-- Neighbor --

Have you ever walked a path whose destination was love?

I believe.. that everyone must have. A path that can be both short and long, smooth, elegant, and rough when you are willing to walk on that path. No matter what happens along the way In the end, if we are willing to walk, we have to walk to the end to walk to the destination where the word love is waiting there.

It was the longest walk I had ever encountered.

That road, the road of my love

The road that I have spent my whole life walking and breathing..this road that I will live with forever.

Kim Jongin.

 :)  Shalunla M U S I CCAFE : LUN LA

“You crazy kid, I told you not to climb in here!” There was the sound of a sliding door made of clear glass sliding open loudly. That small, high-pitched voice that always scolded me like this every time he saw me jump across the floor of a room that wasn't mine.

“I'm hungry.”

“The shop is downstairs. Did you see that my room is a buffet restaurant?”

"Oh, it's nearby, the food is delicious, you can eat for free 24 hours a day." I didn't pay much attention to the little man who stood with his feet on his hips yelling in front of me. It happened every time that he had to complain in the introduction first, but in the end I was always at the table with him.

He was just complaining. Like an older person..(than me)

"You complain like this every day. I'm bored. Please change the role."

“Yah, go back and rummage through the trash in your room over there.”

“Heartless,” I said softly and immediately grabbed the bread that was on the table and stuffed it into my mouth. before jumping up to sit and eat quietly on the sofa But I just noticed that the little man's mouth was open as he was about to say something about the bread I was chewing and swallowing hungrily at this moment.

“Kim Jongin!!”

“Hm?” I could only look at his slightly angry expression by only giving him a short response.

“Whatever you want to eat, ask me first. That's Chanyeol's!”

“Really?”

"Yes!!"

“Eat other people's things without permission and still pretend to be innocent. You're all grown up now. Not an eight-year-old child.”

This time, he seemed really angry at me. Of course, what was in my mouth wasn't mine. It's not his. But Park Chanyeol's

That's... my boyfriend.

A boyfriend who seems... well, looks good in Baekhyun's eyes but doesn't seem interesting in my eyes.

The little person in front of me threw a small box full of sandwiches towards me. Then he stormed towards the dining table where Chanyeol's bread was placed next to a box of juice. Baekhyun hyung took those two things and put them in his backpack without saying a word to me.

I opened the sandwich in the box and looked at Chanyeol's bread. Well, Chanyeol's was definitely more special than mine.

I'm just the kid next door who likes to climb in and ask for food, but he's my current boyfriend.

“Baekhyun hyung, I'm sorry. And thank you for being kind enough to do it for me.”

“Bread crumbs, Jongin, don't be happy, don't thank me.” His fierce voice was telling me that he wasn't angry, but that he was just a little angry.

How do you know that he isn't angry? It's easy to die. If you're angry at me He wouldn't say a single word to me overnight.

What can I tell you? I know a lot about Baekhyun hyung. Maybe it's more than Chanyeol hyung knows.

“So where are you going in such a hurry? There's no morning class today, right?"

“I don't have one, but Chanyeol does.”

“Finish eating, go back to your room and lock the room for me.” Baekhyun hyung's voice was still fierce as usual. He just grabbed the bag and put it on his shoulder and made to walk away.

“I'll see you in the afternoon.”

“Huh?”

“In the afternoon, I had a photoshoot with Chanyeol. Of course you have to be there. Do you want to eat anything? I'll buy it for you."

"do not need! Take care of yourself, Kim Jongin. Where does all the money you earn from each photoshoot go? Every day they come and ask for free food. Seriously, do you want to bury the money in the ground?”

The small man speaking to me from the front of the room frowned slightly at his doubts about me. I just smiled a small smile and continued to pretend to enjoy the food in my lap.

“Little one, today if you want to go see Chanyeol. You don't have to take Kyungsoo hyung with you."

“Oh, Kyungsoo, it's my friend. Whether you take them with you or not is my business. What's your problem?"

“I don't have a problem, but Kyungsoo does. That is a problem.”

“Don't get too carried away, Mr. Model. Kyungsoo stopped liking you a long time ago.”

“Really?”

"Yes! Hurry and eat and go back to your room. Staying here for a long time is wasting electricity in my room.” Still, I kept my hips and hips complaining until the last second. Before leaving, he kissed me once when I was unintentional. But of course, if I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have known he did it.

That's what I did, probably out of annoyance. But I really like it because it's really cute.

My life right now My stomach right now It's already tied to this person, Byun Baekhyun.

Every morning there must be one thing that falls into my stomach by Baekhyun hyung. If you don't count that at noon you have to study and eat at the university and in the evening the return time often doesn't match. If our time lines were exactly the same, Baekhyun hyung would definitely be my personal chef.

The person who said that I like coming to ask for free food, he just yelled at me. Baekhyun is studying management, but believe it or not, he chose to take a free course as an introductory general engineering drawing course. That's a basic subject for engineering students like me. Draw a diagram of the electrical circuit here and there. How can you do it?

How close is it to the principles of management that you studied? When the teacher gives me work orders, of course I have to take on this duty in exchange for breakfast every day.

I'm also wondering why I chose this subject. Sometimes it's because Chanyeol hyung is a senior in my group. He might want to sit and study together and leave the work for me to do. That might be possible.

But even so, I'm willing to do it every time the work is finished. I like it best when I write a word on the bottom corner of a piece of paper. That's the word I like the most.

'..Byun Baekhyun'

The continuous flashes of light were causing my eyesight to fail. I slowly closed my eyes for a bit to rest my eyes. But someone's heavy hand repeatedly slapped me on my shoulder, causing me to open my eyes to look.

"Are you okay? If you can't, you can take a break first." The low voice of the tall and slender figure next to me rang out. I nodded slightly and smiled at that person like always.

“Okay, I know what I'm doing right now. I have to work hard.”

“Looks like a distant future, hahaha.”

“Of course, I know what is right and what is not. Just like you, Chanyeol. You know what you should or shouldn't do, right?”

Chanyeol hyung looked away then looked back at me before smiling like he always did. He often looks away and smiles when something he doesn't really like touches his ear.

"I know"

“Really?” I said with a small smile towards one person not too far away. The small figure sitting there sucking a large glass of nectar looked at me and returned a beautiful smile.

“What kind of smile is that, Jongin?”

"I won't tell you. It's a secret. I have a secret just like you." I whispered closer as if I intended Chanyeol hyung to know that. I don't want anyone to know my secret. And he doesn't want anyone to know his secret either.

Luckily, my secret is still a secret. As for Chanyeol's secret? Maybe..now it might not be a secret anymore.

Even if I'm the only person who knows that secret, I consider it not to be called a secret anymore..

It's me who knows Chanyeol's secret..

Today's filming seems to have gone a bit beyond the allotted time. Because there are so many problems that make me have to stop and take pictures all the time. I immediately went in to change clothes because the clothes used for today's photoshoot were mostly long coaches for the upcoming winter. In a rectangular studio with a heavy, bold coach, I really don't like it. Hot like what?

I'm not as skilled as Chanyeol at this type of photoshoot. But if it's summer, I guarantee that if you see me on a magazine cover, you won't be disappointed if you buy that book.

“Would you like some water?” someone's voice sounded from behind. I turned around and looked, even though my upper body was still naked.

“Are you intending to bring it to me?”

Walk slowly towards that person. He didn't retreat or do anything. Just stand still. I smiled at him. He grabbed a glass of the same nectar he drank while waiting for us to take pictures and placed it on the table. That slender arm was pulled by me, causing him to move closer. Holding his waist close to my body

Our height difference caused him to look up at me as our breaths continued to brush next to each other.

“Did you give it to the wrong person, Kyungsoo?”

“It shouldn't be wrong, I brought it to a man named Kim Jong-in.” Kyungsoo didn't avert his eyes from me. It didn't push me away like it should have. Plus, he even seems to like what I'm doing to him right now!

“Really? Or have I always misunderstood that the person who frequently approaches me is because of a man named Park Chanyeol?”

“I'll tell you something, Kyungsoo hyung. I'm having an affair with my friend's boyfriend. It was like I was killing myself without realizing it.”

The person in my arms gave me a harsh look and pushed my chest with all my strength.

“Don't be scolding. Loss of mental health"

“Kim Jongin!” My name, which Kyungsoo grunted out through his teeth, made me smile back. How cool is it that you're so angry and still trying to call my name?

"yes?"

“You are hurting your best friend. Do you know, Kyungsoo?” I said softly, just for him to hear. Before a voice could be heard causing Kyungsoo hyung and me to move away from each other.

“Kyungsoo, will you come back with me?”

“I probably won't be coming back with you today, Baekhyun. I just have errands to attend to before going home.”

“What business is it, Kyungsoo hyung? Do you want me to be your friend?”

“Hmph!” Baekhyun hyung purposefully cleared his throat loudly and glared at me. Kyungsoo smiled at me and said no. Huh. Well, even if he didn't reject me, when I separated from Baekhyun hyung, I was the one who had to reject him. Since this business has nothing to do with me at all. Presenting your face, that's right. This isn't my matter..

That's Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol's personal business.

“I'm just kidding.”

“Let me take you to the dormitory. There's something I'd like to talk to you about." A low voice that I was familiar with came out as his thick hand wrapped around Baekhyun's shoulder.

“Hm, no need to, I'll just go back with Jongin. I see that you have something to do.”

I saw Chanyeol hyung secretly sigh a little and turn to look at me as if he was worried about something. Meanwhile, the little person kept his head down and searched for the contents of his bag. Which I don't know what they were looking for. ...maybe just pretending

I know his personality well. When there are things you don't want to pay attention to or try not to acknowledge. He always pretends to search here and there.

“What are you looking for?”

“Oh, the phone looks like it was put in here but I can't find it.” Still looking down, he answered Chanyeol. His hand kept searching in his pocket repeatedly. That's probably only me who can see what he's doing.

“How are you here?”

"Oh, yes. Oh, I'm terrible. I still forget about this matter." The little man smiled until his eyes closed and scratched his head to correct his embarrassment because of the phone he was (pretending to) find in his pocket. Chanyeol hyung gave it back and pulled the little man's cheek like a small punishment.

"Oh, it hurts," the person who was attacked moaned softly.

“Because you're like this, Baekhyun, I..”

“Hmm, what is it, Chanyeol?”

“No.”

“Baekhyun, let's go back.”

“Who are you calling that, Kim Jongin?!” I didn't care for that fierce voice. It seems like he's gotten used to hearing it every morning and evening. He just smiles in response.

“But what a coincidence. You two have the same business.” I pointed my hand at Kyungsoo and Chanyeol in turn. Chanyeol just smiled while Kyungsoo kept his head down and looked at the ground.

“We probably have unemployment. Let's go back, Baekhyun.” My gray t-shirt that was draped over the back of the chair was quickly picked up and put on. I grabbed the shoulder bag closest to me and put it on my shoulder and immediately grabbed Baekhyun's arm and made him follow me outside.

“Kim Jongin, take care of me,” Chanyeol hyung shouts behind him, causing Baekhyun to laugh a little. Because whoever it was, he would be happy. Well, my boyfriend is that worried.

I turned around and looked at Chanyeol and nodded. I saw Chanyeol hyung at that time while the little guy next to me didn't. I saw that look in Chanyeol's eyes. Those eyes that seemed to tell me that what he was saying was serious.

It's like he really told me that. It's like I'm entrusting the little person next to me to me...

…from now on

“Little one, can I get something to eat before going back? It's getting late and I'm hungry. What should I do?"

