Thank you for the beautiful pictures from Khun Pee Ba ​​Bin.

"Please change the song."

His once smiling face suddenly froze as the familiar melody floated to his ears. Even though she's forgotten a bit, just the melody starting to play pulls out memories that were once deep down to make her realize that... It still exists

"Why? This is a popular song from the past. Let's listen to my favorite song," asked the voice of a young female friend who had just turned on the song via Bluetooth. When he didn't get an answer, he looked up. "What's wrong? My face isn't good."

Kwan was startled when her friends reached out to shake each other's hands. His dazed expression disappeared, he smiled teasingly, his brain suddenly unable to think of anything for a moment. The previous hilarity was pulled down. Accidentally touching a memory that I thought I had forgotten.

"Are you sure it's okay?" his friend asked.

"Nothing, just dizzy." Kwan quickly adjusted her face and smiled, telling her friend to leave.

“Okay, they'll come soon. I'd like to go to the bathroom first. Just sit and watch the balcony by yourself, I'll come back soon." My female friend hurriedly stood up. He turned and pointed his finger at his good friend who was sitting with a confused face and smiling at each other.

Kwan nodded in confusion. Turning to face the balcony again, facing the cool breeze, the sound of music could still be heard. His eyes sank again.

A sweet love song. A soft melody invites sweet dreams. Dreaming of good love between two people. In the past, it used to be a song that no matter how much you listened to it, it would make you bow your head and smile all day. If it turns out to be a song now, she will always avoid listening to it. If possible…

The song progresses to the lyrics, leaving words of promise hidden in the lyrics that many people say, It's so satisfying to listen to. They flocked to give this song to their loved ones. She is one of them as well.

Now it's come back and hit her hard. Thinking back to the promises she'd never make again

~Love only you and forever~

Kwan looked down at his hand, which was still holding an extremely cool amber-colored glass of wine. Before, it was still refreshing to drink. But now it's so cold I have to put it down. Lean back on the soft pillow, eyes closed slowly, going back in time. Thinking back to someone, even time cannot completely erase this person with a name that she will never forget.

"May"

A loud voice called out softly.

"May!"

And it started to get louder when the young girl was slumped next to her, still showing no signs of waking up. Kwan decided to shake the fragile woman in front of him.

"Uh-huh," another person's cute little voice finally responded causing the person standing with the flower to quickly hide it behind her back. He smiled brightly and spoke urgently to the woman in front of him.

“Wake up, May. What do you have to give?"

Kwan was still excited. His heartbeat pounded loudly, expecting to see the other person's happy expression.

"What is it, Kwan?"

Kwan listened to May's sleepy voice. With the gesture of rubbing those eyes with sparkling eyes He pursed his lips, trying to hide his smile. But it's so hard Because her eyes were still curved into crescents. Reveal your feelings well... She's not good at lying about this, she knows that.

"What are you laughing at? Are you laughing at May? You're not a good person." May started to cry. He lightly tapped the other man's shoulder, his face starting to curl up in displeasure. But it soon changed to a knowingly crafty one. Let Kwan smile even wider. She likes this woman. who always has a cheerful smile

"What are you hiding behind your back?" he said and looked up cutely. Stretch your neck left and right like a small turtle.

Unable to bear it, Kwan used her free hand to cup her small face, lightly touching the other's chin, forcing May to look up and meet their eyes.

"May, do you remember today? What day is it?" Even the person who said it was still excited. And she hoped that the other person would be just as excited as she was.

Before today, she had prepared everything. I want the other person to be as impressed as possible. She had never done this to anyone. But he only wanted to do it with the woman in front of him. with her lover

"What day is it?"

May tilted her head and smiled slightly. Make a thoughtful face and make the people waiting start to feel upset. The expression became dull. before bouncing back when she heard the laugh she liked to hear.

"Haha, what is it, Kwan? He's like a puppy. May, just kidding. Today is our one month anniversary, right?"

Kwan heard this and smiled widely. Immediately take out the items hidden behind you. A red rose that she secretly ran to buy at the flower shop in front of the school. with the brand of chocolate that another person likes

"Happy anniversary, May."

May gave a sweet smile in response, slowly taking the rose and the other item in her hand and holding it. Standing up from the chair, hugging the other person tightly, whispering softly to those who listen, their hearts pounding in their livers, "Thank you."

"Do you like it?" Kwan pushed herself out and asked the other person with a smile that wouldn't fade.

"I like it," May quickly responded as well. Looking around the room, I still didn't see any of my classmates. But still chose to ask "Today Kwan came early."

"Of course. I wanted to keep it private so I hurried over." Kwan scratched his cheek slightly. She had intended to come earlier, but when she saw that her lover was asleep, she was relieved. and started making little surprises

“So there aren't any gifts here? It's our anniversary." She looked across the table. Pretending to look at a black shoulder bag that looked flat. She didn't expect the other person to be as surprised as herself. But I just wanted to find a diversion before going into the planned plan.

