8:15 p.m. I slowly got up. How do your eyes search for someone? When I see B tomorrow, I'll ask for his number.

It's another day that I came to sit and wait for B. This time I made cocoa in a hot water bottle and went with delicious croissants. Actually, I'm not a searcher for stores like this. But when I thought about it, B would definitely be hungry after school. It won't hurt to stock up. Considered to have gotten to know one more place. B will definitely like it.

Another day, I sat and watched the guards close the gate before walking into the fort.

I miss you B

I began to think that B was avoiding me. But another thought told me that B might be sick. I didn't come to study. Or maybe I dropped out of school earlier than I thought.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Uncle Guard called out to me. "It's this late, all the teachers have gone back."

I smiled, "No." I looked at the cold cocoa and bread in my hand. "Are you hungry? I just bought some cocoa and bread." I stuffed them into his hand, confused. But he accepted and said thank you.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart

A man undercover

"but you tore me apart…" 

Tear my heart to shreds.

Take your headphones off when you feel like you're about to fall apart. I brought myself all the way to a foreign country to let kids from nowhere use my feelings as a toy. Today I gave up my intention to go see Bee. When I came back, I thought that I had taken my body to find freedom. Enjoy the atmosphere of Christmas to the fullest before flying back to face reality. It would have been that way if it weren't for the fact that I'd left a kiss with someone.

“Yes, she is a woman about 180 cm tall. He ran away from home. I'm his relative." The security system here is very tight. Especially the student register. "Thank you, I'll contact you." I put down the pen when the person on the line told me the number that would allow B and me to meet. I was so worried as my fingers slowly typed those numbers into the phone.

But the thought of it is more than that. My heart trembles, my whole chest is filled with excitement. My short breaths said how excited I was. The voice on the other end shattered his resolve to stop contacting him.

"Can you come see me? We have things to talk about.”

At first, I planned to meet B at a place with loud music. Booze and cigarettes to make herself braver than usual, but when she thought that the place was loud and that B had just barely had a childhood. Being taken to a place like that can shake our spirits. Too out of this world for B.

So I sat down in a roadside restaurant. The atmosphere in the store was extremely uncomfortable even though the store was full of people. The Christmas tree has twinkling lights Waiter wearing a Santa Claus hat Even the food I ordered had green and red in it.

He raised his beer again when he saw Bee walking through the door.

I don't know which sentence to start with. B is probably the same.

“Do you want to order anything first?”

end of sentence The staff came to take orders for hot chocolate and bread.

I don't know if I should criticize, ask, or talk about the little things first. Any matter that keeps Bee from running away. Stir for so long that the person opposite speaks first.

“B, I'm sorry.”

“What is it?” There are many things to think about. What I asked seemed like B made many mistakes, so I changed my words. “I…I'm sorry too. I know I shouldn't have treated her like that. I didn't know how to begin apologizing, so I thought I'd start at the restaurant.” What a terrible idea.

“It's not your fault.”

“I don't want our matter to be unfinished. I probably won't be able to sleep until I return to Thailand,” he said in a hurry, as if he was afraid the person in front of him would disappear. “To shorten time I will tell you my story.” We didn't have much time to learn. So I'll tell you what I am. “I am an only child. Growing up in a large family

Many people say that only children get all the attention, but for me it's the opposite. My parents hardly have time for me. As for me, I live a life of self-reliance. I decided to come here for the first time. I like Christmas, I like the people, I like the atmosphere, I like to live freely.” Make eye contact with the person in front of you. “And I like you too.”

He ducked his head shyly. “I didn't expect her to like her back or do anything to give me hope. I'm a stranger you've only known for two days. And I'm satisfied that we've gotten to know each other.”

His palms were cold compared to the hot feelings in his heart.

“Christmas comes once a year. But not every time is wonderful, right?” B looked at him nervously.

“Yes, this year has been wonderful for me.”

“As Chris knows B lives here alone,” B had said since the first time we met. “Bee was sent to study here when she was a child. and then return to Thailand And then came to study here again. B will be happy every time she returns home. It's like a warm picture. I'm happy every time I get to see my family together. But it gets less every time.”

His voice trembled with emotion. “A few years ago, people around me were happy that Bee was here. But then they disappeared How long will it take to contact you back? But by that time, Bee had lost faith in talking to him. Until it turns out that they are now gone from their lives forever. There are only expenses that go along with the academic results they need.”

Bee laughed a second later but the sound was too sad to have any sense of humor.

“Bee then turned to open her heart to strangers. But like everyone After getting to know each other They will disappear” just like they knew me. “B, I'm glad I got to know Kris. But I'm afraid because soon we will have to separate.”

It is true that we cannot deny the distance, the time and the separation.

“Let me prove it. That the theory she said is not true.”

I get bored easily, love freedom, have never been in love. But who knows, in the future I might change into a different person than I am now. and hold on to your own feelings

We said goodbye that day.

B didn't even come to take me to the airport.

It's like we're turning the clock over so that it starts to flow down.

After returning to living life as before The old atmosphere has returned. I would wake up in the morning to my alarm, go to work, go home and sleep. Forget the story you dreamed of The next morning I would wake up again. Run in the wheel of truth and forget the good memories.

And now I've forgotten what I have planned for the end of the year holiday. It must be Christmas somewhere that allows me to take a break from my heavy workload.

Bee :

I sat and watched the sand disappear. Before turning the clock over, let the sand flow down again on the other side.

The calendar says today is the twenty-fifth of December. This meant that the period of trial was over.

I still wait every day Praying that the days will go faster.

The coldness receded from the fireplace. The flames echoed across the walls. Along with small lights from the Christmas tree.

“Christmas,” I said again, “Las Christmas,” the greatest movie of all time.

I decided to pick up this movie and watch it. It's my favorite thing to watch every year because it's like my story is told in it. Even though no one has to die in the end. But they left no different.

Once bitten and twice shy

I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye

Tell me baby, do you recognize me?

Well, it’s been a year it doesn’t surprise me

It's been a year, so it's not surprising. And I'm used to the way I am now.

Maybe I should just give up hope and go live my life to the fullest as you do.

The wait is over. The research is over. She proved that my theory never changes.

There was a knock at the door. It must be someone delivering food.

A coldness from behind the door swept through. I was rock hard right there. With a heart as cold as corrosive ice Now it seems like it's slowly melting away.

“Hey stranger, may I stay with you? The hotel heater is making me really sick.”

She walked in and put down her bulky bag. before jumping and hugging me

"Christmas?"

“Merry Christmas”

My theory probably doesn't really work for you.

Hopefully it will warm your heart in the atmosphere at the end of the year.

Currently writing a new story. Please follow me :)

twitter : @kefflecher