Memories, pain, guilt, all wrapped up in one person. A secret is a secret that is told. To be an experience and Many people may be more careful and watch over their children and grandchildren. that because of the A child has no friends. and don't want to socialize From adolescence until adulthood

I don't have any friends that I want to hang out with. There isn't even a lover. Or sometimes they may show that they are happy, have a smile, go out and act like they have friends. But you may not know that leaving is walking alone Sitting alone in a coffee shop Watch a movie alone with a high priced ticket to sit alone. These things, if you observe carefully

You might be able to help bring your children and grandchildren who are experiencing these events to face the outside world in time. Don't let it be too late. Until that girl didn't know the word love. Or trusting anyone else, even yourself.

Stories from

Unforgettable memories

It is one woman's story. Who encountered sexual matters when she was not yet 10 years old. As far as she can remember, these things have happened to her since she can remember. A little child who It's true that there are many siblings. But the only one willing to play with her is her older brother, who is also a cousin. who have been raised together since they can remember

with the kids who rent the house in the back As for the other siblings, they sometimes play together, but because they don't live in the same house. So we're not as close as we should be. There were many truths that she kept to herself, many that she never shared with anyone. Since the age of 5, she was invited into her room alone by the father of the child she was playing with and told her to lie down on the bed and stay still. He will play with her. And she'll have fun. She was only 5 at the time.

I don't know anything when I'm a year old. No matter what that uncle did, he had a strange feeling. But didn't deny anything. because he thought he was playing with us So we let Uncle do it until he released us and said Don't tell this story to anyone. Otherwise, I won't play with you again the next day. The fact that she was young and didn't know What happened to yourself?

The uncle did this repeatedly until he moved out. At that time, it had been almost a year since she had her uncle playing with her as a friend. But every time there will be an older brother. Always standing outside waiting for you. We don't know that. Brother, will we know that? What kind of action is that? Because she is only 2 years older than her brother.

But things like this It didn't end. When she was 8 years old, this kind of thing kept happening again. From a girl who has no friends Because she herself is an introvert and is pressured by her real uncle about studying and living. Therefore, she is rather shy and a reserved child who just doesn't show it.

So I don't like to play with anyone. Even though she has some female friends, in her eyes, she doesn't really like to play with them. So he separated himself and lived alone. Since when, she couldn't remember. Maybe since childhood. That she doesn't have any friends, just herself and siblings who aren't close. The second man who approached her only wanted her body.

To meet your own needs At that time, she became so used to those actions that she thought it was just playing with her like before. In exchange, she would get to play with the man's adorable newborn daughter. Those actions that happened so often to her that she thought they were normal.

So I never told anyone about these things. Because she was forbidden, she obeyed. Until this time, almost 3 years passed, until she was 11 years old, the innocence of a child still hasn't disappeared. At the time, she was entering puberty and had had her menstrual cycle since she was just 11 years old. She was starting to have quite a few strange sensations about her body. With age and age Make her grow up before her time

I began to have breasts.

And this time, the person who had disappeared from her life for a long time came back to find her. When the visit of Grandpa and Grandma and her real father steps in That was the first time she had met you all. And everyone loves her quite a bit. It made her realize that she had more relatives. and have more relatives But she and her younger relatives didn't get along well. Grandpa and Grandma.

Take her to work in the forest next to the dam. Grandfather stayed there. She stayed there for the entire semester, about 2 months. It caused an experience that could be called bad for her or not, I'm not sure. But it was deeply embedded in her heart. And when she grew up and knew more, she felt quite bad. It happened between her and her real father.

At that time she started to grow up a lot. But they still don't know the depth of their sexual relationships. Besides just touching the outside But this time, there were only 3 bedrooms in the house, causing her to sleep in a capsule room with her father that only had a small bed. In the attic Her father always tells her that he misses her very much and loves her the most.

But because Grandma and Mother wouldn't let me see him. For whatever reason, Dad never told her. Because since I can remember You only know that you still have a father. Just not together Because father refused to do anything. Staying at home playing with her and drinking all day. Even though I love you and your mother very much But Grandma said it wasn't enough. If you just love but don't care

Then go back to your grandfather and grandmother. That's all she knew.