“What about you, Jongin? Whatever you want to do with your stomach is yours.”

“Then you can go back. Late at night, I will climb to find it. I'm going to wake you up from bed and drag you to do something for me. Are you okay like that?”

“Don't think about it, I won't forget to lock the mirror tonight.”

“Are you just kind to Chanyeol? And I don't see kindness like that at all.”

“Are you saying that I am not kind to you, Kim Jongin? It's better if you say this and stop getting to know each other." The little man crossed his arms over his chest and spoke with his face floating like a petulant person. Like, um.. People who get angry easily get better quickly.

“Haha, I'm just kidding. You know, you're the best, the best for me. I probably have twins. If you had a twin, I would be his girlfriend. It would be good if there were another person like you in this world.”

“Are you dreaming, Kim Jongin?”

“Slap me so I can wake up.”

The small palm raised high and ready to slap, just counted three, two, one in his heart. You look too determined like that, Baekhyun hyung. I grabbed that hand just in time before it narrowly missed my left cheek.

“Is this a joke? Is it really a slap?” Baekhyun hyung laughed out loud. While I still haven't released my hand

Please give me a little more time. Let me do this again for a while..

“You told me to hit you and I did as you asked,” the little man said with a smile and continued walking with me walking beside him. There was my shoulder bag, which was slung over the straps of Baekhyun hyung's backpack, which was on both sides of my shoulders. There is my hand still holding Baekhyun hyung's hand.

I held the small hand loosely. Hold it gently I want to hold it like that, I don't want to let it go. Even now I'm repeating someone else's original mark..

The pace of our steps seemed to slow down until I could feel it. There was no sound of talking to each other after that. That little hand still hasn't disappeared from my hand. My smile comes up often. When I think of the face of the person next to me who is now walking casually on the side of the road,

...It's strange. I was able to hold Baekhyun hyung's hand for this long? How many minutes has it been? How many minutes has it been? My happy time.

It would be nice to have a time machine in this world. I'll stop this time. Even if I have to stop until my last breath, I accept it..

“Should we buy fresh produce and make something to eat ourselves?” The little man suddenly looked up and spoke to me. A person like me who was thinking about something, his mind wandering, was shocked and accidentally let go of his hand like that.

“Hmm, do you want to do it?”

"Oh, if you don't want to eat, then I won't."

“If anyone tells me about this food, don't ask. Where have you ever made a mistake?”

“We'll each pay half the cost of the raw materials.” A slender finger pointed in front of us, giving an order that truly looked like the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

Wow!

“Hey, you idiot!!”

I can't help it, I can't help it. I'm serious, when Baekhyun hyung pretends to be fierce like this, it's really cute. The slender finger gave a command in front of me so close that I accidentally snapped it.. that's it.

Now those little hands are beating me without stopping. Even if it's just a light hit But it still hurts. Bite gently and return ten times. It's really not fair.

“What are you going to make me eat?”

“Spaghetti Carbonara”

“Pretend?”

“Then you don't have to eat!” After saying that, he walked over. Walk really fast Its legs weren't that long, but it was faster than a monkey's.

I kept looking at the clock every 5 minutes. It took a long time for this dinner to reach my stomach. Until I finished shopping because Baekhyun kept picking it up and putting it down. When I got back to my room, I had to finish preparing the complicated condiments and ingredients that were strewn around on the table. I just sat there with my chin on my head, looking at the little person who was busy making this extremely difficult dinner.

If you ask me why I didn't go help him do it? I'll honestly confess that even when holding a knife, it's done in the wrong way. That's a good answer distilled from my heart.

“Go back to your room and take a shower. As soon as I'm finished I'll go knock and call."

“No, it's better to wait here. It's good to save electricity in my room." I said and left it like that, dragging my feet like I was about to lose my intestines, sitting and lying down and playing with my iPad as if it was mine.

I sit and draw on my iPad. Write a teasing message to Baekhyun in his journal. Play the game you left off and continue passing the levels. But before I could do much, the battery was nearly exhausted from fighting me.

“Where is the little charger?”

“I don't know, find it out for yourself,” a voice shouted in response, causing me to put it back in the same place and walk back to Baekhyun hyung again.

“When will it be finished? Byun-Baek-Hyun”

I walked in behind the little guy and leaned over to look at the white cream sauce bubbling in the pan. Now it's smelling good. I rested my chin on that small shoulder and inhaled the aroma of cheese and whipped cream into my lungs, increasing the level of stomach acid that was flowing non-stop now.

"It'd be nice to get some face away."

The little man turned his head slightly and scolded, then turned back to cooking. I could only bring myself to sit back in the same place as before. The corners of my mouth quirked up as what I saw just now stuck with me.

When he turned around, his smooth cheeks were turning a faint shade of red. Completely different from every time it had been before.

“Jonggin, please wash the dishes for me. There's only one plate left. How can I share it with you?"

“No need to share, just put it on the same plate. I'm not fighting you to eat. With Kim Jongin's honesty Washing just one sheet is a waste of water. It's better if you're done eating and then wash it all at once.”

"Oh, I forgot to think about it," he mumbled, alone, then hurried to finish what was in front of him quickly. Because it looks like he's probably hungry as well. I saw him rubbing his stomach several times. I like to do it secretly when I'm not looking. Form organized all the time It's like this for people of group O.

White steam from the heat rose up and a fragrant aroma hit the nostrils. No more waiting for your stomach to growl loudly. The fork in his hand was scooped out, twisted and stuffed into his mouth with skill. At this time, he was really hungry and everything seemed to go smoothly.

“Yah, why don't you fight?” the little guy who was carefully curling the noodles to fit the spoon shouted when I scooped a second bite into my mouth.

"Oh, I'm not fighting, but if you're slow, you won't be able to eat in time for me."

“Damn it, kid!” The spoon in his hand was put aside and would not be taken seriously from now on. The fork in his hand placed the noodles into his mouth and sucked in the remaining noodles, leaving no trace of Byun Baekhyun's good looks just now.

The person across from me licked the edge of his mouth that was smeared with white cream sauce. with a raised eyebrow before preparing to pop the next word into his mouth like he had done before.

“Sure, Mr. Byun.” I put down the spoon in my hand like Baekhyun hyung did. He smiled at me before lowering his head and continuing to eat. No matter how cute it looked, now was not the time to look at it. Hunger was blinding me. Anyway, I had to eat before the small, good-eating person in front of me devoured everything.

It seems to be decreasing rapidly as well. Until now, the plate is almost empty. Don't ask if it's delicious. Looking at the amount that has decreased so quickly like this If it's not tasty or edible, it probably won't be in this condition. Baekhyun hyung and I are like two people fighting a small war.

It was almost the first time we had eaten on the same plate.

“Hee hee hee, Kim Jongin!” Baekhyun hyung scolded me and used a fork to divide the line on my side in half back towards himself. I looked up at Baekhyun hyung for a while and then put all the remaining lines together in the middle.

“Equally fair. Whoever takes more is considered to have made a lot of merit.” He pursed his lips at me and immediately dealt with the rest. Without waiting for me to prepare at all. When I didn't have time, I had to bend my head and spoon the remaining noodles into my mouth and inhale the long noodle end into my mouth loudly. The other person is no different from me. The same type.

“Ugh!” That small hand slammed into my arm several times, as if telling me to give up. I just raised my eyebrows and sucked that noodle into my mouth again.

Both ends of the line ...same line

One end is towards me. The other side is towards the little person.

It's like we're playing a fish-eating contest during freshman year. Whoever lets go first loses. I just feel like it's that kind of game. Since the person in front of him refused to bite down on the soft noodles. He also brought his face closer to sucking in half of that line. When the person in front of me did that, I also followed suit.

Gradually moving his face closer and closer. That slender finger pointed in front of my face as if telling me not to. But that didn't interest me. I held that hand. The small hand that at first gave orders was now changing to hitting my arm like he liked to do when I was displeased. I didn't care that much..

But I'm more interested in the food in front of me.

Baekhyun hyung didn't retreat from me or bite the line, he still stubbornly wanted to win. Even though it was time for him to give up, he didn't want to do it. His warm breath is very close to me. So close that it makes my heart beat loudly. ….Are we too close to each other?

Those bright, sparkling eyes looked deep into mine. It's like I'm looking at him in the same way. Is it because there's a spell? It made my brain forget about the things that were going on around me. It's like only me and another lovely person can feel each other at this time.

I don't know when I bit that line. I don't know when I felt the sweet, greasy taste of the cream sauce on that person's rosy lips. When did those beautiful eyes slowly close? I didn't even realize that our lips were touching right now.

The sweet, greasy taste on my soft lips, that taste, that feeling, I remember it well. For just those few seconds, all of them were etched into my heart…

I seemed to realize it again when the small hand I was holding slipped out of the one I had originally held onto. The little man pulled away from me. He stood up and walked to get some water without saying a single word.

I looked up, even though I wanted to say a few words. But as if at this time the mouth was too heavy or not, my brain suddenly became dense. What should I say? You should call him by name. Should I say I'm sorry or what should I do?

It's like a fool who doesn't know what to do. How can a heart not love me that is still beating erratically like this? What must I do? Will that person be angry at me? Because what he did crossed the line that separated the relationship between the two of us.

I crossed the line ...The middle line in the relationship between brother and sister.

“Please wash the dishes. I'm going to take a shower.” He said that's all without turning to speak directly to me. Only then did I know that he.. might actually be angry at me.

By this time, I was already a bit angry. I was angry at myself for doing that.

No matter how much you want him, it is forbidden. Things I shouldn't do This time I made a mistake, I made it…

I kissed him

That good brother of mine

I didn't see Baekhyun hyung in the morning. There was only a note taped to that clear glass that said that he didn't do anything for me today because he rushed out to take a test.

I'm not sure if he really has an exam or is trying to avoid me. Because on those nights when I used to secretly come and check to see if he had forgotten to lock the mirror or not. That night it seemed strange. The lights in the room were completely extinguished even though it wasn't very late at night. Plus, the mirror was already locked.

“You don't seem in a good mood. Makes a face like a bear and dog who's taken laxatives.” Oh Sehun took his eyes off the phone screen and looked at me casually. Because every day the person who has to bad mouth it first is me, but damn it. Today I feel like I don't have the heart to do anything at all. It all looks boring. Whatever you look at, everything is off-putting.

“Give me your mouth and let me kick you, Sehun. You've been annoying me since the morning."

“Don't mess with my mouth. If my mouth hurts, then kissing my boyfriend doesn't taste good.” I turned around to look at Sehun's face as soon as the word came out of his mouth, the word 'kiss'.

"Oh, why are you looking at my face like that?"

“No, I just knew it when I looked at your face clearly. Your face is really annoying. I want to try touching your mouth with my foot.”

"You're so handsome, black man."

“Oh, that's about twelve times more.”

I shook my shoulders slightly and got up and walked to the bathroom. Let Sehun continue chatting on Line with his half-Korean-Chinese girlfriend. This guy likes to play with tall things. Not being able to speak Chinese means Ri may go out and flirt with Chinese people. And I don't understand how to talk about things now that we're lovers. Even though Luhan has some Korean ancestry, he didn't grow up in Korea.

When we first met, we spoke a few words in Korean and then yelled Chinese at me until I almost ran away in time. But that guy has a strong spirit to invest in Tech Cross to learn Chinese.

Love can change people this much. It seems overwhelming.

But I believe..

The soles of my shoes clicked against the marble floor all along the walkway that was almost next to the fire escape. One of my feet landed on the dry tile floor of the men's restroom in the engineering building where I was familiar. Just one step and I couldn't take another step to continue walking forward.

