If you say that it is a story that really happened in one person's life.

Would you believe it?

Mathayom 5, Term 2

It's half term already...I haven't met Han-senpai...I've secretly liked Han-senpai for 2 years now. Actually, I have to say I'm more than happy. He is a school athlete with a very good personality. Don't act arrogant like other people. (I don't know. I think like this.) Han sunbae is a friend of my hyung. But now he's over...and after that I don't look at anyone again.

Actually, we have started school for several days now...but today is the first day of math class. We often switch partners to study together. And how will we sit in this subject? I haven't talked to any of my friends yet. While we were sitting and waiting in front of the room

“Hyuk...Hyuk...Who is Hyuk sitting with? Don doesn't have any friends to sit with yet.” Donghae or Don walked up to me and asked.

"Um..I don't know yet..just a moment." Then I went to ask my friends. After agreeing on a seating position, I returned.

"Then let's go sit with Dong as friend." At that time, I was confused myself as well...because I wasn't very close to Dong...and plus I was in the position where Dong was sitting. It's in the back of the room...but I'm nearsighted...but never mind it wouldn't be that bad.

The first math class wasn't bad at all...it also allowed me to talk with Dong more..I'm not surprised..that many of my classmates like Dong...but Dong... I have a boyfriend, a junior named Kim Kibum. Rumor has it that they've been dating for a long time. But it's a personal matter. I don't want to know.

Then we almost became Patongko partners, like where Dong is, Hyuk is there or not. Wherever you meet Hyuk, there you meet Dong. Well, we're friends here. We didn't talk much at school....because it was late at night and we talked every night....I don't know what we talked about...the longest time was 14 hours... Is it a good length?

Don has now become a member of the group. And all 7 of us will have special activities. Class time in the classroom

lab

It's writing a letter. At first, they just tore up pieces of paper and wrote their responses. Later I bought patterned paper to write on. What did you play with as a child? Some write songs We compose improvised poems, curse each other, pretend to be upset with each other. It was enjoyable.

Feelings....that have changed

I can't remember how much time has passed. Probably about a month after school starts. I have a strange feeling.

I feel that Dong is cute even though right now we're very close. Come study and see each other every day. Late at night, we call and talk every night.

Am I liking my friend right now?

Every day we still....

Write letters to each other....even though we're sitting next to each other.

Talking on the phone...even though we see each other every day.

Walking hand in hand...even though there weren't many people that way.

Waiting to go home..even though home is in a different direction.

But will Don know?

That often...that I secretly hug him

It's often said that I like to pinch his cheeks.

Often when the teacher gives me homework...I have to make it for him to copy....even though I've never had anyone copy it.

Often I come home late...stay with him as a friend...even though I like to come home early.

That every day...I will secretly express my feelings in a letter.

That every time...I will give him a smile even if he isn't looking.

That every night...I will wish him good dreams before going to bed.

That every time....I have him in my heart.

and...

It hurts me every time....that he goes with the person he loves....

First time with tears and pain

At that time, it was winter. Actually, the weather wasn't that cold... That day, I took Sungmin out to buy some stuff at the stationery store in front of the school. But because there were a lot of people in the store So I stood and waited in front of that store. But at that time, my eyes stopped on two people walking and laughing together....that....Dong and Kibum...

At that time, my brain told me to get away...don't look at that picture...my legs did as I was commanded very well..but my eyes continued to focus on that pair of people until they walked. leave

....I really envy Kibum...

Have you ever seen in a drama...the scene where the hero secretly looks at the heroine and follows someone else painfully....that feeling...I understand it right now....a feeling similar to... Something squeezed my heart....I tried not to let the tears fall out..all the way home it was farther than every day...as soon as I got to my room....

I don't know where the tears came from...that image still lingers...even though I know it well...know everything...but I was already hurt...that night, I couldn't help it. Called me...but it was good because I probably wasn't acting right either...that was...the first time with tears and pain....in a winter that I will never forget.

secret

Now we have passed the midterm exam....our friends in the class agreed to play a game...it is a Buddy game....