Until one night, even though his father wasn't drunk. But she knew that her father had been drinking. The father approached her as she was sleeping. and said that he loved her more than his mother and started to kiss her and grabbed her breasts At that time, she was old enough to feel strange about such contact. And I'm a little afraid. But she was stopped by her father with the same old words.

Of those men who stopped her, saying that if they didn't want Grandma and Grandpa to know and Dad would be scolded. Then she would be sent back to her grandparents and stay put so she could stay with her father. She didn't know what to do. Because at that time, she still wanted to stay there. And I was afraid that my father would be scolded by my grandfather and grandmother. Father began to touch her more. By kissing her mouth That's not enough.

Dad also ordered her to open her mouth so he could put his tongue in. This made her feel even more strange. Out of instinct for self-defense, she took her small hand and pushed her father away from her. But how can she, who is so small, push up a big man like her father? Father held her hand. and nuzzled her ears and neck.

Her nightgown was taken off. Those men had never made her undress like this, but her father did. And her breasts were touched by her father. until her whole body trembled She cried because she was suffering from those feelings her father had done to his own daughter's body.

But what made her cry even harder was when Father used his rough fingers. Penetrated into her lower body in the middle of her legs. It made her both hurt and sting a lot. She tried to push her father's hand away from her. But it didn't work. The more Dad moves his finger It only made her scream louder in pain because of the stinging.

Until Dad finished, he removed his finger. But soon Dad did it again, but this time he used it on her. which she knew what it was But Dad didn't act like those men, instead pointed it at the secret hole and tried to insert it. make her retreat Because I started to know that What does that thing do?

But father refused to let her go. Try to push it in How premature does it make her, who is only 11 years old, to grow up? The body is still that of a young girl's. Her father saw her start to cry louder and put his hand on her chest. and kissed her mouth Tell her to stop crying. And don't struggle or it will hurt more than before.

But she at that time I don't care about anything anymore. Besides wanting to escape from there But I couldn't do it. She had to endure her real father doing that. until father was satisfied and released her Before placing his tongue between her legs for her, at that time she felt very disgusted by her father's actions like that. and came to sleep and held her. Father told her that our secret Don't tell anyone at all.

Otherwise everyone will disappear from you. Including Grandpa and Grandma And father kept repeating it in her ear, Father loves you more than mother. Father has loved her since she was only 3 years old. He has licked and kissed her there since she was a child before she was kicked out of the house by her grandmother. That was enough for an 11 year old girl to know a little about why she was liked.

But I'm not sure if I use it or not. Because she had never asked anyone or even told anyone about this.

She had to live with her father like this for two months, but she was lucky in one way: she wasn't pregnant. Even though she had had her period since she was 11 years old, and she only had a break from this when she had her period. Asked if she loves her father She loves her father as he is her father. But I asked her if she liked what her father did.

She never liked and never felt good when her father did that to her. And almost every night she was with her father. She began to speak less. Not playing like children like before Even though I like playing in the water, I don't go in to play. Just sit and watch and use your feet to swing in the water. Until one time, she briefly thought of something. Dive into the water and hold onto the underwater rock with your hands.

She stayed for so long that her uncle-in-law thought she was drowning and rushed down to help. But I just didn't want to see my father's face to do that. Even though I'm quite good at diving. Don't just drown in the water. Until her father came in and took her to play in the water at another place away from other relatives near the headwaters and there were rocks. Make dad have sex with her even though he knows she doesn't like it.

But the father never thought about his own child, always claiming that in the next school year he would not let Grandpa and Grandma pick him up. Come stay with me again. But at that time, she almost didn't want to pay attention to those threats, thinking that even if she went to pick her up next time, she wouldn't come again. that you endure today Because of the grandfather and grandmother who love their eldest granddaughter. Still don't want me to go back, plus

Other relatives who brought their own children to visit grandparents It made her unable to return home. And I can't speak about these crazy things. Even though she hadn't studied these things and didn't understand them from the beginning. It only made her have to endure it for a few more weeks. I went home. The house she thought was safe If she doesn't go down to play in the shophouse again.

Nothing will happen. She didn't plan on going back after she found out what those actions were. Until it was due that she had to go back and prepare for school. But I don't know for what reason. This caused her to return 2 weeks later than scheduled, causing these rounds to repeat with her for another 2 weeks.