I stood at the edge of the door. Didn't step inside there. I just stood and looked at that picture... A tall, slender figure that I was familiar with. Just looking at it from behind, I could clearly recognize who it was. With another person there, another person that I myself am familiar with as well. Their lips pressed together at the innermost corner.

The slender hand moved to wrap around the other person's broad back. Meanwhile, the sound of the tall person's breathing also sounded more and more harsh and rapid.

I don't even know why I'm still able to look at pictures like that until now. A picture of two people doing things without caring that anyone would see them or just thinking in their hearts that they were far away from other people and besides, it was still very early in the morning.

One of my legs was about to lift up and kick one of the bathroom doors, making a loud noise. In case the person who is happy inside will somehow realize that there is another me here standing, but there is one thing that prevents me from doing what I am thinking about. Someone behind me...

Another person who at this moment is about to know that secret of Chanyeol.

I turned my body back to that person and hugged him. I don't know what to do at this time. I just knew that I mustn't let these eyes see the image I saw just now.

I don't want those eyes that always look at me fiercely to have tears!

“What are you doing, Jongin?!” He tried to push me away, but my strength was stronger and I still held him like that.

“I haven't eaten yet this morning. Let's go find something to eat as a friend." I found a reason that sounded irrational and pushed him to move away from that place. before exerting force to pull that little arm to follow me as quickly as possible

The sounds of grumbling and struggling along the way as I brought Baekhyun to the bottom of the faculty building caused many people to stare at him suspiciously. That small wrist jerked so hard that I myself was shocked as soon as I set him free.

“What the fuck is wrong, Kim Jongin!!”

“So what are you doing here?”

"Whatever it is, it's my business."

"Are you still angry at me?"

“Yes, I'm angry! Why did you drag me down? You know I'm hurt!” That little arm raised high for me to see my work. The red streaks around were caused by my squeezing, which must have been too strong.

“Do you know, Kim Jongin, it hurts!!” This time Baekhyun hyung raised his voice at me. Instead of turning red, the angry-looking leaves turned pale. The red thing that appeared instead appeared to be the edge of the eye.

The edges of my eyes started to become red and bruised before a drop of clear water flowed out in front of me.

The back of his hand raised to wipe away the teardrops and immediately walked away from me. As soon as I followed the steps, a loud commanding voice that sounded jarring sounded and interrupted me.

“You don't have to follow me.”

Baekhyun's voice I just heard That was the first time I felt it. Cold, like a careless person It's as if we never knew each other.

I hurt him today. I overdid it the other day. All…that's right. It's all my fault. It's all because of me.

I tried to protect him. I didn't want him to see that image that might leave a deep scar in the heart of the person I wanted to cherish. But in the end, why? Instead, it was me who made him cry.

Kim Jongin's fault..

I didn't go back to school that day. That person who disappeared, I haven't been able to contact until now. No matter if you call anyone you know No one who was his friend knew where he had gone. Even Chanyeol himself

I looked down at the clock that was now showing the time. It was very cold. But I still can't contact Baekhyun. And the sky that looked dark and dark like it was a sign that it was going to rain soon made me almost not want to just sit and lie in a room like this.

I have to go somewhere around here. Somewhere...that he might be there.

It's a short walk from the dormitory. Huge raindrops suddenly poured down. I didn't care how much it was raining and whether I would get very wet if I ran in the rain like this. Will I be sick? I didn't even care if lightning struck right now or not. ..The only thing that interests me is that person, where is he now..

I can admit that I was more worried about the little person than myself. Very worried..in this time and situation

As time passed, the rain that poured down became stronger and showed no signs of stopping easily. I didn't shout his name like I should have. I know that my voice, no matter how loud I call, cannot compete with the sound of the thunder and rain at this time, or even if they can hear me. He probably didn't care to turn around and look.

His last words, which seemed so careless at the time, made me think like this… I just ran and looked for him like that. I just hope to meet you.

Byun Baekhyun, where are you? Where are you? Who are you with? Are you wet in the rain right now? You've disappeared like this..I'm worried.

If anything happened to him, it would be nothing but my entire fault today.

Because of me..

“Where are you?” My legs, which had begun to tire, slowly stopped in place. My voice speaking to myself was such that I barely had the strength to utter each syllable. But I'm still stubborn about saying it out loud. That name..

'Baekhyun'

It's like I keep talking to myself over and over. It's like only I know and hear. I didn't feel as cold as I should have because of being out in the rain for such a long time. Just look around and find nothing but emptiness. Just then, the word cold was almost absent from all my feelings.

It was represented by some feeling that I couldn't explain. But only I know what it's like.

It's all empty. So white that you couldn't see anything.

Feeling like a person is close to going crazy. Maybe it can be called that.

I walked forward again but was stopped by a voice calling my name from behind. The sound wasn't that loud, but I could hear it clearly. clear into the heart That voice I remember well

Who is that person I'm looking for?

'Kim Jongin', my name slipped out of his mouth. Just look back I had to hurry and walk over to find him immediately. I should have smiled as soon as I saw that little figure in front of me. I should be relieved that he's here now. ..In the end, in every sense it should be, it's not like that.

Because those eyes looked empty That smile that you send, no matter how you look at it, is not a smile of happiness. The trembling of my shoulders at this time made me uncomfortable. The closer I get to him, I could clearly see that those eyes were visibly swollen and red.

“What are you doing around here?” he was still smiling and asked me as if he were talking like we normally used to talk. But in truth, I didn't feel that way at all.

I didn't answer, but the only thing I could do right now was pull that little body in and hug him as tightly as possible. It's like I don't want him to go anywhere else. I don't know why I do this. Now I may just be afraid.. that he will disappear again.

“Where have you been? Why aren't you answering my phone?”

There's only my voice and the rain here, there's only a question without an answer. One feeling that could be felt at this time was the small shoulders swaying in this embrace. One heavy feeling of being pressed against my left breast. Even though there were no words, I knew that this person was crying at this time.

The reason you're crying right now is because of me, right?

So what should I do? I don't know what to do at this time. I just gently rubbed that back. It's like the thoughts in my head are all crashing together. It was confusing with everything that was happening in front of me at this moment.

Why is he crying again? Why does he still smile at me? Why… why.. there's only this word floating around in this Kim Jongin's brain..'why'.

Why can't you protect the person you love, Kim Jongin?

I don't know how long we've been standing like that. The water drops from the sky that were merciless at first were beginning to sympathize. The initially dark sky began to reveal light little by little.

“I'm sorry.”

One word of mine that began to break this silence. Those are the words I should have said from the beginning. Words that must be spoken from my heart He didn't say anything, just shook his head. The strength to sob in the beginning is no longer there. I feel a little relieved because at least now he is here with me.

And he didn't cry like he did in the beginning.

“I just..want to play in the rain.” The small figure slowly pulled away from me. Then he bowed his head and answered.

“Phi ..P”

“Do you want to continue playing in the rain with me? Before the rain stops,” Baekhyun hyung raised his head and smiled at me then turned to look around him. Acting cheerfully like the incident had never happened before.

“But you probably don't want to play.” He smiled sadly like a child who was disappointed because of being rejected and then turned and walked away from me.

“Let's go back.”

“Let's wait for the rain to stop before we go back.”

“Uncle Baekhyun.”

“You just stood there.”

I don't understand what this person in front of me wants or what else he's going to do. The little figure slowly walked away from me. One of my legs that was about to follow me had to stop.

“…Wait, Jongin.”

Those words made me stop moving for no reason.

‘…Wait a moment, Jongin.’ That voice sounded the saddest I had ever heard.

In this small park, everything continues to move in a clockwise direction that never stops. Even though it was like that, I didn't look at it the way I should. like this place Everything seemed to stop moving, with only the rain falling and the breathing of the two people.

Looking from here, that one figure was still standing in the same place. Those little shoulders began to tremble again. What I saw made me feel that now on my face there were not just cold water droplets called rain flowing through and dripping onto the ground. ..One drop of warm water that was flowing from my eyes just dropped onto the ground again.

I couldn't stop myself or maybe I didn't know when it happened, my tears.

My heart can no longer pretend to be strong against his tears..

I know that I like Baekhyun hyung. No, it might already be called love. But one thing that I just realized today is The tears of the person I love when I see them hurt more than being slapped in the face ten times. If those tears were due to my actions, it would not only hurt like being slapped ten times, but it would hurt like someone had stabbed a sharp object into the left side of my chest!

I sat and looked at the small figure sitting on the sofa with her knees hugged, with a large blanket wrapped around her body. Those eyes that kept looking blankly out of the mirror Not a single word had been spoken since he walked up and sat there. My eyes looking at him right now didn't attract his attention at all.

“Sorry.” His voice was as soft as a whisper with a faint smile on his face. A pair of eyes looked towards me.

I just shook my head gently to deny those words.

"Sorry, I didn't cook anything to eat this evening."

Another apology uttered. which I could only refuse as before The person who should say sorry ten or a hundred times should be me.

“Are you hungry?” He smiled and shook his head in denial like I did. His pale face was beginning to discolor from possibly having a fever, which made me start to worry. I walked over and placed my hand on my forehead. Which is exactly what I'm worried about.

"I'll go back to the room and get the medicine for you."

"You know I don't like taking medicine," he interrupted before I could walk out of here.

“But I have to eat.”

“That's enough Jongin, you don't have to take care of me that much. You don't have to do that much for me. Don't try..do it for me. Because it will make you tired. You're already tired because of me."

Those words, 'Don't try to do it for me', those words that made my two strong legs barely have the strength to stand. But I still have to resist. As strong as ever

“Uncle Baekhyun ..”

“Go back and rest. I'm fine.”

“Are you still angry at me?”

“No, I still smile at you. I'm still talking to you. I'm not angry at Mr. Jongin. The way I am right now, I'm probably angry at myself.” He didn't look at me, but seemed to be talking to the dark sky outside.

“I have many things I want to talk to you about. Many things I want to know But today, I probably can't ask you anything.”

“Well, it's good I didn't ask. I won't answer any day. There's nothing I have to answer.” The corners of his mouth lifted up into a smile again and he lay down on the sofa, not caring what I should do next.

“If you want to sleep, go into a nice room and sleep.”

“Oh, I know,” a small voice answered me as those eyelids closed.

"small"

“Thank you…Jongin.”

Those words made me quiet for a while. Tell me not to try and say thank you What are you trying to tell me? That said, you're not angry at me, but you might be angry at yourself. What is that you're thinking about, Baekhyun hyung? I want to know.

“Go and sleep well. Being here is going to be worse than before.”

Opening his eyes, he looked at me again and pushed himself up and walked easily, covered with blankets, into the room. without saying anything else to me I just followed along to see that everything was in order.

“If there's anything, call me.”

"yeah"

My closed eyelids forced me to walk back out. As soon as the lights in the room were turned off The owner of the room's voice interrupted my legs.

“Jongin..”

"yes?"

“If one day I don't exist in this room. Will you regret it?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“If one day you climb over and stand on the balcony and see that I don't exist in this room. What are you going to do?”

“Phi Pack..”

“If one day I…”

“I would go crazy. Just today, when you disappeared, I felt like a unconscious person. ...I will not go crazy or become senseless because of you. I still want to be a strong and smart man who can be beside and protect you.”

“I will not allow you to disappear. No matter where in this world you are, there will always be me beside you.”

I turned the doorknob again to let him rest. Even though I didn't feel very good about those questions he asked me.

