Sent to Thailand in the year 2023

'To mother...and those who want to forget'

It's been a long time, Mom, that we haven't talked.

Many people have probably forgotten me...I don't expect anything from them. Because no one wants to remember my story.

But mom still remembers, right? When I was a child Every evening after we finished working on the farm, my mother would point to the sky and say that I was like the sun, or that was my hope. The soft, warm light and the scent of rice grains wafted in the gentle breeze that day. It's like a mother's embrace that embraces me. Before the cold night bothers us and we have to sleep together, hugging each other.

When the first light of a new day dawned with the sound of chickens crowing. We, mother and daughter, would carry lots of stuff and head to the farm to sweat and sweat to get the hard work done before the fading rays of the sun disappeared behind the gray sky.

There was never a day that Mom took a break from her heavy workload...even when Mom's condition was not very good. Or when the body is not satisfied.

When I grew up a bit I will never forget the first time I volunteered to carry water for drinking on behalf of my mother who was always tired. But it was so heavy that the rat staggered and spilled almost the entire bucket. True, even though it may not be clean to the point of being unadulterated. But it's still better than having to walk to the canal which is several kilometers away.

But mother...when I think about it Sediment from the well behind our house is probably like a happy memory of the past that bubbles up. And it turned into pain when I remembered the time my father left us without even saying goodbye.

It may be because the mother's body began to deteriorate. This is the result of always pushing the body too hard. Moreover, my debt and tuition fees that we hardly have the means to pay. It would be too much of a burden for one human being to bear. But even so, Mom still did it for me...that's why I got the promise, Mom. that I intend to finish nursing school and then return to take care of my mother

From then on it took a full year. That I brought my dreams to Bangkok without returning home or writing a single letter to mother For some reason, my life has turned upside down to the point that we cannot return to the days of happiness between the two of us as before.

Early October of that year The light rain soaked the ground like a mother's tears that welled up on the day we said goodbye.

for more than a week That we students must leave the classroom to join forces to fight against evil forces once again. It was only three years after we had tasted the sweetness of the people's victory.

We have always gathered together on campus peacefully. Until one evening, I began to smell a strong aura of displeasure until I could feel the atmosphere becoming more tense every moment.

No one expected that the radio would smear us as a threat to the country. Even though we are just rallying against the return of the brutal former leader. My friends and I sat and listened but pursed our lips and tears flowed. Some men even buried their faces in the grass in frustration at not having the opportunity to prove the truth. However, we still support each other and hope that everything will be resolved.

It's almost dawn. Far outside the university fence People started making noises, kill it! Kill it! Mixed with the loud, rapid-fire sounds from the weapons of war. One of my friends on stage tried to console us and tell us to stay calm.

But then suddenly we heard a whistle ripping through the air. It wasn't until I turned around to look for the source of the sound. The recoil from the explosion was so deafening that it shook my eardrums and pushed the mouse back until it fell on its stomach. Once I was able to shake off my daze I hurriedly propped myself up and looked through the smoke curtain. Mother...in front of me I saw only my friend's blood-soaked body lying motionless next to me.

They were full of entrails and bits of flesh that had been torn apart by the shrapnel and strewn on the ground. It stained the grass with red patches strewn all over the area.

As soon as consciousness returned We rushed towards the screaming ones to help those who had not yet been killed. In that moment, many of our fellow nurses used trembling, blood-soaked hands to press against the gaping wounds of their victims, with tears streaming down their faces as they screamed and shook their heads. Came out of fear like a crazy person.

That's right, Mom...the first group of injured people in our lives that we have to use our little knowledge to save our lives are my friends who are dying.

When the situation shows signs of getting worse every moment The people on the stage raised their hands together and grabbed the microphone and said in trembling voices ten times, “Brothers, please stop shooting. We only have empty hands. Don't let any more blood be shed.”

But it was found to be of little consequence. because of the area outside the fence and the recently broken wall The men, smiling cruelly, were rushing in… those eyes looked like they were vengeful towards me, but it was not like this in any life.

When I looked up, I saw a person in uniform holding a rifle standing motionless. Shouldn't they hurry and put an end to this disaster? And why do I only see a sneering face that looks like I'm satisfied and feel shivers like that?!

Mother taught me to love and preserve myself. But what meaning would it have… when those people rushed in, raised guns at their faces and shouted orders for the rats to undress? Claims that we are hiding weapons. Friends who resisted were dragged and their shirts torn to pieces. Only her underwear and skirt were left lying around in the same condition.

