I am a child from the provinces who has lived with my grandparents since we were born. Now we only have Grandma left. I lost my eye many years ago. Two people living together, grandma and grandchild. As for parents and other relatives, they live in the same area.

When I was in middle school, my first boyfriend was a casual guy, so there wasn't anything out of the ordinary. When I got to high school, I changed schools. With society becoming more open, we get to know more people. Love is like opening a new world, starting to know other forms of love that are not just men and women. In which we have a second boyfriend who is a tomboy, people around us are grandparents, parents.

Or even relatives can't accept it. He doesn't understand how women can love each other or live together.

with our stubbornness Still refusing to quit We were together all the time while studying. Until the end of high school My girlfriend decided not to continue her studies and went to work. As for us, we choose to continue our studies. At first everything was normal. But when they started to drift apart We rarely live together. There's no time for each other. Each person has their own duties.

Having a new society, meeting new people, so we broke up. They broke up many times. When we broke up, everyone at our house was happy.

Until I was 27, I met a woman online. Let's call her Phueng. Phueng is in government service, younger than her age, living in a different province. We talked for a year before meeting each other. By the bee sitting and coming to see us at home.

The first time we met, I remember the feeling. It's like, really, really exciting. I don't act right. Phueng is a lesbian, which means she's like every other woman. When we came home, we introduced ourselves to everyone as friends. The reason? Because we were afraid that Grandma wouldn't accept it. It's like we grow up and our thoughts change. We care more about everyone around us, especially Grandma. My grandmother is very old, 80-90 years old.

Grandma always said to us that she wanted us to have a family so that if anything were to happen to her, we wouldn't have to worry. Grandma is afraid we can't be alone.

We acted like normal friends. Bee gets along well with our grandmother. We don't know if Bee's appearance was similar to that of a normal woman or not, so Grandma and the people around her didn't suspect anything.

We keep coming together and bees come to visit us. But seriously, bees want to come visit us often, but we're afraid that people at home will know. It's been a long time since we've met each other.

Until 6 years have passed, Bee asked us:

“When will we tell Grandma? Tell everyone we're not just friends."

Not during the 6 years we've been together. Bee has never asked us, but we said we weren't ready yet. Bee herself is very cute. Bee said that it's okay. Bee can wait. Bee understands that we are worried about Grandma's feelings. Because Bee knows how much we love Grandma.

But this time we felt that it was different than every time because we were selfish and really let the bees wait for a long time. We had to make a choice at that time. We admit that we were very confused. We thought about all kinds of things. We admit that we were selfish. I admit I'm afraid. I'm afraid Grandma will be sad. I'm afraid Grandma will be worried. I'm afraid Grandma will think too much. I'm afraid Grandma won't understand. I'm afraid Grandma won't be able to accept it. I'm afraid Grandma will be embarrassed by others.

Many people may be wondering, why aren't you afraid that you'll regret it when you're finished with Tom? Aren't you afraid you'll be embarrassed...?

We say that when we get older Our thoughts will change as well. Seriously, provincial society Older people say they don't understand this form of love, they don't understand how it can be complete. And will it last long? We'll break up next. And when I get old, who will I live with when I'm sick? Who will look after me when I can't have children or grandchildren?

In his past life, he may have never encountered it. Old people just think that if they have to marry a man, they must have children and grandchildren. We understand Grandma.

If it were anyone else, we wouldn't care this much. But Grandma is everything in our lives. Grandma is a place to stay when you're tired. Grandma is our smile. Whether we are suffering or happy, whether we are hurt or sick, Grandma will always be beside us. There are only 2 of us, grandma and grandchild. We know how much Grandma cares for us. We just want to make you comfortable. I don't want you to think too much.

will be with us for a long time So we don't dare tell about our relationship with bees.

Until finally we decided to break up with Phueng. We accept that we made the decision because of selfishness. Because of various fears that haven't even happened yet. We let go even though we haven't even tried. Even though the bees did nothing wrong. Bee just wants the relationship to move forward and wants it to be clear. I just want to be accepted by our family as lovers, not just friends.

We hurt someone's feelings even though they have always been very good to us. Let him wait until 6 years have passed, let Bee live as a friend in the eyes of others. Just because of our own fear, but if we don't decide to quit now. We cannot give the answer to the bees as to when we must wait for the bees to arrive.

We have to let the bees wait when we are ready to tell others. How many more days, months, years must I wait? No one wants to stay in the shadows forever.

We broke up with Phueng 2 years ago. Now we have the man that Grandma and her family wanted. But the longer we've been together, the more we ask ourselves: Hey, how long can we afford to deceive ourselves? Are we really happy that we made this decision? And if we let everything go as far as getting married or having children, what will we do?

How do we fix it if we can't stand it anymore?

Sometimes, we want to tell grandma directly that we "like women." We can't accept living with a man. I can only think about it, but I still don't have enough courage. Everything seems difficult. Dutan is helpless.

We don't know what our life will be like next. But we just want to apologize very much to Bee. Sorry to make you sad And thank you for everything that has passed. We are glad to have known and loved you. During the whole thing, it was really good. The whole thing is, we just want to say Not everyone is lucky. that the family around you understands

Then we can accept who we are, what we like. It may be our fault that we are not strong, that we do not try that we are afraid of. But everyone, don't forget that people have different needs. There are different reasons.

We believe that there are still many people in society who love the same gender, many people like us, who have to hide their preferences and tastes because they care about those around them. Care about social appearance Care about other people's words

Thank you to everyone who came to read.

Anyone who has experience with love, please share.

Sometimes telling stories to people you don't know is more comfortable than telling them to those you are close to.

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