But the answer I gave was what my heart wanted. If you use your heart to look at it and think along with it, you will know what my heart wants to tell you.

“Jongin…”

“Can you please stay by my side tonight until I fall asleep..”

One soft request Made me immediately release my hand from the doorknob. I turned around and looked at the room owner who was curled up on the big bed and nodded in response to him.

I realized that it was already very late, but my eyelids seemed to be heavier every day, an obstacle that prevented me from opening my eyes easily. Even more was the throbbing pain in his head. It was making me certain that I was going to have a fever soon or maybe already now.

As soon as I awoke, I realized that I was now lying in a bed that was not my own. As far as I remember last night, I was just sitting next to a little person who was huddled with a fever, but now I was lying on a bed, and the owner of the room at this time wasn't even there.

Just dragging my legs and head that was starting to feel heavy every time, I walked out of the room and found the owner of the room sitting at the dining table. He turned to look and smiled faintly at me as if he was calling for me to come sit at the table as well.

“You woke up late,” he said before picking up the warm milk and drinking it. Meanwhile, his other free hand was pushing a bowl of mushroom soup that he had just finished making recently in my direction.

“Have you gotten over your fever? That's why I wake up and cook like this."

“Last night I had a fever, but now someone else has it.”

“That person is very unlucky.”

“Um, very bad luck.” He smiled knowingly and turned back to the food in front of him. I walked over and sat on the opposite side and ate slowly. Because the accompanying sore throat would make it difficult for me to eat anything.

“Jonggin, are you taking my fever away?” the person in front of him said while staring at me narrowly. I don't know why those eyes easily made me choke on my food.

Damn it, was yesterday's hyung the one who was doing a drama with me? People who cry as if they are in so much pain that they are almost the same people today. What are you doing? Byun Baekhyun!

"Good. I suddenly had a fever and someone else had it instead."

“You're lucky, but I might not. Because I'm taking your place here. Will you take responsibility for me?”

“Don't talk too much, just eat.”

“Today I have a drawing class at 11 o'clock. Why aren't you taking a shower yet?"

“My fever is gone, but not completely. It might be half gone. Please let me take a break for a day.” The hand that was raising the glass of milk to take a sip seemed a bit halted by my interrupted question. I just nodded my head and continued to eat the soup in front of me.

“So you don't go outside to do anything?”

It's like I ran out of questions to ask. In fact, there are many things that I want to say, but I don't dare to say them. I'm afraid that when I say it, Baekhyun in yesterday's body will come back again.

“Where do you want me to go?”

“Let's go outside for a walk and breathe in the good air. I see you like to go often.”

“Do you see how free I am?”

"Where did you say.."

"I'm busy...because I have to take responsibility for you."

The little man stood up and walked over to the glass and placed it in the sink. before disappearing into the room Leaving me sitting alone, but there's another thing that keeps me company, my smile.

It's like the old Byun Baekhyun is coming back. But it seems to come back in a strange way. Not as cheerful as the previous day But what made me know that he wasn't the same person as he was yesterday was that smile. It didn't look as sad as it did yesterday.

Even Byun Baekhyun said something strange to me last night. Now I hardly know him.

All that was known to exist right now was Byun Baekhyun who had a bright smile on his face. The only person I want..

All day I was asleep and awake in Baekhyun hyung's room. He kept forcing me to take medicine and go to sleep. That seems comfortable, but sometimes I find it boring to wake up to take medicine and then go back to sleep without doing anything else.

“Baekhyun hyung, please let me stop taking the medicine. I slept until I was bored.”

“Fine, your fever is almost gone.” He placed his palm on his forehead and sat down next to me.

"Are you bored?"

“No, being quiet in the room sometimes feels good in a different way.”

“Mmmmmm,” I answered with only a sound in my throat and lay down again. This time it was the soft lap of a little person that I would like to use by my own strength.

“If I never knew you What will my life be like now? It wouldn't be this chaotic.”

Rt Rt Rt ..

“Your phone,” I reached into the nook of the nearby shaking sofa and handed it to Baekhyun, not forgetting to peek at the name of the caller.

Baekhyun didn't end the call but let the call cut itself and immediately turned off the phone. That surprised me a bit. Because that's Chanyeol's number.

“Today is my holiday. Not answering anyone's phone."

“Even Chanyeol hyung?”

“Chanyeol just called to check if I was at home or not. There's nothing. I told him this early in the morning.”

"That's good. Today, you're not talking to anyone except me."

"Oh, because you're sick."

“It's gone.”

“Why are you sick instead of me? What kind of magical power?”

“That's right, I took your fever myself.”

“What do you like to do without asking me? Why didn't you ask my permission first?” He hit my arm a few times for no reason.

"Why are you hitting me? If I asked you, you wouldn't give it to me, so it's better not to ask."

“But that..”

Baekhyun hyung raised his voice so high that I had to raise my eyebrows in confusion.

“Never mind.”

“Tomorrow morning I want to eat rice wrapped in eggs.”

“Does my face look like a restaurant?”

“Huh, not like that. How can your face look like a restaurant but your face looks like a person I know?”

"who?"

“Um, I don't know if I really know you. It's just that he often comes into my dreams when I sleep. He is very similar to you, Baekhyun.”

"No, there's only one person in this world with a face like mine."

“Because I only have one person. There is no one like me. If that's the case, would you like me to be you in my dreams?"

“Ah! Go to sleep, Jongin, close your eyes..”

A hand rests on my eyelid. It's like forcing me to sleep quickly. I just closed my eyes like that, even though in fact I didn't sleep at all. As if making sure that I was asleep, the small hand moved down to rest on my lips. At this moment, I wanted to open my eyes and look at Baekhyun hyung's face, but I couldn't. I just wanted to look, I just wanted to know what he was thinking about what he was doing right now.

A long time…

That touch was so long that I almost fell asleep. But the one thing that woke me up to regain consciousness that was about to disappear into sleep was the warm breath near my face.

Beautiful lips touched the back of her hand slowly and then pulled away the second I closed my eyes, but I felt it again.

“You took the poison from me through this. And I took back the feelings of regret that you had. I'm sorry I acted badly. I'm sorry ..because of my stupidity.”

His voice was hoarse and soft, as if those words didn't want anyone to know. Those words from Baekhyun..

Then you probably know what I did.

I know...that last night our lips touched again.

I just hope it's one kiss that will erase all your sadness and nightmares.

From that day, throughout the past two weeks, Baekhyun hyung came back to sit and play, rearranging almost everything in my room. On days when there was class, he would call me to walk to university as a friend almost every day. There were only some days when Chanyeol hyung came to my room and Baekhyun hyung disappeared too, but only rarely. A lot is like that.

Everything that seemed bad that day gradually disappeared, little by little until the little person named Byun Baekhyun returned to normal.

The story is that today I still can't find the answer to what happened. There's just something happening. …It comes for no apparent reason.

“I don't have class today, but you do. Do you want me to walk you around again? This time we charge a salary.”

“No need to sleep comfortably here. I'm in the same class as Suho. I'll walk downstairs and call him downstairs and we'll go together. I won't pay you anything.” Baekhyun hyung was sitting on the sofa with one hand holding the ears of a rabbit doll while the other hand slapped it right in the face like a grown child using these things to vent his feelings.

“Hey, hey, what do you have a grudge against that doll? Why fight with him?”

“Who bought it for you?” Baekhyun hyung swung the rabbit towards me.

“Taemin,” I answered truthfully. Taemin bought it because he wanted it himself but ended up stuffing it in my room. Taemin is not someone who can be called a boyfriend. He is a friend who has special feelings beyond words like an ordinary friend or close friend. It's not that deep, but it really can't explain their relationship with each other.

That was a long time ago and now Taemin already has a girlfriend. As for me, I have someone in front of me who I love very much..

“For your birthday, I will buy you a bigger bull. Just watch.”

“Hm, what's wrong with you? I didn't say I wanted it."

“I will give it!”

"I don't want it."

“So what do you want?”

"I won't tell."

“Remember this and don't ask me for anything again. I'm going to study now. Please go to bed and have fun. And that rabbit, if you just keep it and it's useless, then boil it and eat it.” He stood up and spoke loudly while I just sat and laughed like that until the last moment when Baekhyun hyung walked out.

Grab a piece of paper and a nearby pen and write a short message that is like a request to the divine.

I'm about to answer Baekhyun hyung's question.

'For my birthday this year, I want…'

“Do you think like me that today is not our day?” Baekhyun hyung stood in front of me. That small face lifted up and spoke to me from a distance that could be described as a close distance..

"I told you not to go too far."

"Aren't you bored just staying in that area?" He continued to argue with me while his small hand kept grabbing the hem of my shirt until now it was all wrinkled. On the express train in rush hour At a time when people are crowded When there was only me with him

….Just two people among hundreds of people.

“Are you tired?”

"No, it's just a pain in my leg. I haven't sat at one station since I came out." He said a little sarcastically and changed from holding the hem of his shirt to holding his arm instead.

“I don't see any difference,” I said, holding onto the small arm because the person behind me was pushing past until the little person in front of me had to stumble along.

“Sigh, if I knew there were so many people, it would have been better if I just kept riding the bus.”

“Did you sleep late last night?” I asked because I saw him yawning while talking.

“And who asked to show the football at 3:00 a.m?”

"Just borrowed it. The TV in the room was broken but I turned it on low."

“Turn it down, yes, but the sound of your cheering is soft.”

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh But if you're really sleepy, just go to sleep,” I said and looked away. So I couldn't see how the little person acted. When I told him to sleep, I just said that. I didn't think he would really just stand there and fall asleep like that. Turning to look again, he could hardly hold back his smile.

“Who told you to sleep like that?”

Gently pushing the back of his neck closer until he felt something weighing down on one shoulder...

“Give me 5 minutes,” said a soft voice that I seemed to hear correctly.

No need for 5 minutes or 10 minutes. For me…every minute, every second counts as a month. For a year or maybe a lifetime. For me, I can give it all.

Continuously loud automatic announcements Whose phone is ringing? Notification sounds from various chat programs The sound of the old man next to him talking The various sounds around him ..I didn't hear it. Hearing only the sound of his own heart beating loudly

I heard it...can other people hear it?

I don't care what pair of eyes are watching me here. How do you look at this place? How can it be interpreted? I didn't care what they thought of the smile I had on my face right now.

I smile because my heart is happy.

Happy times always pass quickly. Many people have said that. In the past, I always thought like that, but now that thought has changed. The happiness at that moment may pass quickly, but in the future that moment will always remain stuck in my mind. Still happy like that …until the last moment you breathe

A lot of paper bags, plastic bags in my hand and a few in Baekhyun hyung's hand. He just said he wanted to buy things but I didn't think he would buy this much. It seemed like it was more about household items and room decorations. He always likes to buy new things to decorate his room, which is completely different from me who never thinks about doing anything to my room, even just cleaning it.

“Are you moving to a new house? Buy this much."

"If you have a duty to carry, let's carry it." He turned around and said that, then walked away in the other direction. This time, I walked to the children's play area and the first thing I saw him pick up was a steaming white tiger doll, which from a distance looked really pretty.

He grabbed one of its legs and beckoned me to come to him. Baekhyun hyung looks very happy with that tiger.

“Should I buy it? You look at my face. If I leave it in the same place and walk away tonight, it will definitely enter my dreams.”

“I just bought one and it was lonely.”

“Then you should buy another one.” A white tiger with black stripes crouched in his small hand, which was brought closer to my face and poked me a few times.

