worship him

The person who used to be my first love when I was young.

worship him

The person who used to be my first love when I was young.

A large watermelon was cut into two halves.

“Here, take it to the house. Said it was from Mother Lin.”

Shasi nodded to the middle-aged woman who had the honor of being a mother. Using a dirty palm, he stroked the hem of his own shirt lightly. hoping to clean He held a large watermelon cut in half that his mother had kept in the freezer until it was cold and cradled it in the palm of his hand.

“Hello to him.”

He nodded as if he understood before stepping back and walking out. That house that mother said was the house across from him not far away. Sasi picked up the watermelon and held it in the palm of one hand. Unlocking the old wooden gate with patches of gourd tops. His feet walked until he could see his destination within sight. Before crossing the road, look left and right. Even if it's a small line In the alley, you can't be careless. Mother taught you.

When he saw that there was no traffic, he walked over and stopped in front of the fence of the house. He inhaled heavily. Boost morale when talking with people you don't know. Slender eyes peered across the old white wooden fence. enter the house The house opposite has a medium-sized two-story structure with a shady atmosphere around it.

One of Sha Si's hands clenched nervously. The other hand held the watermelon apprehensively. he called out

"Excuse me, is anyone there?"

Shouting so loudly that dogs lying nearby in the sun began to shout and bark. He turned and looked at his mother's house. Can't think of who to ask for help from? When he saw that the house opposite was probably devoid of any signs of life.

“Who are you looking for?”

Shasi turned quickly towards the source of the sound. There was a boy in school uniform who was probably around the age of thirty-four. The boy smiled wryly. Standing and looking at him while clinging to the fence of the house in fear.

“Is Mom there?”

“Who is this?”

“Mommy asked me to bring you a watermelon.”

Sasi did not answer the boy's question. He hurriedly raised one hand that was holding a large fruit above his head. It is a symbol to make the person in front of you feel relieved that he is not a bad person.

“From Mother Lin, that house.”

saying that he was ready to point his finger in the direction of the house across the street that was only a few tens of meters away. And that was the first time Sa Si got to know each other.

“Sasi?”

"yes"

“What a strange name.”

Sha Si shook her shoulders, having heard these words her entire life until she felt accustomed to them. He packed his things into his school bag and prepared to go home after the teacher finished teaching. A friend in the room walked up and asked as if he wanted to get to know him seeing that he was a new kid. Sasi didn't answer anything. Just give him a small smile and that's it.

After finishing packing his things, he immediately rushed out of the awkward place. Sasi is in the fifth grade. This was his first day of making new friends after having to transfer schools for the second time because of his father's job.

A school bag was slung over his shoulder. His two legs walked past people he didn't know without tiring. It is now almost four o'clock in the afternoon. He had to rush home to wash the dishes for his mother. And before I knew it again Shasi had lost his way.

“That's right.”

Picking up his mobile phone to check the direction, Sasi scratched his head in confusion. His house and school are not far away, so there is no need for a car. Just a few minutes' walk and you'll reach your new home. Shasi swept her eyes. People like him will be lost.

"oh"

He turned quickly at the sound of chattering coming from behind. Standing there In the condition of wearing a school uniform with the hem of the shirt released like the first time we met. He stood and looked at Sha Si with questioning eyes. In one hand he held a nearly empty glass of iced tea and popped a straw of ice into his mouth.

“Where are you going?”

Gan asked, chewing on a straw of ice until it made a terrifying noise. Sasi made a blank face. I don't know how to answer the person in front of me. But before he could speak, the boy spoke.

“This restaurant's pork porridge is delicious.”

“But I recommend coming to eat when your youngest child is the one receiving customers. The eldest child is not very well behaved.”

Pointing a slender finger at an old two-story shophouse. located not far away Sasi turned and looked at her fingertips. Before finding out that it was a shop with a few customers sitting there. Most of which tend to be elderly people.

“I'm going to eat. Will you come with me?”

Sasi doesn't know why he agreed that day.

Black school shoes kicked up dirt in front of an old white wooden fence. He looked around, looking for the person who had told him to wait here for almost ten minutes. And before Sa Si couldn't stand it He ran out of the house with his head upright, looking anxious.

"slow"

“Sorry.”

He raised his hand in apology. Sasi didn't turn around and say anything further. Since that day we walked home together every evening. Plus, sometimes he wouldn't even go to school if he knew he wasn't going.

“Have you finished your homework yet?”

asked another person as we walked to school together every morning. Just that sentence stopped. before ripping out his short black hair and causing himself to suffer a lot. I turned around and looked shocked and was about to open my mouth to tell him.

“Did you forget again?”

“What should I do?”

“I told you to hurry up and do it when you get home.”

“People forget this.”

Shasi sighed heavily, exhausted. Let's keep claiming this and that. Because of this, how could I not be able to study in the fourth grade?

“Bring it for me to see. I'll teach you right away."

Because of this, there were many times when the two of us were late for school. Originally, if Sa Si went alone, he wouldn't be late. But the line is because of each other.