It was the worst time for her. And no one noticed that the granddaughter had changed. Even the aunt who just came here the last 2 weeks. and tried to take me to sleep with him at the hotel But Dad wouldn't let me go, claiming he only had 2 weeks left and wanted to be with her for as long as possible. You who are like tears flowing You have to hold back.

But no one could see it well. Even though she was able to come home, it was after school break. Grandfathers and grandmothers who don't know anything come to take their grandchildren on a trip because they miss them. Causing her to go back to the same point until she was 12 years old and they disappeared from her life. which she came to know when she was growing up The day I met my aunt again The aunt said that on the day Grandfather brought her back to send her back, her father suddenly passed away and fell asleep and didn't wake up.

Aunt said that father's heart was failing. She didn't know that her father had passed away. But it's not even her fault. But why don't Grandpa and Grandma come back to see their grandchild again? At that time, after Grandma and Grandpa disappeared. She came to terms with it and cut off her father's relatives as well. Before my aunt even told me that my father had passed away. After the last time she saw her aunt

And Auntie's eyes looked at her strangely, as if disappointed in her. Plus, I saw the strange eyes of my aunt's husband looking at her. It made her never go back and set foot in her aunt's house again. And cut off from my aunt as well because she didn't do anything wrong that my father had to die. It means that she doesn't have any relatives from her father. But before separating, the aunt stood out the account book with her name on it.

Said Grandma and Grandpa gave it to me. If you find her, give it to her, and emphasize that the secret should die with you. The amount of money is not small. But you put it away and walked out and thought, is this the action of my father's relatives? It was you who was treated. It wasn't you who did this to your father.

After she was freed from her father for the last time. She has returned home and huddled in her own room, which is now separated into 3 bedrooms: her grandparents' room, her brother's room, and her room. There isn't much in the room. Inside the room, there is a closet and a table to sit and do homework. She sat there with herself like that, listening to music continuously for several days.

The people in the house just thought that She must be lonely because she returned from Grandfather's house for a few days. And school started and she acted normally. And never went down to play in the shophouse again until she was 13 years old when she went to Mathayom 2. And she grew up to be a young woman very quickly. Her breasts were large and her body was chubby. She was a pretty girl to look at. Because she is still a teenager and loves little children because she doesn't have any younger siblings.

The younger sister, who is also my aunt's daughter, is not close. Just recognize that they are the closest bloodline. And she is already studying at a different school. The younger one moved to a boarding school in Bangkok since middle school. As for her, she is not interested in studying in Bangkok or in the city. Instead, she chose to run away to study in a forest 10 kilometers from home.

But it is also a Royal Project School. And she was in the 5th generation. At that time, the school had only one classroom building. She, who entered middle school, still didn't have any friends like before. Because of herself who refuses to date anyone. Choosing to be alone, in the library and the art room or the computer room, she went on like this.

Until one day When she was sitting in front of the house doing homework with her brother. Her brother started to use his own legs to spread her legs until it was in the middle of her legs. At that time, it wasn't just her and her brother. But Uncle and Auntie sat and watched us do our homework. So she could only endure it and clenched her legs tightly. His eyes stared at his own brother.

Now that my eyes are not the same as the old man. Instead, he stared into her shirt and his eyes invited her to respond. But she didn't want those things, just about her father, she felt bad enough. This older brother, even though he is a subordinate, is still an older brother. But why did his repeated kicking this time make her feel different from the way her father treated her?

Until she unconsciously opened her legs. Easily accepting her brother's arousal, she blushed with desire. Until the uncle and aunt thought she was sick so they put her to sleep. So she withdrew from there and hurriedly walked back to adjust her mood in the bedroom before falling asleep. It was already 9:00 p.m. and it was time for her to sleep.

Because she had to leave the bus early in the morning due to the distance of the school. And the slower bus arrives at school at 7:00 a.m.

That night, when she rushed back into the room, she forgot to lock the door as usual. This made it easy for her brother to open the door and come to her. In fact, she had no intention of not locking the door. I came up to her and told her He knew and saw everything those men did to me. And at that time they were still young and didn't know what it was. But now he knows

And want to try doing that with me. He also told her that Since he learned about these things And I'm in middle school. He hadn't seen her as a younger sibling for a long time. When you let those men do that? With him, she had to be able to do that. Otherwise, he would take those matters to grandma and grandpa. And she would definitely be beaten to death. Yes, you believe that if grandma knows or grandpa knows.