May heard this and smiled sweetly. He walked up and wrapped his arms around the neck of a person slightly taller than himself, bringing him close before pressing his lips hard against that smooth cheek several times until the cheek puffed out.

“Enough!” Kwan, who was hit by such a sweet attack, cried out not so seriously. Because she even liked it when another person showed her love like this. In the eyes of outsiders, they are viewed as close friends. But their feelings grew to become even more love.

Their relationship must be kept secret and not told to anyone. Even the rest of the group didn't know.

'About us dating Don't tell anyone yet.'

A request she never thought would be a problem. We also understand that our love is different from other people's. In a world where the rules dictate that who you are is wrong.

This kind of love doesn't have to be seen. It's just that examples of people expressing same-sex attraction aren't very appealing. Even in safe areas, probation is prescribed. Friends of the same age group who have deviant behavior receive a pink card as an example of punishment for those with a certain heart. They will keep their heads down.

But matters of the heart and preferences, even if there are regulations to enforce them, Even if they spread it out, they wouldn't be able to suppress their feelings.

So even though it's been a month, we still haven't told anyone. I love you and me, the two of us. Everything went smoothly. And also happy

'It's quite happy, isn't it? As long as we love each other, no matter what, it will pass.'

Seeing that May had gone back to sitting down again. Kwan immediately began planning the next step. Pretend to look away and pretend to borrow homework that's due today.

"This is May. I'd like to copy the English course sheet please."

"Then why didn't you do it last night?" May turned to look into her green eyes. But he turned around and took out a file from his bag and took out a sheet for him anyway.

Kwan saw that it didn't go according to plan and was upset. Pretend to pick up an English course sheet and look at it.

"Thank you," and immediately sat down at his usual table next to the other person, pretending to pick up his own sheet.

"Now that it's finished, why are you asking for May's?" May frowned, looking suspiciously at him.

"How about taking the test? I'm not sure at all. May knows that Kwan isn't good at this subject." Kwan keeps finding excuses. He pretended to bow his head and examine it like that. To hide my eyes from my lover Because she knew that she was not a good liar, just the slightest bit of suspicion came out until they were all caught.

“Oh, yes. Can I borrow your physics notebook please? That day I forgot to ask so May took it home." Kwan thought of a new excuse and hurriedly asked. Because she remembered seeing her lover keep it inside and leave it at school, but didn't take it home to read like always.

May raised her eyebrows, the look in her eyes making Kwan's heart skip a beat. I forced myself to keep my face smooth for fear that something might come out.

"Sure," May answered softly before reaching out and taking out what she wanted.

Kwan tried to control her breathing in and out slowly, not to get too excited like the lump on the left side of her chest was pounding so hard that she was afraid that May would hear her and her plan would be ruined first.

“Ah, what kind of box is this?” May cried out. Quickly take out the problem box. He looked at the big eyes staring at her and burst into laughter.

"Happy one-month anniversary again," Kwan hurriedly said, her voice laced with amusement.

"Did you trick May just now?"

A word of punishment that makes the listener know that the person speaking is not serious. Kwan rested her chin on the table as her lover slowly opened the box she had spent nearly a week thinking about in excitement. Watch your lover's reaction.

"Give me the iPod, Kwan?" May asked, shocked when she opened the box and found a silver iPod inside. with heart-shaped foam beads surrounding it

"No, I just want May to listen to this song."

Kwan quickly denied the alarm as well. How can they afford to buy expensive things at this age? She quickly picked up the iPod from the box and then pulled the headphone cable in and inserted it neatly into the bottom of the device. Placing it on the other person's small hand, he gently inserted one earphone into his lover's hand. The other side is for yourself as well.

Before turning on the song that she had planned to leave, there was only one song. Let the song draw your hearts to their dreams.

Kwan collapsed on her desk and turned her head to look at her lover who was closing her eyes and listening to the song she had chosen to express her heart. Looking at those cute little lips, the feeling is so honest and accept it well

"love"

Simple words of love can capture this woman's attention again. The sweet smile that you love and the sweet words that you want.

"Love you too"

Makes us know that both of our hearts still see the same rhythm. And I want it to last forever as well.

Kwan sat up straight again, reaching into the box and pulling out two smooth silver rings. The English abbreviation is engraved smoothly on the inside. It doesn't have a high price, but it has sentimental value.

'K&M'

He came up and placed it on the hand of his lover who was sitting and looking at each other. And another one that is different, just switch and buy a little abbreviation, keep it to yourself. May gripped the ring tightly.

We both sat and listened to the repeating song, a time when it was just the two of us until we thought it was forever.

