Title: So Close But Still Far Away..

Pairing: Mike x Golf

Category: One Shot

Rating: P

...but how long must I keep it? ..the love that 'overwhelms my heart'

...I have so much love for you. In the end, there is no value.

will make you sympathize will make her interested

...Because the love I have is too much to say..

...beyond any description

...will be equal...

Have you ever?

With trying to grab something by your side..

But then that thing gets further away.. the more I try. The more there is no hope..

The lights on the small concert stage shine brightly. I bowed to the audience before giving a short greeting to the fans. His eyes glanced to his side.. P'Golf walked over and picked up a water bottle that the team had put out for us. He gulped it down and drank it thirstily. I walked towards him and held out my hand. I just hoped that when my brother drank until he was satisfied, he would hand the bottle to me, but ..

“Next song please.”

P'Golf spoke into the microphone before smiling widely for the audience. A thin hand closed the cap of the water bottle before placing it back in its original place. A beautiful face with sweaty hair that didn't even bother to look at me. I stopped the hand that was reaching out before smiling dryly. Then he walked aside and picked up another water bottle and drank it himself.

The mini-concert ended on a high note among fans with loud applause.

But a feeling of coldness and loneliness filled my heart..

Over the course of several months, or maybe years, What I have always received from Phi Golf Those were cold eyes that looked at me expressionlessly. The feeling of distance I felt from the fake smile he wore on stage. Just to get screams from fans when they saw the siblings teasing each other.

But when we went backstage.. we all became strangers to each other.

Many times .. that I accidentally revealed my feelings of disappointment through my eyes during a concert, many times .. that I stood silently, acting like I didn't feel right. Many times .. that I gave a forced smile. Let the audience shout my name

But not once.. that P'Golf noticed it.

While we were chatting and fooling around on stage The atmosphere seems to be fun and hilarious.. Does anyone know? That when P'Golf turned towards me His eyes always looked past me. His delicate arms that sometimes rose to wrap around my shoulders. Instead of being warm..but instead, a coldness flashed into my heart.

Why?

Why do I have to love someone like this?

Tomorrow is my birthday..

I laugh at my own stupidity .. stupid .. always having vain hopes.

How many years has it been since I never received even a blessing from the person I love the most? from P'Golf?

But I still hope.. I hope every year, I hope there will be one time. That my prayers will come true..

“Where are you going?”

A gruff voice greeted from behind. I bent down to pick up my shoes and put them on before looking back at him.. and was met with cold eyes as usual.

".. travel"

I replied curtly before closing the door behind me with a loud bang.

There is no need to care whether it will hurt anyone's feelings or not. Because the other party.. doesn't have a heart.

The sound of music, the smell of cigarettes, liquor, women..

All the things that I have chosen to throw at myself. But there's nothing that can fill my heart

Pain .. to the point of wanting to run away, far away.

But I couldn't do it..

I returned home almost morning..a heavy feeling came into my head. I don't remember how much alcohol I drank. I don't even remember how I managed to carry myself to the taxi.

I staggered, clinging to the railing. Before he could catch a glimpse, he saw a small figure in the shadows of the house..

Phi Golf sits huddled on the sofa. He buried his face in his forearm and fell into a deep sleep..

I reached out and poked the person in front of me. P'Golf was sleepy before he was startled when he faced my face at close range.

“Dammit! I thought it was tricked by a ghost.” After cursing, he retreated and took a stand.

I put my face closer Support yourself and the sofa so you don't fall headlong.

“What are you doing sleeping here..”

“Watched TV and fell asleep,” he answered without looking at me before standing up. “Go to sleep.”

I looked at the back of my older brother who walked past me.. the back that I saw until I became numb.

A back that no matter how hard you try.. you will never be able to keep up with it.

There is no way to grab 'the person in front' close to you.

Too much pain..

Loud screams as our mini concert ended..

P'Golf disappeared quietly backstage. Leaving me to face the fans who brought me birthday gifts that I could hardly bear. When he was able to separate himself, he found that he was already waiting in the van.

“Really slow,” Golf complained, staring out the window.

I lowered my head and took in the coldness of the person in front of me and put it into my heart..

“Go home!”

Golf shouted to the driver and turned his attention to the mobile phone in his hand. I turned to look at him in surprise.. Normally if work is finished. Phi Golf always tells the car to take him to a shopping mall or commercial area to relax.

But why..?

It's like he can feel my eyes. Golf looked up. Slender brows furrowed together.

“Still making a silly face. Isn't it your birthday today?"

It's like my heart skipped a beat.. the feeling was similar to when my stomach was empty and I drank very cold water.. I smiled widely at the cold person in front of me. The first split second was both emotional and joyful. But for a short while, it felt like falling to the bottom of the abyss. Even though I was still sitting there, I felt weak in my knees when I thought of 'someone'.

That woman..

The person that Golf loves more than me.

"So P'Golf.. why aren't you looking for a girlfriend?"