“Alright, I'll buy it.” I snatched the white cheetah from Baekhyun hyung's hand and held it for myself, then picked up another brown one with black stripes to go with it.

“Huh?”

“I bought it for you.”

Baekhyun hyung didn't say anything, he looked at my face and smiled. I saw small hidden fangs. Those eyes that always stared fiercely at me when I did something to displease them now looked as bright and bright as the ones I used to secretly look at. This is what I encountered in front of me. Like this, he smiled at me. It makes me helpless.

Those eyes looking at me made me feel strangely shy.

“Pay the money.”

I cut that short and walked away, turning my back on him. It's like right now I can't make a face and I don't know what it's like. Just had to avoid it at that time. I'm afraid he'll see that I'm smiling just like he was just now.

Who said today isn't our day? It may not be your day, but it is my day. It was the day I was the happiest.

I sat with Baekhyun in a small coffee shop to relieve my aches and pains after walking all day. I'm not a coffee drinker because I don't really like the smell of it, but Baekhyun and Baekhyun hyung really like it and even like the strong, strong kind like that. In a coffee shop, it's normal to have the smell of coffee floating around, so it was a slight to moderate problem for me.

“Baekhyun hyung, let's move to an outside table.” In order to avoid the smell in the glass shop, I proposed the idea of ​​an outside table instead.

"Oh, okay. You don't like the smell of coffee."

"Do you know too?"

“I know,” he said and immediately took out two dolls and went outside. The rest, a large pile, was under my responsibility.

Just briefly saying that I know about the smell of coffee that I don't like. Not many people know this. Baekhyun hyung has become one of them. How did he know even though I never told him? It became a doubt, but at the same time it was a doubt that made me smile again.

Like this...it's so warm in my heart that I can't tell.

“How do you know that I don't like the smell of coffee?” As soon as he sat down opposite the little man, he immediately asked a question that he wanted to know. He only answered me with 'I know' and then turned to adjust the posture of the two little tigers in front of me.

And it seems that ever since these two people came to play a role in Baekhyun hyung's life, I myself feel like I'm being overlooked. Should I be jealous of the doll?

“Jongin, I put it in the two rooms.”

"No, leave one with me and one with me."

"Oh, so why is it lonely?"

“What is lonely? My room and your room are only separated by a wall. Look, now you're more interested in it than I am.”

“But keeping it together is better.”

“If you take it away, I probably won't have anything with me except Taemin's rabbit. I'll probably have to sleep with the rabbit next,” I said casually without looking at Baekhyun hyung. That's what I intend to do.

And it worked..

A small brown tiger with black stripes was handed to me, looking rather displeased.

“Ummm, take it, take this one of yours. Go ahead and bite the rabbit to death. Bite your ear off!”

“You really have a problem with rabbits, Baekhyun hyung.”

“Do I look like that? No, it's just that tigers are cuter and rabbits are more annoying.” Isn't that funny when he makes excuses like that? It was a lie and a poor solution, not smooth at all. For this person, I seem to know almost everything about him.

"So you're not going to order anything to eat? Aren't you hungry?"

“I would rather eat what you make. I guess I ate it so often that I got used to it.”

“Just a little,” he points a fork stained with chocolate from the beautiful piece of cake in front of me and makes a scolding sound.

“Jongin, bring your face closer here.” A hand beckoned me to bring my face closer to him. The other hand was cutting a piece of cake that didn't look quite bite-sized, but it might have been too much for me.

"no"

“Can you not interrupt?”

“You called me that like I did something wrong. Please call me nicely first."

“There's a lot of style,” he complained while wrinkling his nose. All I did in response was shrug my shoulders, not really paying attention. In spite of the fact that I was interested I'm really interested, but let's pretend to be angry. ...Just teasing, enough of a ceremony.

“Kim Jongin, move closer to Baekhyun hyung. Try the cake. It's very delicious,” he said, flirting with his lips and scooping up the same piece of cake and bringing it in front of me. This looks cute, but it's a bit strange. It's more like I like to be fierce like before. It looks like the most original Byun Baekhyun.

“It's delicious.”

“Oh,” I just nodded and quickly chewed and swallowed it all. Your mouth wanted to break into a wide smile because that person in front of you fed the cake to your hand, even though it didn't look gentle. Romantic like in any movie I've ever seen.

Stuffed it into my mouth as soon as I brought my face closer. That's exactly the course. Baekhyun's school is complete...

“Baekhyun hyung, did you do something violent like this just to me?”

"yeah"

“Just with me?”

“Yes, it's just you. I'm only doing this with you, Kim Jongin.” Baekhyun finished speaking and raised his eyebrows and smiled, then turned to pick up the doll and twisted its legs and tail back and forth.

My brother's words that I just heard It made me feel like… I am one person in Baekhyun's life. One person who seems important One person who seems different than anyone else. Maybe I think too much of myself but I don't know why I feel that way.

Rt Rt Rt ..

"I'll be right back."

‘Who?’ Baekhyun hyung opened his mouth and asked before I got up and walked out.

'Sehun' I opened my mouth to reply and then walked away to talk on the sidewalk not too far away from the table I was sitting at.

“Yes, Chanyeol hyung?”

I said the name of the person on the other end of the line as soon as the distance was far enough that Baekhyun hyung wouldn't know who I was talking to. Why did I not want Baekhyun hyung to know that Chanyeol hyung called? One of my stupid reasons is I just want today to be just me and Baekhyun hyung. I don't want that. The kind where the word Park Chanyeol came out of Baekhyun's mouth.

The one word I only want is 'Kim Jongin' and that's it.

That's...my need today.

The reason may seem very nonsensical and stupid, but to me it can be compared to one of the big reasons in life..

[Are you with Baekhyun?]

“Yes, what about you? Are you very busy? Even though I don't have any free time to take Baekhyun out to run errands outside."

[What are you saying? Jongin. How can I face him again? Just every day that I try to let him see my face feels guilty enough.]

"I should ask you what you're talking about."

[Baekhyun didn't say anything to you, right?]

"speak? What are you talking about?”

[I broke up with Baekhyun]

“Are you playing with me, Chanyeol-hyung?”

[Then should I continue playing with Baekhyun's feelings? I broke up with Baekhyun two weeks ago. I called Baekhyun and he never answered. I went to see Baekhyun and he would stay away. I just want to know that he's okay. I want to apologize for making you sad. Both me and…Kyungsoo..]

As soon as I heard all that My legs barely had the strength to stand. It was like my heart stopped beating for a moment. It was like being jerked down to a low point in a deep abyss. It flickered like it was a dream. I thought it might be a lie but the tone I heard said it was true.

The whole story Baekhyun hyung pretended to be normal. He's been fooling me all along. He hid that painful feeling in his heart. He never told me what he was like. I never knew that his heart had been hurting all this time.

I can't do anything. I'm confused. Now I'm angry at Chanyeol hyung. Angry at Kyungsoo for betraying and hurting Baekhyun. Angry at himself for not knowing anything. I'm hurt because I just found out that Baekhyun hyung is hurt. I feel sorry for Baekhyun hyung who had to go through this tragedy and live with it alone. I want to do something, I want to comfort, I want to make you feel good. But all of that I couldn't do at all.

I didn't act like I should have at all..!

Tell me all the feelings in my body brain and heart What is it now?

[Jongin]

[Kim Jongin, are you still listening?]

[Jongin]

“I walked out. You don't have to walk back again. You don't have to call, you don't have to let Baekhyun see or hear his voice. If one day he forgives you, then on that day you will probably be able to talk to him. Now that I've chosen to go, go far away. Leave him here… with me.”

[What does that mean?]

“From now on, you have no rights over Baekhyun hyung anymore. There isn't anything. Especially the word "sorry"

[Kim Jongin, what are you going to do?]

“Do what I should do. We all have to do what we should. What you should do is that you and Kyungsoo should go far away from Baekhyun hyung.”

[And Baekhyun..]

“Don't pretend to be a good person who repents on the day you made a mistake. When you did it, you never thought about it because both of you didn't care about Baekhyun's feelings from the beginning. How can you guys do something like this? If you truly loved Baekhyun hyung, the words "sorry" would not give it to the person you love."

"Let go and go, I'll take care of him."

[What did you think of Baekhyun from the beginning? You too want to eat my food. I'm satisfied with you that I broke up with Baekhyun]

“Satisfied that Baekhyun hyung was able to break up with a bad person like you! And if I say yes, what will you do? I loved him after you, that's true, but one thing you never knew was that your love was nothing compared to my love for Baekhyun.”

[How do you know that I love Baekhyun less than you? What did you use to decide Jongin!]

“Now why are you angry and shouting about what is about to happen? Isn't that what you want? Park Chanyeol..in my definition The word love is betrayal, right?”

“From now on, let me take care of him.”

“The person I love..”

I hung up the phone as soon as what I wanted to say ended. ….That's the end of the story of the traitor.

From now on, it's just my duty. With me, no matter what capacity, for Baekhyun hyung For me, Baekhyun hyung is the person I love. I will take care of him the best I can. Stay by my side until the last day I get to see this world. Until the last second when there will be no breath left.

I promise..

A pungent smell that I have never liked since I was born in my entire life. Wake me up.. The simple lightbulb on the ceiling was completely different from my room. This isn't my place. Here right now..where I live

I could only look out at my surroundings. My whole body was unable to move freely. Just a little while trying to move it caused a sharp pain all over my body, especially in the middle of my body. Oxygen lines, saline lines, various equipment that can often be seen in movies and dramas are now all around me.

I don't remember what happened. I don't know how it was that I was lying here like this. The last thing I remember is Someone's phone line just got disconnected. Then a few seconds There was only a loud noise coming from behind me. As for the story that followed, I saw only blank white images.

The lights in my room were still on. I could see my mother sitting on the sofa with my younger sister, still in her school uniform, sitting beside her. Their eyes looked puffy and red, which it wasn't difficult to guess because I was lying so still on the bed. I couldn't clearly hear what my mother was talking about with my sister, but she seemed quite stressed.

If I were to guess again, it might be because of me as well.

When trying to look across the room What I saw made me want to stand up and immediately walk up to him and embrace him. Baekhyun hyung leaned against the wall of the room. Both arms were attached to the body like a person who was exhausted. Those eyes looked at me as clear water droplets flowed out. He used the back of his hand to slowly wipe away the tear stains from his face.

I didn't want it to be like that. Not those eyes that shed tears or those hands that wipe away those tear stains. If that's the case, all I need is my hand to wipe away those tears. My two arms embraced my little body as tears flowed down.

So what can I do now? …there isn't anything.

And everyone is like this. Who is it because of this, if not me?

What happened now?

Not long after, the doctor walked in to check my condition and reported the results of the treatment to my mother. As far as I know...I had an accident. The part of my body that was most damaged was the middle part of my body. Broken ribs and torn lungs are important organs that need treatment. Even the entire body that was heavily bruised from the violent collision might not be as severe as the internal organs.

How long do I still have to stay in the hospital? I still don't know about that.

This way, I think it's better than me wanting to be an amnesiac. It's good that I still remember everyone. Still remember my love

I saw Mom say something to Baekhyun hyung and then leave with my sister. So in this room there was only me and Baekhyun hyung…

A small figure walked and stopped next to the bed. Those eyes were still not bright. Still as sad as when I first saw it. That slender hand now gently holds mine. I wanted to turn my hand over and hold his hand. I want to move my mouth and say everything I want to say. I want to hug him so he can get rid of his sorrow. I want to tease him and make him become the same person again.