At that time, she truly believed. That this love will last forever But commitment isn't enough.

A heart full of love And because of their youth, they are unable to control their behavior that accidentally loses their specialness.

during lunch break Kwan and May were pulled into the middle of the group. A friend asked frankly from a close friend of the two.

"Kwan May, are the two of you dating?"

Kwan was quiet for a moment. Thinking about how to answer a question to a close friend? But the voice of his lover quickly rushed out in a hurry.

"Mind said something crazy. How can it be like that? We're both women!" May said out loud before standing up and staring at her friend with hot eyes.

The mouth that opened as a gift closed tightly. She didn't think to say anything even though we had agreed that our relationship would be kept a secret. But why does the inside of his chest hurt this much?

"I don't see anything wrong with it. I didn't say anything at all. What do you guys say?” Mind raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders, supporting his own words. Turning around to ask the friends in the group, no one showed any bad reaction. The fear that I had drawn on began to disappear and I thought of trying to tell the truth. But May still chose to firmly refuse. It reinforces even more feelings of hurt for the person you love.

"I said it was nothing."

"Oh, it's nothing, it's nothing. So let's go eat. Kwanpamind wants to eat noodles."

Mind didn't intend to bother further and walked over and pulled Kwan, who was keeping her head down, up to put her arm around him and walk together. People who were not yet sober followed their friends easily.

May couldn't keep up with her mood. But he still walked behind the two of them as well. Their target was a noodle shop that they frequented regularly.

"Khwan, what do you want? Is it the same as before?" Mind turned to ask her friend in a casual manner. Kwan nodded bluntly, "Auntie, take a small bowl of clear water and put it in everything. Amey, what do you want?"

Kwan heard that and came back to his senses. I was about to order out my lover's favorite menu but was stopped.

'We have nothing to do with each other'

Because the words that we weren't together let her know that May didn't want our story to be revealed. If she orders it, will there be any doubts? Kwan avoided the sight of his lover and turned the other way. Look at the vendors who are tricking you into lines.

"Why can't you remember the things I like, Mind?" May asked, furrowing her brow in dissatisfaction. But Mind didn't pay any attention and replied, causing both of them to look embarrassed.

“How am I supposed to know? I'm not your boyfriend."

"Then why do you know about the gift?" May looked at the two of them back and forth like that. Kwan felt even more uncomfortable the more he saw his lover's eyes staring at his own arm and thought about pulling himself away from his friend. But Mind locked it tighter than before.

“What are you thinking? Well, Kwan and I like to eat too, so we have to remember that, right? Plus Kwan only eats the same menu. I can't remember. It's strange."

Kwan looks at May who has been driven to the brink of helplessness. and turn to each other for help She furrowed her brow in hesitation and glanced at her close friend who was still standing beside her.

"Please give me an order."

The sweet voice of a lover urges I was about to turn around and order. 'Yentafo noodles' thought another person might want to eat it but...

"Everything is small, child."

The voice of the vendor from behind intervened first. Mind doesn't wait to waste time. Pull Kwan quickly left the line and went to pick up the cup at the side of the store. She had no choice but to bow down and season her own thin noodles. Hearing the sound of her lover ordering the menu she had in mind. I felt sorry that I didn't order it out.

"Here, Kwan, cook it for Mind as well." Mind turned and smiled at him. He also brought his own cup.

Kwan nodded and bowed his head to cook for his friend. I think it's also good to have an excuse to stand here and wait for my loved one. But May doesn't think so. Hurriedly walked in and stood to intervene immediately.

"Why do you have to cook it for me?"

A question that suddenly popped up Kwan felt embarrassed. Acknowledge the emotions that are beginning to bubble up in another person. But what can I do to get her to do it?

"I would like that." Mind crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head to look at May's face, which was clearly sullen. “If you want it cooked for you, tell me. Why would you be jealous like a child?"

"I'm not going to cook it for you. I just thought you couldn't use your friend like this." May found an excuse. Kwan didn't know what to say so she lowered her head and continued cooking for her friend.

"Does it make your friends normal? Whatever, next time I can cook it myself." What are you wearing? Please tell me.” Mind didn't want to argue with the fragile beauty of the group.

"Yen Ta Fo Noodles"

The vendor's voice sounded again. May walked over to pick up her own cup and glared at Kwan, who was standing there, hot and cold, explaining to her friend.

“Add two spoons of sugar. and add fish sauce... "

"I'll go wait for you guys at the table," May snorted and immediately shook her ponytail and walked away. Leaving the two of them standing and watching. One person looked at him in bewilderment. The other person looked on with an anxious look.

“What is it? I wonder if it's a man?" Mind scratched his head and asked confusedly.

"do not know Let's hurry and go." Kwan really didn't know how to answer her friend, but picked up her own cup and followed behind her lover, who was already leading into the distance.