I asked even though my heart was hurting.. P'Golf glanced at me in annoyance. Before letting out a loud breath, he lifted his foot and kicked me gently.

“Oh, do you really want me to go, little one?”

.. He didn't kick for nothing, then he reached out and pushed my head. I held on to that little wrist, teasing him to push him back.. I laughed when P'Golf used the shadow from the car window to put my hair back in shape.. My heart that was used to being numb to pain now felt like it would. A little happiness enters

This birthday .. may your wishes come true ..

Knock knock knock ..

"P'Golf, let's go down and eat."

I stood and knocked on my brother's door, smiling broadly happily. Soon, soft footsteps were heard. Walked over and opened the door for me to enter the room.. P'Golf held the phone to his ear. He met my eyes and put a slender finger to his lips, signaling to be quiet. I nodded before sitting down at the end of the bed..

“..Can't it be another day?”

With a pleading tone like this.. Brother Golf must have been talking to 'that person'.

I tingled when I heard that sentence. Close lips Before laughing at myself in my heart

I know.. I know that Golf's priorities Which floor am I on and which floor is 'him' on?

It hurts again.. I feel so pitiful about myself. It hurts until I'm used to it, but I'm still not afraid of it.

“But today ..” P' Golf glanced at me briefly before turning to talk on the phone in another direction, “Ah .. ok.”

He hung up the phone before going to open the closet and pulling out a jacket.

And before I could stop myself Words are faster than thoughts..

“But today is Mike's birthday!”

Golf, who was taking off his shirt from the hanger, stopped for a moment before turning to face me.

The cold eyes coming from the figure in front of him were like knives cutting into the heart.

Slashed down and hit the line of patience that was tied in a knot until it was broken..

“Don't look at Mike like that!”

I swooped in and yanked his arm violently. His face distorted in pain and he looked up at me in shock.

The feelings that were once kept in the bottom of my heart.. the feelings that I had always intended to never express.. burst out in the form of tears. I squeezed Golf's arm until it was tight .. squeezed hard .. to make him feel the pain.

Hurt.. as much as I've always been hurt.

"Don't go, Golf.." I tried to keep my voice from shaking. “Don't be indifferent to Mike any more, please..”

I buried my face in the thin shoulder of the person in front of me and sobbed uncontrollably. Strong arms gathered that body and hugged it tightly. I don't care anymore how cold this embrace is. I no longer care how much P'Golf used to ignore me.

Please let me be selfish for once..

Soon I felt a warm sensation on my back and head.

The warmth that I have always yearned for. Something that has been missing for a long time It feels like this..

Phi Golf patted my back lightly. before rubbing my head until it was messy

“Happy birthday, Mike.”

What I always wanted to hear.. a blessing for the two of us.. wasn't a script during filming.

It was like cold water being poured on a heart that was hurting. Finally my hope came true..

P'Golf pulled away from my arms and started looking around. He soon pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to me.

Chupa Chups Chocolate Caramel Lollipops ..

“What is this..” I wiped away tears and lifted up my lollipop to look at it.

“Birthday present,” Golf smiled dryly. Giving me an unexpected gift that was gaping. “Come on, you know we have a lot of work. I don't have time to go buy things for you."

I'm still staring at the 'birthday present' in my hand, turning it left and right to look at it all..

Even if it's just a normal lollipop But it looks as precious as a diamond.

".. Thank you, P' Golf."

I muffled my words as I buried my face in the crook of his neck to hold back tears. Golf allowed me to sob for a moment before slapping my back a few times and pulling away to pick up the jacket that was lying on the edge of the bed.

I looked after him with a heavy heart..

“Anyway.. hurry up and go back.”

I don't want to hope for anything anymore.. because of what I got. Both blessings and birthday gifts from the person I've always waited for.. from P'Golf.. just this is enough..

I sat down at the end of the bed again. Waiting for disappointment Coming soon..

P'Golf picked up his wallet and looked at me suspiciously.

“..What is it about you?”

“Oh, well..”

“No one lives in the house. Where will you get the rice to eat? Let's go out to eat." He said as he lifted his leg and kicked me until I almost fell off the bed. "Oh! You're just sitting there, get up!"

I gasped, my heart thumping violently.

Some feelings that once disappeared from my heart Starting to come back little by little..

Look, I .. probably don't have deaf ears, right?

"And Brother Golf doesn't .."

“Or you won't go,” he clicked his tongue in annoyance, “that's good.. tonight I'll go with the girl.”

No need to wait to be told twice..

I stood up immediately. Smiling widely like a child about to be taken on a trip. P'Golf looked at me from head to toe and shook his head in disgust. before slapping my head hard Makes my joyful face disappear completely

“You little child..”

He muttered and shoved the back of my furrowed hair to lead me out of his bedroom before closing the door behind him.

This birthday, if I ask to add another wish, would it be wrong?

Even though I received both blessings and a birthday present from the person I love the most.

I only wish for this happiness Stay with me for as long as possible..

.. That's enough.