(The rule is that we must draw lots to see who we will take care of....We must secretly take care of that person without letting them know who we are....and there will be someone who will take care of us. We are the same....In the end, we have to correctly guess who takes care of us..Do you understand?)

I caught another friend....that wasn't Dong...but....one day...I was looking for something to give to my buddy....I found a colored heart-shaped clay mobile. Dang...I bought it back with me...in the middle of the day when everyone went to eat, I went to class first...and managed to put the mobile on the desk along with a letter. Signed from a buddy....I always do this secretly....no one is suspicious...or annoyed....

Even though it doesn't get anything in return....but I want to do it....and it's still a secret that will continue to be with me....

Make up your mind

Now that time has passed until the end of the semester... I know from Dong that He broke up with Kibum....If it were you, I'd be happy.....but I don't think so...What I feared the most at that time was losing Dong...I don't want. Lost a good friend....so I thought about cutting it myself....I didn't want Don to know my feelings...

I chose to create a wall of air....At first it was very difficult...but cutting someone out of my heart isn't easy...I know that....but... It's still good that the feelings I have for Don are lessened......I took time during the school break to come to terms with it....We still call each other sometimes, but not every day...

Being apart like this makes it easier for me to accept...all that's left is waiting for the day we meet again..

Semester 6 begins

Right now, my friends are matching friends in their rooms among themselves....I'm just indifferent...but then..

“Eh...these two are sitting together...that's for sure..Hyuk...Dong.”

“What happened to you guys?” I wanted to strangle my friend to death.. Where did he find out? I've already left...but I'm still afraid of Dong's feelings. I'm afraid he won't like me....it might cause us to drift apart...I think about many things...and most importantly, I'm afraid of my friends. Another person I know well that he likes Don...but Don doesn't like him...I'm afraid that Don will do that to me.

But we still talk normally...nothing has changed...in other people's eyes we're like special people to each other....it's like this...that's why friends tease each other...even friends. in my own group

And today it has arrived....

Today we sat and talked on the phone as usual....Dong asked me,

“Hyuk likes Don?...We didn't know...until they teased each other.” For a moment...I didn't know what to say..whether to deny or accept...the truth I never did. Tell someone you love them...so I decided.

“What if we say yes?” I replied. I really don't know what to say. At that time, I was ready to accept my destiny..but Don stunned me again..

“Dong is happy...that the person who likes Dong is Hyuk...we're not upset at all...because at least Dong has met someone with whom Dong can comfortably talk about everything... Don can open up to Hyuk about everything...Don has never felt this good with anyone before...Hyuk is more than a friend. You can call him a special friend of Dong."

I don't know when the tears fell from my eyes. The feeling is all mixed up. Glad to be someone special But I'm sad that that's all.

“We're glad that Dong feels good about us...We want Dong to listen to our words...We like Dong....We've never said this word to anyone...Dong. Be the first to hear it....and maybe no one will hear it again.” I said as I thought.

"Why?...We believe that one day Hyuk will definitely meet a good person...because Hyuk is a good person....believe us." Then we changed the subject and talked....but Every conversation was still in my mind and never faded.... At that time, I hated the word "Special friend" and the words "good person" are the best...in the end, this is all I can be...

We still talk like before...until the day we graduated, we parted with a smile...we still keep in touch sometimes depending on the occasion...but now I think about it again, I don't hate the word “ Special friend" and the word "good person", because for us to truly be someone's special person is difficult....

Shouldn't we be more happy?

It's something that happened between Don and me...just the two of us... I choose to keep it as a good memory forever...even though it wasn't fulfilled..but this person is the person who made me know the word... "Love"...is not just "like" or a feeling. "Long"...if I were to define "Dong" I would define it as...feeling and thinking about...

What do you think?....about me...do you think I'm stupid...or not for not telling my feelings...do you think I'm stupid..for hurting alone... .or think it's nonsense...no one can do that.

Do you think it's true?

But believe me.... because fate always plays tricks on us...

Thank you for reading....

Especially the comments, thank you very much.