The atmosphere at the table was not very good. And it dragged on until it reached the top of the classroom. May sat quietly, not speaking to anyone, including Kwan. And the person who is most restless is not a lover like you. She didn't know how to get this sweet woman to smile again. During class, he couldn't help but write messages on the paper at the back of his notebook.

'What's wrong, darling?'

A small message with a pronoun for another person that she usually uses when the two of us are together. Soon May wrote back.

'nothing'

Kwan couldn't believe it, but still wrote to ask again. Finally got the answer that the other person was upset about.

'Why don't you help May?'

'Mind will wonder. Isn't it that May doesn't want her friends to know what we're up to?'

Kwan wrote a direct reply, looking at his lover who pursed his lips tightly and didn't write anything back. Look up at the board. Write down the contents in a notebook and don't think about writing back again.

She didn't know what to do so she just tore the paper from the back of the notebook. and crumpled it up and put it in the bag instead She was going to throw it away at home. If someone saw it, wouldn't it really be good?

"I'm not upset."

Even so, she was still uncomfortable, leaning gently on the other person's shoulder, whispering to the other person as well. May let out a small smile before nodding. Finally, a sweet smile returned to the face of his lover.

"Do you know that you are a warm person?"

"Huh?" Kwan raised an eyebrow at his best friend who said that. Mind pulled out of her arms and smiled at her like usual. Chinese girl friend Snowy white, narrow eyes like a Chinese man. Looks cute in person He couldn't help but smile, "Really? "

"Let's go." The words were interrupted with a hint of dissatisfaction in his voice. She looked at her lover without understanding. Wasn't he the one who told her to hug other friends? If you hug May alone, others will be suspicious.

'Then why are you angry?'

May turned to invite other friends to walk with books for the subject for which we were about to change classes. The next class is Chemistry, and today we have to study in the lab, so during class shifts like this, we shouldn't wander off.

Kwan was shocked as his lover walked forward and left the room. Let her quickly pick up her own and follow. along with Mind instead And because they left later Tables were arranged for groups of seven to sit in order of entry because the teacher wanted to check the latecomers. Therefore, if you want to sit together, you must come together.

Unfortunately, she came later. And the group reached seven people, so she was turned away and went to sit with Mind at another lab table instead. A depressed person secretly looked at the side of his lover at another table.

Fortunately, Mind is also close to friends in this group. She couldn't help herself getting involved in the conversation. A close friend leaned in close and whispered to him about a funny encounter he had experienced.

Haha.

"Students, would you like to talk outside the room?"

"I'm sorry, teacher," Kwan and Mind said at the same time. When they finished, they turned and smiled at each other again. Prepare to study hard, but suddenly feel someone else's eyes on you. So she turned her head to look. When she saw that it was the eyes of her lover, she smiled. But May turned her head and didn't care at all like that.

I thought that I would have to go after another person like usual. And we will probably come back to being as sweet as before. But that was probably only her own thought.

“May, can we talk please?”

Kwan sat with her temples at the end of the bed, holding the phone to her ear. Try to ask for another person But no matter how much she said, the other side never seemed to get better.

It started from the day my friends started doubting our relationship. They have to be very careful at every moment. Even for them to talk on the phone now is almost impossible.

'During this time, mother began to wonder. May has a boyfriend. Let's meet at school.'

'There's nothing about that guy's friend. Just talk like that. Isn't it good so Mom won't suspect that May likes girls?'

'May did this for us'

Things we used to do together We once gave each other time but it was withdrawn. The lover starts not to be the same as the lover. The sweetness began to be different from the beginning. No matter what she does, she doesn't seem to like May at all.

“If morale is this ridiculous, May says we'd better talk."

Again, brushing off her feelings every time.

"May always does this!"

“Are you raising your voice at May?!” May also responded loudly. before pressing a low voice to whisper over the phone, making people even more uncomfortable listening “Kwan, please don't make us fight. Mom will hear it soon."

Anger was forced back into his chest. It swelled inside until it came out as tears. Listen to the voice of your lover talking to his own mother. You don't have to guess.

“Okay, Mom… Kwan, just for now. Let's talk later.”

And the call was cut off like that. Kwan put the phone aside. Pulling your knees up and hugging, you sit and look at the phone screen as the background image. is the back of the lover She secretly took the photo because she had feelings for this woman. woman sitting in front of her It was like there was some kind of energy that kept drawing eyes to this woman.

So when did we become like this? What did she do wrong? No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't think of it. I can only feel hurt that the person I love is starting to move away.

At that time, she was too young to understand the pressure this fragile woman had to bear.

“Are you guys prepared to study for the final exam?” Mind, who was sitting in front, turned around and asked.

Kwan smiled and didn't answer. But May answered immediately.