Just 'want'

"Hurry up and get well. I don't want to go to school alone."

"I don't want to eat alone."

“Watch TV alone”

“Where are you going, alone, without you?”

“If you come back late… I won’t give you anything to eat for a week.”

I can still hear that soft voice. Hear every word I will do as you say. Because I've talked to you before..

I still want to be a strong and intelligent man who can be beside and protect you.

I won't let you disappear. No matter where in this world you are, there will always be me beside you.

About a week had passed and my condition had stabilized, sometimes worsened. My breathing seemed more and more difficult, but even so, it didn't make me feel bad or discouraged. Acquaintances, friends, seniors, and juniors always stopped by to visit me even though I couldn't talk to them. Just a little bit

Even Chanyeol hyung and Kyungsoo hyung came to visit me…

Today, Sehun has been sleeping with me since noon until now, and it's almost dusk, but he still hasn't shown any signs of returning. I feel good that my best friend is here with me for such a long time. It knew that I couldn't respond to any of its actions. He came and played with me like he liked to do. To get bored, he picked up his phone and took a picture with me while I was still lying on the bed and uploaded it to show to his friends in the group and invited him to buy lots of great things for him to eat.

When he was full, he jumped and slept on the sofa. I'm not tired of it at all. It's even better because my mother and younger sibling have more time to rest. Baekhyun hyung also looked a bit brighter, no longer as haggard as he had been in the first days of the incident.

“Baekhyun hyung, are you sleeping here today?” Sehun asked loudly as soon as he saw Baekhyun hyung walk into the room with a big backpack.

"Um, there's no school tomorrow so I can stay."

“Going back and forth like this, I must be really tired.”

“No, Sehun. I never get tired With Jongin, I'm not tired at all. If compared to everything that has happened in the past.”

“Luhan hyung called and I'm going back now. Get some rest. You look a lot thinner. If you're like this, the person lying on the bed will be worried and won't be able to sleep.”

"Oh, it's good to be back. Thank you for being here for most of the day today."

“No need to thank me, bro. I'm lonely when he's not around. It's good just to see his face." Baekhyun just smiled and nodded in response, then threw himself on the sofa and stretched his arms back and forth.

“I'm going back. I'll come see you again tomorrow. Hurry, you'll get lost. I've done all your work. Hurry up and recover and come back to pay me for the damages. Fuck, study with Jongdae so I can fight him ten times a day. It's annoying me. Come back and study with me, you handsome bastard, I'm lonely!”

Sehun concluded by lightly bumping his fist against the back of my hand like he often does when he and I do strange things together.

As soon as that tall and slender figure disappeared, There are only two breaths left here. My mouth couldn't move, my arms, my legs, my fingers couldn't move at all, even trying to do it was too painful to bear.

I want to ask, I want to hear your voice..

'Do you eat anything in the morning? ...How was it when you went to study? ...Did you forget to lock the mirror? ...When it rains, do you bring an umbrella with you? …How are things when I'm not around? ...Are you lonely?'

I'm lonely...when you're not here.

Even if it's just for a short period of time when you're not here.

I miss you...Byun Baekhyun.

Questions and words you want to say I can tell through just my eyes..

A small figure walked and stopped beside the bed. That cold hand gently held mine. The faint smile that passed through made me want to smile back. Even though it wasn't Byun Baekhyun's bright smile that I fell in love with..

Now..he's crying again.

“I cook for you every day, but you don't come to eat.”

“I tried doing the drawing course myself, but I couldn't do it.”

“I turned on the sports channel on the day your favorite football team played but you didn't come to watch.”

"I don't want to go to university alone. You won't send me away."

“I got stuck in the rain at the faculty building but you refused to bring an umbrella to pick me up.”

"I forgot to lock the mirror and you didn't come and lock it for me."

"I live alone Why don't you come to Kim Jongin's side?”

“You are cruel.”

“Every day I have to be alone. What do you do alone? …I miss you.”

"return.."

“Come back and make me feel welcome.”

“Come back and make me smile all day.”

"return…"

“...makes my heart feel like there is another person who loves me next to me again ..Kim Jongin.”

'...Kim Jongin' is my name.

Why, why wouldn't I want to do that? At this moment, I want to do everything you said. I want to hug you tightly. I want to support you again. I still want to eat the sandwich you said was made from the scraps of bread you made. Everything that we ever did together I want to do everything..

I didn't disappear I haven't left you anywhere. You won't be lonely because I'm still here. You will not feel alone because I am the one who loves you. The person who loves you is still here.

I'm always with you. It's just that at this time I myself..can't do anything as I want.

Drops of warm water fell on my face. The warm breath of Chakra moved closer. Just a few breaths were heard as those beautiful lips slowly touched the oxygen mask covering my face.

How many minutes, how many seconds, did the time pass?

My heart is stopping the clock even though in reality it continues to move on and never stop.

It is holding good feelings in my heart.

…Our lips didn't touch but it made me feel.

I feel that maybe..

It could be love …The love of one person passed on to another.

It's like I'm getting..

“I will wait for you to come back and stand beside me. Waiting for you to hold my hand and walk to university together. Wait…until that day when I talk to you.”

Those eyes continued to look deeper as if searching for something inside. I can only look back and give something back.

feelings in my heart

My love that passed on Do you understand that, Baekhyun? What I'm saying..

'I love you'

“There are a lot of stars outside. It would be nice if you could see.” Baekhyun hyung held a glass of warm water in his hand and walked back and forth on the balcony outside.

“If I draw you, will it look like it? Is it beautiful, Jongin? No, I'd rather take a picture for you to see.” Smiling, he walked back in and picked up the camera in his bag and stood in the same place.

"Oh!"

The little man exclaimed softly and lowered the camera to look at the image that appeared on the display. He walked back to me inside with a big smile.

“Coincidence or fate?” he said and showed me the picture on the camera. I tried to smile at what I saw. I tried to move and it seemed like it was working. I was able to move my mouth slightly and let the breath out through my mouth until white steam appeared on the oxygen mask.

Baekhyun hyung smiled and looked back at the dark sky outside and spoke in a happier tone than ever.

“Thank you, thank you Fate.” His smiling face turned to me and he chuckled at what seemed to be a pleasure.

"Make a wish. You saw a shooting star. Just one wish for you."

A photo of a shooting star that Baekhyun hyung accidentally took. It was so random that one might think it was divine intention. The tail of a shooting star is clearly visible in the center of the frame amidst a cluster of tiny stars that shine brightly around it.

I told the shooting star in front of me what I wanted. My wish...

If above could really give me that I just ask that this love of mine will always remain in my heart. Even today who is still breathing or in the future who may not be in this world anymore. That name that I love will still be there. Even if you wake up in the next life, just remember that in your heart there is only a name. 'Byun Baekhyun'

Time that changes and changes Even if it moves forward One thing that still hasn't changed is this heart..

It seems like a long time ago my love story happened. How long did it take to start loving you? How long until my heart belongs to you? And how long will it take to still love like this?

Whole life..that may give the answer at this time

The same place that I used to live in. I came back again..my room, everything was still the same. The bed was put in place and something moved like someone had slept in my room. It shouldn't be anyone other than that person.

The drawing board in the corner of the room had a sheet of paper clipped to it. It's a picture of an electrical circuit board that's a bit messy. The corner of the paper was written in neat letters: 'Byun Baekhyun'

The stuffed rabbit that used to hang upside down next to the mirror was neatly placed on a white sofa in the middle of the room.

A white cheetah was lying on the bed together with another one. Just seeing it made me smile immediately.

Everything I see right now makes me feel so good and happy that I don't know how to describe it. It's easy to smile just thinking about who did it all.

The same route I usually took to find Baekhyun hyung without knocking on the large door in front of the room. I stood on the balcony of his room and it seemed like it had been a long time since I had stood here. Baekhyun hyung took his eyes off the laptop in his lap and looked at me and smiled slightly.

“I'm hungry, let's go eat.” That's all he said and put his head down to continue working.

“Thank you for not being harsh today.” The same sandwich was on the table with a large glass of orange juice next to it. I just looked at it and smiled before walking over and sitting next to Baekhyun hyung and quietly watching him work.

“Why is your life so comfortable? Why don't we exchange some with each other, Jongin?" He said to a screen that was full of small letters and diagrams that explained something that I didn't understand when I looked at it.

“I don't think it's comfortable at all.” Leaning on the sofa, he tilted his head to rest on Baekhyun's left shoulder without asking for any permission. The owner of the small shoulders looked away from the screen and smiled slightly before slowly leaning back on the sofa and stretching his arms out fully.

“I think I should sleep for a while.”

“Then let me sleep. I won't disturb you.” I moved all the way to the edge and accepted the other person who was stretched out on the sofa in my lap.

Those pair of eyes instantly closed. I looked and smiled without realizing it. Like a little child who plays mischievously and then comes back to sleep hard. I couldn't let my hands stop moving. Gently caressing that soft hair, smoothing out the hair that covered his clear white skin before my fingertips stopped on his small lips that kept scolding me.

My fingers lightly touched it and then moved back up to touch my own mouth. ...Just now I'm happy enough. My eyelids slowly closed. I want to sleep with him right now. When I wake up, I will see him here who still hasn't left me.

The door of the next room next to mine opened just as I walked out of the room. Baekhyun hyung handled the shoe straps for a while then turned to look at me.

“Are you going with me or not, Jongin?”

“Where are you going? I should go with you.”

“I'm going to go buy some things and then find a place to rest a bit.”

“Um,” I answered shortly and followed behind Baekhyun. Today, the little guy seemed to be in a particularly good mood. He was humming songs all the time along the way. It's a slow song that when you actually hear him sing it, it's beautiful. Baekhyun hyung is a very good singer but he never sings for anyone but I secretly overheard him when I was sitting in his room.

Baekhyun stopped by to buy some fruit at the supermarket. One of them has kiwi which I like and many other things that he likes to eat. As I walked past the flower shop, I hesitated a bit and walked out. After a while, he muttered to himself that it was beautiful and went back to buy it without saying a word to me.

When I realized it again, he walked back with a white rose in his hand.

He once told me that what he liked most was this type of flower. When I asked why it had to be white, he simply told me, 'It's white.' To this day, I still don't understand if it's because it's just white.

I invited Baekhyun to take the subway, but he walked away and got on the bus and said, "There are a lot of people, it's too lazy to squeeze in, it's uncomfortable." But it was also nice to keep riding the bus and be together longer than before.

Baekhyun hyung took his iPod out of his pocket and listened to music. Leaving the other earphone for me. I picked it up and listened to it and looked at the person next to me who was humming and secretly smiling. I laughed softly at the sight but he didn't care that I was laughing and was just focused on the song. The only song that still sounds like that

That part of the song I remember now. The same song they sang this morning when they walked out together.

‘Every day every night I’m missing you..’

“It's because of that, don't you think?” he said without looking at my face and slowly closed his eyes.

“Um, because, very very, if that's your voice. Please sing this song to me one more time.” I turned to look at the little person who had fallen asleep. I kept looking like that. I don't know for how long. I just know that I've been looking at him like this. Just this makes me happy.

“Will it rain today?” the little man said as soon as he got out of the car. He narrowed his eyes at the slightly thick clouds and walked to a stop at the red light intersection ahead.

The green light that opened the path lit up and the people around us rushed to cross to the other side, unlike me and Baekhyun hyung. Our two legs moved forward slowly. I inserted all five fingers into the finger grooves of the person next to me, tightened my grip, and led the little person across without any haste. Who wants a time of happiness to end quickly?