“Let me sleep with you tonight.”

“What do you sleep in?”

"My mother isn't home."

"So it's your problem?"

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. As they walked home together, they spoke out loud like that. and Sa Si cannot prevent each other's desires. Because if each other wants something We'll get it anyway.

It's because of this that we can see each other sitting here with a sad face on his bed, rolling around and hugging his beloved stuffed dog. But Sa Si didn't say anything anyway.

“Where will you continue your studies?”

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it yet."

"I don't want to walk to school alone."

“Must be very lonely.”

And deep within Sasi's heart, she knew that it wasn't just each other who was lonely. He too

“Take good care of the house.”

"okay"

Mother came in and gave him a big hug. I entrusted my home to him who was just a high school student. Shasi nodded timidly. Mom and Dad drove off after saying they were busy and wouldn't be coming home for a while.

“Don't you have a house?”

“That day my mother wasn't home and she came to stay with me as a friend. This time, I came to stay with you as a friend."

Gun continued to walk in and out of his house as he pleased. They sat on a cream-colored sofa. Pick up the novel tucked beside you and open it to read. Sasi opened the refrigerator and picked up ready-made orange juice and poured it into a glass.

“Oh.”

“Orange juice again.”

"What do you want to eat? Milk?"

“You'd better eat this.”

Gan picked up something from the cloth bag he had brought from home. Shasi looked around. Before finding out that the things that Gan had with him were not things that a fourteen year old should be able to possess.

“Where did you get it?”

“Is this yours?”

“Take it back.”

"Why do you have to be able to eat when you're all grown up?"

A can of ready-made beer was taken out of the bag. He looked at the small man sitting with clear eyes. He could eat, but he was still ten years too early.

“Isn't it delicious?”

"sharp"

“So bitter, why do adults eat it?”

“It's cool.”

Sha Si laughed after downing the beer and drinking almost half of it. Kan sat cross-legged and looked at him, who was sitting with his back leaning on the sofa on the floor next to him. Gan snatched the beer can from his hand and held it.

“Bring it here.”

“Just taste it.”

“No, take this.”

“Mine, my mother's.”

Has Sasi told you before that we are the type of people who want whatever they want? He downed his beer and drank it in large gulps. After a few moments, his face turned as if he were about to die.

“I told you,” Shasi laughed, grabbing an aluminum can and holding it instead. Gan looked down and asked how the adults ate it.

“As you grow up, eat later.”

“So, do you want to eat together?”

“If you want me to come, I will come.”

We smiled slightly again. It was the brightest smile, second only to her mother, that Sa Si had ever seen. I don't know if it was because of the alcohol or because of the loneliness inside. For a moment our faces moved towards each other until they almost merged into one flesh.

For a moment, Sha Si's common sense asked the younger person in a low voice. As if wanting to clearly emphasize voluntariness

“If we don't tell you to stop. I'll take it that we give permission."

which Sasi never knew That it was the worst nightmare he was about to face.

That day was the first time that they and each other secretly have a physical relationship We still walked to school together every morning. and go home together every evening There were times when the two of us went to eat porridge at that restaurant. And sometimes we come to eat at his house.

"four"

Sa Si looked up at her father who called out harshly while the three of us sat down to eat. Mother put down the spoon, as if she was about to stop her from doing something. Shasi raised her eyebrows and asked.

“What is it, Dad?”

"Mom and Dad aren't home tonight."

“All night?”

"yes"

Dad said in a quiet voice. Seeing that, he nodded in understanding and bowed his head to eat. Father spoke again in a soft voice.

“I'll be back tomorrow morning.”

Sasi didn't know why he didn't suspect it when his father and mother disappeared from the house late at night. This was the first time that Mom and Dad said they would be gone all night.

“Brother Four”

“Hm.”

Kan asked in a soft voice. Sitting on top of his legs while we watched TV in the living room. Since that day our relationship has become even stronger. Until Saxi never knew that it was about to lead him into a nightmare.

"Are you going to tell your parents?"

“Tell me.”

Gan asked as she sat on his lap and buried her face in his shoulder. Sasi rubbed each other's heads gently. As if to tell him that one day the two of us will openly date each other.

You pulled away and looked at him with a smile. It was the most beautiful smile Sa Si had ever seen, second to none. He pressed his nose to his black hair. Inhaling the sweetness from each other that made him feel almost crazy.

We kissed again and again

They act like they long for each other so much when they haven't seen each other. His clothes were taken off. Until only a thin inner layer remains That protects the white skin Kan said in a soft voice.

“Turn off the lights.”

Sasi smiled, no matter how many times she never stopped feeling embarrassed. He turned off the light. Only the light from the glass screen shines on the smooth skin.

Sasi pulled away and took off her shirt. He was about to lean in and snatch the sweetness from the younger person. It's not yet time to caress the smooth skin. The bright neon light switch was slapped with the palm of the hand until it suddenly became brighter.