“So, have you started reading this yet?”

“I read it,” May continued. Kwan could only watch as the two talked. Personally, I just sat and picked up the book for the next subject and waited. She does everything her lover wants. Even keeping distance from Mind On the other hand, another person chose to accept the conversation with the man in the next room, saying that in order not to make his mother suspicious.

Thinking about it, it's very disappointing. But because she was afraid that May would be annoyed.

“Kwan… Kwan!”

“Huh?” She turned around to follow him. Seeing that the group of friends were looking at her, he gave a faint smile, “What do you say?”

“What are you? It's been quiet lately. Are you stressed about the exam?" Mind continued to speculate.

“That's right, I can't read the book in time. You must take the midterm exam. Prepare to study for the university entrance exam. How else are they like the Gatpats?" Kwan made an excuse by avoiding eye contact with May. And this unusual action completely entered May's heart. Her smiling face became stiff again.

Just now she knows It would definitely make his own female lover unhappy again.

'How do I give a present?'

“Then let's read together, shall we?” Mind offered an idea. “On Saturdays and Sundays, we can make an appointment to read books. You're good at math, come teach me and I'll help you with social studies, okay?”

“Go ahead.” Kwan didn't deny it, and the rest of the group also agreed. But only one person remained silent. She didn't want to ask either.

“Kwan”

“What do you say?” Kwan turned her head to the sound of her calling during the break, looking at her friends who had all walked into the bathroom. "What's wrong, May?"

May hurriedly walked closer, lowering her voice so that only the two of them could hear.

“Why don't you act normal today?”

Kwan heard that and didn't want to answer. She turned the other way, but it was difficult because May reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

"Don't make your friends suspicious, okay?"

The more I listened, the more bitter I became. Kwan pursed her lips tightly, trying to keep back the feelings of disappointment that were beginning to linger at the corners of her eyes.

'How do I give a present?'

The same sentence popped up in her head again. And the lover's next sentence was like pulling a bolt to make her feelings explode.

“Please, Kwan, can we be a little careful during this time? From that day, Mom started wondering why we had to talk on the phone every day.”

“I'm not talking anymore. Kwan hasn't called yet!”

May rushed in, covering her mouth tightly.

“Can you please don't make a loud noise? Your friends will hear it soon."

The more I was treated like this, the more I felt suppressed. The smoke from the explosion spread further, destroying the good feelings in her heart even more.

“Aren't you guys going to the bathroom?”

Mind walked out of the bathroom before anyone else. May quickly pulled away from her. It's like they hate each other a lot.

Kwan's breathing was heavy with emotion. Bloodshot eyes tried to hold back their anger.

'She is patient, she has always tried to be patient'

She doesn't like this at all. You know we had an agreement. But she didn't think it would be this uncomfortable.

If we love each other, we should be happy. Is it because of the people around you that they are unhappy?

Who said that love has no right or wrong? But when we have a love that is different from the textbooks, it becomes a mistake. Even her lover thought their love was unusual. I really want her to be normal, right?

'can! Kwan will do it'

“No pain, so I came to stand and wait,” Kwan smiled playfully. Walked in and stood next to Mind instead. “And where did you go to the bathroom so quickly?”

"I'm afraid you'll be waiting for a long time." Mind turned and smiled at his friend, wrapping his arms around his friend as was his habit. Turning around to look at May who was standing still. "And May doesn't have any pain?"

“No, we don't want our friend standing there alone, waiting for you to come out. We'll go in soon,” May said with a quick tongue and quickly walked into the bathroom.

Kwan stood there smiling. Stick to Mind And the other friends, except one, was May.

'Don't get too close to May or your friends will get suspicious'

Kwan will do it for you. No matter what, she will do it for you. Regardless of whether May went to talk to that male friend, she didn't think to ask. Not jealous, not possessive to annoy the other person either.

'Kwan did as May wanted. Is this all you're satisfied with?'

From loving very much, it began to change to becoming very sarcastic. From being attentive to becoming overlooked Love that was once sweet and had only smiles has become bitter and bitter with only tears.

“Why don't you ask May? Morale has changed a lot.”

A trembling voice rang out as soon as we were alone together, causing Kwan to stand there, clenching his fists. Avert your eyes to look into the garden behind the school. It's better than staring into the tear-filled eyes of a lover. Those beautiful eyes that were once filled with sweetness were now filled with pain as if she were a cruel person.

We argued more and more often and she started to get tired of walking towards us. and chose to retreat and stand still with a clouded heart Until now, we have only seen the wounds we received.

“May, what should I do to give gifts? Isn't this what May wanted? Kwan has already done it."

“May doesn't know. May is uncomfortable with Kwan being with Mind. Friends in the group teased each other about Kwan and Mind. Have you ever missed May's heart?"