I can only dream that our time now is like a scene from a movie. The people around us were frozen and the colors faded to grey. There are only two hearts that are still moving. We walked through them with faces filled with smiles of happiness. It was just us..

Just us at this time

...That's just what I pictured in my mind.

The sky was darker every day because of the thick clouds that hung on the island. The cool breeze that blew from time to time made the small figure sitting next to him look a little nervous.

“I didn't bring an umbrella. What will you do if it rains?”

In this quiet place, even the slightest sound of someone's voice could be clearly heard. A plain on a small hill, looking out as far as the eye could see, you could only see lush green, beautiful grass, as if someone had carefully planted it.

“Why did you come here, Baekhyun hyung?”

“I have only recently known this place. Have come here twice. It gave me a lot to think about. Peace, quiet, beauty. Did you know that this place is where all the memories of many people's lives are gathered? That includes me and you.” The little person sitting next to him lay down on the grass carpet and slowly closed his eyes. It was as if he really came here to rest.

“You came to sleep like this, what should I do?”

“I want to get lots of rest like you.”

“Then I should sleep with you as your friend.”

“Sometimes I secretly annoy you, Jongin. Your rest time is too much. You keep sleeping. Wake up and see the world changing every day.”

I smiled at those words without responding. Slowly lie down next to Baekhyun and close your eyes like he did.

“If I sleep too long Please wake me up. Oh, and the fruit I bought you to eat. I know you're hungry.”

Final words at the end In this place, it became quiet again. There is only the sound of breathing competing with the sound of the wind...don't pour it down, rain. ...If it rains today, it will be a bad day.

Please be considerate of my request..from above.

“Jongin, wake up.” That small hand shook my body to wake me up from my slumber. The sound of calling that was familiar to the ears The warm sensation of their breath being just inches away from each other. That… woke me up.

“Hm.”

“Wake up, we should go.” The voice that was at first loud and clear quickly turned into a whisper.

"Where are you going"

“How do you go from here? I'm going now. If you still want to stay here, stay here. Go to sleep and get rid of your tiredness, Jongin.”

"No, I'm going with you."

“So?”

"How can I leave you?"

“I'm glad you still want to go with me. You still want to walk next to me, right? Please answer to assure me that you will not abandon me.”

“I will not leave you anywhere. I will always be by your side.”

“I know that you will be with me…forever.”

The small figure stood up and walked away from me while my body was still frozen in place. My two legs, trying to follow along, were unable to move. I could only shout and call out to him to stop walking. Just shouted and said not to go..

“Uncle Baekhyun!!”

“Brother, don't walk like this. Come back to me first.”

Calling at the top of your voice Try to move your body forward. ..It's not effective at all.

“I will go with you.”

“Uncle Baekhyun …”

"..return"

All the voices I called out to, not a single voice responded. Some figures slowly drift away from me with no intention of returning. The scene in front of me made me no longer have the strength to stand. My heart no longer had the strength it once had.

“Uncle Baekhyun.”

The soft voice was slowly swallowed up by the wind that blew past. Swallowing hard through a dry throat. Drops of clear water slowly flowing from the eyes. ..It's already been like that.

..He didn't come back.

“I love you, Byun Baekhyun.”

My last soft words made that person who had walked away into the distance stop. Move around and look at me again. The petals of his mouth curled into a faint smile and he nodded lightly.

"I know.."

The last sound heard A bright light flashed at the same time that the figure disappeared, never to return..

“Baekhyun hyung!” I opened my eyes with sweat dripping down my face. You let out a slow sigh as you realized that what you had just experienced was just a nightmare. He's still here next to me.

You're still next to me.

Within a few minutes of waking up, the small figure next to me slowly opened its eyes to look at the sky in front of it and stood with its arms fully extended.

"It's great. I woke up and the sky was clear. It wasn't raining.."

“How long have I been asleep?” Baekhyun hyung smiled and used his finger to draw a picture in the air, using the entire expanse of sky instead of paper. Lie down and look at the slender fingers that move back and forth while softly emitting the sounds of those letters.

“Baekhyun”

I tried using my finger to write letters in the air like that. After a while, a voice next to me softly sounded out.

"Kim Jong In"

The clear voice was soon drowned out by a smile on his face. That smile was still evident even though I didn't look directly at him. The same smile that made me fall in love with the owner of that smile.

“Did you know that I dreamed about you just now?”

“I also had a dream, but I didn't tell you about it. In my dreams, you were mean.”

“I dreamed that you took me somewhere strange. You didn't say a word to me in the dream. You keep looking at me and smiling at me. You want to touch me but you can't. Your hand that reached out and tried to touch my face was blurry, as if it were just a speck of sand. In my dreams, you were just an air element or an illusion that couldn't be captured.”

“At least in my dreams I still have a smile, but why in my dreams does it seem so cruel? It's strangely sad. I don't like that at all.”

“Why do I feel like my dreams are so close to reality? Even though in that dream you were just an illusion, when I woke up I felt like I was happy. It's like I can feel you right here next to me.”

The little figure stood up and walked to a place not too far away. He picked up the white rose he had brought with him and looked at it again before slowly placing it on the marble pedestal in front of him. I walked over and stood quietly next to him. and look at his every action

“I once asked why I like white roses. The answer really is because it just looks pure and gentle.”

“I once asked why I knew you didn't like the smell of coffee. The real answer is because I know just by looking at it.”

“That time you asked me why I apologized to you. Because all this time, I never saw what the important things that were close to me were and what they were like.”

“You asked me why you don't like locking the glass on the balcony. One answer I can give is I feel good every time someone climbs over to me and locks that glass door. Before he walks out of the room, I always hear his voice in front of the bedroom door saying, 'sweet dreams'"

“You asked why I'm so fierce and yell at you. The only answer is that I can't do this to anyone else but you. I always have a smile after doing that. I always laugh and am happy, but do you feel like I'm not that fierce anymore?”

“Because there is only you that I can be fierce against, Kim Jongin. …Without you, I don't know if I could do that to anyone else.”

The voice at the end of that sentence trembled. His slender face looked up at the sky to hold back the tears that were about to fall. I stood next to him and held his hand.

'Don't cry'..that's what I said.

"..Don't cry."

Those words could not be heard by the listener because the sound was swallowed up by the wind that blew along with the soft sunlight that began to shine from behind.

That little hand was still there, held tightly by my hand. We stood side by side in front of a white stone pedestal. The sunlight rising from behind casts shadows in front of us.

I looked and smiled faintly at what I saw. Instead of what it should have been, it only showed the shadow of one person..

Slender fingers slowly moved to touch the letters engraved on the marble. The tears that at the time he couldn't hold back fell onto the bouquet of white roses placed in front of him.

“I miss you…Jongin.”

-Baekhyun Dairy-

Today's morning seems rather chaotic than every other day. Many dishes that I woke up and prepared before the sky was light, until now the clock hanging in front of me said that it was almost 8:00 in the morning. Normally, I just make simple food that takes a few minutes to complete, but today is someone's important day. That person is my important person.

Everything on the table was something he liked and always complained about wanting to eat every morning when we saw each other.

“Aren't you tired of sandwiches? I want to eat tonkatsu.”

The words were spoken even though the bread was still full in his mouth. My harsh voice said back that if you wanted to eat, then go and get it yourself. those sounds Those pictures make me smile just thinking about it, even though sometimes I don't realize that my smile appears along with my tears.

I carefully put everything in a box and walked away from the kitchen to take a shower. Before walking out, the red symbol that I had marked on the calendar called for me to turn around and look at it again.

14 January..

Many stories have passed from the day before until today. Everything good and bad I still remember in every episode. It was as if it were a favorite movie that played in front of me over and over every day I woke up or every night I dreamed. That voice that I can still hear clearly That voice that always says in short words,

'Uncle Baekhyun'

That man who today left me but still leaves everything in my memory. I remember well the times I did something bad to him. I used to scold, I used to talk to him in a cold tone on the day I just realized that in the past I was just a stupid person but he was trying to protect a stupid person. That and what he received in return from the fool was the word regret.

His hug that day that held me the day I saw a clear picture that the two people I loved very much were deceiving and betraying me. I saw it with my own eyes before Jongin pretended not to notice what was in front of me and walked me out of there. I tried to resist and wriggle free from the strong hand that was holding my arm.

That wasn't his fault at all because he thought that he was the one who had treated me so harshly that I was hurt.

It wasn't him who did that..The word 'hurt' that I shouted at him that day wasn't the pain that happened because of him, but it was the pain that the two people I love so much gave to me and added. Another pain that belongs to me for being a fool for so long.

I've known about Chanyeol and Kyungsoo for quite a long time but I just never told anyone. I think that one day if I treat Chanyeol really well, he might stop caring about Kyungsoo and come back to loving only me like in the early days of our relationship. I'm afraid of saying goodbye I'm afraid he will leave me.

..I used to want to curse and hurt my friend Kyungsoo for doing something like this when he shouldn't have, but just thinking about the many things he and I have been through over the years, it makes me... It made me just become a mute person who didn't even dare to say anything.

Chanyeol tried to break up with me many times, which I always knew because when he would say those words, his expression would change. He always bites his lip and every time I see him do it. I am the one who avoids him. Because the only reason is that I'm afraid of saying goodbye.

Because stupid people often do stupid things..

On that day, I said something bad to Jongin. I told him that I was angry at him, which was really just an excuse. Words that were used to hide my own pain without thinking about whether he was hurt by it or not. Those words of a fool

There were no goodbyes from Park Chanyeol, but it was my own words telling us to stop seeing each other. Stop pretending to love me. Stop pretending to care and stop treating my kindness..

I told him that day it was raining heavily. I felt angry at myself a hundred thousand times for still being so stupid. I regret that day I'm sad because my whole story with Chanyeol ended..um, no, it's about me, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.

Like a mindless person walking in the middle of heavy rain. I just thought that the rain would wash away all the tears on my face. I just thought that the sound of loud thunder could reverse my sobs. Just thinking..that if I do this, no one will know that I'm crying.

But everything I thought was completely wrong. My crazy actions like that made another person cry and cry.

'I'm sorry'

Those words that he told me At that time, I cried in his arms until all the tears dried up just hearing the words he said sorry.

Those words that shouldn't be his but should be mine.

I walked away from him and cried again.

I cried for my folly on the day the relationship with people who had no feelings for each other ended, but I just felt that there was still another feeling of someone that I needed to care about and turn my attention to.

Take care of me like he takes care of everything in me.

'I'm sorry, Jongin..'

The matter of my breakup with Chanyeol has always been kept a secret. I still pretend like everything is the same. Chanyeol called me, just answered and then walked away from Jongin and hung up the phone. Chanyeol came to my room and I usually walked him away from the front of the room and told him to go back and not come back again.

I'm the kind of person who, if I break up with someone and my heart is still not strong, I ask that we never meet again at that time. Because it might make me weak again

During that time, Jongin still took good care of me. And it's like I'm the one who acts like I'm not far away from him. No matter where I go or what I do, I always call Jongin. which he never once refused my request Every time I'm near him, it's like he's slowly erasing bad memories or things that I've been sad about, little by little.

Every time I'm with Jongin, I'm happy. …until I want to be with him all the time.

In the past, I always denied these feelings for Jongin because I thought it was impossible because at that time my heart was with Park Chanyeol, but it was just an excuse.

I've always had feelings for a guy named Kim Jongin, but that's something I've never accepted or denied.

A young man who was only a year older than him. The one person who always causes chaos for me. That person who made me nervous..