It wasn't like she was going to be beaten to death. But you will be shocked to death. Because of the person who raised me like an egg from birth. It's grandparents. who picked me up and dropped me off At school by herself every day until Grandma went blind, so Grandpa picked her up and dropped her off instead. It made me not dare to tell any of you. And I had to agree to have sex with my own brother.

And this relationship is different from the one my father forced on me. Because my older brother, still a teenager, seduced me, even though sometimes he didn't help me finish at the same time. But most of the time he always waits until I'm finished. This wrong relationship, whether I'm willing or not, I can't say until the end.

I am the one who ended it. Because I started to think that I should stop it. We shouldn't go on. If you miss it one day What will happen to us? And more importantly, I'm starting to feel more guilty every day. and more stressed every day Academic results are failing. Because my brother comes to sleep in my room until morning every day. Until the last time we had anything

After I got home from school and was in the room. I heard a sound. Uncle arguing with brother and hit him so hard that his head broke. Grandpa ran in to stop him. I walked out to check because I didn't know what the argument was about. But instead, Uncle Lai told him to go back into the room and locked the door and forbidden him from coming out again until morning. I listened carefully.

Because I had never seen Uncle so angry before. I only heard that Let my brother pack up his things and move in with his mother starting tomorrow morning. I walked back into the room.

After that, around 1 a.m., he called me from the window of the room to ask him to open the door for him. He must go tomorrow. I don't want to open it. But he begged I refused to open it. Until my older brother actually started to cry and asked to hug me for the last time, I softened. And that was the last time the two of us had a relationship before our separation.

But my brother didn't tell me why he was fired. I just said that Uncle was angry and didn't want me to stay with him anymore. My older brother slept with me as usual before we moved away and we didn't see each other again until we were older.

I graduated from middle school and moved to a school near my house that was a private vocational school. And I started to make friends with two girls of the same age, and I liked them quite a bit because they approached me and tried to get to know me. I started to get to know him and felt good about having friends, but not really close.

But I refuse to get close to my male friends. Even working in a group together is like that. I started not liking the opposite sex since middle school. Until I entered the profession, I still didn't want to get close to him. I studied there until year 1, semester 2, and those things happened to me again.

Anyway, is it good for a woman to be approached by many men? I still can't accept myself. Don't talk about other people. Probably a little disgusted. But I want you to read until the end. without having to send a message Just understand and watch out for your daughter or granddaughter, don't be like me. I didn't even dare to open my mouth to my family.

I don't even dare to have a lover, even if he comes in and tells me he likes me. It's my guilt. And I don't want anyone to mess with my body again.

Things that happened this time Because I wasn't careful. Went down to cut banana leaves to make food as usual. But instead, I got hit by a man who rented the room, who I thought was going to work. So he went down and cut banana leaves. He dragged me into a room and raped me several times. And this time I wasn't willing. And didn't even agree.

But he physically assaulted me until I was very choked. My stomach was green for several days. And out of fear that he would do that again. I went to tell my grandmother but she didn't tell her the truth, just said that he was trying to drag me into the house. But he didn't say that he was successful, just that he was able to escape. But Grandma believed. Because grandma said it was good.

Because he is a flirt When my wife went to the hospital because she was sick He also brought women to sleep with him. Grandma sent him out. After that, he still drove. Loving around and still having the courage to walk into the house and try to take me into the car. Because I know that my grandmother is blind. But he was still afraid of his grandmother. When Grandma heard a loud noise in front of the house, she walked out.

Made him let go of my hand. Since then, I don't sit in front of the house alone again and think that if he were there, he would protect me and I wouldn't have to do anything myself. My brother will be the one who will do everything. Even washed my clothes for me. Go and iron your clothes. Even though he's that good, why is Uncle still not satisfied?

When I went to study, I took a crowded bus to go to class even though it was close to my house and I could walk back. But I'm afraid he'll come and trap me again. But there was one day when the school held a sports day. We had to stay and practice until evening and the cars were all gone. I had to walk home. I thought there would be nothing. Because I had a friend walking back with me.