Kwan listened to the trembling voice of his lover and his heart tightened even more. Squeeze until the existing wound flows out, causing the injured person to scream even more. Roaring with fury

“Then let Kwan go live with another friend! Is this not good? Is this not what May wants? I don't want anyone to know, and no one knows at all.”

“It's more of an excuse for a gift. Really, Kwan likes Mind, right? Kwan doesn't love May any more."

"pretext?"

pretext? Don't love?

Hey! She slammed into another person and turned away. Who did she do it for? For whose comfort?

“No matter what Kwan does, she never likes May. That's not right. This is not right. So let's let our friends know. Take May at ease. Whatever you want to do, May does it. But May probably doesn't dare." After saying that, he wanted to walk away, but the delicate hands of his lover came and held him tightly.

“Can Kwan have a reason?”

She has become unreasonable. Well, that's really good. She gritted her teeth and asked her lover. He raised his head and tried to hold back the tears from flowing back.

“Is morale unreasonable?”

"May just asks Kwan to act normal," a trembling voice asked. It's like seeing her as a villain. Acting as if she had hurt her lover a lot. And what about her feelings? The other person never paid attention, right?

“This is what Kwan is doing. How will May give a present? In the past, Kwan used to play with friends like this. Wanting Kwan to sit quietly, May is not satisfied again. Can't call. Can't do anything This is even worse than before. Or should we go back to being friends?!”

Kwan spoke without pausing for breath. The tears that had been held back flowed out like a dam breaking.

She's sad, she's hurt, but she has to endure it. She doesn't want to cry. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to use my tears to put pressure on another person, but let's face it, May has never once thought like you.

May's tears, the look in the other person's eyes that looked like her, hurt her a lot. Just because she has no tears, I understand that she doesn't feel anything like that?

How could she cry herself?

"Is this why Kwan broke up with May?!"

May shouted loudly. Tugging at her shoulder until it hurt. Kwan wiped away his own tears. Speak in a deep voice, drowning out the trembling in your own heart.

“You can understand that. It's up to May to decide." He said with a cold expression.

“Why did you throw it like this, Kwan? It's because of morality. We've agreed. Why don't you understand? May is in trouble.” May continued to pull her shoulders back and forth. Even though it hurt, she didn't think to tell anyone else.

“Is it too much embarrassment, should that be enough?” she retorted with bitterness. In the end, it's always you who is wrong, right? In the eyes of your lover

“Don't say things like that, Kwan!”

“Then how do you give gifts? Away from Mind? Stay away from all your friends? You can let Kwan leave the group and go alone. If it will make May feel comfortable.”

"Don't be sarcastic."

We argued back and forth. Splashing emotions at each other like no one would give in. Kwan tries to reveal his feelings to another person. But he was thrown back and facepalmed.

No matter what you say, it will be dismissed as nonsense. become a sarcastic person Becoming the person you don't like

The sigh from the other end of the phone only reinforced my own annoyance. So it was you who had to change too.

"May, think about it for yourself. How about asking Kwan to tell May not to talk to her friends?" Kwan said, wanting this woman to look back at herself, but...

“May didn't stop Kwan from talking to friends. The fact that May is possessive of Kwan is because May loves Kwan. And what about Kwan? It is Kwan who has to ask herself whether Kwan truly loves May or not.”

Being returned like this made Kwan speechless. It's so useless All along, she had done everything she could to make May comfortable. No matter how much she asked her to back off, she backed off. Is this not love like that? So what kind is called love? Is it like May?

“If love, as May says, means you have to hide it. If the love that May says is that she wants Kwan to keep it May can blame Kwan for not loving her. I'm sorry if it makes May happy."

"May doesn't blame Kwan."

In the end, it's the same as before. May still denies it. 'I don't blame' May for saying that. But is there any part of every word that is said that is not criticizing you?

'It's because of morale'

'Because Kwan did that'

'Kwan must not do this'

“Kwan tried, May. I tried to adjust everything until I wasn't myself anymore!”

Kwan couldn't bear the pain any longer. Disengage yourself from the lover who is trying to hold you back. About to step away and calm down.

“Kwan! May!”

The shouts of friends were not far away. But that only made May angry. He quickly pulled her back and said in a flustered way.

“Act normally, Kwan. Can we not argue with each other?”

Kwan remained silent and refused to answer. she feels tired Really tired of problems that have never been solved. It's like we just brushed it aside until it started to pile up into a big pile of trash... It's called feeling garbage.

“Kwan, don't be quiet. Can we not quarrel now? Wait for the exam period to pass first.”

"Sigh, let's go find friends."

In the end, she had to give in. Kwan tried to let go. Be patient until the final exam period has passed. She couldn't see a path forward. It was so dark it was heartbreaking.