That time, the first time our lips touched. I don't know when that spaghetti noodle broke apart. The moist touch on my lips made me forget about everything around me for a moment. It was like the second hand on the clock face was stopping. What a contrast to the sound of my heart beating loudly..

I wasn't pushing away, I wasn't angry, I wasn't mad, but I felt good about that kiss.. My first kiss with Jongin

Many times, Jongin carried my bag for me and held my hand when crossing the street or walking around in crowded places. Jongin likes to say to me,

“Because I like to walk and disappear here and there. If I walk away from you, what will I do?”

Warm every time that hand holds mine I often look around and smile without letting them see. Why did I do that? Maybe it's because of my shyness.

I'm the kind of person who when I sleep, someone bothers me. At that time it would be like a time bomb inside me was ticking off. I was a little annoyed when I heard the noise of the troublemaker in the next room climbing in and turning on football in the middle of the night. Jongin was slightly startled when he saw me open the door to see him sitting in front of the television with a confused expression on his face.

“I opened it up,” he said in a whisper and smiled at me.

“I didn't say anything,” he answered in a calm tone and closed the door back in the room.

At that time, no matter how sleepy I was at first, I couldn't force my eyes to fall asleep. It wasn't because of the loud sound of the TV outside. It wasn't that person's cheering or shouting, but because of that smile he gave me before I walked back in.

That smile, even though I tried to close my eyes to sleep, it still appeared every time.

You are a terrorist across the room..

Your mission is to steal my heart?!

Let me tell you. If that's your mission

..You're going to succeed, Kim Jongin.

In a day there are always happy moments and on the same day it can make us sad as well.

My eyelids closed as I rested on the tall figure's shoulder. My hand released from the sleeve that was holding it and moved to wrap around my waist loosely. Among hundreds of people There may be many pairs of eyes watching but I myself don't care. Because one thing that interests me more is the sound of my own heart beating loudly and another person's that seems to me to be able to hear it as well as mine.

Our hearts beat in the same rhythm, right?

Even though I closed my eyes, there was always a smile on my face. All the 5 minutes I was there. There wasn't a second that I didn't smile and there wasn't a second that I wasn't happy.

I walked around a large department store most of the day. There was another person who followed along and helped me decide on the things I was hesitating about, but even though I asked him, When they chose the left side but I took the right side. He yelled at me every time I did that. ..It's nice to live in. If I were to do this to someone, that person would have to choose to yell at me like Jongin.

Because I like it when we argue. I always win..Jongin always accepts me. That might be what made me gain my heart and become such a grumpy, self-centered person.

The two tiger dolls in my hand were bought by Jongin. At that time he said he would buy it for me. I never thought he would buy something like this. Besides Taemin's long-eared rabbit, there wasn't anything like this in his room. I smiled at Jongin because I felt strange about his decision. The thick hand that liked to hold my hand lifted up and scratched the back of my neck slightly, then grabbed the two things in my hand and went to pay.

I'm not sure if I could call it shy or not. Jongin is very good at keeping his cool, but except for one thing, he always shows it clearly, which is when he smells coffee.

Even though he never said it, I knew just from seeing him that he didn't like it.

Sitting at a coffee shop but Jongin didn't order anything to eat. I ordered a piece of cake in case he would eat it but that was not the case.

'I'd rather eat something that you made'

I just smiled and told him in my heart.

'Go back and I'll make you something to eat'

But it's just something in my heart. It's in my heart to this day. I didn't have a chance to make him eat again because my time of happiness seemed to end as soon as the shouting of his name ended…

I shouted Jongin's name loudly as soon as I saw a car that had lost control and crashed into the sidewalk where Jongin was standing with his back turned. It was so fast that I couldn't make it in time to tell him anything. If Jongin didn't walk out there and talk on the phone. If he hung up the phone a little sooner or even.. if I didn't invite him to sit and have coffee in this place.

He may still be walking next to me now..

For weeks, Jongin still lay motionless in the hospital. His condition still looks worrisome. He couldn't do anything except open his eyes and look at everything that was happening around him.

Every time I walked into that room and saw him still lying there. I feel sorry I hoped that every day I went to see Jongin at the hospital, I would be able to see him come off the ventilator. I took off that mask and saw him smiling at me, talking to me, greeting me, calling me by name.

'Hello, little one'

I want to hear that. ...I want to hear his voice.

Every time I hope ..but never once was my hope fulfilled.

Even if I make a wish for a shooting star or any sacred object in front of me It was like my requests were being ignored.

'I wish I could tell him what was in my heart on the day he held my hand. The day he came back to stand next to me On the day he comes back to protect me.. I will tell him.'

Jongin's condition has deteriorated lately, although on that day I could still see him moving his mouth to smile at me, the shooting star in the picture. The doctor said that the lung wound was infected. The oxygen in the lungs is not purified very well. His breathing seemed more and more labored. Every time I saw that figure breathing heavily to resist the pain inside my body, it made me cry.

The suffering must have been extremely severe. You're in a lot of trouble, right? Jongin..

'Is there anything I can help you with? How can I help you? Someone who has always been good to me like you shouldn't be the one lying there. It might be me, not you!'

I can only say There was only my voice in that quiet room.

I still remember the events that happened that day well. The day my heart ached to death That moment when I received the phone call from Jongin's younger sister who called to tell me, His condition deteriorated to the point where he had to be taken into the ICU.

“Jongin hyung is about to stop breathing. Jongin hyung doesn't have the strength to fight it anymore, Baekhyun hyung.”

"He's about to give up."

The end of the call ended with the girl's sobbing. It's painful and pitiful to hear.

It's no different from me, whose hands are shaking to the point where I can't do anything right. As soon as I regained my composure, I left my textbooks in the classroom and ran out of the classroom.

“I have to go now.”

I said to Suho who held my arm with tears streaming down my face. Suho nodded and let me go, feeling that he understood what was happening.

My legs ran at their fastest speed, as if the hands of a clock were about to reach the end of the race. Just hope it's in time. I hope I can tell him those words. ..What I want to say the most

..I love you..

My exhausted voice became louder as soon as I stopped in front of the ICU room. I didn't ask anyone about Jongin's condition to anyone present. I only saw the tears that were still flowing. A loud sob …This is the thing that I really don't want to see at this time.

“Baekhyun hyung,” Mi So hugged me as soon as she saw me standing here. The girl just sobbed without saying anything. The teardrops soaked my white shirt in a wide area.

“Misso, you came in time…right?”

There was no answer. The girl in my arms shook her head as she cried louder than before.

That moment when I sat on the ground with trembling hands. My brain was completely blank and white. Tears that I don't know where they come from At this time I can't stop it.

“Don't lie.”

I spoke to Mi So with what little strength I had left.

“Jongin..already asleep.”

A voice that sounded like Jongin's mother rang out. As soon as those words ended, there was a second when I couldn't understand any of those things anymore.

I didn't arrive in time.

He left me and never came back. And these words that I still want to say to him? Don't you think you'll come back and listen to it?

Words of love from me Do you want to hear it? Jongin.

Can you come back and listen to me first?

I love you...

'Don't cry'

A familiar voice sounded before I opened my eyes to face this painful truth again.

'Is that your voice, Jongin? You came back to comfort me.. Is that right?'

Question in my mind

Almost two months have passed. For almost two months, my life has not had the boy next door to cause chaos. There was no scolding from me. It was only me who returned to live my life as usual in the same place where all my memories were.

The same place I always look out to. ..that balcony I always look through that clear glass and smile because I miss the one person who used to stand there on the days when I locked the glass and let him stand and beg to come inside. I could only smile at that image in my memory that in reality was empty.

The same breakfast that I eat every day. I always do it for that person. No matter how much time has passed, those things still remain as before.

Every time, no matter where I go, I always look at the door and ask him if I want to go together.

I said this even though I was alone. I told him many stories about what I had experienced today. No matter what I do, I will always think of his face. Even the same songs I like to listen to, I always tell him to listen to them too.

Every time a gentle breeze blows past I think that's him. Jongin is always with me. He is like the wind that surrounds me. He still hasn't gone far from me.

The white rose petals in the arranged bouquet gently waved in the breeze. I always buy them and put them here because they are my favorite flowers. Jongin never said he liked flowers or maybe he did but he never told me. I put things I like here because it might make him feel like he and I are always close to each other.

“You will be full for a long time. Make it for me and eat enough,” I said with a bit of sarcasm and sat down in front of the food boxes that were lined up with a smile.

“Happy birthday, Jongin. This year you will receive a present for your birthday.”

“It's not the big bull I told you about, but it's what you asked for.”

I spread out the blue note with Jongin's writing on it and read it again. This thing that I accidentally found was under the sofa when I went to get something in Jongin's room.

'For my birthday this year, I want Baekhyun hyung to spoil me and stay with me all day.'

“How fair is it for you to ask like that? Now can you tell me what you want me to do while I'm with you today, you idiot..”

“So what should I do, Jongin?”

A cool breeze blew through my body again. I could only smile and look at his picture in front of me.

“I will do one thing that has never been done to anyone before. I will do it for you first and only.”

I closed my eyes and thought of the melody of that song I liked. Then he began to let out soft cries.

I told myself that I'm different now.

Even though you may have forgotten me (Even though you may have forgotten me)

Even though I'm just someone you pass by

Tonight is just one night

It's like the night before, since I didn't have you in my life.

I'm the one who wants you (My heart still wants only you)

I don't know anything (I don't know anything)

I can't live without you (My life can't be without you)

Tonight is just one night

It's like the night before, since I didn't have you in my life.

I want you to listen to my heart (Please listen to my heart)

Every day every night I am missing you

Even though I don't have you by my side, Even though I won't meet her right now)

I won't be able to love you (but my heart can still love only you)

Every day every night I am missing you

Even though I don't have you by my side, Even though I won't meet her right now)

언제나 내 맘은 because   (

because of my heart right now)

I'm loving you and missing you

I want you to listen to my heart (Please listen to my heart)

 Every day every night I am missing you

Even though I don't have you by my side, Even though I won't meet her right now)

I won't be able to love you (but my heart can still love only you)

You will always be the same person. (For me, you will always be the way you used to be.)

A white tiger doll was placed alongside a brown one in front of them. I looked at it next to me like that and smiled slightly.

“Let's bring it together. It won't be lonely.”

“Like I am now. I know that the wind is you I don't feel lonely because I have you by my side.”

“You are every memory in my every breath.”

“To me, you will always be the kind of man you used to be.”

“I love you, Jongin.”

Words of love that are sent through the wind Just hoping another person will hear it.

'You heard it clearly, right, Kim Jongin..'

'Hear it..I heard it clearly'

'I'm happy to hear those words'

'Thank you, Baekhyun. Thank you for giving me those words. I promise to keep that word from you as best I can.'

..No matter where in this world you are, there will always be me beside you.

'The words I once told you, I will keep them forever'

'I love you..Baekhyun hyung'

… If above could really give me that I just ask that this love of mine will always remain in my heart. Even today that I am still breathing or any day that I may not be in this world. That name that I love will still be there. Even if you wake up in the next life, just remember that in your heart there is only a name. 'Byun Baekhyun'...

.. Kim Jongin

TALK :

Exo's first story begins with the main couple. Jongin is black and Baekhyun is rhino. Oh, he's so small - -'

Thank you for coming to read. I may have wandered in or walked in on purpose, but thank you.

If I have a chance (near or far) to write again, I'll probably do it again, Kikiki.

I hope you're happy with this fic. Goodbye!

By re'tif

@shawolbb