But when the friend turned into the house and took a few steps to reach the house But luck was not on our side at all. Misfortunes happen again and again. I saw that and ran to the house. But not before he pulled me into the car. I pretended to jump out of the car that was driving very far from my house, and he said that if you really wanted to die, just jump out. Grandma will be sad.

But I wouldn't listen so I opened the car door. He saw that I was serious and braked the car. My head hit hard because I wasn't wearing a belt. Until I'm dizzy and dizzy I came to consciousness that the world had stopped spinning when the car came to a complete stop in a lonely alley. I'm not waiting. Open the door again, but this time it won't open. He didn't wait either and quickly climbed on top of me. I struggled and beat and slapped him. He didn't stop and raped me again.

But what's worse, this time, they took pictures while they were having sex. and ordered me not to flee from him again. If you don't want these photos to leak to your home or school. At that time, I almost wanted to die. But I never thought about committing suicide like in the novel. I just can't find a solution for myself. Do the same thing as before, which is to endure. Until he's bored

There must be some days that I'm bored. But it's not like that. Because this time I'm pregnant. And will people like that be responsible? Instead, they forced me to have an abortion but they didn't give me money. At that time I was most stressed and depressed. It's almost time for the exam. Plus I'm still studying accounting. accumulated stress Made me pass out during my morning break.

My friend took me to the nurse's room where there was a nurse and that was the turning point. Because the nurse teacher is my mentor who has been observing me since I don't know when. When I recovered, the teacher asked me if I had anything to discuss. Because I saw that I wasn't feeling well for a long time. But it just got worse after I became pregnant.

I, who can't find a solution, try consulting. The teacher asked why. Don't let me help you at home. But how shall I tell you? My grandparents were shocked. Even I myself almost lost my mind. Until the teacher said he would help himself. will be able to find a solution

When we got home, the teacher told Grandma. Yes, my grandmother was very calm, different from what I thought. But deep down it's not at all. I only recently found out that Grandma-to-be was silent about her condition. Because I listened to what the teacher told me. I'm afraid I'm mentally worse than before. As for his grandfather, he was not present so he did not know about this matter until the day he died. But I don't know. Do you really know that? But what I do know is that he is kind to me and pleases me more. When the teacher returns

Grandma was silent and just asked why she didn't tell herself. Why did she tell the teacher? That's all. Grandma walked to her aunt's house. I knew very well that I had to tell my aunt about this matter. The day I got older, my mother was called back. My mother, too, remained silent and took me to the doctor to be sure. Is there really a child? Which really isn't wrong.

So he took me home and to my aunt's house. Auntie asked why she hadn't told anyone. We will help each other solve problems. I'll be honest, I'm afraid I'll be forced to leave school. I'm afraid he'll show my picture to other people. When Auntie heard that the picture was, she asked. I said that I took the picture. Auntie's face changed color. and picked up the phone and called Uncle

and tell them to clear up these problems as well. Because I was not yet 16 years old, I was considered a minor at that time. Auntie gave mother a lump sum of money and told her to take care of it. I know what that means. I asked my aunt to see if there was no other way. But Auntie wouldn't give in. I myself am a child lover. So I don't want to destroy it. Auntie and mother just said that the future is about studies. Children have it when they are ready, not now.

I couldn't help but walk home. Crying alone in the room

Since that day I don't talk to anyone. My child died on my aunt's orders. I understand very well that everyone loves me and wishes well for me. But I at that time I feel like I'm resisting. both family and society Until I finish the exam I, whose symptoms worsened, became sick to the point of being admitted to the hospital and refusing to take medicine, only throwing away medicine because I was bored with life.

Until the doctor began to notice that my symptoms weren't getting any better. So let the nurse watch. I found that I refused to take the medicine. So I called a psychiatrist to treat me. Even though I feel better But I'm never the same again I started to become more stubborn, more protective of myself from those around me. Accepting it is the same as grandma and grandpa. Even my mother, who has been back with me since the incident, still doesn't accept it. Don't let me talk about Auntie.