We continued to resist each other from days to months. Months turned into years until finally entering senior year. Kwan looked at May who was smoking thin. She couldn't bear to look any longer. And can't pretend not to see and let go either

'May is fooling herself'

Kwan decided to call May in order to end our story.

"Hello May"

“Kwan, May will call you back soon.”

As usual Kwan put down the phone, his face not showing much emotion.

'We'll talk later after the scores are out, Kwan.'

'During this time, May has to study to prepare for the entrance exam.'

'May is with her family. Still can't talk to you'

and many other things that the person used to deny It was as if he was afraid that she would attack him. But we can't finish it, right? Our love is not happy at all. Our love cannot compete with anyone else's. And it got even more chaotic when her lover started bringing other people into our relationship.

She quickly dialed the person who was still her lover. But there was news about her relationship with another male friend. If your friend doesn't write to tell you, you're probably the only fool who doesn't know, right?

“Hello.” The sweet voice she had been waiting for. But right now, she didn't feel the passion in this voice like she used to. She pressed her voice, trying to suppress the emotion of calling her name.

"May"

“Kwan?” May sounded startled. It gave her even more confidence. The messages my friend wrote to tell me began to show the possibility.

'My friend in class four said that Arm was dating May in our class as well. Does your close friend May know about this?'

Hey, how do you want her to answer?

“Um, what are you doing?” She wasn't in a hurry to ask what she wanted. But I chose to ask as usual.

“Come outside.”

"really"

“We'll talk later. Wait for May to get home first,” May hurriedly said in a sweet voice. The male voice that came through the line confirmed her friend's words even more clearly. Kwan closed her eyes.

“You don't have to.”

“What is it?” May asked again.

“Kwan said no need to!” When he finished, he hung up the phone. Wiped away the tears that had flowed out and left them there.

She wasn't strong enough to ask. and not brave enough to face That man's voice she knew. And also know that it is definitely Arm. It would be nothing if she didn't find out May's secret.

Arm is May's ex-boyfriend who we used to talk to when they were still in middle school. And the family also knows. We've argued about this before. May said there was nothing. May didn't feel anything. We're still talking because we don't want our family to know.

She's very stupid, right? She didn't know why May did this. And for what purpose? But she really wanted to stop everything.

'Maybe we should be apart for a while'

Kwan sends a message to May. Soon the message was answered.

'can'

Even though she was the one who asked to stay away And the other person does as she wants, but why does it hurt like this? Tomorrow we must meet face to face. She really doesn't want to.

'I don't want to see May at all'

“Kwan”

A voice called out from the classroom. A female friend ran and stood in front of her.

"What's up, Mind?" Kwan smiled and greeted her close friend. Before raising a small smile, he greeted May who was sitting behind Kwan as usual. Act as if nothing happened yesterday.

"Mind, it's your last year. You have to sit with me sometimes."

Fortunately, Mind spoke out like that. Kwan didn't hesitate and immediately switched places with another friend. She put her bag down next to her best friend.

"May"

A man's voice came from the front of the room. Waved his hand to the woman sitting behind her to walk away.

“Arm, what do you say?” The sweet voice that she used to love so dearly was now calling the man's name in a soft voice. Kwan really didn't know what expression to make. She had prepared herself all along. When May does this, does that mean we're over?

Has she chosen it?

“Definitely Han! What exactly are those two doing?” Mind suddenly spoke up loudly.

Kwan saw the opportunity and looked up at the harrowing sight. May's troubled expression The look he gave her was as if he was begging for sympathy. It made her even more confused.

“Mind, shall we go to the cooperative?” Kwan chose to escape from this situation. Drag Mind away immediately. After walking a short distance, the damn tears couldn't be stopped.

"Hey, I'm not crying, what happened?"

Comforting words, although not sweet But it seeped into your heart anyway Kwan let himself sink into his best friend's embrace. Let the feelings you have endured come out. Before the sobbing subsided, the line-up song sounded louder.

“Do you want to jump in line?” Mind asked his friend directly.

“Don't worry, let's go get in line.” Kwan didn't want to lead his friend to break the school's rules.

“But your eyes are really swollen and ugly,” Mild teased a little, causing her to purse her lips. before offering another solution. "So, do you want to sleep in the infirmary?"

"That's fine," Kwan decided to do as his friend said. Unfortunately, the nurse's room teacher only allowed her. Mind then had to walk back to line up as usual. I am grateful to my friend who didn't ask anything and just lent me a shoulder when she was down.

Kwan applied ice packs to both eyelids alternatingly. To reduce swelling from crying Once she started to feel better, she walked back to class before the first period started.

“Where have you been?” said a sweet voice that hadn't called her name in many months. asked anxiously And she didn't intend to hide anything.

“Infirmary room.”