“Fucking four!”

Sa Si's upper arm was violently pulled by a person with the honor of being a father. Sa Si was still stunned by the incident. He looked at each other, hunched over on the sofa, trying to hide his almost naked body. Father grabbed his arm and looked at him with bloodshot eyes. asked him in a loud, cursing voice.

“Are you a hermaphrodite, Sis! Answer me."

"Father, father, that's enough. You're hurt."

Mom tried to stop Dad from being around. But a small woman probably wouldn't be able to fight the strength of a large soldier. He was hit in the face with a rough palm. Until Sa Si's face turned the other way and she felt pain until it changed to numbness. At that moment, there was only one person he cared about.

He was snatched up at his house by his father. He walked along the road in a slanted state. It was only a matter of time before Sa-si's eyes welled up with tears. Not because of hurt feelings, but because of other feelings.

That was the last time we saw each other.

A black sedan came to a stop inside the house. A medium-sized two-story wooden house that is quite old. Long Legs stepped out of the car with mixed feelings. When Sasi's father died, this house became his property.

The two-story house was in a dilapidated condition. After the day Sa Si was unexpectedly sent to a relative's house. And that was once again when Sasi transferred schools for the third time.

Use a handkerchief to cover your nose when you feel dust flying. He pushed open the old wooden door and entered the house. Shasi Ai pounded, frowning and ran the other way when he was hit by the dust. Two long legs walked down the walkway. Meet the old atmosphere that I had lived in, even if only temporarily, when I was a child

We haven't seen each other since that day.

There isn't even any contact. His father forbade him in every way. Sasi was unexpectedly sent to a relative's house. That was the last time we met.

His father died when he was thirty years old. Mother broke up with father four or five years before that. Sasi thought that was good because his father was a man who used his strength above his intellect.

The house opposite has changed owners twice.

I don't know what the reason was because Sasi never got an answer. I secretly thought that maybe we could meet. But that's just a pipe dream.

Sasi called her mother and asked if he could sell the house. Which Mom is okay with because she doesn't plan on coming back. Sasi contacts a broker and received the answer that it would be difficult to sell because the condition of the house was quite old.

“No ginger.”

Shasi snapped out of her trance and looked up. The shop waiter stared at him, repeating his question. Shasi nodded in agreement before turning her eyes to look around. That porridge shop is still in its original location, unchanged.

“Drinking water is served to yourself.”

The handsome waiter told him in a loud voice. Shasi nodded lightly. Look around at the surroundings where you spent your life when you were a child. Even though it's temporary, I miss it dearly.

Both the places and the people that Sasi once loved.

“Eat deliciously, dear customers.”

He gave a slight smile to the waiter who placed a bowl of pork porridge in front of him. Sa Si picked up a porcelain spoon and scooped porridge into her mouth. While opening his mouth wide, he caught the eye of a man.

From the looks of things, his height should be around one hundred and seventy. He was wearing a black striped long-sleeved shirt and a pair of shorts above the knees. White, smooth, clear skin, unlike Thai people. Short black haircut that is slightly longer than the average guy. and the strands of hair that fell on her face were easily tucked behind her ears.

“Why are you looking at my father?”

Unintentionally startled, the porcelain spoon fell onto the wooden table with a loud noise. A little girl stood with her feet on her hips and looked openly at him. Big, round eyes stared at Sa Si without looking away. Ask him again when you see that you don't get an answer.

“Father, this uncle looks at Father.”

His finger poked the father figure to turn and look at Sa Si. Sa Si hurriedly waved her hand and was about to say that he was not a bad person. The boy's father didn't immediately look back. He took the bag of porridge to take home and looked down at the little girl standing beside him.

“Kathi doesn't act like this. Not cute at all.”

He crouched down and spoke to his daughter until the collar of the shirt he was wearing was showing so much skin that Sa-si turned away. He spoke gently to his daughter. He lowered his hands on his daughter's hips and told her not to do it again.

"Please apologize quickly, Uncle."

He said in a soft voice, even though his face was still looking down at his daughter. The little child looked a little displeased. But in the end, he reluctantly raised his hands together to worship him.

"excuse me"

Sasi sat stunned. Not knowing what to answer the girl, he just bowed his head and smiled. As he picked up the spoon that had fallen on the table and cleaned it up with tissues. He raised his head and met the eyes of the child's father.

and immediately remembered that the girl's father was the man Sa Si had known.

The spoon in his hand hit the table again. And that included two bags of porridge to take home that fell on the floor. The girl looked at her father's face in confusion. His hand tugged at his father's arm and he asked.

“Father, rice is falling.”

They hardly changed at all from the first time they met. His skin was still as smooth and fine as when he was a child. A small, charming face that was modeled after her mother's. His eyes were still as big and round as before when we met. And that second We stared at each other and smiled.

We both nodded our heads to each other once as a sign that it was nice to meet you.

And that was the first time Sa Si knew that her heart rhythm had never changed since the first day until today.

With love but unable to possess