That forced me to quit school because I was embarrassed. A teacher who knows about me But I refused to quit. Until my aunt and I didn't see each other for many years, more than 10 years, and we almost didn't care about each other anymore. But I came to know from my mother that In fact, Auntie still cares for me as usual. Just still angry at my childish aggression that day towards my aunt.

Until finally, it was me who couldn't bear to study any more. Because I had to travel to other provinces for treatment many times due to congenital disease. Makes me unable to learn and can't keep up with friends Plus I'm not dating anyone like I did in the beginning. So I quit school. And I stopped studying because at that time I was bored with everything. Both about myself and study Including people

Is there anyone who is as alienated as me? I don't plan on dying. I just don't want to care about anyone. Stay in the house and in the room. Just go out for a walk a few times. Until I went back to study high school at the same school at the age of 17 because my grandmother asked me to go back and finish school. At least high school seniors want it to end.

There was another turning point. That was when I entered 5th grade. My older brother suddenly came home to visit my grandmother, and now we are both adults. But I've changed I didn't care about his return at all. But the older brother is still the same person. Look at me with the same eyes I, who was fed up with all this, walked into the room and closed the door.

No matter how much he called and asked, I wouldn't open it. Because for me, he is my older brother, even though we used to have something together. he is brother And at that time, the uncle moved to a far away house. I can't hurt you anymore. When we separated, I was only in 3rd grade. I'm going to a technical school. My grandmother and mother helped me a lot.

Today he came back and said he was finished. and will move to study in Bangkok That's what he told me. So I didn't understand that I had come to see my grandmother. Then why bother with me again? It's already over. I really want it to end. And I don't love my brother like that either. The man for me at that time And now it's a selfish person.

Who only thinks of using our bodies to express our own emotions. Even if it makes us feel emotional too. But for them That's all we can be.

But the next night, I couldn't escape it. The room where my brother used to sleep was now my clothes storage room. And that night, I didn't know that my brother had not returned yet. I was arrested. And forced to have something else But this time is not like the past. Because my brother is now an adult. And he hurt me to cherish me like before. Seduce me better

But I'm not in the mood. There is only suffering from the larger size and very cramped space. And this time it was longer than every time we had sex. Made me crack all over. The pain almost didn't want to get up. But I had to leave the room quickly before everyone woke up. Personally, that day I could only bear to shower and get dressed.

and lay in bed in the nurse's room at school all day. But luckily that I study art all day, all hours, normal hours of the day. I had to sit and copy the picture on the wall onto paper. But where do I put my energy? It hurts and I don't want to sit. No matter how patiently I sit and sketch, it doesn't come out well. Got hit again by the teacher

In the evening, even the house doesn't want to return. But I don't want to be unnoticed. Because I don't want anyone to know about this wrong relationship. It will easily break the house.

And that was really the last time. What did me and you have in common? He disappeared from my life for many years. Let's meet again before the eldest sister. My uncle's daughter was moving abroad and my grandmother and grandfather and I went up to stay in a house in Bangkok. The older brother came to see his older sister at home. That's how we met. But I don't trust him anymore.

So he chose not to live alone and slept with his grandfather and grandmother downstairs, in between them and his older sister. Let them help protect me. which worked very well My brother couldn't reach me. Until I go home And we didn't meet until Uncle died. We all grow up to be adults. My brother came to the funeral as usual. But everything has changed for all of us.

Even me who has never had anything to do with anyone else. Don't even have a lover Or have any love for anyone? My brother also has a family but no children. Our relationship like that is really over. I'm still the younger sister, even though at first I wasn't close. But when he saw the change, he loved his girlfriend very much.

And eyes don't look at me like that anymore I began to trust him again until he moved back to my house that Grandma had transferred to my mother and me. But we didn't go down to live there, so I gave it to my brother and mother to stay. we are separated Until many years have passed He has a new girlfriend. and came to sell things in front of the house in the evenings when I was unemployed

And during that time, he and his new girlfriend didn't have any children together. My brother also wants to have children, but he doesn't understand why he can't have one. He's no longer young, over 30, and his older brother from before doesn't drink alcohol. But when he worked, he drank alcohol every day until he became addicted. And I don't drink alcohol. I only drink beer sometimes. At that time, I worked in front of a computer.