"Are you sick?" May moved closer. When he saw that Kwan wouldn't answer, he asked another friend instead. “Mind, can we talk to Kwan for a moment?”

"You're okay."

Even though Mind hesitates Turning to ask Kwan with concern, she nodded before standing up. Choose to go deal with your feelings elsewhere.

“You don't have to get up, Mind. I'll go talk to May outside soon and it'll be over."

Not too far away May turned to look at her friend behind her and called out to her in a soft voice. It seemed so weak that the listener was frightened.

“Khwan.”

“Let's break up,” Kwan interrupted directly, looking at the condition of his lover unlike before. It wasn't like when I stood up and went to that man with confidence. Being with you has only fear.

So if it forces us, it should be enough.

"I won't quit May, I won't quit. Kwan has a mind. And who is May? Who's on May's side?!"

Mind stood and smiled weakly when he heard that. The group of friends were uncomfortable so they chose to stand and listen as well. She didn't know what everyone would think. But whatever will happen, you have to let it happen.

“Are we going to tolerate this?”

“Only Kwan is the only one who uses the word forced. May never forced herself to love Kwan! This is what Kwan wanted. May announced it all. That's enough, right? We won't quit, right?"

May blew it all away. Tears flowed out in streams. Point your finger behind your back to your group of friends. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the ring she had given her to another person.

"Here's the promise," May threw it at her. before letting out a loud cry She held back tears from falling out.

“May, have you looked at your condition?!” Kwan shouted as she bent down to pick up the ring that her lover had thrown away.

“Give it back!” May ran in, wanting to snatch it back.

If you don't want to throw it away, then why throw it away? Kwan doesn't plan on giving it back again. May started pounding her body but she could only grit her teeth and endure. But the person who can't bear to look is the mind. He quickly walked in and pulled us apart.

"enough! Teacher is about to enter class.”

May refused to walk in and hug Kwan tightly.

“Can I give May some time until graduation day? We haven't broken up yet.”

“Alright,” Kwan said slowly before pulling out the necklace she was wearing. Take May's ring and string it in. and gave it to all her lovers “Keep it down.”

The truth was that at that time our relationship had really come to an end, but we both continued to deceive ourselves.

From that day, friends in the room began to know that the two of us were lovers. Even though there are some people who disagree. But most of them didn't cause any disturbance. But May's mental problems run counter to her calmness.

Day by day, the body of the person she loves is getting thinner and thinner. The hand she currently holds has almost no skin at all. The beautiful eyes that she had fallen in love with began to fade.

Kwan couldn't believe that in just a few months her lover could change this much.

The more she tried to talk But her lover's symptoms only worsened. We forced each other into this. Our love is like a robot The tighter we hold each other's hands, the more thorns seem to come out of the garden... it hurts until my heart is numb.

“We broke up and thank you for giving in to May's selfish desires. May asks Kwan to find someone who is ready to walk hand in hand with Kwan. Never meet a coward like May again.”

Those were May's last words as the two rings were placed in front of her. We took each other and threw things representing these two promises into the pond in front of the school. We decided to end our relationship on our final day of orientation. She chose to transfer to another faculty of her choice instead.

Our paths became parallel lines that would never meet. The group members also dispersed. There will only be Mind who waits for the latest news.

There will be just the two of us from now on… just you and me.

The song only lasts for a few minutes, but brings out stories that were once deep inside. Kwan opened his eyes again. She still hasn't forgotten the love from that time. The pain from that time is still vividly remembered. It doesn't hurt that much anymore. It's just one story that she still recalls.

Who thought of love at that time? It's May's fault that she wasn't brave enough. Or is it her fault that she doesn't look at reality?

The world has turned Her thoughts had changed. The perspective has opened up to the point of understanding if...

She only thought that if at that time… As society accepts their love more, will we let go?

Just think that if at that time… We both chose to fight through. Dare to stand and fight for love. Will we still be together?

Thinking up to this point, I probably can't change the outcome anymore.

He reached over and picked up a nearby phone. Open to the application box. Scroll to the list of names she pretended to be looking at all this time. No matter how many years have passed, this woman always sends blessings on every festival. with the last message that was lingering

'I'm fine'

She looked at the profile picture. Her former lover's face was plump and full of radiance.

May looks much better.

Beside her body was a young man supporting her. It is a warm and heartfelt family picture.

This is what this woman deserves.

Kwan slowly typed a reply. Even though it's been many years late.

'fine'

“Yo, come on, what kind of MV star is Kwan sitting in the back of the room? When I came out, I bought a lot of things to eat.”

Kwan heard his friend calling and smiled widely, putting the phone back in its original place. Then I walked in and helped my friend put the empty plates in order. Unfortunately, the cheerful noise in the room drowned out the call from the person she didn't think she'd ever have the chance to contact again.

To you, my first love

Written by

Varee lady