Mom…it's such a shame and embarrassment to me.

So what's this crazy thing going on? Peacekeepers turn their guns to kill people with their bare hands?!

Not far from the area where the rats were prostrate. An adult in a Boy Scout uniform was pressing his knee on my friend's neck and shouting harshly, “All those bastards who are destroying the land are going to die. Look at them, how can they speak Thai!”

I saw my friend's eyes wide open and struggling because she couldn't breathe. He was about to die amidst the laughter of cruel people. Mother! The rats crawled to his feet and begged for mercy. But the boy scout threw his weight harder on his neck, not paying attention to his pleas.

I could only crouch and watch my friend's feet kick and scratch the ground until the grass made a path from the agony of lack of air...just for a short while. His body convulsed loudly and went still before his eyes!

Suddenly seeing such a cruel picture Some friends lost their minds and ran with their bare chests scattered, fleeing up the building in opposite directions. But it was like inviting those with guns to go after us and spray bullets at us. Luckily, Bang survived because a man wearing a fisherman's shirt sacrificed himself and forced us to escape, giving his life in exchange.

I found out later that he was one of the fellow students who joined the rally when I saw him running after the last group of friends and getting shot in the liver. His body was spinning and lying on his back, covered in a pool of blood!

But I still may not be satisfied with them, mother... because the bullet smoke and the pungent smell of gunpowder have not yet disappeared. Many people rushed in, tying a cloth around his lifeless body and dragging it across the grass. It makes me frightened when I see what humans do to each other!

Mother...she used to say that we were lucky to be born Thai. Living in a Buddhist city where people are generous and generous. But why are so many people killing each other's Thais and cruelly brutalizing their breathless corpses with such joyful faces?!

We are like we are imprisoned in a hell of hate… but those people are still coming in continuously with weapons. The instinctive fear of death led us to run wildly towards the waterfront, hoping to save our lives from the executioner. In that moment, the screams of the youths combined with the loud sound from the firebox suddenly appeared, frightening the mouse and almost losing consciousness. At the same time, my body felt the force of something kicking my back until my face was pounding on the ground.

When I lifted myself up Mommy...my belly that you used to rub when I cried out. It was a big hole soaked in blood. The red color was soaked all over, like when Dad butchered a pig. It wasn't wrong. Tears flowed from my eyes because the pain felt like my liver and kidneys were being torn apart. There probably won't be anything left. The whole body my mother gave me...the cruel person shot me several times across the middle. The smell of blood like rust pierced my nose until I felt nauseous and almost vomited.

I grit my teeth and suppressed the pain of dying. Panting with all my might because I still don't want to die. I only knew that I had to breathe rapidly in order to prolong my life. But the blood that had flowed down my skirt indicated that I was about to leave this world.

A very cruel world...a world where even innocent people can be killed without their bare hands.

Mother...people are only born and die once, right? But my whole soul was torn away. Moreover, he was tortured until his body was breathless. And erasing the rats from your memory… would be equivalent to having to die three times!

Why, Mom? I just dream of waking up every morning without anyone going hungry. I hope that wealthy people will consider giving some of their personal wealth to those who are in distress. So that no one will have to be exploited or oppressed or farmed on people's backs. Because if the world had no hungry people Humans no longer have to compete and wage war with each other.

Our children and grandchildren will live in a world of peace. and value humanity equally

I'm sorry...that I haven't gone back to see you since that day. I'm dead, Mom. Both the spirit and the body that mother gave Moreover, it has also disappeared from people's memories.

But Mom…what did I do wrong? I just stood up for what was right and volunteered to nurse a friend. It turned out that he had to die like a dog on the street... because it was worthless and no one wanted to remember it.

It's been 47 years now...our country is probably much better than when you were alive, right, Mom?

And I believe that those people wouldn't come walking around holding guns and killing innocent people with their bare hands again.

If that were the case...Thai society today would be beautiful. People respect differences. And there will be no people suffering from hunger like we had dreamed of when we were alive.

Mom…I'm sorry, mom. But now I must go. Soon everyone will have to forget me again like usual, right?

Mom...Mom! Can you hear me? Honestly, I don't want to go. Please help me, I'm so scared. Where is this?!

Mother...please come out, I beg you.

Anyone...don't forget me. Can you take me home? It's so dark and cold here that I can't stand it.

Alas! Please...please have mercy. At least I hope that you and your friends will never die from anyone's memory again.

from

The bottom of hell...underneath the moral city.

6/10/2023