He was the one who taught me how to drink. And there were his friends who came to sit and eat until 2 a.m. His friends also returned. There's just me and my brother left. Suddenly he told me He wanted to have children but his wife couldn't have one for him. The first person who quit didn't have one. The other person also refused to have children. He asked me: Can I please have a child for him? I wish I had a child for him.

At that time he and I were just brothers. I told him calmly because I didn't want to lose my brother. And I don't want his family and My house must be broken. I said I didn't agree. Because we have the same bloodline And we are brothers I will never sleep with him again.

My brother, who has changed, doesn't force me and tells me to forget what I said just now. Brothers and sisters are fine, but if one day I agree, I ask him to tell him. He only asks for one person. Which, by the way, I don't agree with. Until we lost our grandmother I still wouldn't give him a child. and tried to stay away but still talked, just me keeping the distance Because I'm annoyed by his wife's eyes.

And I don't really like this sister-in-law very much. Until finally, the day when my brother returned from work and was going to go to work at another place. I lost him in an accident. Even though he called me and asked again. Can you please give him one of your children? If one day something happens to him There will be a child waiting to be his mother's friend.

But my answer is the same: no, I can't do that again. Because I already have a family. And we're mature enough to know that it was very wrong in our past relationship. Until we hung up less than 10 minutes from each other, I was a little uncomfortable in bed. Then my mother's phone rang. At that time my mother came to talk to me.

We received news from our sister-in-law that her brother crashed his car into an electric pole and was seriously injured. My mother and I thought it wasn't too heavy. Driving along, not very far from home. I'm driving my mother's car. and is about to follow in Mother shouted to stop him. Tell me not to enter. The sister-in-law who almost broke down crying I looked from a distance and knew that He was pumping his heart, that's all.

I don't know where so much water was flowing out from. I only know that it hurts deep in my heart that I can't tell. Until my sister-in-law walked in with my mother. My sister-in-law handed me the keys to another car. And my mother ordered me to go back to the house and wait. My mother followed me back. and let my sister-in-law go with the ambulance Mother said that I was fine. I felt relieved.

I drove home as my mother ordered and she followed closely behind me. After a while, my sister-in-law called. Mother told me to take my aunt to the hospital. The doctor would talk to me. At that time, both me and my aunt thought there was nothing. But when we arrived My sister-in-law hugged my aunt and said, My brother has passed away. My brother couldn't breathe on his own. That's all. Auntie fainted, and I kept my cool.

Completely still even though my legs were completely weak. He could hardly support himself to stand. The water kept flowing out. My feelings at that time It's like someone took a knife. Grid my heart fresh Until my sister-in-law and aunt disappeared into the emergency room. I'm still standing in the same place. But I called back and scolded my mother. Even though I myself was sobbing like I was about to die.

Why didn't they tell me that he had passed away in the ambulance? Why did you trick me into coming to the hospital? Yes, at that time I knew myself. That I, too, love my brother as he has loved me. But I never knew what true love was like. Until the day I lost, I realized that I also had someone to love. I love my own brother. Since when, I don't know, don't bother looking for an answer.

Until someone wheeled out his brother's body. Our hands touched for the last time. And I didn't send him away. Even his funeral I never went to one night. No one knows my real reason why That's why I didn't send him off last time. In what capacity would you like me to send him away? I am both his sister and his wife.

How should I send him? The only thing I could do was stay home and scatter coins for him. Whoever thinks I'm callous, accept it. But will you let me sit and cry? How can anyone see it? At that time I still couldn't stop crying. I don't want anyone to think that my sister is crying more than the dead man's wife.

I didn't want to answer anyone's questions. Until the day of the cremation, my mother asked if I wouldn't send him off for once. I still confirm my original words by using my eyes to claim that If everyone goes, who will stay and watch? Which all of us don't want our eyes to know. that he had lost his eldest grandson So I took the coins and scattered alms that I had spent two sleepless nights making with my hands.

Then I asked my mother to tell my brother that I always love you brother. Because of those coins, I gave him my final goodbye in my own way, and Mother understood and didn't pester me again. If we weren't brothers Maybe I'm soft-hearted I agree to have a child for him. But because of brotherhood, it made me

Don't want to disappoint everyone. of the same bloodline What's going on until you're pregnant? which relationships in our family Siblings will never quarrel. Don't compete for property. Each person earns their own living if they know their social appearance. relationship between siblings Everything will change. And the one who will be cut off is me.

I don't want to lose my family. Because our love like this was forbidden from the beginning. Even though it was caused by many mistakes of my own. That's why I try to keep secrets. To preserve my own family Until today I've never loved anyone else. And he's the only man I love.

I still have tears just thinking about it. and deep pain in my heart A secret is still a secret.

Finally, I just found out why my brother was kicked out of the house that time. Because my aunt told me that she once asked why my father hit me and kicked me out of the house, but he kept quiet and refused to tell anyone until he died, only saying that he had done something wrong and that my father had caught him. Dad was very angry and angry. Don't let him come back and set foot in this house again. As long as father is still here So I understand that

Uncle must have caught on that morning that it was bright when he left my room. Uncle probably saw this and expected it from me. and won't allow me to stay in this house again. But Uncle never once asked for the truth from me. Still raising me like a normal child. but more strict with me You must return home on time. Finish your homework and go to bed no later than 8 p.m.

I still didn't understand why at the time. Until my uncle moved out and he came back to see me. But I ran away from him all the time. Until he can get over me We didn't have anything to do with each other anymore and were able to live together again.

And this is all about a woman's life. That it's true But I never told anyone about it. Even your own mother Until now, I still have no lover, no friends, and no looking at any other men. There are some who look at women. But it wasn't as much love as I loved him. Until he left, I didn't know. How he loves me I love you like I said before. Or love like sisters who grew up together

At this time, at my own age I might be able to love again. But this time, I fell in love with a girl I met while studying at a school. I don't think I'll be interested in anyone like I used to. But many people told me to change myself. You can move forward. No matter what you encounter

Please look forward to your future. As the age reaches number 4, it starts to increase every day. Makes me look back that it really must have been sunk for a long time Until I became a person with no future Even if you have a mother or older sister to take care of you. But how long will you stay with me? So I took another look at socializing.

Because now I'm old enough to see the outside world. No need to block yourself again. But I'm asking if I still love you. Yes, I love and keep him deep in my heart. Let that love die with me Even if I start to love a woman

But I don't know Do you think the same way? Or am I only connected to one side? But it's just an emotional connection. I just want someone I can really love. Let's be together Let's encourage each other. But I won't tell you any stories. Just so you know me The way I am today If we can accept it, we will continue.

But if I can't accept it, I plan to stay alone as usual. As someone who is used to living alone, it is not difficult for me to continue living alone in the future. Right now I'm just studying and learning to love you from a long distance because we have a lot in common. And you're the only one who makes me feel good

What I gave you before I left When she took it, she asked me, Engagement ring or I said yes, I would like to reserve first. When I'm ready to take care of you, I'll ask you. You're the only woman who makes my heart beat fast. It's no different from when I used to have that feeling with you. But when we're far apart I don't know for what reason. She started talking less.

But still taking pictures of the ring still attached to the finger, just on a different side. Because she was afraid that her sister would say That one, I understand you. And I've always known how much your older sister loves you, which right now I can't give you as much as your older sister can. Until recently, she had been quiet. I'm also not the person who always asks questions. When she didn't say hello I didn't say hello.

Because the last time I went back to see you Don't know if it was my mistake with timing or why. causing us to not meet each other Makes my feelings hurt quite a bit. And I didn't say hello to her again. Until now, we hardly talked at all. Ask me if I'm hurt. I'm hurt. Ask if I understand.

that she was probably busy with her own work I've always understood you. I've always been the clear one. But she was never clear. Sometimes it seems to give hope. But sometimes I'm indifferent. But I don't understand if they're so busy that they don't even say hello to each other. Just a few words before bedtime and you know we still care about each other.

Or are you waiting for me to greet you first? This one I really don't know. Because I never had anyone I loved come into my life. Right now, I'm hurting quite a bit because of this love. Until I didn't know if I should stop or continue. Are you waiting for me or do you want to end it? Either way, I'm ready to accept it. Just tell me that's enough. Someone who has never had anyone like me.

Always ready to go back to being alone. Because at least in my heart, there is always a brother buried in my heart that will never be forgotten. And it would be my first and only love. That one person was the most honest with me.

                                                              END……….